This blog is for encouragement, support, comfort, advice, or to talk about anything on your mind thatās been bothering you.
Thereās important information below, so please read it before sending in asks!
Preface: I am in no way a licensed professional or psychologist. I simply study psychology and want to share the things Iāve learned or have experienced with other people as someone who struggles with mental health issues themself.Ā
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Please DONāT:
Seek this blog out when you are in a life-or-death situation, just witnessed a traumatizing event, have just gone through a traumatizing event, or are about to hurt yourself or someone else. Get off of Tumblr and call for help immediately.
Confess to crimes in which you have hurt others.
Confess plans to hurt yourself or others.Ā
Share another individual's personal struggles without their knowledge and consent.Ā
Ask for a diagnosis or medical advice.
Harass, make fun of, or judge someoneās morals or character based on an ask publicly.
Send joke asks.
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Anon asks will always be available. This is not an organization or group. Anything you decide to share will always remain within the parameters of this blog. I will always listen to you as a person and not as your actions.
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As a reminder, July is disability pride month! This pride month, I want us to especially think of:
Those with long-term/worsened disabilities because of their parents telling them to just work through it/get over it/"it's not that bad"
Those with disabilities stemming from childhood abuse
Those who know that they're disabled or suspect such, but can't get it diagnosed or checked out because of their parents/guardians disapproving
Those who know/suspect that they're disabled, but won't be diagnosed or checked out because they're "too young"
Those who struggle in or had to drop out of the harsh and mostly unaccommodating school system because of their disability or disabilities
Those who were lied to or not told they were disabled growing up so they could be raised "normal"
Those who have their privacy and autonomy violated as a combination of being disabled and being a child, as both of those groups are seen as not deserving their autonomy
Those who are disabled or had their disability (or disabilities) worsened because of the school system pushing them too far
Those who feel that they can never be one of the "normal" kids and that they'll always be isolated because of their disability or disabilities
Disabled folks who don't know or didn't know much about their disability as a kid because doctors would only explain to the parents/caretakers and no one bothered to talk to you
All disabled children having to deal with the intersectuality of being oppressed by both ableism and adultism.
Happy disability pride month and please start treating children and disabled people with basic respect and dignity!! They are autonomous beings! Act like it!
Happy Disability Pride Month everyone! I think now would also be an appropriate time to explain why Iāve been dormant here. Itās not for a lack of passion.
For a year and a day now, Iāve been āsickā with some kind of near-debilitating stomach issue. Constant pain and discomfort, and rapid weight gain and loss from being unable to absorb any nutrients. Recently, weāve started to suspect itās endometriosis, and not actually anything to do with my stomach. Itās been hard. Thinking about having to live like this for the rest of my life is really upsetting to me, and itās hard to feel happy about it this month.
If youāre disabled or have a chronic illness and youāre going through similar feelings, you arenāt alone. You donāt have to feel guilt or shame about it. This is your life, and your body. Itās okay to have feelings about them, whatever those feelings may be. Itās also okay to grieve the time and energy that your disability or illness have taken. Be gentle with yourself. Especially now.
any advice? Iām starting college soon and they have resources for mental health support which I desperately need, I donāt feel comfortable letting my parents in on my mental health struggles because they arenāt great when it comes to some of the conditions I show signs of (I mean what do we expect from the woman who basically insinuated that she doesnāt believe maladaptive daydreaming is a real issue. You know, to her son who shows VISIBLE signs of it).
so like I know that Iām gonna probably rely on those resources a lot since theyāre available and since Iām an adult now they canāt tell my parents really anything without my permission, my only concern is, how do I be honest without getting hospitalized? Iāve struggled with suicidal and homicidal thoughts in the past and am really only 5 months clean from self harm. I know these thoughts and urges havenāt just magically disappeared they just donāt work that way and I know they will come back from time to time and Iām worried about being honest about them because I donāt want to get hospitalized because thatās something my parents will find out one way or another and I donāt want them to know about this stuff. Iām afraid if I express any thoughts of harming myself or others Iām either gonna be walking a VERY fine line or just get hospitalized and I want to know how to avoid this.
