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@ironfettered
don't be scared someone will find out
they already did

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snow has scattered upon night
wrapped the halos, wrapped the winds
veiled heavens, time and nightmares
reality and dream have merged, yet they still thought:
Β«we will survive; we'll push a minute into mud
we'll trample era into mire
for we'll never break that spell
of endless februaryΒ»
i've always been in the room
can you feel my presence?
one more endless day of centennial rain
one more ruthless day of ancient fog
somewhere far away, there's a place
that still remembers your light dreams

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Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β Β αΒ Β Β Β Β Β αΒ Β Β Β Β Β α
the snow will melt into silt
and i'll dive in the puddle
to contemplate the flowers wilt
and my memory beginning to muddle
until i behold my home built of guilt
until i fade in my lovely cradle
Closed world, wounds open.
Open world, wounds closed.
the snow is purple, the iron is pink, the sun is black. it's light is ashen and dull; is suffocating and baneful. cough is snow-white, bone-white.
witness the sunrise while the light corrodes your eyes, while the blood still flows. and then the blood turns black, and I get lost on a well-troden path. and the purple snow is no longer purple, the pink iron is no longer pink, the world is closed, and the wounds are open. i don't understand and i don't see, i withdraw into myself like a timid onset of a muddy february morning.
i withdraw into myself, withdraw into the murky smoke of factory chimneys, in the cage of my desires for something more. to see more ahead than the yellow traffic light plate that had replaced the blackened sun, and to be something more ahead than i am now.
but i will never be able to transcend the limitations of my capacity, like night giving way to day. my mind is heavy and wrecked, tearing me down. like a petroleum, it pollutes my clear eye.
i can't become something more, but the world can.
i was looking up from below
i was watching the light sparkling; i was watching the snow covering the trees, covering my soul
i was watching, until the light blinded me; i was watching the snow, until i bowed down to snow blindness
and then, as i remained blind, as something inside of me, that used to be my soul, metamorphosed into snow blindness,
i realized that someone is looking at me from below
July 5th, 2009.
Dear diary,
Lately it smells like meltwater in the morning. My mom says that I'm going to catch cold because I always sleep with my window open. But I'll tell you a secret that I'm not sleeping at all. I like to stay awake all night through and go to sleep before birds start singing. I like to read about constellations in the Internet and I have noticed that I can see the constellations of Orion and the Pleiades out of my window. I love to talk to the stars and tell them my secrets. The stars are very old, they're older than my grandma and grandpa, so they must be really wise. And when the stars disappear, the glass butterflies show up and fly into my room. But I already have friends β the Orion and the Pleiades, and these butterflies are friends of my cat Susie. They like to play together and Susie never gets her claws out when plays with butterflies.
Today, my mom and I are going to hang a birdhouse on the tree so that birds can live in it. This birdhouse was made by my grandma and grandpa. My grandma wants me to wear my hair into braids WHENEVER I go out of home. And she pulls my hair very hard when she braids it, so sometimes I don't untangle it at night so she won't braid it again. But then she scolds me because my hair got tangled up.
I've been watching a lot of 'anime' lately. I heard about it on a forum in the Internet. And I REALLY want pink hair because of an anime character and I tried to make my mom buy me a hair dye, but she said it's silly. And when I showed her that beautiful girl with pink hair from anime, she said that I've already grown out of these cartoons and I have to wise up. She also starts this 'dear, you-have-to-wise-up' thing when I refuse to eat onions. It's like I'm going to grow up as soon as I stop watching anime and start eating onions. It makes me kinda sad, because I love anime and don't love onions. I don't want to grow up, because then I'll have to eat onions.
Power Transmission Pole Lines rise above Sky, rise above God.. Birds frolic in between their Metal branches, and Petroleum flows between their Metal roots. . ..

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you're finally home! we missed you :)
light is spreading over the Incorporeal substantial matter
as the watercolor stains are spreading over the incorruptible water
over the flatness of canvas
the light forces three-dimensional
to become flat
light is alienated with the inward drift
-- and that's why it's not flat
because everything that light touches, everything that light spreads over
becomes that way
but light doesn't become that way
light is not like that
have you seen the stellar bulge?
volume in a layer of plastic galaxy
four-dimensionality in a layer of plastic flatness
the light cuts through the layers of flatnesses
this is diffraction, β with each cut through, it acquires new volumes
new dimensions
five-dimensional six-dimensional seven-dimensional eight-dimensional
the light does not flow inward
either it's so insolent
either it's worried about itself
or maybe it just can't - too many dimensions
even for the light itself
but do you see
that light
is not jagged?
the light does not know itself: it knows its "I" is empty, it does not distinguish between "I" and "not-I"
the lighte isn't contemplates and the light does not contemplate itself
as different
as distinct
as personal
therefore his gaze is directed only outward
light is only a impersonal perceptive eye
that does not look back at itself
into itself
I do not think that there is nothing that can be looked at
since it is impersonal and different and indistinguishable
there is something too multidimensional
even for light itself
light is the absent core
in its own and collective
co-conscious world
the path of light is great
diffraction is the pursuit of dharma
wave-particle duality is the artha
dispersion is the karma yoga
covered in dust and crucified on a cement wall
you, who walked here, did you hear me?
i thought you were deep in the heart of the woods, deep in the depths of the forests
but you appear to be deeper
i tried to scream louder, i wanted you to hear me. but no matter how loud i screamed, my voice couldn't reach that depths
so i screamed quieter and quieter and quieter. so quiet no one could hear, not even me
but you
veil their traces with soft Snow, veil them deeper within the ribs ov Permafrost

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me and real kitty!!!!
scaterred smoke upon the heaven mantles the sweet hereafter