gremlin queen

I’m surprised she even still remembers that, seeing how we shot that film in 2016. But I can’t complain too much, seeing who he co-stars have been over the years. 

What kind of love are you looking for, luv’? Just love, or love and attention?

I wouldn’t expect any less from you, seeing how you found this tidbit, and posted it for everyone to see. But what inquiring minds want to know - aka me, of course - do you think she’s right?

She could have said Pitt or DiCaprio but she said you, is that not the ultimate compliment?

Ah, come on, you knew that me having a little bluff about it was going to happen. And your blush when I showed you it for the first time was priceless. Inquiring minds want to know if I agree you’re Margot Robbie’s best kiss? To judge that, I’d need to kiss all the actors she’s kissed... 

Aren’t love and love and attention a little of the same thing?

It really is. Max said you got to try directing before too? So you gotta know how cool of an experience it is. It was exciting to try it and I think I did alright? You can watch the music video and see for yourself but it isn’t all bad. And we all had a great time. It was so cool to see the idea I’ve had in my head come to life.

I have! Nothing substantial has come from it yet and I’d love to take it further, but you’ve got to start somewhere, right? Every project is kind of a step closer to the next. That’s the magical part of it, seeing that idea come to life and knowing the part that you had in creating it. And nobody ended up being mad with you at the end of the day, did they? Sometimes us directors can get a little bossy without meaning it.

And no, I’m not letting go of this one for a while. Get used to it, @justmaxirons​

↳INSTAGRAM: itsashleyirons uploaded a photo

Here we are celebrating another trip around the sun... Happy Birthday to my handsome, irresistable Brit/best husband that I could have ever asked for @justmaxirons. 😍 After a few months of our schedules being crazy, I’m so happy that the stars hav alinged in the right wy and we get to spend your special day together... Although, now that I think about it, I should have surprised you later by jumping out your birthday cake Marilyn Monroe style. Let’s celebrate by stuffing our faces with all our favourite sweet things and some tequila shots later. I love you to the moon and back, darling... And don’t forget, you’re one in a Maximilian to me.

No, I think I’m fine not knowing. I won’t use it on you anyway. so it hasn’t lost the appeal yet? You aren’t off looking for some other accented fella to get attached to? I do, but I don’t mean it the same way I do, when I call you that. Cute tiny gremlin queen, now that one I use to tease you, but you are my queen, so there’s some truth to it, too. Oh my, we did. We might have scared some poor PAs, too, while at it. But - they can be as jealous as they want to be, you’re mine and I don’t share. That roof. We need to get back up there, I say. Create some new memories along the way. Can’t we get one of our friends to stage a production, and then sneak off? No one would miss us.

Nice to hear you say that, Mrs Irons. 

No? Are you sure? Curiosity isn’t going to eat you away about it? Ha. Are you kidding me, of course it hasn’t! I can’t think of any other accented guys I’d want to go and get attached to and run off with, so there’s no need to worry. There is some truth to it now - I mean, it all started off as a joke, but little did you know... Up on the roof? On that roof... Or any roof? Yeah! Isn’t it about time Tom did something again? Or, we could go along to your parents next play. Perfect excuse to get back out into the theatre world. 

Why use a word that has no meaning? I use luv’ on you, because that’s what you are. You’re my love, and I want you to know. Darling is just me teasing you, mostly. I’m very happy that you do have lots of Max-friendly things in your closet these days. Excuse me, we have. I even worked there for a while. My last play? We just weren’t allowed on the roof anymore. Which is a shame, because I’d love to recreate that moment with you. 

You’re my distraction, if that helps. And I love you. 

I don’t know what the logic is behind it? Maybe we should ask somebody who uses it. I like ‘luv’, it sounds just as good in your accent now as it did when you started. You call other people love, too, but when you’re calling me it... I know that it hits different. Darling, sweetheart, I think we both use them for the same tongue-in-cheek reasons. I know! And while we created some fun moments in your dressing room, we weren’t up there on the roof. You’re just going to need to do a play again at sometime, so that we can. Or the next time that we find ourselves at the theatre...

