I'm Not Your Boyfriend, Baby

  It’s whatever. I just can’t find any humor in it, that’s all. I wish I would just die already.

Don’t say that, please.

But that's how I feel. I don't have time to sensor my fucking self, Valerie. I wish I was dead. I feel like fucking shit.

  Excuse me if I don’t want to joke about my health.

I’m sorry for that— I shouldn’t have.

It's whatever. I just can't find any humor in it, that's all. I wish I would just die already.

Doubtful.

Keep being negative and you will die.

Until you've been through this, keep your mouth shut about it. You don't know what it's like. I'm going by what my doctors have told me. My prognosis is bleak at best.

  That’s my reality. Sorry.

It was a joke, gosh, you’re more literal than a character in Gaurdians of the Galaxy.

Excuse me if I don't want to joke about my health.

Pretty much, yeah.

Hey, maybe you won’t. You might just be one of those inspirational stories or something.

Doubtful.

Trust me, I’ve seen tons of doctors.

And?

I have cancer.

I have cancer.

Oh wow… So you really are dying.

Pretty much, yeah.

  Nope. I’ve been throwing up since there three this morning and haven’t felt like brushing my teeth.

That’s what every girl dreams of hearing.

That's my reality. Sorry.

I have nothing to prove, nor do I have the time to accomplish a mile long bucket list.

Oh really? And what, you’re like some Benjamin Button.

I have cancer.

  Nah. At least I get some kind of amusement out of that.

Hm, and here I thought you’d try some stupid line so I would kiss you.

Nope. I've been throwing up since there three this morning and haven't felt like brushing my teeth.

What?

… A bucket-list. Are they lengthy or are you the type to put literally anything and everything on the list to prove some type of shit.

I have nothing to prove, nor do I have the time to accomplish a mile long bucket list.

  I feel like this sappy shit is killing me faster.

Sappy things will kill you, when we argue you say it’s killing you faster; if I kiss you will you say it’s killing you faster, too?

Nah. At least I get some kind of amusement out of that.

Who the hell am I supposed to marry and have kids with? And I have no idea what to do to get my name in the history books. I don’t have time. And what the hell do you mean you’ll remember me in ways I don’t realize?

You say that the only reason people will remember you is...

I feel like this sappy shit is killing me faster.

And what the fuck is that? I’m never going to get married or have a kid to carry on my name. I’m never going to make a difference. I’m never going to have a legacy. I’m going to die nobody. The only people who will remember me will be the people who are bummed because they...

Who the hell am I supposed to marry and have kids with? And I have no idea what to do to get my name in the history books. I don't have time. And what the hell do you mean you'll remember me in ways I don't realize?

  No I haven’t. I’ve accomplished nothing.

You’ve accomplished what most people want.

And what the fuck is that? I'm never going to get married or have a kid to carry on my name. I'm never going to make a difference. I'm never going to have a legacy. I'm going to die nobody. The only people who will remember me will be the people who are bummed because they can't get drugs from me anymore.

I’m attempting to make a bucket list… But I can’t think of much for it.

Because you’ve already done a lot.

No I haven't. I've accomplished nothing.

I’m attempting to make a bucket list… But I can’t think of much for it.

And they’re supposed to long or something?

What?