* fastest man alive.

why are you worthy of the myth?   independent, private, & selective barry allen from dc comics & the cw’s the flash. extremely slow & super low activity, highly canon divergent. written by juli (she/her, 29). here for a clown time not a long time.

the first thing barry notices that's out of the ordinary is that the bunker is too quiet. there's no familiar sound of felicity's fingers dancing across the many keyboards, no sound of diggle standing at the metal table checking the state of his weaponry, no sound of @oliverjonas —

" what the fuck is wrong with you ? "

spoke too soon, barry thinks to himself as he turns slowly ( translation: a normal speed to everyone else ) towards the annoyance that he has become so accustomed to. when he sees oliver, barry doesn't speak straightaway. nor does he even greet the hero whose lair he's just waltzed into unannounced. instead, in a blur of movement, barry finishes all the food he's holding, until there's nothing left but him and a cup of chocolate shake. one that he purposely slurps extra loud just for it to echo in the silence.

BARRY & IRIS, as told by t.s.

everything has changed,   cause all i know is we said hello and your eyes look like coming home / you'll be mine and i'll be yours / all i know since yesterday is everything has changed

you are in love,   pauses, then says, “you're my best friend” / and you knew what it was; he is in love / you can hear it in the silence / you can feel it on the way home / you can see it with the lights out / you are in love, true love

lover,   have i known you twenty seconds or twenty years? / can i go where you go? can we always be this close forever and ever? / take me out, and take me home / you're my lover

invisible string,   time, curious time gave me no compasses, gave me no signs / were there clues i didn't see? / isn't it just so pretty to think / all along there was some invisible string / tying you to me?

this love,   this love is good / this love is bad / this love is alive back from the dead / these hands had to let it go free / this love came back to me

whose ass is the best (cisco claims it’s his, ralph claims it’s his, chester agrees that it’s cisco’s, barry just stays quiet because he knows he has Nothing)

could the flash beat the road runner (barry and chester says yes, ralph says no, cisco starts working on a road runner simulator machine)

who’s the best character on mario kart (barry swears up and down for toad, ralph is a dirty waluigi user, chester favours bowser, and cisco goes for good old yoshi)

can you really do a backflip (everyone @ ralph)

the arrangement of the periodic table (ralph is never around for this)

THE BIG FAT DCTV DIVERGENCE:   VILLAINS EDITION. written by the condiment clowns / @speedprofessor​

(disclaimer: fuck the cw, first of all. second, yes we did rewrite the later seasons and yes we did give the show a proper “ending”, in a sense, despite it still airing. no we don’t care for canon in this house: it’s tumblr rp, we’re just here for a good time. thirdly, fuck the cw.)

this rewrite is based off the idea that the show runs for a total of ten seasons, each with a major villain (some having two). i’ve set this out so that it covers a general backstory of each villain, with links to logs written by nerdy. if there are any questions, feel free to ask!

01: EOBARD THAWNE / REVERSE FLASH. status: alive.

in earth prime, eobard just hangs around. flash museum sugar daddy by morning, designated babysitter by afternoon, menace by every other time.

02: HUNTER ZOLOMON / ZOOM. status: presumed dead, stuck in the speed force.

after hunter zolomon’s defeat, he becomes the universe’s equivalent of black flash (but doesn’t go by that name because that’s a garbage name and he isn’t important enough for us to rename him).

03 (a): ALBERT DESMOND / DR ALCHEMY. status: incarcerated.

during an archaeology dig in india, julian albert stumbles across an artefact known as the philosopher stone, rumoured to be created by the first meta human. unbeknownst to julian, the stone housed a great and powerful entity. in releasing the stone, julian also released doctor alchemy into the world. in flashpoint, julian albert goes by albert desmond and is a villain, and when alchemy took over his body, he got access to that version of julian (hence why earth-1 julian doesn’t remember events when they happen). alchemy’s main goal after being released is to create a metahuman army using the stone, using the metas of flashpoint who’ve lost their powers as a starting point.

wanting to harness more power for his stone, alchemy tried to utilise star labs. in doing so, it opened a new portal and an individual escaped (team flash were too busy fighting alchemy to notice the anomaly).

