Chaos Theory by tessacrowley
Chaos: When the present determines the future, but the approximate present does not approximately determine the future. One gene varies, one neuron fires, one butterfly flaps its wings, and Draco Malfoy’s life is completely different. Draco has always found comfort in chaos. Perhaps he shouldn’t.
“Draco, are you all right?”
Draco looks over at Harry, but he can’t answer.
“You have made yourselves enemies of the state today,” Professor McGonagall says somberly. “You have slung the first spell in a war. There will be dark times ahead.”
Harry pulls his hand from Draco’s and swipes his thumb across Draco’s cheek, smearing the tears that Draco did not realize were there. Draco leans into his hand and shuts his eyes.
“There are those that say despair is only a state of mind,” Professor McGonagall continues. “Those people have never fought in a war. Despair is fearing for your life, for the future and safety of your children; despair is taking a stand against the evils of the world while knowing that it may not make a difference. Despair is war.”
“Human consciousness is a miracle,” Draco says.
“But there are things worth fighting for,” she says, “worth dying for. And despair, at its very blackest, is a reminder of those things, in the same way pain is a reminder of being alive.”
Draco closes the gap between them and buries himself in Harry. He breathes in the scent of cedar and soap and relishes in it.
“All right, hugging is nice,” he says. “I don’t quite understand why it’s happening, but it’s nice.”
“Find what you fight for and hold onto it,” Professor McGonagall says. “And when you despair, remember it.”
“I love you so much,” Draco says into Harry’s chest.
“Draco, are you really all right?”
“I’m wonderful,” he says, and he is. He is a part of a grand, chaotic, impossible design. He is despairing and hopeful and shattered and whole all at once. He is the universe experiencing itself.
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