hell take us, heaven can wait

want to see my favorite piece of vintage clown jewelry?

the menstrual cup and menstrual scepter

Harder to crucify a being with eight legs

If you are attracted to a girl it's important to show her sinister artifacts and relics

you know what dad? maybe i don't wanna be the saviour of the broken, the beaten and the damned. it's a lot of pressure to put on me and honestly i've been feeling stressed recently because of it

ok yeah this is funny

There's simply no argument or logical explanation that could sour the appeal of Big Fucking Scythe As A Weapon for me. Like no I don't care it wouldn't make for an optimal weapon, because have you considered : Big Fucking Scythes are Cool and Badass

had a dream i was about to engage in cannibalism (which is on my irl bucket list & honestly saddens me sometimes at how difficult it is to achieve hygienically and legally) on an inhabited extragalactic planet & i was sitting at the feast table waiting for the roast human to be brought out (obtained from warriors defeated in space gladiator combat??? not ethically sourced) but then i got anxious that i was appropriating the planet's culture by engaging in traditional cannibal cuisine that many locals probably could no longer afford & i spent so much time dissecting whether this specific instance of cannibalism was compatible with my socioeconomic values that the meat went cold & i woke up confused

The most tumblr dream to ever tumblr

yet again the Clown Deli Meat Fiasco meant NOTHING to u people

I SHOWED IT TO MY FLIGHT ATTENDANT WHEN HE GAVE ME MY COOKIES AND HE LAUGHED SO HARD HE TOOK MY PHONE TO SHOW IT TO THE OTHER FLIGHT ATTENDANT

I don’t know how you got a good grade in being a passenger on an airline but that’s a totally normal thing to achieve and I’m not seething with jealousy at all.

Unrestrained summer fun

* crazy tire-screeching noises*

would y’all ever date someone with the same name as you?

I’m sorry for adding directly to a post but I went to a wedding once where the groom’s name was Loren and the bride’s name was Lauren and at the end the officiant was all “introducing Loren [surname] and Lauren [surname], husband and wife” and the entire assembled lost it

also sorry for adding on but at my high school there was a Dominic and a Dominique who were dating and everyone just called them “Dom and Dommer” which is honestly the funniest shit ever

Had to submit it to the tags for peer review

I know a woman with 2 first names, whose last name growing up was Chapman. She married a man whose last name was Chapman. So her name is Something Someone Chapman Chapman.

i hope people know that the “sad tomato cat” meme is a series of images that have a happy ending…… she is cared for and loved!!!!

I think it's actually essential to children's moral development to be exposed to short stories moderately beyond their reading level where a bunch of fucked up shit happens and then instead of offering a moral lesson or any sort of emotional or narrative resolution it just ends.