~Titled.

I did a photoshoot with my long time friend who has amazing photography skills

To my first love, the first guy to ever have earned my heart , to the one who will always have it more than any human life force on this god forsaken earth. I love you so much even after how much you hurt me. I feel so stupid for caring and loving you with every bit of my heart because I know you don't even care about me one bit anymore. I still think about you all the time even though it's been awhile since I've seen you or we talked properly. I wonder if I ever come to your mind and how often I do and if you ever miss me like you use to. What I will never quite grasp is how you could go from loving me and double texting me & saying how much I meant to you to you ignoring me & saying that you don't care that you've treated me like nothing and that you don't care how deeply I'm hurting. It sucks that you're completely ok and loving life while I'm still pondering over every thought of you and reminiscing to every memory we've ever had together. Like what it felt like for you to kiss me, our time swimming at the pool and having my legs wrapped around your waist, to your smile, the sound of your voice and talking to you on the phone. God I miss our conversations and how your voice tones would change from diff things we'd talk about. I wonder if you ever think of these memories and smile. I just want to hit you and scream at you for the pain you've left upon me but I also want to just kiss you, hold me tight and hug me while I cry because of the good times you've created with me that are to never be forgotten. Sometimes I think I was over you but it's only for a short amount of time then I remember "us"& the pain just comes sweeping back to me & I remember that I'll always love you no matter what even when I'm old , grey, lost my teeth and my memory, I'll never fully forget you& you'll always live in my heart. It's been two months & I still crave you so fucking much. I Fucking loved you with all my heart & this is how I'm repayed by you. I want to tell you all this but you just ignore me and refuse to speak to me and won't even tell me why all of a sudden you just don't like me at all. All I wanted was some closure so I can move on but you wouldn't give it to me coz you've moved on so it doesn't matter to you about giving something to me to help heal the pain a bit, no because you've moved on and are happy so fuck how I'm dealing with this. Thanks to you it will be hard for me to open up my heart to love another again because this is all I expect people do to me, love me and leave me. You convinced me so well that you loved me so no one can make me think that they'll stay around for me no matter how hard they act like I am the one. Not even this long post can describe all the thoughts, feelings I'm feeling or the memories we shared. You just came gliding into my life& I don't understand how easy you could just walk out. I frayed from loving you& tried not to for so long but you kept sticking around and loving me & I eventually let you in & this is what you do to me. Like they say easy come easy go hey. As I write this my heart is just breaking. No one will probably read all this but I don't Fucking care because none of it matters if you never see this. Probably never talk again & we ended it with you having a grudge against me but that's something I'll have to live with for the rest of my life. A tormented heart. I'm fucking mad with you but I'll always fucking love you forever. When I said forever I meant it.

Training it.