self-fulfilling prophecy

“  something  is  seriously  wrong  in  your  head,  ”    dark eyes roll, though it would be a lie to say she is not amused by his excess.  it seems almost funny to her that they would hoard something as frivolous as a figurine just to keep others from enjoying it.  they’re different in this way.  siggy’s home is filled with nonsense that feeds his online shopping addiction while isuzu lives light.  even with the family’s riches at her fingertips, she tries to keep nothing she could miss if she were to one day leave home and not return again.  she leans in, peering at the phone screen, contemplative thought blooming at the tip of her tongue,    “  but,  if  you  do  sell  them  out,  i  want  one  as  a  reward  for  having  to  hear  about  it.  ” 

if  she  were  a  good  person,    if she really cared about tohru, she would have just kept her mouth shut.  she would have kept the distance she designed for herself, would have never grown comfortable seeking solace in the other’s embrace.  but isuzu has never been terribly good.  no, inside of her, like a cavernous hole that knows no end, there has always lived a black heart.   she lost control once before.  before hatsuharu, the world was dark and cold.  he bled color into her miserable life and took it with him when she left.  yet this girl, in all her warm stupidity, forever blossoming like sakura in the spring, somehow managed to bring that color back.  how could she let this happen again?  “  why  are  you  asking  me?  ”    the words bite as she shakes the hand away from her shoulder,    “  i  wouldn’t  know  anything  about  that.  ” in all her selfishness, she never imagined she would be the source of tohru’s tears.  she has tried so hard to be good this time, really, and still she comes up short.  all her life they’ve called her useless girl and all her life they have been right.  the only thing left to do now is shut her out, disappear from her life, make sure it cannot ever happen again. “  just—  just  keep  your  big  feelings  and  your  big  heart.  i  don’t  need  your  love  anyway.  i  don’t  want  it.  ” 

“  it’s  fine,  ”    her posture quickly straightens.  it should not exhaust her so much, merely taking a calm stroll in the shade.  but it does and the last thing she wants is for tohru to notice.  it makes her uncomfortable  —  how much the other cares.  she isn’t used to the feeling and fears she will end up abusing it if she allows it to go on for too long.  that’s just the type of person she is.    “  i’m  fine.  really,  i  am.  ” she slows to a stop, head falling so that her dark mane settles over a gaze downturned. “  but,  i’m  sorry,  for  talking  badly  about  the  cat.  ”    the words sound foreign on her tongue.  there is no one other than this outsider that could ever ease an apology out of her like this.    “  i  guess  i  just  don’t  get  what  you  see  in  him.  ” i  guess  it  makes  me  jealous.

“  no,  i  don’t  think  that,  ”    she says in a huff, returning the shorter’s gaze before quickly averting her eyes.  the strange heat that rose before has not cooled down and she can sense still the pink in her cheeks.  it embarrasses her.  it scares her.  isuzu frowns, eyes rolling,    “  but  listening  to  a  loser  like  kyo  won’t  get  you  very  far,  either.  you  really  should  be  more  selective  with  who  you  trust.  ”  

a  flash  of  bouncing  blonde  barrels  toward  her.    isuzu barely has time to recognize what is happening before he closes in, so close his outreached hands could touch her shoulders if he really tried.  it is with little care for luke’s safety that her own instincts kick in and the heels of her palms connect roughly with his chest.  she shoves him back with such force that he stumbles several feet, falling to the ground.  perhaps she should feel guilty for responding so cruelly to his affections but, really, he shouldn’t have tried to hug her. “  we’ve  had  this  conversation  before,  ”    she says, voice unaffected by his shock.  it’s not her problem that luke tends to forget.    “  don’t  touch  me.  ”