I WON’T BE LEFT BEHIND AGAIN.

HUB RULES

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@darkheartedprince​ said:  ". . . You are my brother . We're twins . As of lately it feels like we couldn't be further apart . . . " Riku said quietly as he held the back over his shoulder . " . . . I  think it would be best if I went to Terra's . . . and this time , I'm not coming back ."

‘ wait !! ’ 

&  all too  suddenly  ,  he feels like a  child  again  ,  waking up to find that his brother had disappeared  ,  that sora had  ,  too  ,  that his friends were leaving him behind.  his hand shoots out faster than he can stop it  ,  grabbing riku’s wrist  &  hanging his head.

isn’t this what he wanted  ,  to be left alone  ,  to not be able to hurt anyone anymore ??  wasn’t that why he’d left ??

so why did it  hurt  so much  ,  to think about being  truly  abandoned  ??

when he  speaks  ,  his voice is small  ,  shoulders trembling  ,  &  still he doesn’t lift his head  ,  too afraid of what he’d see if he looks riku in the eyes now. 

‘ i-i know....i know i’m selfish, a-and i’m not good with words, and i always....always put my foot in my mouth.  i know i’m not smart, or strong, or-or even a good person anymore, but.... ’ 

his eyes shut tightly as he feels them  watering  ,  he won’t cry  ,  he  can’t  cry.  but kaito doesn’t let go  ,  either  ,  can’t make himself do that. 

‘ don’t....don’t leave.  please. ’ 

the voice that comes out feels too young  ,  nearly  sounds  too young to be his own  ,  &  his hands shake slightly.  he really  is  selfish  ,  to push people away  &  then ask them not to leave.  good people wouldn’t do that  ,  good people wouldn’t do  anything  he’d done  ,  which only further cements it in his mind as the truth.  he’s not a good person  ,  maybe he never was  ,  but he can’t  stand  being all alone like that again.  he finds his voice  wavering  when he speaks  ,  free hand curled tightly into a fist at his side. 

anonymous said: 💌 to Sora love letters.

Sora,

It’s been.....maybe seven months since I saw you last.  And, for what it’s worth, I’m....I’m really sorry.  About everything I did and said and just....I’m sorry.  I didn’t want to hurt you, or Riku, or Kairi, or anyone.  I don’t know why I let her get in my head, I just....I did, and there’s no excuse for it.  I doubted that people cared about me....and I hurt them.  I’m not....This isn’t me asking you to forgive me ( I know you did, I know you would, I wish you wouldn’t ), just that....I owe you an apology for it.

Anyways, I, uh.....I ended up in Corona for a while.  It’s nice here.  It’s quiet.  

I miss you.  There’s....There’s a lot I haven’t told you, maybe somethings I should’ve before you died disappeared, but....You know me, coward through and through.  And....you’ll never read this, so it doesn’t matter what I say here, this is just....so I can let go, I guess ??  Something like that.  I don’t think I’ll ever let go of you.

I, uh....For a really long time, I....God, this feels really weird.  I’m not good at talking about my feelings why am I acting like you’ll read this, you won’t, it doesn’t even matter

I love you.  There, I said it.  I’m hopelessly in love with you, and you disappeared, and God knows I’ll never say it out loud, so this was pointless.  I love you, and I hurt you, and I’ll never tell you how sorry I am or how much I love you.  It’s just not one of those things that’s gonna happen, y’know ??

But I think about it sometimes.  I think about me and you, in the future.  It’s stupid, I sound like a schoolgirl with a crush, but....I really used to.  Not that it....really matters.  You didn’t really look at me, so....That’s okay.  You have your eyes on someone else, and that’s.....It’s fine, really.  I just never learned how to look away from you.

I just.....More than this being an anti-climactic love confession, I miss you, Sora.  More than anything.  I don’t care if you’re mad at me for what I did or if you never wanna speak to me again, at least you’d be here.  At least you’d be home, be safe.  As long as you’re here, as long as you’re happy, I.....I’m okay with being in the background.

I wish you’d look at me, even if I’m selfish and stupid and hurt people sometimes.

I’m okay.  Yeah, that’s...the best way to put it.  But you’ve got people waiting on you, so.....you should come home soon.  I’m still talking like you’re gonna read this, I’ll just burn it instead, so you’ll never know about it or what I said

Actually, I...I told Riku to give you this letter when you get home.  Can’t stomach giving it to you myself, I really am a coward.  So I guess.....when you read it, come find me, if....if you wanna talk about it.  Or anything.  And if you don’t, I....understand, and that’ll be that.  So....

I’ll be waiting for you to come back.

@darkheartedprince​  said: "You don't get to be mad at me !" from here.

‘ you don’t get to tell me what i can or can’t feel !!  especially when you keep following me, even though i think it’s pretty clear i didn’t want to be found !! ’ 

kaito’s never  liked  being angry  ,  can’t even say he’s all that angry  now  ,  but at least he feels  something  .  his hands curl into fists at his sides  ,  jaw set  tightly  .  this was  exactly  why he’d left  ,  why he’d wanted to be  alone  ,  all his presence seemed to do was cause friction  ,  cause  problems  for people.  he couldn’t even fix  this  without fracturing things further  ,  he was only meant for  destroying  things  ,  it seemed. 

