I haven't physically written on this hellspace in forever and I honestly just needed a place to vent my thoughts without having someone else interrupt or give advice or idk...
Being a guardian is hard. Sharing custody over a sibling is hard. Dealing with my mom is hard. Everything is a battle. They say im doing well and doing the best job at being a guardian but I know I can tell with the inflection in their voice that I'm not. Or at least to them im not.
I wish my dad didn't die
I wish he was still here
I hate that I grew up so fast and that I felt the need to take on all of this. Knowing I eventually would. But sometimes my head just circles and wonders if my existence is just that - I exist not for myself or for my life but to be the caregiver. The supporter. The rock.
My dad was that and now I've filled those shoes and...I'm just tired
