Tony is Peter's dad

Steve: We were attacked while you were away.

tony: you got??? stabbed???

me: *emotionally detached, picky af, doesn’t go out at all, has disgusting habits, too shy to talk to anyone they find cute, etc.*

infinity war: *happens*

me: 

Voicemail #13

To: Tony Stark

From: Peter Parker

Hi, Mr. Stark. It’s 3:52 am and I’ve decided to give you a report because I’m still awake and I’ve got nothing better to do.

Um, what happened this week? I sat in front of a fire hydrant to prevent a truck from parking next to it illegally. It didn’t actually do anything because the truck didn’t see me down there and was about to run me over before I swung away and declared it a lost cause. I stopped a couple muggers, returned a missing cat, helped carry some furniture into an apartment, y’know, the usual.

Oh, and, um, I watched Alien last night. Real good movie, yeah, great. I mean, it was kinda intense but I liked it. It didn’t seem that scary, um, at 6:00 yesterday but at 4:00 right now… I keep hearing something outside my door and I know that it’s probably not an alien but, like, what if it is?

… I can’t take this anymore, Mr. Stark. I’m going to go investigate. If you don’t get another call from me, I’ve been abducted.

Natasha, interrupting: Who should I annihilate!

Gay Lesbian Homoromantic Bisexual/romantic Pansexual/romantic Asexual/romantic Demisexual/romantic Transgender Non binary Gender questioning Gender queer Agender Demigender Gender neutral (The list goes on)