Hi there. Congratulations on starting college, first of all! Iām very proud of you!
Unfortunately, though, Iām not sure that I have a lot of good advice for this. With mandated reporters, you have to be Very careful about what you say to them. Itās a terrible feeling, and an even worse system we have set up. Iāve had experiences with it myself that still affect me to this day, even if I wasnāt institutionalized. If youāve ever lied to a mandated reporter, thereās no shame in it. Iāve lied too. We have to, if we want to keep ourselves safe, as backward as it sounds.
I think, for this, reaching out to your community would be your best shot. Finding other people who have similar mental health struggles that can give you advice on what they did in the past to cope, and talking to anonymous hotlines for guidance and support without having to worry about having the cops called on you.
Iām not saying to avoid talking to a therapist at all. Therapy is incredible, and admittedly I need one too. But for people like you and me, it can be potentially dangerous. Iād recommend asking about or looking into something called āurge surfingā, and also for advice on how to cope with obsessive compulsive thoughts, and intrusive thoughts. I think this may be what youāre experiencing.
I apologize again for not having anything very positive to say about this. Itās hard, and I know how dangerous it can be to get reported. But I hope I was able to help even a little.
so how do I deal with the paranoia of believing someone will doxx me? Like I kinda brought it on myself, I made a really heated statement abt the whole TME/TMA discourse bc I was really pissed off that it was still happening and if you ask me the distinction is bs because itās so black and white and I think as long as society CAN perceive you as trans, you are affected, but I guess people arenāt ready for that conversation. I also just know that whole thing has been used to try and claim trans men and trans mascs donāt experience any intersectionality between transphobia and misogyny which makes me extra mad as a trans man. I was extremely angry and a little tired that day and made a really heated reply because it pissed me off, and someone proceeded to reply by basically talking to me like a child (which considering they called me a guy Iām assuming they checked my profile which makes it clear that Iām an adult), trying to basically say that trans men and trans masc donāt experience such discrimination and I tried to reconcile the situation by explaining that yes, we do, but because I was angry, tired, and nervous and experiencing some dissociation I worded myself really poorly and they replied today and I saw it when I got up so I did the thing I honestly shouldāve done when they first replied and blocked them. Thing is Iāve heard so many horror stories of people trying to defend their nuanced stance in discourse get doxxed and harassed for it and even though I know they wouldāve done it the first time not wait for me to reply and then doxx and harass me, and theyāre blocked, Iām still paranoid theyāll find a way to doxx and harass me. Like I doubt they will, logically like they had all this time to do so and theyāre blocked didnāt why would they do it now? And again I have them blocked, not fool proof but it would make it harder to actually do anything, but my brain just doesnāt want to let go of the idea that they might.
First of all, getting doxxed or harassed will never be your fault or a reasonable response to something you may have done. Even the worst people do not deserve that kind of behavior. But blaming yourself isnāt a reasonable route to follow either, even if that may feel the most familiar and comfortable for your brain and body. Itās important to try and redirect these thoughts and avoid blaming yourself for something that hasnāt happened.
Paranoia is incredibly scary and exhausting to feel. I have bouts of paranoia from ocd, and I understand how incredibly easy it can be for your thoughts to spiral completely out of control. Trying to reel in disastrous thinking is one of the hardest things to do on your own, but from the message you sent me, it looks like youāre already trying to self regulate and control your thoughts through logical thinking. Iām really proud of you already for that alone. Genuinely.
Again, youāve already started to do this, but itās important to challenge your thinking and stop it short before they start to build. Being doxxed is, as you said, a horror story. Itās the absolute worst of the worst situation anyone could go through. Getting into an argument online while you were tired is not going to result in a catastrophic, worst of the worst situation. It just isnāt. One of my previous therapists stopped me in my tracks when she pointed out that I was making my worries so grand and catastrophic and final that I was thinking about my own death. The worry that started it? Going to college. For you, all that happened was an argument online. Remember the big picture.
It also sounds like you may be going through something else that is worsening your paranoia. You may be neglecting other, urgent needs while youāre stuck spiraling. For me, it helps to put my phone down for the rest of the day and attend to all of the warning and distress signals my body has been sending off. Sleep, eat, drink, and move your body. Do something else that doesnāt center your focus on the trigger for your paranoia. Being in the same place that started it constantly is only going to make you further deteriorate. Get offline. Your brain needs to.