03 (b): EDDIE THAWNE / COBALT BLUE. status: deceased.

cobalt blue made himself known after the defeat of alchemy. a speedster who gains his powers from the philosopher’s stone, he’s able to utilise the stone to create hard constructs (similar to the green lanterns & their rings). cobalt blue ends up being the flashpoint version of eddie thawne, who remembers the flashpoint universe due to the stone, and grows to resent barry for taking his life away. as a way to inflict the most pain on barry, eddie goes for iris.

barry defeats both alchemy and cobalt blue, and throws the stone into the speed force in hopes that with it being there for eternity, it can no longer be used to cause chaos. in doing so, though, he unknowingly releases another new threat into central city.

04: CLIFFORD DEVOE / THE THINKER. status: deceased.

after his reign on central city, clifford devoe’s chair remains on display at the flash museum, under the hall of villains.

05: SAVIT’R. status: alive, just chillin’.

when barry traps the philosopher’s stone in the speed force, he sets another speedster free. savit’r, the creator of the philosopher’s stone, is released from his speed force prison. after being released, he lays low for about a year (during which the thinker reigns chaos the city), getting used to being thrown into a new time / world.

the first time he meets barry is in prison, during his incarceration courtesy of the thinker. barry of course does not realise who savit’r really is, and savit’r pretends to be oblivious too. savit’r remains in prison even after barry gets released, and it’s where he spends majority of his time during the thinker’s enlightenment.

then the thinker is defeated, and it’s a stormy night, and when a perfectly aimed lightning strikes savit’r’s cell, he gets a vision from the future. an oncoming crisis, red colouring the worlds as they disappear one by one. when the dust settles from the storm and the world goes quiet, savit’r’s cell is empty.

due to getting the vision of crisis, savitr believes that it’s his duty to prevent it from happening, and to do so he needs to create a metahuman army (similar to alchemy, but where they differ is that alchemy wanted to destroy the world, and savitr believes that an army will help prevent the crisis). however, unlike alchemy, who only gave powers to those who had them in a different timeline, savitr attempted to create new metahumans. his method worked with those that had a dormant metagene, but when he tried it on those that it didn’t, it ended in their deaths.

one of the humans that savit’r killed in his quest was grace gibbons. this caused her uncle, orlin dwyer, a meta created by savit’r, to become consumed with grief and rage, leading him to create the lightning dagger, a weapon that was used to destroy metahumans. he gave himself the name cicada, and managed to kill a few metahumans before savit’r caught wind of what he was doing and ended his life.

06: RAMSEY ROSSO / BLOODWORK. status: incarcerated.

ramsey rosso is currently held by a.r.g.u.s., living out the rest of his life with hlh.

07: MAR NOVU / MONITOR. status: unknown, presumed dead.

there isn’t much to say here because this arc covers the events of crisis on infinite earths and its aftermath. the paragons defeat the monitor with the help of eobard as harbringer, barry disappears into the speed force after sacrificing himself, earth prime is created, and the tornado twins are born. everything that happens post this is set in earth prime, and after barry comes back.

08: EVA MCCULLOCH / MIRROR MASTER. status: alive, in the mirrorverse.

while team flash are investigating a new threat in central city, iris and team citizen are uncovering the secrets of mcculloch technologies. this causes her to have a run-in with eva mcculloch, who plays the role of a victim of mirror master, before pulling iris into the mirrorverse.

the whole plot of barry not knowing that it’s the real iris? we don’t care for that shit here. instead: barry knows that the real iris is trapped in the mirrorverse, but can’t find a way to bring her out. he learns the real identity of mirror master, and barry and iris work from either sides of the mirror to bring her down.

the entire plot about the speed force being gone? trashed. the speed force doesn’t just disappear. barry doesn’t lose his speed. they manage to break iris out of the mirrorverse with the wellses’ sacrifice, and when she comes out she falls into a comatose state. the spark between barry and iris happens and is the catalyst to wake iris up.

inspired by barry & iris’ love, eva decides to return back to the mirrorverse to start a new world, one that’s born from love and not anger or hatred. after eva’s return back into the mirrorverse, the device that the wellses used explodes and sends a form of energy into the sky, splitting into four different colours: red, blue, green, and yellow.

