Love, Sophia

Lately, I’ve been watching a lot of beauty vlogs and I came across videos of models telling stories about how ugly or fat they felt the whole time in their career. They were pressured so much by the internet and even the people they work for to look skinny and beautiful. I’ve seen other videos of influencers, who I look up to, being caught face tuning or photoshopping their photos and posting them on instagram. They make their bodies look incredibly, and unrealistically skinny. Sometime they change the shape of their lips, nose, jaws, boobs, waist, and head (?). 

No, this is not about me making fun of them for doing those things. Personally, I don’t think it’s a big deal when people do cosmetic procedures or when they photoshop or face tune their photos. If anything, I understand that their image is their job or they simply want to look and feel beautiful. Besides that, they also have so many followers and so many people constantly telling them how they look, making them feel insecure so they try to push for perfection in order to silence their critics. If anything, the videos I’ve seen have made me truly realise the gravity of what I’ve been hearing for a long time, which is the unrealistic beauty standards we now have. 

When I was in high school, I remember all the girls wanting to be as perfect as those influencers on instagram or Tumblr. We all wanted the perfect skinny body, beautiful long hair, perfect brows, etc. Since i didn’t have them, I remember how ugly I felt that time. I didn’t feel pretty, and a lot of girls judged others for not being as pretty as the western models they saw on the internet. I kept hearing before that the social media portrays an unrealistic beauty standard, but I didn’t really know how much they affected people, including myself. 

I can honestly say now that I love myself a lot more than I did before. However, there are times when I see models on instagram, I catch myself thinking why don’t I have the same lips, nose, or body as them? Sometimes, I even think about changing some parts of myself to look as beautiful as them. This eventually leads to me thinking whether or not I truly am "beautiful”. 

Seeing these videos made me realise that social media, the photoshops, and the unrealistic images posted online truly can affect how people think. Moreover, this also made me wonder how this may affect others. It made me worry about how kids nowadays, or heck, how my future children would feel if they don’t look the same as these models or influencers who photoshop themselves and say its au naturel. Besides this, one of the things that a lot of people nowadays focus on is getting that perfect picture for their instagram instead of experiencing life and being sincerely happy. 

Again, this is not to hate. It’s perfectly fine to get cosmetic procedures, to photoshop your faces to look good, and to take photos. But always remember how powerful the internet is, how accessible this is to the children and, who your audience is. We have experienced feeling ugly because we don’t look like one of the Kardashians, but I hope that now we’re more aware about how photos can affect others. So I guess, it’s true that you have to “think before you click”. 

I came across a video of a famous youtuber who had done 9 cosmetic procedures on herself. There was this video where she mentioned a quote of Charles Bukowski, 

“Can you remember who you were, before the world told you who you should be?”

That was one of the most sincere videos I’ve seen of her. She explained how despite being beautiful, and rich, she was still sad. She mentioned how she’s been obsessed with looking perfect just like how the girls are on instagram, making her forget about what truly matters. She came across this video on youtube talking about how social media is ruining our lives, and it made her realise that she has forgotten who she truly was before the internet. In this video, she reminded her viewers to never lose sight on what really matter in life like your family. They will for sure be there to support you when you lose all your followers or when the world goes against you. She also challenged her audience to remember who they were, or even try to think about who they would’ve been if there was no internet. 

This video of hers reminded me how important it is to take breaks from social media, to stay rooted to who you are and the real life that we live in, and to basically live. Live your life, love yourself, and be the most beautiful you inside and out, not for the sake of posting them on instagram and showing others how perfect your life is. Simply just for you to be happy. :) 

As a medical student, I became so used to the norm of studying almost every day and not having the time for other things such as watching Netflix or even cooking for myself. However, when quarantine happened, our schedule became more lenient (meaning we weren’t given any exams for the next couple of weeks) which I wasn’t used to. The week before the quarantine started, I had already planned my schedule out and had to prepare for the hell week in the following days. I already prepared myself emotionally, mentally, and physically to finish the week strong by HOPING to do well in the 5 exams we were supposed to have. More accurately, I was hoping to do well in the exams I choose to focus on (note on the word “hoping”). These kinds of scenarios will need you to choose which one to focus on more. 