‘ you didn’t have to come here.  you could’ve just....left me alone, left me in peace. ’ 

his anger fades into  exasperation  ,  all he wants is to  stop  ,  to live like he had been  ,  in silence  ,  in  peace  .  here  ,  there was nothing for him to break  ,  there was no one for him to  hurt  ,  that was what he wanted  ,  what he  needed  ,  why he left again. 

‘ why did you come looking for me anyways ?? ’ 

it’s tired  ,  he’s  tired  ,  &  although he can’t  really  force riku to leave  ,  he  wishes  he could.  the forest here is  quiet  ,  peaceful  ,  &  the shore isn’t too far away  ,  just like at home. 

@ventcs​ said: " you waited for me? ” from here.

‘ not like i had much else to do. ’ 

he kicks at the ground with his shoe slightly  ,  hands shoved  deep  into his pockets.  a  nervous  smile plays on his face  ,  it feels sort of  lame  to admit that  no  ,  he didn’t really have anything better to do with his time than wait for people to come back.  keeps his eyes on the ground for a moment before  slowly  lifting his gaze to meet ven’s  ,  a light  flush  covering his face now.

✰ – ✰ “ It’s been a while since you’ve talked to someone ? ” 

Ven asked with a slight tilt of his head to the right . He looked at the duck then looked at Kaito , starting to smile as he got an idea . He hoped it was a good idea . He thought it seemed like one and it was one that he thought would benefit them both .

“  How about I give you my number ? That way , you can talk to me whenever you want ! No matter it ‘s about , even if you just want me to come play with Otika for a bit . How’s that sound ? ”

Tiny fingers gently pet across the little duckling’s forehead as he prepared to answer Kaito’s simple , but loaded , question .  

“ I keep finding them at the pond . ”

‘ i....yeah, s-sure. ’ 

he blinks a few times  ,  almost  owlish  in nature  ,  &  he’s certain his wide eyes  &  red face aren’t helping matters.  his fingers gently stroke along the duckling’s back  ,  which seems to content him  ,  &  he nods  ,  as if to supplement his  previous  answer.

‘ so you....just keep taking them home ??  do they think you’re they’re mother or something ?? ’ 

he could  sort of  see the resemblance  ,  given ven’s  fluffy  hair  ,  the poor ducklings might get confused.  he laughs a little at the thought  &  smiles  ,  a  real  one for once. 

✰ – ✰ THE SMALL BLONDE BLINKED as he looked up at the other . It seemed like EVERYTHING he said made his cheeks grow redder and redder in colour . Soon , he’d be a strawberry , if Ven had ever seen one . He watched the little duck then watched Kaito , checking to make sure he didn’t overwhelm him by the whole thing . 

Grant , he called him  ✰ c u t e  ✰ and that alone seemed to overwhelm him . He didn’t understand . Aqua calls people cute all the time and they never react like that . 

Maybe he did it wrong . 

“ I think you’re plenty good at it ! ” He smiled as he looked at Kaito , “ You’re welcome ! ”

‘ you think ??  it’s, ah.....been a while since i really talked to someone. ’ 

it’s accompanied by an  awkward  chuckle  ,  &  kaito keeps his eyes focused on the duckling in his hands  ,  who seems quite content being held for the moment.  he’s not good at taking  compliments  ,  or having  friends  in general  ,  let alone ones who were so...  good  .  he clears his throat before he says anything else  ,  but what even is he  supposed  to say ??

✰ – ✰  VEN NODDED TWICE at the mention of the little animal that was now placed in the other’s hands . He hoped that he would like him , he even tried to find one that had eyes like Kaito’s so that they could be twins .

“ Mhm ! I named him Otika – It’s like your name but all jumbled up ! I came up with the name all by myself and – ”

Ven blinked  ✰ t w i c e ✰  as he watched Kaito’s reaction , thinking he had said something wrong . Unsure of what to do , he simply took a step close to close their distance and put his hands over Kaito’s to close the little duck in a safe space . 

“ I … hope I didn’t say something wrong . Anyway, you’re welcome . ” 

he’s not very  good  at this  ,  any of it.  he feels his face turn even  redder  when ven puts his hands over his own  ,  &  the duck makes an  odd  noise.  maybe the poor guy’s  claustrophobic  or something.  kaito swallows thickly  ,  turning his face for a moment as he feels the flush spread up to his  ears  it feels like.

‘ n-no, it’s....it’s fine.  i-i’m just...not good at this. ’ 

a moment of pause  &  kaito moves his hands to look at the  duckling  he’s holding.  it’s  cute  ,  really  ,  but he doesn’t know the first thing about taking care of him  ,  not really. 

✰ @islandleft​ gets a tiny thing <3 

✰ – ✰  SMALL STEPS carried Ventus towards Kaito with a smile on his face and his eyes as bright as the sky . In his hands , a small  ✰ b a b y  d u c k ✰ that he had planned to give to Kaito . When he reached him , blush danced across his cheeks while he held the baby duck up in the air . 

