i dread every minute at work. i dread every minute just leading up to it. why cant i land a new job. why cant i find something im passionate about thats lucrative and rational....
im fucking depressed ive been crying on and off over this shit.

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@itsgabbigail
i dread every minute at work. i dread every minute just leading up to it. why cant i land a new job. why cant i find something im passionate about thats lucrative and rational....
im fucking depressed ive been crying on and off over this shit.

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I donât want to be at work I donât want to be at home. I donât want to talk to my coworkers, customers, my husband, no one. I want to be on a boat or some shit. I want to drive my car and keep going until I end up somewhere far away and obscure.
I never use this blog. But i felt the urge to post here. Iâm feeling insecure and disappointed and sad. I donât want to leave the bed. I dont want to go anywhere. I want to lie here, stagnant and ugly and small.
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Rushing through helping me really makes me feel good. /s
I'll never get what I want from you.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
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Banda Neira is an all-in-one simple-looking horizontal theme. This theme is intended to be used for photoblogs or your portfolio but I did my best to make it look good in any type of posts â this theme has the same width and height so the images within the posts will be distorted automatically. You can see the full version on the permalink page or click the zoom icon button instead (for photos). Yes, I want to make something minimal yet functional so I hope this will be turning good as I expected.
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No matter how much you love me, no matter how mucj you say youd give anythibg up, you will never give up looking at other girls. The fact you even think about a threesome, where you get to touch and see and fuck another girl makes me miserable. And I should really just accept it because it's not like you'll cheat on me. It's not like you'll ever touch another woman. But for me it's shit enough to even think about it which is stupid because "every man does it" or every person does it And then there's my over the too expectation that your love for me is so fucking strong that it's the reason you keep yourself from doing anything. I need to get over myself it's not all about me who cares if I feel like shit I'm the one in the wrong I'm the one doing this to myself Whatever Look at other girls masturbate to them You can dream of fucking them, I'm just going to turn a blind eye to it like I've been doing. I'm happier that way
sure im nice i guess but do u find me cute/beautiful/sexually attractive because i measure my self worth by the quantity of people who find me good looking
person: how are you?
me, not feeling any extreme pain or euphoria: i literally have no fuckin idea

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canât help but have the overwhelming feeling that everyone around me is achieving and getting so much more out of life than I am and itâs there no matter what I do
#justborderlinethings
wanting to die every minute of the day but being to scared to actually do it
RAGE RAGE RAGE RAGE
indescribable emotions. like literal feelings you cannot describe that donât fit under the general umbrella of âsadâ or âmadâ
non-stop eating
hypersexuality/sex repulsed
constant self doubt. not feeling very borderline at the moment? not being able to relate to one bpd post? skipping one symptom on the diagnostic checklist that you have done for the 7th time? HAVE FUN DENYING YOUR ENTIRE IDENTITY FOR THE DAY!
feeling like youâre doing everything âwrongâ
what if i donât have bpd? what if i donât have bpd? what if i donât have bpd? i need to have the WORST bpd. i need this.Â
see someone getting more attention than you? hate them and wish horrible things on them but also copy them so you can also get attention.Â
*~disassociation~*Â
*posts something in tag* *doesnât get any likes/reblogs* *instantly thinks that everyone (literally everyone)Â hates you and is talking about how shitty you and your blog are behind your back*
never being able to tell someone how you feel because you can never put it into words.
wanting to hurt yourself, be sick, or do something tragic out of spite or for attentionÂ
*gets into arguments/makes self sad on purpose*
EVERYTHING IS A TRIGGER
feeling much like a malfunctioned robot ?
everyone around you always telling you how much of a burden you are to them
always needing to talk about bpd/feelings! no other conversations about anything else! only about your suffering!
holds grudges like hell but can only feel things in the momentÂ
truly believing that no one takes you seriously/listens to you
*has a horrific breakdown* *5 minutes later when fine: not being able to remember why you had the breakdown or how you felt*
memory or time? doesnât exist.
feeling bad for your actions but literally not being able to stopÂ
Favorite Personâ˘
can never enjoy things that other people enjoy/always bitter/gets mad when other people are happy
*one thing goes wrong* the whole world is plotting against me. no one wants me to succeed. i want to die this is horrible.Â
social isolation but needing EVERYONE to coddle you or instantly pick up why you isolated yourself in the first placeÂ
mental image constantly changing
0 original identity. everything is picked from something or someone else much like your moods, thoughts, or anything you have to make you âyouâ
WANTING TO PUT MORE RELATABLE CONTENT BUT THERE IS SO MUCH MORE
and yet, the thing everyone focuses on is how hard life is for people AROUND someone with bpd.Â
someone: i love you
me internally: prove it prove it prove it prove it prove it prove it
also me internally: please dont love me i dont want to hurt you this is terrifying please dont love me
yet also me internally: good, everyone should love me. get on your fucking knees and worship the fucking ground i walk on.
somehow also me internally: THEY LOVE ME THEY LOVE ME THEY LOVE ME THEY LOVE ME THEY LOVE ME THEY LOVE ME THEY LOVE ME!!!!!
me externally: aww i love you too!!
What am I even doing? Why am I the way I am? Sometimes I wanna just die. Not in any painful way. Not even really "die." Just sort of... disappear. And everyone's happier for it. Everyone sort of forgets me quietly and continue to live their lives. He wouldn't remember me. Not even the me he fell in love with. He would just love himself and be happy. All the time. He would be better off.

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Free to watch ⢠No registration required ⢠HD streaming
1/1/17
We had sex :)
Date a boy who is supportive of whatever your body looks like no matter what