iriswonggg : )

One day you’re going to meet someone who will love you unconditionally, accept all of your shortcomings and make you feel that you’re worth having. One day, someone out there will save you from loneliness you’re feeling right now and show you that in this life, we can be happy and be over the clouds if we want to. One day, someone will travel for hours just to hold you close, feel your presence and make you feel that you are worth travelling for. One day, someone will never get tired of loving you, pacifying you when you’re angry until you become okay, feed you with your favorite food and be your best friend at the same time. One day, this someone will walk down the aisle for you and prove that you don’t need perfect relationships, you just need to be contented and be grateful for what you have. This someone will be excited to spend the rest of his days being your lifetime companion. He will come, just be patient.

May 2017 be the year you stop standing in the doorway, and actually find the courage to take steps across the threshold into the happiness you so rightfully deserve to exist in. to live in. all the time, not some of the time. all the time.

Be like the ocean. Breathtaking to look at, strong enough to not be destroyed, and gentle enough so others find comfort in your presence.

When we are both older, you will wonder about what we could have been. You’ll see I am still charming in ways you hadn’t even remembered to remember. But to me, you will appear the same.

You can’t lose something that wasn’t ever yours. But I still feel I lost so much anyway. The strange thing is, it’s not the big things I thought it’d be. It’s just tiny little details. I’m gonna miss seeing your name pop up on my phone. I’m gonna miss that hour-long drive. I’m gonna miss when you’d hold my hand and my heart would race, even if I didn’t want it to. I’m gonna miss you, collapsed on top of me, and feeling your warmth. I’m gonna miss how it feels to have your arms wrapped around me. I’m gonna miss random conversations that were sometimes dangerously close to drifting beyond the surface. I’m gonna miss your voice. I’m really gonna miss your smile. But there’s nothing to miss, I guess. And you told me I have a right to be upset but the truth is, I don’t. You never promised me anything. I’m missing something that wasn’t mine.

I think the most difficult thing is wondering what he’s doing. If he’s with his friends, if he’s having fun without me, if his life is just going on as if none of those months we spent together meant anything. Or if he’s in pain. He’s trying to keep himself distracted. If he’s trying so hard to forget about me, but can’t. If he misses me every second of every day. And I don’t know which is worse, thinking about him not missing me at all.. Or thinking about him missing me, but he’s not doing a thing about it.

I am lost in my daydreams. Constantly thinking about how to fulfill my heart and my longings. It feels like I am wasting too much time. Time with people who actually hurt and destroy me. With being a perfectionist permanently trying to improve myself. I waste too much time with being egocentric and impatient. With arguing and dispute. With being sad and depressive. I am wasting too much time with criticizing myself and wanting to be someone else. I am wasting too much time instead of being happy. Instead of loving deep and completely out of control. Instead of experiencing adventures and late-night talks. Instead of dancing in the rain. Instead of moving to a big city. I am wasting too much time instead of living out my daydreams.