“ Hi . I found him and thought he was cute , like you ! Would you like to have him ? ”

‘ a....duck ?? ’ 

not that he’s opposed to  animals  ,  not in the slightest.  but he wasn’t expecting to be handed a duck.  kaito supposed that  yes  ,  it was cute  ,  but---

wait.

like  him  ??  oh boy.  that makes his face turn  bright  red  ,  &  he nearly  drops  the poor thing in his shock.

‘ me...cute ??  i-i don’t....i-i mean, uh.... ’ 

a few more seconds of  stumbling  before he catches himself  ,  cringing slightly at the way his voice cracks. 

@darkheartedprince​ said: you take the things you love and tear them apart. from here.

‘ shut up. ’ 

it’s  cold  ,  just like the tide that laps just out of reach of his feet.  he doesn’t have to turn around to know who’s talking  ,  &  he doesn’t  care  to be lectured by his brother today.  his face is hidden in his arms  ,  knees drawn up to his chest  ,  he doesn’t want to be  seen  ,  doesn’t want to be  noticed  .

of  course  it would be his brother who found him.

‘ not like you haven’t done the same thing. ’ 

that  ,  kaito supposed  ,  was truly their link.  so self-destructive in nature  ,  they don’t know what to  do  when they’re handed something good  &  told that they  deserve  it  ,  that they deserve  this  instead of the things they’ve been through  ,  &  are deserving  despite  the things they’d done.

how could riku blame him  ,  then  ,  for doing what he knew best. 

@avulsusprinceps​ said: Sunflower (Kaito) from here. sunflower :   what brings your muse the most joy in life ?

anonymous said: 👉👈 Kaito <3 from here.

✰ – ✰ Ven nodded at the name , thinking about it and how it sounded to his ear . He didn’t quite know why he was being stared at . Maybe there was something on his nose and that was why Kaito chose to touch his in return ? He had a lot of thinking to do on that matter . Bright , doe eyes blinked  ✰ t w i c e ✰ before he decided to speak . 

“ Has anyone told you that you have a nice name before ? ” He asked as he looked up at his new friend . 

He rubbed the back of his neck under his blonde hair then looked around .

“ I don’t think I’ve ever seen you before either . I guess , we both get to meet someone new today , huh ? ” Ven smiled , rocking back and forth between the balls of his feet to his heels and back . 

He thought about the question at  ✰ h a n d ✰ then nodded , thinking about Sora. 

“ I don’t know who your brother is , but I do know Sora ! Is your brother … ” He studied Kaito for a moment as he tapped his finger to his own lips , “ … Riku ? I know Riku ! He’s close to Terra ! ”

‘ yeah.  twin, actually. ’ 

kaito nods  ,  unsure of the expression he’s making when terra’s mentioned.  he doesn’t  hate  him  ,  not necessarily  ,  but he’s not quite as  fond  of him as his brother is.  still  ,  he only offers a shrug  ,  hands settling in the pockets of his jacket  ,  watching ven shift on his feet as he speaks.

‘ but, uh....no, i don’t think anyone’s said my name is nice. ’ 

he smiles  ,  &  feels a little  awkward  in doing so.  he doesn’t know many people  ,  he’s not  comfortable  with a lot of people.  he used to be good at this  ,  getting along with people  ,  but now he just feels out of place to say the least.  still  ,  he tries  ,  he figures that’s enough for a first meeting. 

@ventcs​ said: “Everyone I love leaves..” from here.

‘ ....i know how that feels. ’ 

he doesn’t  mean  for it to sound so  bitter  ,  so  jaded  ,  but he can’t help but think that way  ,  feel  that way.  he’s been left behind too many times for his taste  ,  he knows too well what it’s like to have your last memory of someone be their  back  as they walk away.  it  hurts  ,  &  it started so  young  that kaito thinks that he’s lost count of the people who  haven’t  left him at some point.

if it wasn’t so  sad  ,  he’d almost find it laughable.

‘ it...it sucks, doesn’t it ??  being left behind by someone you care about ?? ’ 

deep in his heart  ,  kaito knows why  he  was left behind.  he doesn’t like to say it  ,  no one  likes  to admit the hard truths to themselves  ,  but he has to accept that what he was  ,  what he could offer  ,  none of it was  enough  .  &  it made him  angry  at one point  ,  made him want to  fight  to  prove  to the world  &  himself  &  everyone  who ever left him behind that he  was  enough  ,  he  would  be enough.

now  ,  knowing that he’ll  never  be enough  doesn’t make him angry.  it doesn’t make him  sad  or lonely or upset.  kaito’s not sure he feels much of anything about it anymore.

or maybe he just doesn’t feel anything at  all  anymore.

sighing  ,  he closes his eyes for a moment  ,  letting his head rest against his knee  &  keeping his eyes on the ground.  ven reminds him of  sora  ,  &  he wonders if one day  ,  ven will leave too.  they all do  ,  they always have.  one day  ,  he’ll go somewhere kaito can’t follow  ,  &  maybe he’ll come back  ,  or maybe he won’t.  when he speaks again  ,  his voice is smaller  ,  he almost feels like a  child  ,  waiting for someone to come home.