made of whimsy and fanfics

It wasn’t until one evening, when she was in the kitchen, sterilising the bottles, taking a moment to breathe where someone for once wasn’t asking her a million questions, all but pleading to hold the baby she wasn’t ready to part with quite yet, that Robert walked in- stood to the side, out of the way, just a comforting presence. She’d just finished placing the last bottle onto the stand before turning to him, a nervous laugh bubbling out that quickly turned to tears as she crumpled. 

He didn’t waste time, rushing over to her side as he guided her- back against the sink’s cabinet door- before shifting to squeeze in beside her. “Today was a lot.” He offered in a way of letting her know he was there, but not forcing her to talk. 

“It was.” She sniffled, eyes drifting to where Kaira was laid in her bassinet in the living-room. Everything felt overwhelming, she felt overstimulated and yet still felt like she had to keep everything together. “I just wish I could disappear.” 

Robert nodded at that, watching as she shrunk into herself, chin propped up on her knee as he said, “I get that. And it might feel…like a lot.” Courtney snorted as if to say, no shit, how are we even functioning enough to talk right now. “But hiding is temporary, it doesn’t solve the situation, just stows it away for a while. Setting boundaries..” he continued, “however, let’s you be her parent, we know what’s best for her and…it’s not being passed around like a hot-potato.” 

Courtney laughed at that, teary and quiet, but the panic that was building up had slowly started to ebb away at his words. “I hate this…i’ve never cared about what people think, I don’t know why I'm starting to give a shit now.” 

“Because, they’re…your first real family, other than Z. It’s normal to not want to piss anyone off. But until she’s old enough to say otherwise, we’re her voice. And it’s okay to do what’s in her best interest, even if that is telling them to fuck off. Okay?” 

“Okay.” She breathed out, sitting up, sliding her legs out in front of her as she turned to look at him. Robert looked at her, taking in the stained dark-grey shirt, her tired- beautiful- eyes, as he pushed himself off of the kitchen-floor, lifting a hand to push a violet strand behind her ear. Instinctively she leant into his touch, cheek resting against his palm as he traced his thumb across her jaw before slowly leaning forward, eyes drifting to his parted lips. 

He swallowed thickly, thumb still tracing her jaw as it trailed towards the corner of her lips, “Visi, are you sur-” a fussy whimper started up from the bassinet, saving both of them from ruining their co-parenting dynamic before it had really had a chance to begin. 

“I’m okay,” Courtney said to Z’s offer, Kaira still as fussy, as she’d been that day of the almost-kiss. And she was, it had been two-weeks since that conversation, when she’d started implementing rules that worked for her, and around her ADHD. 

Since then she’d been reading up on books written by neurodivergent parents, learning what works for her so she can be the best for Kai. And most importantly, she’d been able to find her voice somewhere in the midst of the sleepless nights. 

“We’re okay.” She said this time, whether for Kai’s sake or her own she wasn’t sure but the babe soon settled in her mom’s arms at the assurance, face-scrunched as she fell into a sleep Courtney could only hope would last longer than an hour. There was so much that needed doing, the laundry- that Zig had done most of, but the muslin cloths still needed to be put into the dryer, and she longed for a shower, or even just five-minutes to sit and do absolutely nothing- 

“Go take a shower, or nap, or just sit, watch something on TV, or even just sit with your thoughts.” Zig said, watching as Courtney tried to internally cram all the things that needed doing in a sparse amount of time, “but do something for yourself, whether that’s holding her or letting her chill in the bassinet.” 

She contemplated, just for a moment, then gently laid Kai down in the bassinet before settling down on the couch, Zig lifting her legs to drape them across their lap, as she nestled into the pillows with a sleepy sigh, “I don’t know what I’d do without you.” 

Zig gave her foot a gentle squeeze before tapping the side of it, “exactly what you’ve been doing, surviving and being everything that kid needs.” Beef stirred from where he was curled up underneath the bassinet, peeking an eye-open but once he knew Kai was okay he settled back down with a grumble. “It just so happens you have a team of people who are ready to babysit, if and when you need, so feel free to cash that offer in any time.” 

“Even when she’s up at two in the morning screaming the house down?” Courtney asked, forcing one eye open as sleep threatened to pull her under. It took minimum comfort those days to make her want to sleep anywhere and everywhere- least she had that in common with her daughter. 