09 (a): MEENA DHAWAN. status: alive.

meena dhawan is a scientist that works at mercury labs, and the creator of project: godspeed. the intention of this project is to understand the mystery behind the flash’s power. as part of her research, she uses test subjects (who wear the same suit as godspeed in the show) to go against the flash. her study is fuelled by the traces of speed force that remain on the corpse of cobalt blue.

other members of mercury lab find her work to be less than ethical and decide to involve the police. one of the detectives tasked with investigating project: godspeed is august heart. however, instead of condemning meena’s achievements, he offers his assistance and the two begin working together on the project. the more meena researches about the speed force, the more she realises that there are other aspects to it.

to further her research, meena also creates a device with the intention of using it to track force users. however, once the device is ready and set to be used, she starts having doubts, realising that maybe there is more to the picture she’s missed. in her hesitance, august activates the device, which results in an explosion.

after the explosion, meena shuts down project: godspeed. instead, she focuses on gaining more information about the other facets of the force, and in doing so, comes across the speed force formula. she gains super speed through this formula, and continues to run tests on herself to better understand the effects of the speed force.

09 (b): AUGUST HEART / GODSPEED. status: alive, lives in opal city.

after setting off the device and causing the explosion, august heart unknowingly unleashes a wave of speed force energy and it enters him, making him a speed force conduit. with this newfound ability, august attempts to run back in time to save his brother who was murdered. however, things went wrong and instead of running back in time, august destroys the force barrier, making time travel impossible until it was fixed.

an encounter with the flash makes august have a change of heart, he sacrifices himself to fix the barrier. unable to relocate his body, team flash presume he perishes in the sacrifice, but unbeknownst to them, after sacrificing himself, august gets stuck in the barrier, able to escape only after the realities were shattered from paradox’s abilities.

after his return to life, august relocated to opal city in hopes of starting a new life.

10: VIRGIL ROSS / PARADOX. status: deceased.

virgil ross was one of the victims of the particle accelerator explosion back in 2014. however, his symptoms weren’t physical and he never thought to question the strange gifts he had been giving (chalking a lot of it to too much caffeine or lack of sleep or bizarre dreams). he remembered everything. every single anomaly: a tsunami on the verge of destroying the city, the omen of red clouds. even in a timeline that wasn’t supposed to exist — he remembered it all. every mistake, every erasure, every fix. it was exhausting trying to find a rhyme or reason as to why all these changes happened, yet his family still remained dead.

with a new grasp on his power, virgil takes on the paradox moniker, and runs back to where it all began. however, this creates a rift in reality, and the rift grew and became unstable. 

unable to stop him alone, barry calls in reinforcements — from keystone city, from earth two, from earth three, from opal city, from mercury labs, even from eobard thawne. there were even calls to the rogue gallery, who contained the damage in the city as the speedsters went to fight paradox.

aka i’ve made lengthy posts about these over the course of 6 years of writing barry but for the sake of my sanity i’m just going to summarise

henry & nora allen met in seoul, south korea. it’s where they got married and had barry and where they lived for the first few years of his life before moving to central city.

barry and iris didn’t live together after nora was murdered. he moved in with another friend of the wests & allens: the fryes. despite not living together, barry and iris still spend most of their time together, and still develop that friendship similar to canon!

barry doesn’t tell iris he’s the flash not because joe tells him not to, but because every time he tried, something came up and the moment is lost. eventually, he thinks that not telling her will keep her safe and all that fun jazz.

wally west is not iris’ brother but her nephew. joe and francine had rudy west before they had iris. nothing else changes between the barry / wally dynamic but it’s just a fun little twist than what the cw did because i hate the cw.

the entire flashpoint arc is rewritten but i am too damn lazy to talk about it but also nobody cares anyway!

savitar!barry does not exist on this blog. it never exists and if you bring it up around barry he will stare at you like you’ve grown a third arm. flashpoint!eddie thawne who takes up the role of cobalt blue is the big bad instead.

barry & iris’ wedding gets interrupted by the crime syndicate. fuck outta here with that n*zi bullshit. oliver and felicity don’t get married at the same time. after the crime syndicate is defeated, barry & iris have a small ceremony and then have a vow renewal ceremony a few years down the line.

barry sacrifices himself in the events of crisis on infinite earths and is stuck in the speed force for fourteen months. in this time, nora allen is brought back due to cosmic forces and it’s only when she asks eobard to kill her again that barry is brought back.

barry and iris have twins and their names are nora & joseph west-allen (because what we’re not going to do is erase the west family from this narrative). they’re born while barry is in the speed force post coie, and he comes back when they’re 7-8 months old. as the twins get older, eobard thawne and jay garrick train them (eobard with nora, jay with joseph) alongside barry.