☂雨が降ります

like you’re just going through the motions? 

I feel like I’m just existing. I’m not living anymore. 

honest to god, all I want to do now is die. I lost all hope, all motivation, pretty much everything.  I put on a happy face and pretend that everything is okay just so that no one will worry about me.  But deep inside, everything is so broken. It feels like my heart was ripped apart into pieces and I’m expected to live this way. 

so far within the past month that you’ve left me, I’ve felt true betrayal, enough hurt for a life time, loss, anger, resentment, worry, and enough sadness for a lifetime. 

You tell me that you create your own happiness, I’m trying to create my own happiness but all that happens is I feel like someone is stabbing me over and over again. People who I thought were my friends really weren’t my friends. I made stupid mistakes. I did dumb things. I’m starting to be addicted to drinking again because when I’m drunk life doesn’t hurt that much anymore.  In fact, nothing really hurts that much anymore when I’m drunk. It’s like, all I’m doing is living in the moment and that’s what matters the most.