Hogwarts Gossipmonger

Oi! A few snacks here and there wouldn't do anything. 

Ah, yes.  A week of pure entertainment for those who weren’t affected.  I read your article, well done, as always.

Thank you, love. It didn't warrant half of the amount of angry actions the last one did, but I'll work on that. The reaction is always one of my favourite parts.

Sleep when you’re dead, I’ll toast to that. -smirks- Scandalous, you say?  Do tell, I’m interested in what gossip the infamous Rita has gathered.  

Unfortunately, everyone has been rather quiet lately... Trying to get over the embarrassment of their actions last week, I'm assuming. Everyone was ashamed, except for Alecto, because...well, there's no embarrassing Alecto.

She’s….

That's certainly one way to put it. Oh, I'll rest when I'm dead. The most scandalous things happen at night!

caintravers:

Ah, but in order for that to happen I’d have to get up and cross the dungeons to get into the Kitchens, find a suitable House Elf to carry out my request properly…-groans- …effort. -rubs his swollen pinky-

Paying someone in sexual favours is also putting forth quite a bit of effort too, you know... what happened to your finger?

Attention

Offering yourself to any person of any gender now, as long as they bake for you?

I’ll try have to harder next time.

I look forward to your future failed attempts.

Oh, wait. I forgot. The entire point of using an innuendo is to offend. Or make you blush. Either way it’s entertaining.

I can assure you, you do not make me blush.

In that case I’ll be sure to make my next innuendo much less appalling.

I would find that best.

I mean, sure, that stuff was technically true, but that was only because everyone was under that rubbish spell and reality was finally ridiculous enough for your standards to report accurately. Otherwise, apparently the facts are far too boring and uninteresting.

Of course, dear. I'm sure that was the only time I have wrote a truthful thing. My, delusional state indeed...