When I can feel myself going back to an even more intense depressed state of mind and remembered when I got lectured by my parents because I was on social media sharing my struggles more than I was to them. And now I can’t do both. When I shared that I was told by my therapist to be admitted for the safety of my life I was lowkey feeling fear from what my parents were telling me about being admitted. Out of fear I said no to going. The conversation basically went “they schedule times of pills and communication but if you want to go thats fine...but I’m telling you that they’ll leave you in a room and feed you pills. But it’s totally okay if you want to go..I’m just saying” And to this day I still think of that discussion with them. To this very day, I’m still trapped. Physically, mentally, and emotionally trapped. I’m suffocating. I’ve hidden this side of myself completely now more than I ever have in the past. I’m told by my parents that no one in the world will help me aside from my own family, which may be true, but why do I feel even more alone when speaking to them. Why am I so alone. Why do I feel so alone. I’m reaching that point where I can’t listen to anything anymore, I’m told by my therapist it’s dangerous for me to start viewing things that way because it’s a sign you’re starting to give up. I’ve stopped replying to friends. I’ve stopped trying to connect. I thought I’d given up before as far as thinking about ending my life, but I’ve reached a whole new level. I quit and I don’t even care. It’s that kind of numbing feeling. It’s so...welcoming.