itsDreamlr.

18.01.2017

I don’t even know anymore

Shelley and I are late for school. We're waiting for the train. Us and 100 other people because the previous train broke or had a short circuit. We had to get out of that one, obviously! The next one arrives after a few minutes but after one or two stations that one broke down as well. Now it´s not only the 100 passengers and us, no, it´s about 80 more. What a beautiful way to start the day.

Another train gets in immediately afterwards and of course not all of us fit in. Angry and cold, Shelley and I keep waiting for the next fucking train. We knew we would be late but we optimistic naive girls thought we wouldn't miss a whole lesson.

Who would have thought but the next one is crammed as well but we insist to get in that one. And to our luck Lucas is standing in the last wagon right at the door. Shelley won´t let any second past and pushes me through the door right into his arms. He is tall enough to reach something to hold on and offers us his arms. How nice of him!

I surely will enjoy this ride to the school…

17.01.2017

That one person that won´t get out of my mind

I was at the restroom and I´m heading back to the classroom where we only have five minutes left. It's the last lesson and then I finally can go home and rest. Another monday successfully completed!

There are few steps and I'm in my classroom and can end this horrific day as suddenly I hear someone. I turn to my left and see him. Running and scaredly turning around. Like if he is running from someone or something. What is he doing here? He wasn't at school today. I should know ´cause I was looking for him.

He nearly ran into me and I asked with a suspiciously calm voice: “What´s wrong with you?”

“They're following me! They're after me! I ran from home up to here and they're still there!” he said with pure horror in his voice and he kept turning around. His answer lead to my next question: “Who is following you?” I'm so confused and everytime I look around there is nothing and noone for miles around. Nowhere! His eyes are wide open and his breathing is snapping which may be the outcome to his marathon. I grab his face with both of my hands to stop his hectic movements and pull him down so we're face to face. His pupils are so wide you couldn't tell his eye colour. “Are you on drugs?” I ask a little harsh. “Please, you need to help me. Please help me!” His voice is shaking and his eyes are wet. Oh no, is he about to cry?

He’s looking into my eyes and is probably waiting for any reaction. I stroke his arms and lead him toward my classroom. “I´ll get my teacher and tell him what happened. He is a cool and trustable teacher. He will help us!” Lucas nods slowly with anxious looking eyes. He leans against the heater. I knock at the door, turn around for a last glaze at him and walk into the room, but I keep the door open.

“Mr. Stickman, do you have a second?”

01.12.2016

I had a really stressful year

My friends and I were at my friends place. All five of us sitting around the dinette. No one was talking or interacting in any way. The apartment seems to be empty and made of glass. Very bright place. According to the circumstances kinda bright. The weather is very gloomy.

We started talking but the topic is unclear. It is getting darker after every minute that pasts. Two of my friends (Allison & Sandy) head home because it's getting late and we have school tomorrow. The flat owner (Eva) offers me to stay over night. I accept, unusual for me, but I am too lazy to go all the way home. The other friend (Haden) is very quite and it seems like she is angry with me.

Now we are in Eva's room. We cuddled up in her bed, clothes changed and ready to sleep. I need to go for a wee so I search for the bathroom. Well, unfortunately I forgot to ask where it is. Suddenly a familiar face appears in front of me. We barely look at each other. Like always… He disappears in a room that is hidden behind a clothes rack. What the hell is he doing here? Why didn´t Eva tell me that he seemingly lives here? Oh no, that was so awkward! He must think I am stalking him.

I tiptoed, fast but quite, back in Eva's room and whispered hysterically: “Why didn't you tell me that Lucas is living here?” She just gave me a confused look and said with a steady and calm voice: “I didn't know you cared?!” Okay, whatever. I'm too tired to discuss this. All I could think of was sleeping so I sigh and lay down.

It´s the next morning and we wake up in time and are really quick by getting ready. We even got time left to eat breakfast but we kinda forgot the time and suddenly it´s really late. I remind the girls that we have to go immediately or we will run late. It seems like they couldn't care less. Freaking sloths! “Don't you think we should hurry?” I ask impatiently. As we walk to the front door Lucas runs past us and that must mean we're pretty late because he is always the one arriving last second. Even as I pressured the two they would not rudimentary move a muscle faster. What is the matter with them? Why are they like that?

Meanwhile it's already half past school begin and we are definitely missing the first lesson. “Calm down! We'll just take my cousin's car!” Eva bitches. Since when does they have a driving license?? I keep following them and we get in some car. I took the back seat, Haden is driving and Eva is sitting next to her. Obviously we had to get the traffic jam, why not… The rain was pouring down and I kinda liked it. It gave me comfort. “We will stop at Burger King. We're kinda hungry. Those five minutes more or less won't make a huge difference.”

Are they fucking serious? It might have been better if I just went alone. Then, as we weren't so far from school a new scene pops in and we are sitting in the train. And it was full of students from our school. How weird is that? In the middle of school time? What are they doing here? I needed to know what was going on so I asked the next person I saw: “Why are y'all here? Isn't it school time?” Stranger: “I don't know. In the middle of the lesson the principle and our teacher stood on the court with a megaphone and announced that the students of the upper classes could need some rest and that they think that the best time for that would be now. Then they wished us fun and said Mr. Stea and Ms. Maki, end.”

What kinda joke of a day is that? I wanted to go to the fucking school! All this pressure for nothing!

29.11.2016

vicious circle of daydreaming 

I´m me, in my body of 2004. My knowledge and my memories stayed. Is this my opportunity to start from the beginning? To make everything right? My second chance?