As a fellow trans man, you are my brother, and I love you. You are not alone. You do not have to destroy yourself fighting. Itās okay to take a break. There are plenty of us around to pick up the mantle you left until youāre ready again. You canāt take care of others if youāre killing your spirit and mind. Iām proud of you.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
ā Live Streamingā Interactive Chatā Private Showsā HD Qualityā Free Actions
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Itās good to celebrate acts of self care. Tell me something you did to care for yourself today! For me, I went to the gym, took a shower, and changed my sheets.
Thereās unfortunately still so much stigma around people who are struggling with addiction of any kind. So much so that I believe a lot of those ideas have been internalized by even folk who have addictions themselves.
But recently I learned something in one of my classes that really struck me, and I hope itāll reach you in the same way. Anxiety fundamentally changes your brain. Hereās some excerpts from my notes: āPrefrontal cortex (PFC)-Involved in logical responses and reasoning. Anxiety can shut down the PFC, hampering logical thinking and rationalizing. Amygdala- Responsible for responses to fearful stimuli. In persistent anxiety, the amygdala increases in size, boosting response to scary stimuli.ā
Addiction can cause anxiety disorders, and anxiety can make you more prone to addiction. Itās extremely common. But now with this information, I can safely say that none of what youāre going through, struggling to quit, relapsing, even getting addicted in the first place, is not your fault. You are literally fighting your brain and the way itās been set up to function.
There is no honor in shame, and there is no honor in suffering. Please, be easy with yourself and others. Think of relapse not as a āstreakā you lost, but as a marker for how long you were able to go. If you made it 3 days, thatās okay. Letās see how far you can make it this time.
Actually, you are enough. Even if you donāt work. Or study. Or go out. Or have friends. Or have family. Youāre enough because you exist and your existence is enough to be enough because you are not a product. You are not a sum of output. You are not a task to complete. But because you are something the universe wanted and put here even if youāll never understand why. Somewhere in the cosmos your existence makes a difference, even if itās not the way others existences do.
No matter how old you are, itās okay to not know where youāre going in life, or what you want to do. Itās okay to never know. And maybe that sounds a little rich coming from someone whoās already on a career path, but what I think not a lot of people realize is that thereās more to life than having a career. Or a job. Your work isnāt going to be your whole life. You have to come home from it eventually. No one ever truly knows what they want to do with their time here. Being alive is a huge responsibility, and a hard one at that.
But the good thing is that no one else can ever be alive for you. You can do as much or as little with your time. Go as slow or as fast as you want. Be as certain or uncertain. As long as youāre happy with how youāre spending your time on earth, thatās all that matters. As an animal, your purpose is to be born and stay alive. And youāve already done an incredible job at that. The rest of your existence is purely for you to have fun with.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
ā Live Streamingā Interactive Chatā Private Showsā HD Qualityā Free Actions
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I thought I would give a little update on my study progressā¦ Iām currently learning about drugs and behavioral science in relation to their psychological effects on people! Itās really quite interesting and Iām having a lot of fun with it. My professor is great as well, which makes a big difference.
is there a way to determine if what I'm feeling is limerence or romantic love? it gets really confusing for me since the concept of romance is like, latched onto my brain like a parasite making sure I can never not think about it.
its just challenging because I'd do anything for this person, like Ive only ever known them online, we started as bluesky moots then someone invited me to a server she was in and we've gotten a lot closer since then and I'm so confused. like I'd do literally anything for her, no matter what, as long as she was happy and safe it wouldn't matter what I had to do, I'd do it. I want to say I love her but I'm unsure what specifically I'd mean by it. I cant tell if I'm just desperate for attention and validation from her because, yeah shes a talented and skilled artist and I'm invested in her characters and lore, but also shes just a cool person, shes fun to talk to, and she has a great sense of humor, and most of all shes kind and friendly. idk, I just don't really know what I'm feeling because of how my brain works and I wanted to know if there was anything that could help.
