but the old me is still me

“...AND YOU DIDN'T GET TO KEEP IT”

hi! long time no see!! first entry of 2025 and first in a longggg time!!!! happy new years and merry christmas to all who celebrate <33 sooo i took a long break off tumblr lmao i've been on and off lurking but haven't really posted on any of my accounts. i think it's done me a lot of good and i feel more in touch with myself and more connected to my friends and the world around me.i've missed my mutuals ofc but i've been talking to lots of you on discord or insta anyway!! i've had the last month and a bit since nov 22nd off school (!!!!!) because i finished my exams THANK GOD failed half of them but i don't even careeee lmao. but yeah i've spent so much time with my friends and writing and just reconnecting with myself over this summer break i feel a little bit more like myself now!! but christmas is always such a messy time for me and there's been so much going on in my life, it's honestly hard to keep up. my family is lowkey a mess but my cousins (8 and 11) got back from japan after living there for TWO YEARS!!! that was my december high probably it was so good to see them after so long, especially the girl because we've always been so close and it was so great to catch up!! i just got back from a camping trip with my mum, it was great but we (somehow??) forgot our pillows 😭😭 but it was so good and lots of thrifting and walks and swims i loveeee summer!!!! reccently i've been having an existential crisis about the fact that i'm starting year 13 (last year of high school in nz) on FEBRUARY THE THIRD??? it's honestly insane to me and it made me realise oh fuck theres under 200 days of school until i GRADUATE??? hello???? like???? it's terrifying but oh so freeing i honestly hate school so much lmao it'll be suchhh a relief to be out of that hellhole. me and my best friend had a sleepover last night and we made a cake with a stripper rat on it (no context xx) and watched some movies and yapped for like 2 hours. we cleared up some stuff that went on in our friendgroup last year which was SUCH a relief and we just yapped so much i love 1am talks they're so perfect and they always clear everything up and get things off ur shouldersss. then we fell asleep with her cat cuddled in between us purring like a literall machine!!! idk if i'll regularly use this blog but this was nice to write i love you all <33

today was surprisingly good considering the hate anons, school was eh and gracie presale selling out made me sad but other than that!! it was vv sunny today which i love i love spring sm!! also i talked to zel lots and that was so funnn i love zel sm (luzel lovers cult 🩴for the win fr) I honestly don't have much to say except it was a rollercoaster of a day but overall it was good <3

today was also a lot, one of my best friends wasn't at school :( and i came home to some complicated stuff when i really just wanted to relax which was pretty eh but i'm not going into details with that. we got our new english lit teacher today and she's boring as hell it's driving me insane she doesn't let me listen to my music :( on a positive note, i wrote zel this little (me when i lie i yapped so much) letter and i think it was really sweet and that just made me happy i love writing letters <3 i also planned my hypothetical trip with my friend to go see gracie and i'm so hyped for that even if it doesn't happen the excitment is sooo real rn!! we figured out costs and stuff yk, i loveee planning trips!! right now i'm looking forward to the hypothetical gracie trip (ignoring its in april next year IF it does actually happen) and formal!! i'm wearing this dark blue dress and going with all my friends i'm sooo excited!!

today was a lotttt and im not going into detail, but it's okay cause i stayed home from school cause my best friends weren't gonna be there and then i just worked on my art portfolio and a study plan (spent most of my time distracted on here but oh wellllll), i miss zel sm but its okay bc missing people means i love them and that's nice <3 i spent time looking for a job and trying to convince my mum to let me go to gracie, i think i'm almost there!! and i really want to go bc if i do i get to go with my friend and i could also meet jae if she goes which would literally be the best thing everrrr!! so hopefully i get to gooo <3 today i'm looking forward to tmrw cause my best friend who's been away on a sports tornament doing refereeing gets back and i can't wait to see her!! i'm also sooo hopeful about the gracie situation!! overall today has been a stressful day but my life is slowly going uphill bc of spring and everything <333