Sun

Hi. Being young and navigating…the cheesiness of love. I’ve found that people enjoy their ego being stroked and often that’s how they choose love contenders. My whole phase right now is know your worth. Do you not want to choose to be valued…to be cared for? In my youth I will not settle and I will not settle to believe this is all I will obtain. I will not compete. I will not subject myself to be in situations of dangerous situations like bitches tryna fight me or the birds questioning my sanity for to them settling and the strength of knowing your whole existence was under-minded and disrespected. Loss taught me love & loss taught me the importance of loyal to self. And to sit at that table. Of self love. Of respect. Of loyalty and just embodying that energy u know. Sometimes you just have to try for yourself you know and it’s okay to be alone. It’s okay to choose loneliness. And it’s okay to be alone. Not saying it’s everything, but just saying it’s okay. We all need and crave connection and intimacy and we all crave to be wild.

So I’ve been opening a bit more of my struggles and things I’m not completely on my ass, but I feel on my ass. Someone said to me they thought I was rich and no. I manage my necessities to live like how I live. Idk why maybe because of beauty. You know something I alway get is your so pretty. You’re so pretty. You’re so pretty. Well this pretty face also comes with a beating heart, pumping blood and a working brain. I go through life things as well and sometimes my beauty I guess is my curse. My sex appeal, my dark sensual energy. I have a love hate relationship with because in a way I can get what I want, but also it can get me in a lot of trouble. Trouble I would like to avoid. It’s like the enjoying the sweetness of eating your favorite ice cream and then the guilt of damn wait this is dairy. And I’m sorry your pie has been killing the gelato game as of late. Just the whole pizza game. Favorite food places. I can come here after smoking my blunt. Get a pizza, dairy free cheese sticks and gelato(I like to eat. When I eat I eat) being a lil black dude on the streets is a lil difficult especially when your a lil fem like me. What I learned is it can easily morph you into something your not and that’s the most terrifying thing. Let’s be real everyone succumbs to the pressure sometimes.I’m aware of qualities now that can get me what I need however I’m also aware of what do you deem of me to be beautiful what if I tell you I don’t feel like life is that way. The truth is I manage. I do what I gotta do and sometimes it’s a very scary, risky, and lonely way of life. Who can love a street bitch? You know? Why would you want to love a street bitch? And do you know what comes with my lifestyle of being a street bitch. Not even something I feel like I chose but something that was thrusted upon me by circumstance.

Sitting in the holding cell for a bit really did help me come to peace with things. The only thing I wish the system would do better is helping the inmates and the people being held take better car of themselves. That’s the solution I feel. If ppl are able to know their options, their resources, the chances they are getting sometimes I feel you’ll realize how situations are not that bad. Just how the man was honest with me in the fact that he needed some change and that he was an alcoholic he was gonna get a drink. Soo…I did give it to him because I understand what it’s like not having what YOU individually need. And I ain’t gonna lie I could use myself a drink right about now myself. Everyone have different needs and just like one of my need is to make sure I hit that gym and I will get a 3 hour workout in everytime.