It always helps - and guess what? I love you, too. 

I don’t even know what it’s supposed to mean? With honey or darling, at least you know what it is you want to say. What is a snookums? Is it a squishy animal? And if so, is it cute? I’m confused. What do you mean you can’t? Some of the best nights we’ve had started that way… do you remember the night we snuck off to the roof of the theatre in town? Nothing to do with ties, but it was a nice night. I am, and I like being one, when it counts. You do, too, don’t you? I like the sound of Maxi-friendly dresses. Now that’s something to look forward to. 

Says the one prancing around in that dress… you are the distraction, gorgeous. You know that, don’t you?

Snookums? I think that it’s a pet name that doesn’t really have any meaning. It’s one of those ‘cute’ words... Unless you want to take it up a notch and start calling your beloved ‘darling snookums’ which is a huge nope in my opinion. You think I could forget about that? It’s where the term ‘Maxi-friendly’ was born. It was one of the best nights... and probably the very reason we haven’t been invited back to the theatre in a while. 

You’ve told me once or twice, but that doesn’t mean to say that I don’t like being reminded what a distraction I can be. 

Snookums sounds much better in your accent than mine, let’s face it. Me saying it sounds like a weird sneezing sound. Aw babe. No, you’re right, doesn’t work, luv’. Never has, never will. Mmm, I remember post-event nights, where you couldn’t get that tie off me fast enough… I’ll keep it for as long as need be, before the Chris-napping. There. I’m still a child at heart, don’t worry. But I know how much you enjoy me in a full suit, so there’s something in it for you, too. 

Come on Mrs Irons, don’t dawdle. Let’s get this thing started. We have a birthday to celebrate. 

I think that it sounds terrible whatever accent you put it in, it’s going to  sound dumb and like a weird sneezing sound because that’s exactly what it is. Remember? Come on, now, I still can’t. And since you hate ties and can never wait to get them off yourself. You are still a child at heart, I know that already. Annd I get to wear a Maxi-friendly dress too, so I guess there’s something in this for us both. 

I’m not dawdling. Just that sight of you in a suit -- it’s very distracting, okay?

I could always start calling you “Babe” or “Baby”, if you prefer that. You do realise that ties are the perfect blindfold material, right? Not like we haven’t ever tried that. So there, I’ll wear a tie like a real grown up, only for tonight. And it serves a double purpose. We shove them out the door, into a black cab and off we go. Voilà, Chris-napping is complete. Or would that be Bushvans-napping, since we are taking them both? Soph knows how to find us, but I won’t keep you from going full fangirl here.

And I can start calling you snookums in return? Absolutely not. No. Nope. It isn’t happening. Us? No, never. And since you dislike ties so much we wouldn’t have a reason to anyway, right? Like a real grown up? Well done, Max, I’m proud of you, and I’m looking forward to seeing how long you actually keep it on for. It sounds a solid enough plan to get them both out! Bushvans-napping complete. 

Well, what else should I call you? Ashley? Pfft. Boring. Anyone can do that. Oh, but we are. Blindfold and all. But no one should know, so dress up in something sweet, and we’ll try to shove him out a side door at the premiere. My word. I don’t know, but it’s odd, and it needs to be stopped. 

It’s a little boring... And I think I’d be asking if you were okay. Or assume that I’d done something to upset you. Blindfold and all? Where did you smuggle those in the case? I think I’ve got something sweet enough to dress in, but what’s the plan? We stand at a door and yell his name until he comes and finds us? I hope they appreciate our efforts. 

So, question for you, darling of mine. How do we go about kidnapping one of the most famous actors of today from his own premiere along with his better half without anyone being the wiser? We do have a reservation at Petersham soon.

@itsashleyirons​

Darling of yours? Who else’s darling would I be now?  You mean... A kidnap Chris Evans operation? We’re living the fangirls dream here. And I do think that they’re going to need to be saved - who has a premiere for a kids film at night?