The Poly INTJ

INFP: male, husband of 8+years, monogamist, lawful good

ENFP: Trust me! I'm good at giving presents.

INTJ: *Grumpily opens gift* It's...

ENFP: I couldn't think of a better way to say I love you and trust you.

INTJ:... A key. You know what this means right?

ENFP: Uh...

INTJ: One day you'll come home and it will be slightly cleaner.

ENFP:...

INTJ: I mean, not technically.

INFP: Please do not say you pulled that "I might be falling for you" crud.

INTJ: No. I mean, yes? I mean- Well I did but the same night- I just haven't told him to his face!

INFP: *judgemental look*

INTJ: I mean, I told him I was in love with him while walking away (so I couldn't see his face) and in a note (so I couldn't see his face) and hinted at it over text (so I couldn't see his face). I just haven't looked him in the eye and told him, point blank.

INFP: You are soo awkwardly adorable.

INTJ: ENFP hasn't told me either! Okay. And I get it because he has a history of overwhelming people and scaring them off.(So now there's this odd space at the end of our conversations and neither of us wants to go first. What the f* is ENFP waiting on? Maybe he doesn't feel the same?)

INTJ: How long have you known?

INFP: Remember when ENFP got distracted and hadn't texted you for 24 hours and you called me on the phone stressed and in the middle of our conversation he texted back.

INTJ: Yeah.

INFP: You were do happy and relieved and frustrated and angry all at once. And I knew. I knew you loved him.

INTJ:... (I should be brave. But I couldn't bear it if ENFP doesn't feel the same.)

ENFP: Did you miss me?

ENFP: Yes! Thank you.

INTJ: Look at the bottom of the six pack.

ENFP: Uh...I already threw it away.

INTJ: What! There was a note there!

ENFP: What did it say?

INTJ: I'll make another... *hours later after several renditions of various handwriting attempts*

ENFP: Is that original?

INTJ: I mean, you threw away the original...

ENFP: You're never gonna let me forget that, huh?

ENFP: Yeah, although sometimes they forget.

INTJ: Ugh, I haven't even told them I got a tattoo a few months ago.

ENFP: You just say "I have a boyfriend and also a tattoo. Then the tattoo will be no big deal".

INTJ: Wait!? *big doe eyes* So you think of yourself as my boyfriend?

ENFP: I mean...uh...by the time you tell your mother...

*Next day*

INTJ: *You know, if I out myself on social media, then I won't have to keep explaining to my family and friends that I am polyamorus and not breaking up with INFP.*

INTJ:*shares image*

INTJ: I would like to update my social media relationship status.

INFP: Great idea.

ENFP: Go for it.

ENFP: Good morning! ENFP forgot his phone at home. - ENFJ

INTJ: Thanks for letting me know. Have a good day and I'm excited to chat some with you too!

INTJ: Makes sense. That's what I spend a lot of my alone time doing.

INFP: Right now I'm figuring out the 'why'. I don't know how to do that.

INTJ: ...What?...I...I don't understand. Do you, not do that, do people just not do that?

INFP: I mean, I know what I'm feeling.

INTJ: And...you just act on them?

INFP: Of course.

INTJ: Whaaaaat!? Clearly we have a different relationship with our feelings. Feelings are illogical. You have to find the meaning behind them. How can you get to what needs to be fixed if you don't know why you feel them?

INFP: How do you do it?

INTJ: Lately, a thesaurus. I name my emotion, read the definition and ask if it fits. If yes, why? If no, why not? If it's close but not exact I look at the synonyms and do the process again.

INFP: That's how you found the word chary?

INTJ: 10 am *calls INFP* It's been 24 hours. This has never happened before. Please! Help me understand!

INFP: *slowly walks INTJ through past social interactions, reassuring them*

INTJ: Sorry. I'm so bad at this. So... you think it's going to be okay?

INFP: Yeah, I'm sure he just-

ENFP: Sorry. I got distracted.

INTJ: 4am *Researches why people don't text back* *checks message connection* *checks text log* *rethinks past conversations*

INTJ: 5am If ENFP wants to text me, he will. I am an independent person. I do not need this clinginess. It is illogical.

INFP: Okay...

INTJ: Well you've dated a lot of people.

INFP: *glare*

INTJ: I've dated four. Also we both know I am bad at this. But I haven't known ENFP long.

INFP: You're not socially obligated to do something.

INTJ: That doesn't make me feel any better. Also, he's brought up the date. Twice.

INFP: *sighs* So it's clearly important to him. Does he like anything besides wine?

INTJ: He likes porters and hates IPAs- like you.

INFP: Great. I see where this is going. I'm going to have to go shopping for your boyfriend's birthday present.

INTJ: No. We have not agreed in the terms of our relationship and what we call it.

INFP: You date him exclusively, go over to his house for hours, text him throughout the day, deactivated your dating profile, and you have feelings for him. He's your boyfriend.

INTJ: No he's-