Anyway, quarantine happened, and I didn’t know anymore what to do. The following weeks at home, I kept waking up late, not finishing my lessons that were given in each day, and I started slowly losing my drive to study. I struggled with this feeling for almost 2 weeks. I think it’s a med student thing (or a student thing in general?) where relaxing just makes you feel bad. The worst part is even after feeling bad, I still didn’t have the drive to study. Then, I realised I really had to fix my life. I self-reflected a lot (yeah I know, it’s that serious), and tried to read some books that will help motivate me. Thankfully, I started gaining back my motivation after a few vlogs, blogs, and some self pep talk. With these experiences, I just want to share 3 things: 

1. It’s completely okay to rest, but make sure to always try to get yourself back up to work! 

Another thing I noticed with my attitude the past weeks, besides the being unproductive part, is the fact that I feel guilty whenever I rest. It’s most probably because of the past weeks of me just studying all the time (we had exams every week). However, as an aspiring doctor, I shouldn’t just focus on growing intellectually, but also emotionally and mentally. I should learn how to be okay with resting, to become a better me for myself and of course my future patients! Remember: studying is as important as resting. Too much work may lead you to a burnout!

2. Always reflect on your Ws and R. 

Why are you doing what you’re doing? Where do you see yourself in 10 years? Who are you helping? Who are you doing it for? What inspires you to get back up and do it again? and R you happy? Hehehe...hehe...he...

Actually found this quote from a book called Anything You Want by Derek Sivers, and it’s currently my wallpaper to remind myself whenever I’m in doubt. 

“Never forget why you’re really doing what you’re doing. Are you helping people? Are they happy? Are you happy? Are you profitable? Isn’t that enough?” 

3. Cancel out the noises. 

One of the reasons why I felt disappointed with myself was because of how productive the people around me have been. Sometimes I see people on instagram posting stories of them studying, or I have talked to people who are up to date with their lectures, etc. However, I guess I forgot that we are all different, and not everyone is as motivated as others especially at a time like this. As much as possible, cancel out other people’s noises, focus on your own progress, and how you feel. 

I saw this quote from an article I’ve read before, “ignore everyone who is posting productivity porn on social media right now” which is funny cause of how timely I saw the article. 

Take this time to destress, do whatever you love doing, try out new things, learn how to bake or cook, exercise, read books, but as much as possible, pleaseeeeeee for the love of God, never forget to pick up that damn book of yours and study!!!

Growing up had me losing my trust for a lot of people to the point that my issues started affecting my capability to make real, authentic relationships with other people. It’s hard for me to trust people, and it will probably take me a year or two to realize whether or not one is a true friend. However, lately, i’ve been thinking about how short life is. It made me realize that we have a short amount of time to have real, meaningful things such as memories, and deep relationships with other people. I know that backstabbing or talking about people is something that is considered normal in the society these days, which is something that adds up to my fear of making friendships. Although I hope that I will learn to accept this fact and continue to sincerely get to know people for the sake of learning about their stories and understanding people more. Life is too short not to learn about other people’s stories. Simply listening to vendors, drivers, batch mates, and other people will help me and anyone else to gain so much knowledge about the world, which in itself is priceless.

So go just f your worries Soph, and learn to make meaningful relationships! Life is too short not get out of your comfort zone.

P.S. if anyone is reading this, i know its considered “normal” to talk about other people, but try not to pls :( always have your friend’s back, no matter what. I try to be that kind if friend as well. Try to be more frank to people and tell them if there’s something wrong with them! I’m sure it would make a better difference in this world 😊

Oh 2019, you were both a difficult and a wonderful year. I learned so much from you, experienced a lot of pain, I have achieved a lot of my goals, I’ve had my loses but gained a lot of things as well. Despite the obstacles I had to face, you’re definitely a year to remember, and here are some things I have and still am continuously learning.

