The Softest Side Of Me

I spent far too many days trying to outrun this thing called mine, so if I set myself into your arms would you hold me like the earth, quietly? I am yours. Give me a field, give me a big sky. A mountain. Give me your mouth. I’m just looking for a quiet place that I could die inside of.

okay, ok, i got this: somedays i am the store of balloons, somedays i am the porcupine, on the worst days i am both. or somedays i am the lung, somedays i am the pack of menthols, on the worst days i am both. or somedays i am the house of cards, nineteen years tall, teeming, un tackled, somedays i am the earth quake, on the worst days i am both. or somedays i am what happened, somedays, i am what caused the happening, on the worst days, i blame the thing that breathes, the part of me that is body & alive & remembers what everything that isn’t body tries to forget. or somedays, i am joy. somedays i laugh. i swell with so much god that the sky of me rains. somedays, i am just the rain. an endless air of grey. a damp, muted bed of dirt on the worst days, nothing grows

I do not know how one un-loves. My heart is a grave of hearts. And I have yet seen the earth spit back out its dead

I think of this and I am happy, to have kissed your mouth with the force of language, to have spoken your name at all.

come celebrate with me that everyday something has tried to kill me and has failed.

To live in this world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go.

I screamed at myself in the subway for writing poems about you still. I made a scene. I think about you almost each morning, and roughly every five days, I still believe you’re there.

i don’t house negativity. if it doesn’t feed me. if it doesn’t pay my spirit rent. it is evicted. my body cannot afford anything less

later that night i held an atlas in my lap ran my fingers across the whole world and whispered where does it hurt? it answered everywhere everywhere everywhere.