Everything seems to go pretty well. I´m the smartest six years old child on my school. Unfortunately I am always alone because I can´t get along with the children and their silly behaviours. That worries the adults... I arouse the interests of few highly regarded people. And they´re getting more and more.

They want to test me. Check my “health”. Psychiatrists contact my familie. Everything went according to my plan. Till I was too different. That is all I ever wished for. I ever dreamed about. Why don´t I like it then?

02.11.2016

my best friend loved me once & in psychology lesson we talked about ‘planned group suicide’

I was sitting in a chair and my best friend was laying next to me. He made me lay aswell. That chair had that function and you just have to set it to it. It was very dark and it kinda looked like my living room. It was very loud in the room next to ours. 

-new scene-

I was laying in my bed again and did anything on my phone. I was alone at home and it was dark. The doorbell rang and I walked to the door to open it. I didn’t expect anyone. As I opened it, my breathing stopped. The stalker of a friend stood there with his friend, that I don’t know. They came in and it seemed like we knew each other, but we didn´t.

They went into my room without a word or my permission and just took a nap, in my bed! I was so confused.. All lights were still off, so my apartment was also still dark. I don’t know why I didn’t switch on any lights. I walked slow and slippy (because of my socks) into the living room and took a seat on that chair. All of a sudden - my best friend walked in. He came next to me. And here we are again. The two boys in my room and my best friend next to me. We just laid there and looked into each others eyes. I guess some time passed because it seemed like the boys in my room who were asleep were awake. The boys were so loud and I was so stressed that my best friend started comforting me with stroking my hair and then slowly my neck. I just smiled at him. Then he started stroking my bottom lip with his thumb and stopped after a few seconds. 

All of a sudden I jumped up, on him and kissed him. He kissed me back and I started laughing because the other two tried to vocalize but they surely couldn’t.

-new scene-

I was walking in New York/Time Square without doing anything distracting, like listening to music.. Something strange was going on. It seemed like everyone was talking about the same topic: “Hey are you going to that massacre?” “Did you hear about that group murder?” “Some people are meeting up for a collectively suicide, are you going?” To be clear, a guy said he will kill everyone that shows up at the undergroud to a settled time. Some of them even asked me! As it was something totally normal as a book club. I was so terrified from the inside but to the outside I accepted the invitations. 

-next scene- 

Me and lots of other people (about 300 or even more) were sitting on the ground or some were standing at the settled underground station and waited. I was so scared. Next to me was that boy who talked a lot but I couldn’t understand anything of it. After a while I just stood up and started running to the exit because you could leave if you changed your opinion as long as the doors are open. But the security, who made sure that no one can run away if the murder starts, was about to close the doors. 20 meters. Just 20 meters left! “Stop! Wait for me!! I don’t want this. Let me out!!” I shout, while running, at him. To my left and right are pillars with 5 meters distance. As I finally arrived he already closed the doors. It took him so long because they are about 15 meter long and really big and heavy. “Can you please open them again. I don’t want this! Please! I have a son at home and I don’t wanna die and leave him all alone.. please!!” was I saying, nearly crying.

That big guy, full dressed in black looks to his left and I follow him. Next to that pillar is that fat and ugly guy. And he slowly shakes his head. I didn’t see or notice him befor because he was kinda hidden behind those pillars. I realise that it is him. The shooter. The murderer. All I can think about is RUN! While running I hear him say: “Wait.. I need to talk to you.” What was he thinking? I just ran faster, he was right behind me. I jumped into the crowd and began to crawl. Some of the people even tried to help me to hide myself but they were miserable at it. When I went left, they went right and that guy saw me and came in my direction. I simply gave up. There was no way to escape and I was going to die. So I stopped crawling and went back, ignoring the murderer, to my neighbour from befor. He was not talking. No one was talking. Everyone was quite and no one was moving at all. The ‘killer’ came next to me and said: “I won’t kill you. I just have a knife.” He smiled. He was so calm and tried to smalltalk with me. 

Each hour that passed he got prettier. After a while I just stood up and walked away. He tried to come after me but an empty train arrived and all those people went in it and blocked his way, so he couldn’t reach me. I think he thought I entered as well. I saw him enter the train. Everyone was in that train expect for me. The train drove away and I stood there. Alone. In the middle of that train station. With so many questions..

30.10.2016

when I have bad dreams, I sneak into my little brothers room and cuddle with him 

It is 4:46am and I still can’t fall asleep but I am so tired! One of those nights again. So, as always I sneak in my brothers room and try to lay down next to him, as quite as possible. Not silent enough because all of a sudden he says “hair!” I’m so confused and just whisper a “what?” back. Then he puts his hand on his head and says “that’s hair” turns around and continues sleeping.

22.09.2016

I had this crush back in 2015

I was at home but it felt unfamiliar to me. My brother was talking to someone but I couldn’t see the person. But I kinda knew that he must have been a stranger! There was also another unknown in our flat and I was so confused. I told my mom that I want to stay in the kitchen but she wasn’t even there. My brother went into the bedroom of my parents. That person was also in there I notice from the kitchen standing next to the fridge. That stranger, a really tall and big man, came up to me and said I also should go in that room but he wasn’t scary. More like careful and friendly and it seemed we were friends.

I walk to the door and unexpectedly it opened and who stood, three heads taller than me, right in front of me? Right! My beautiful crush. “Come in” he said. Then he smirked at me and stepped aside so I could come in. The room was designed like it was 12 years ago (my brother wasn’t alive then). I was surprised but kinda used to it and just walked to the bed. My brother was sitting on it under the blanket and he was playing some kind of car race against my crush. My crush went next to him on the blanket and I sat down next to him under the blanket and just observed them. He smiled a few times in my direction and I felt so comfortable and safe.