1. Stop caring about what other people think because they most probably don’t care.

2. Do whatever you want to do NOW. Stop saying you’ll do it tomorrow, because you’ll probably end up never doing it.

3. Always be kind. If people are making fun of someone, be the mature person and stand up for that person. If someone’s being left behind, walk with them. If someone is having a hard time, help them out. If someone is quiet, ask them how they are. Be the kindest person you can be because you never know what someone may be going through. Other people may also be praying for the kindness you will give them, so be their miracle.

4. Never ask for anything in return, and expect nothing as well.

5. Always shake the hands of everyone in the room, and try AS HARD AS YOU CAN to remember the name of every single person you meet. That’s a way to show respect.

6. There are adults who never grow up and who will always try to tear you down, make you feel like shit, and blame you for something you’ve never done. I know you want to point fingers, but just stay mature, and don’t stoop down to their level. If they think they’re right, then speak your truth once, and once is enough. (However, always try to understand where they may be coming from and what they have gone through in the past. They may be wrong, but still try to see why they may be acting that way. Be the better person, always.)

7. People always try to turn things into a competition. If it doesn’t have to be, don’t sweat it.

8. If someone wants to play games with you, don’t play. Drop them.

9. If someone’s meant to stay in your life, they will; if not, open the door wide for them and let them leave.

10. Things will happen in God’s timing, stay patient.

11. Take care of your physical, emotional, and mental health.

12. Invest now, and reap the harvests later. Meaning study hard and smart, work out as much as you can, eat healthy, drink more water, make more friendships and connections, hone your talents, find more hobbies, do whatever you want to do NOW, and thank yourself in the future for the things you will end up gaining.

13. ALWAYS respect your grandparents. Remind them how thankful you are and how much you love them everyday. They’ve sacrificed so much for you and they owe you nothing while you owe them everything.

14. Be generous, help whoever you can when you can, and keep giving. It’s the least you can do to give back for everything you’ve been blessed with in life.

15. Always be true to yourself. Nothing can ever be more beautiful than you being thyself.

16. When you feel depressed, don’t be afraid to fall on your knees and cry and cry until you can’t anymore. After that, go dry your tears, stand back up, and get better.

17. If you feel like spending, always rememeber these quotes: if you don’t need it, it’s expensive. If you can’t buy two of those, then you can’t afford it. You may want to get that damn bag right now, but nothing feels better than being financially stable for the next 10 years. Always be wise with money, and it’s okay to be kuripot.

18. Always talk to God. Talk to him about everything. He’s the strength that will keep you going, and we both know that.

You’ve achieved so much this year! Around this time last year we were wondering what would happen to us around this time and look at you now. We didn’t need to worry after all.

This year, you’ve gone through so much. You had to get through so many obstacles, and I’m so happy that you still continue to try.

Honestly, this year is such a great year, but it has also been very hard.

However, you still try to keep that drive inside you and that smile on your face, which is something I will always be proud of. You’re doing great Sophia.

You’re not really at your best self right now, but I can see you trying.

But let’s try harder, okay?

We’ll focus more on our goals. We’ll prioritize our future, happiness, and self. We’ll try to be more confident! Try more not to care about what other people think. Let’s work harder. Start on practicing more with our hobbies, we will need it. Let’s try to find peace with ourselves and with others. Let’s be friendlier please. Try to forgive them, you know who. Most importantly, talk to God more often.

Also, congratulations for graduating! You survived despite having experienced a burn out, or going through so much in college, and for that I will forever be proud of us.

Always be happy Soph, but if you feel sad sometimes then that’s okay too. No worries.

This is lovely

I’ve always been the type of person who likes to stick to their comfort zone. It’s always been something that made me feel safe and secure. One of my comfort zones is the school I grew in: DLSU. It’s the university where I experienced so many ups and downs, the place where I met my family (barkada), and where I realized more things about myself. However, It’s the end of my last term ever in DLSU. I’m about to graduate and move on to med school and I hate this feeling. I’m so scared of moving on to a new environment and meet new people while leaving the place I call home and the people that I call family. It truly is very intimidating. However, I guess changes happen, and I can’t always stay in college. I have to move on and grow, to become a better me. I have to face this new chapter in my life head-on, and I guess I’m going to have to find a home in the medical school I'm going to. Despite how sad this fact makes me, it’s something that I eventually have to go through.