I feel itās important for me to say this, but I am aromantic and do not have much personal experience on romance/feelings of infatuation. But I will try to help as much as I can! I highly encourage others who may have more experience than me to add their thoughts as well!
From what Iāve seen, limerence is marked by extremely intense feelings of obsession, an increased state of euphoria, adrenaline, anxiety, and sometimes even dread, that the potential relationship is doomed to fail. But you still canāt let go of the fantasy of a relationship with the person youāre infatuated with. Limerence has all the same effects on the brain that being in love does, EXCEPT for one key thing. And that is the LACK of hormones that make you feel safe and bonded around the other person. This is what makes your adrenaline and anxiety spike. Many people have described being in limerence as feeling like theyāre constantly high, on edge, and even on drugs or a stimulant. Youāre never able to relax or rest around the person when youāre in limerence, because that person can almost become an addiction to you, in a way.
I hope that, at the very least, seeing limerence as described by other people who have been in it is helpful to you!
hey, idk where else to talk about this cuz I have likeā¦ no one in my corner and I have a lot going on right now and Iām not in a situation where I can really get help. Iām having a lot of stress and anxiety over some recent events in a server Iām in, I feel like I made a lot of friends in that server and itās always felt like a safe place for me where a lot of people understand me and share my interests (since itās a fandom dedicated server and all) and recently the server owner left the server and deleted the section dedicated to the fandom the server was founded on and Iām really scared partially because of abandonment issues. I donāt want anyone to leave and I donāt want to lose this space and Iām worried about what will happen to the server now. No one is responding and I asked what happened because I canāt find the server owner in the memberās list and because of the one section that got deleted and Iām just terrified. I donāt know what to do.
Hi my friend.
Firstly, Iām so sorry youāre going through this. Losing friends, even online ones, can be extremely painful. Being stressed out and anxious like you are is a normal response, and you have every right to feel that way. You might even want to take some time to grieve, and thatās okay too. You lost something important to you, and itās good to acknowledge and care for yourself and ease yourself out of the negative feelings you experienced.
But itās important to remember that, from what you told me, they havenāt abandoned you on purpose. It isnāt your fault that this is happening, and you havenāt done anything wrong, nor do you deserve this. This also isnāt the end for you. There will always, always be new people to love you. There will always be new people who care for you and who want to get to know you, and who value you and your thoughts. Especially in a fandom space where youād found your previous friends.
Having to let go and lose someone or something you care about is difficult, and itās okay to struggle for a while, or even to never really āget over itā completely. But loss invites new friends, new people to love, and new people to love you. There will always be people like you out there, no matter what.
You will genuinely never be completely alone in this world. I can assure you that.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
ā Live Streamingā Interactive Chatā Private Showsā HD Qualityā Free Actions
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Whether it be from depression, a sickness, or something chronic, sometimes you can tell when things are going to be harder for a while. Hereās some things you can do that might make it a little easier to go through.
Take everything youāre going to need with you.
If youāre going to be lying in bed, take the essentials to your room with you. Bring any medications, pain killers, etc, and have them somewhere nearby that you can access easily every day. Stock up on nutritional and easy to eat snacks. Fill up your water bottle and/or bring disposable plastic water bottles with you. Have menstrual products nearby if you need them as well. Disposable wipes, floss, tongue scrapers, and deodorant can also be extremely helpful.
2. Cater your environment.
Make sure youāre in an area youāre going to be comfortable and safe in. If you have anything thatās remote controlled, like a heater, keep the remote nearby or in bed with you. Keep trash cans or garbage bags nearby so things donāt end up on the floor. Make sure youāre going to be okay and have the right supplies if you get too hot or too cold. Bring things like compression socks, heating pads/blankets, neck/back support pillows, etc, if you can or do need them.
3. Take as much time as you need to recover.
The recovery process looks different for everything and everyone. Listen to what Your body needs, and allow it that time to rest. You canāt always bounce back immediately after things, and thatās okay. It shouldnāt be the goal. The only thing of importance is that you remain safe and comfortable until you feel better again to return to your regular life and routine. Thereās no shame in recovery. Thereās no shame in having different needs. Thereās no shame in having a different body.
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