Emily Veronica

2018 was a roller coaster...here is my “recap” for anyone interested:

I sincerely hate when people 4 days in the new year are all “well 20__ already sucks.” because like there’s SO much time to turn things around and why start with such a bad attitude so early on, but 2018 really challenged that for me. 

Winter:

Late December of 2017 my Gramma V’s cancer came back (again). I lost count of all the times her ovarian cancer came back since she was first diagnosed in 2011. She was over it. It really wasn’t a good way to live. Cancer treatment is quite the investment financially, physically, emotionally, and basically every other way possible. That’s 6 years of being in a cancer/non-cancer shuffle, constant worry of it coming back, and constant disappointment when it did again. My Gramma had the most positive attitude about literally everything, but when she talked about her cancer I could hear her “fiesty” side come out. I hate cancer. Anyway, where I am getting at is that Gramma decided to let cancer run its course this time. It was hard to argue because she was completely set on it. Once she stopped treatment in early January she went downhill very quickly. It was very eye-opening to see how bad the cancer really was and how the treatments prevented her from living like that all this time. January was a completely depressing month, and February was much of the same. She passed away at the end of February after receiving wonderful hospice care for almost a month. I wrote more about Gramma on here before, but she was truly my most favorite person in the world. She was by far the grandparent I was closest to and unlike many other family members of mine I never had to worry for one minute that she would cut me out of her life. March was spent remembering Gramma and trying to carry on and move forward as she would have wanted, but it was rough.

Spring:

Spring was my job searching month. I knew it would be from the time I accepted my job in the first place. For a little background, I am a teacher. I graduated in December of 2016, was a substitute the remainder of the 16/17 school year and then after a rough spring and summer of job searching found a one-year fourth-grade position for the 17/18 school year. I accepted because it was a job in a decent district close to home and the school year was starting in just over a week, but knew it would suck to do the job search thing again in less than a year. The thing was, this time around the circumstances were so different. First of all, there was having a year of experience. Holy cow. Guys. If anyone is reading this and is a new college grad struggling to find a job, just take anything that gets you experience because the number of interviews I got this time around compared to the first is literally insane. I got maybe...5 interviews? Idk for sure the first time and that was from March-August. This next time around I got that same amount within the first two weeks of legitimately searching. Just crazy. Unfortunately, I think this made me a little overconfident. The first several no’s really didn’t bother me, because of all the interviews I had getting booked. But the school year was rapidly coming to a close without an offer getting given and that was getting to me. I was really hoping to have a job secured by the end of the school year, but long story short, that just did not happen. The last day of school I was a dang hot mess. The only public place I’d ever lost it that bad was Gramma’s funeral, but I think with those emotions still kinda there and knowing I’d likely never or very rarely see my students again since I had to move schools, and them just being my very first class I freaking sobbed like a BABY when that school day was over. Those kids will always always always have a special place in my heart.

Summer:

I had a whopping week off in between school and camp. This was my second year working for the park district I work for. I am a director of a 2nd/3rd-grade camp and love it. It was super nice to go back to a job for the second year after so much change the year before and still being so unknown about the future. I love familiarity, especially with jobs lol. I was still on-edge knowing that I didn’t yet have employment come August. However, while I was in a Benadryl induced slumber because my eye was swollen shut, I got a voicemail from a school I didn’t even apply to inviting me in for an interview. I was SOOO confused and literally wondering if I was still dreaming/sleeping. Then I checked my text messages and saw that the principal from my old school got me that interview and was in a meeting with this new principal. I quickly splashed some water in my face to come back to reality and called this principal back. She answered on the first ring, addressed me by name before I even said a word, and quickly got me scheduled to come in first thing the next day. I did have to come in one more time since the other principal was out on vacation the first time, but shortly after that second interview I finally had my offer. Relief doesn’t even begin to cover it. I was elated. It was a salaried, contract job, which my old job was not, and I was just so happy to know I had people looking out for me enough to get me an interview or a job that never even was posted. This new job was for second grade, which would be a switch from fourth grade, but I was going to be working with that age all summer, and had all summer to look over the curriculum and such. 

The rest of the summer was a breeze and honestly great. The only thing that sucked about the summer was my stomach problems. This actually started in the spring but escalated quickly in the summer. I don’t want to get into too many details, but it was basically constant anxiety about getting sick or actually being sick. I did see a doctor who had an idea and for a while it seemed “cured” but still periodically comes back, so I will be getting tested for a few other things in my physical here in a couple weeks. Like I said, it was mostly just the constant worry of getting sick that tormented me throughout the summer. I strayed away from making plans because I had no idea if my stomach would be cooperating that day. I’m thinkng that a possibility is that the doctor DID find the cure and it’s just still lingering because I have that anxiety and the anxiety is causing the issues. Again, doctor appointment coming to hopefully finally put an end to that one. I sincerely love my summer job, though so that really brightened the summer. 

OH, I also moved into my own apartment and out of my parents house so yeah that’s a thing. I live 10 minutes from my mom/Step Dad’s house and about 5 minutes from my Dad/Step mom’s house so it’s pretty wonderful to be on my own but also still very close to them.

Fall/Early Winter:

To be completely honest, there’s not much to say about the fall. I love my new school and still feel blessed that this job is mine. Some days are harder than others, I for the second year in a row have a rather difficult class behavior wise, but I really do love what I do. I honestly at first did not enjoy living on my own nearly as much as I thought I would but after a month or so of getting used to it I now love it. My mom let me/begged me to take one of her cats as she was always most attached to me and was sad that I was no longer there, and was an alpha cat not being very kind to their other elderly cat. I’m so glad I have her with me, and now I don’t know what I would have done if I didn’t have her come live with me. My mom’s elderly cat just passed away a week ago, which was very sad but also very expected. It’s still sad because that cat was a huge part of my childhood. Her sister (same litter) died over a year ago from the same kidney disease so it’s just a miracle she lasted that long.

I started regularly attending church again. I can’t say I ever lost my faith or anything dramatic like that, but social anxiety definitely played a role in not having a “home church” for several years. I love going to church and never see it as something I have to do, so since I finally had a stable living situation, I knew it was time to look for a church. Steve (boyfriend) and I visited one I visited with my family years ago and remember loving and that was pretty much it. He was a lifelong Catholic but was definitely willing to try something new as I have tried Catholic church and just really didn’t feel welcomed (I grew up going to non-denominational church). He is completely sold and was shocked at how welcoming and dare I say, “liberal” it is. We started going on the week they did a message on why the modern church needs to stay woke. It was awesome. Anyway, definitely feel like I have a part of me back again that was lost for a while.

I took a “second job” to help pay for bills as I have way more than I used to now that I live alone. My school starts and ends a lot earlier than my old school (7:30-2:20) so even when I stay late at school I’m home by like 4:30 and felt like I was wasting time. So, instead of making my way to the store and spending more money out of boredom, I decided to take advantage of that bad habit and do grocery delivery for people. I do it through Shipt, as that’s pretty much the only service in my area, and it makes pretty decent money. I love its flexibility as some days I don’t feel like doing it at all after teaching all day and some days I have all the energy in the world after work and can take lots of orders. It’s not stressful and actually takes stress off due to the extra income because of it. Definitely the only second job I could handle. As I mentioned my health has been meh so I’ve also been kind of testing diets to see if it helps. I’ve minimized gluten and lactose and that’s helped a little but am eager to hear what my doctor has to say next week. Overall the fall/winter was a nice chill way to end a very not great start to the year.