the warmth of the sun

I firmly believe that this is what is best for me. The constant insecurity I feel is unhealthy and it’s making me scared of the person I am becoming. I don’t like comparing myself with others and I find myself doing it more often. I don’t like being this jealous person or being in constant worry if I’m enough, because I believe I am better than that. I believe my feelings for you are real but I’m tired of hiding, I’m tired of lying, I’m tired of feeling the need to prepare for heartbreak at any time. I don’t feel safe anymore. So, I have to let go and stop doing this now because I don’t want it to get to the point where I start to have hate in my heart. As much as I want to be yours, I know I need to be mines more. I will most likely need time and space apart in order for me to heal but I believe and am hopeful that at some time in the future, you and I can be in each other’s life in some way, just not now.

I always say that morning YOU is one of my favorites, but I don’t think I’ve ever told you why. When I was trying to make sense of the feelings that I felt for you, there was one morning when I woke up and turned to you while you were sleeping. You had this sense of peace that I had to look at you again, because you just looked so beautiful. The only thing I could do at that time was just hold you closer. But baby, seeing you there, all I wanted to do was kiss you and show you what I felt. So, I kissed you, on the forehead because I was too scared for anything else. Then, you woke up, opened your big brown eyes to look at me and in that moment I knew that these feelings were never going away. Morning YOU is my favorite because it made me realize that my feelings for you were real and something I needed to own. When I look into your eyes, it’s like you take away all my worries and you know exactly what I’m feeling. You scare me, because you’ve shown me something I’ve never felt before and I’ve never been afraid to lose anything more.