Just Another Gay Nerd

[are you companions] yes. [no.]

i want you. i want you more than anything in the world.

are you asking, maître?

i artlessly assumed companionship, which was wish-fulfilling delusion rooted in childhood conflict.

they were my coven for 200 years. and i could not count on your love lasting as long.

i will spend my life making it up to you. [you'll never make it up to me] i know.

the room's soiled and once again, i'm here with mop and mindlessness to clean it up!

if you wanted to escape from this prison of empathy i’ve locked you away in. all you had to do was ask.

louis thinks i'm boring. do you find me boring?

you left me for death.

i preserve louis' happiness even when he won't or can't.

come to me.

i could talk until the end of the world about what you've destroyed here.

i love you, lestat.

and i locked those words away for the next 150 years. until you came along and shattered that lock.

and i thought if i'm not with him i am nothing.

everyone gone. you hear them but you can't see them.

everything that gives you happiness, gives me, louis!

my name is arun and i'm an addict.

i have been enduring intense conversation with myself.

i wish to read you something i've written from the deepest regions of my soul [you have no soul]

i look for the vulnerability within the object.

i am your maker! i cannot get into your head any longer!

it wasn't my love for louis. but it was love.

i want to be your maker. i want to give you half your life back. help you walk in the sun.

my first memory. i'm being run down by slavers in delhi. my second... an eager black hole.

i think i might be a room without walls, floors, a ceiling. an infinite nothing.

Like, everyone "likes" her! But in that very "girl boss girl power" white feminism way where they erase everything about the source of the power out, in order to subsume it. And it's weird because to me, it showed that, just like how they did with Louis, they did not engage with how Claudia's Blackness was another important part of her story. Despite it being quite spoonfed in season 2, tbh.

Think about it. Claudia is 1) Black, 2) female, 3) queer, and 4) trapped in a child's body, forever. This is like, the torment nexus of Lacking Power and Autonomy In Society 😭 Going unheard, that resentment against the world for not taking her and her needs and her desires seriously, from inside the home and on. Of having to build a wall of strength and resilience to protect herself, of always Taking Care of Business because her goof ass brother certainly isn't gonna do it! Of having to grasp power her own way, because it will never be considered for her. Yet, somehow still a threat.

To me, AMCs Claudia is a very beautifully written example of a Black Woman that is Angry, who would be treated like an Angry Black Woman. So many of these fans HATE real world Claudia's! Because I've seen her rage and exhaustion, her fire to fight (Akasha's too), in so many of us. And yet we don't get the girl power, girl boss label- until it's time to Need us. Otherwise, you're just a Bully.