Ugh where do I freaking begin? Actually…same shit, different time.

- May was a shitty month. Mom had a planned surgery, sister jumped out of a moving car and busted her teeth and her hip, and I got into a car accident and lost the 4-runner.

- I was so annoyed with the car accident. Just the fact that it was ANOTHER burden on everyone.

- Now I’m driving my mom’s rav 4 which I’m grateful to have something to be able to drive but it’s not the vibe. And I also feel bad that my mom doesn’t have her car anymore.

- Trying to manifest one of these cars: Lexus G550X, Toyota Landcruiser, Toyota 4-Runner. Maybe writing it out will manifest it?

- Also want to manifest one of those cars as my own. Like done it all on my own to have something that’s mine and to not have the help of my parents so there’s nothing tied or obligated to them.

- Also need to manifest starting therapy at least by the end of this year or beginning of next year. My thoughts and anxiousness just feel so heavy sometimes. Like literal weight on my chest and shoulders.

- Really wish I had someone to talk to about my day and that’ll listen.

- Really trying to be positive but sometimes it’s exhausting and I just wonder how much longer it’s going to be like this?

- Had 2024 Japan plans at the end of 2024 only for it to go down the drain in January. Got my hopes up for nothing.

- Had 2025 anniversary plans…had 2025 birthday plans…had 2025 Lake Tahoe plans that were canceled for the 2025 Japan trip that is also now canceled.

- Distanced myself from plans/hang outs after the 2025 Japan trip was canceled.

- Getting asked if we want to go to Big Bear…getting told it’s a room with 2 beds…getting told we might have to sleep on an air mattress…getting told its actually not Big Bear…getting told it’s actually 2 beds…getting there to find out “plans changed” and it isn’t 2 beds and a fucking futon bed.

- Complaining about said futon bed and getting told “maybe they don’t look at photos like you do”. You’re telling me you’re going to book a house for 16-18 people and one of them having a hard time to get up stairs and NOT look at photos? GTFFFFFFO!

What a frustrating week:

- Jury Duty…got selected as a juror

- Didn’t pass the test….again

- NY plans are down the drain

Probably my time of the month making everything more frustrating and annoying but fuck 🙃

- To think I was going to go through the effort to throw a surprise party when half that effort can’t even be reciprocated LOL. I’m out here buying AirPods for Valentine’s Day, thinking of throwing you a surprise party, trippin on finding gifts, trying new to plan shit when my ass can’t even get special occasion flowers or a fucking dinner to celebrate my promotion or new gig or even a fucking congratulations or good luck on your first day. Yeah no lmao.