“Especially then,” Z said with a grin, “I’d love another night-owl to stay up with and keep me company.” They shifted on the couch, sitting up straighter so they could drape the throw on the back over Courtney’s form. 

Courtney sighed, a smile on her face, as she cosied back into the pillows. “I’ll hold you to that.” She pulled the throw a little further up, snuggling into the material as the world slowly drifted out, and sleep wrapped itself around her. 

Though with the milestones, came the harder, less glamorous times of parenting. Arguments that were born from late-nights, as two sleep-deprived people- whose jobs were regularly dealing with high-stress situations- crumpled under the pressure of an irate infant. 

“Are you trying to wind her or give her carpet-burn?” Courtney hissed, watching as the heel of Robert’s hand rubbed down the back of her baby-gown, trying to coax the red-faced babe to burp. The friction from the rubbing clearly unsettled her more as she bawled against his shoulder. 

He looked up from where he’d just placed a gentle kiss onto the top of Kai’s head of hair, continuing the rhythmic motion with no luck, watching as a string of milky drool dribbled onto the muslin cloth, but otherwise nothing. “I’ve tried patting her back, done all the circular motions. She’s not having any of it and I don’t know what else you expect me to do.” 

Courtney frowned, hands itching to do something, to lessen their daughters uncomfortableness for her sake, and theirs. “Just give her here then.”

“I’ve got it handled,” he snapped back, swaying, and moving around the room as he took a breath. They were getting worked up because they were tired and no good would come out of snipping at each-other. Just awkward silences and an apology that would come in the morning, after consuming a copious amount of coffee. Still, in the moment, with a screaming baby and tensions running high, it reminded him of the days when they’d first met. How at each-other’s throat’s they’d been. “Look, I'm doing my best.” 

“Yeah, well maybe our best isn’t good enough!” Silence filled the room, Courtney’s abrupt words hanging in the air. Kai’s crying stopped for a moment, only the rain-pattering against the bedroom window able to be heard, before the squalling came back at full-force, her tiny fist scrunched around the cloth as he hummed softly to her. 

“Just…give me her, please.” She said again, more defeated, as Robert carefully transferred the babe over, her little head tucking itself into her mom’s neck as he draped the burp-cloth over Courtney’s shoulder. The palm of her hand rubbed gently down the back of her baby-grown, bopping slightly, as she tried to soothe her restless daughter. 

The bottle she’d yet to finish- an ounce left- sat on the nightstand as Robert leant over and switched on the lamp beside it, turning off the overhead lamp to create a calmer environment for her. “I know it sucks,” Courtney hummed, a pleading note in her voice as she started rotating the palm-of her hand in the opposite direction. Taking down an assailant? No problem. Burping a baby? Proving impossible. 

“Court just try and shift her-” Robert tried, stepping forward to take Kaira back. 

“I know what I'm doing!” She said, desperate, to prove herself capable or or desperate to just be allowed to try and work around this hurdle, she wasn’t sure but she could recognise she was getting defensive either way. “I can’t fucking concentrate on helping her whilst you’re stood there, just waiting for me to fail and getting ready to swoop in and save the day.” 

“That’s not what I'm doing.” Robert said, defensiveness dripping into his own words as he sat down on the side of the bed, giving her space but still there in case she changed her mind. “We’re a team, okay? I’m not out to get you. I’m not waiting for you to slip up and point the finger because that’s not what a team does. I’m here as support, for someone for you to lean on when shit gets hard. I’m not the enemy, Visi.” 

She stopped her ministrations, Kai’s cries turning into over-tired whimpers, listening to his words, letting them settle, as she realised all that time she’d been fighting him, she could’ve been working with him. It was all too much, she needed a minute, or ten to clear her head and come back. So she wasn’t overloaded with so much self-doubt and guilt. “I just…need to step out.” 

Her skin rippled, a mauve light dancing between her limbs as she turned invisible, hoping to go unseen as she’d slip out of the room. However, what her over-tired brain didn’t account for was the baby, still very much in her arms. The very baby, who from Robert’s perspective from where he was seated on the bed- trying really hard, because he was a good person, not to laugh- made Kaira look as though she was floating. 

He cleared his throat, bed-creaking as he sat up and walked towards Courtney, and his daughter who was defying the laws of gravity, and held his arms out. “Take as long as you need, I've got her.” 

Courntey nodded- or at least, he assumed she did, with her being invisible and all as he felt the weight of Kai being settled back into his arms, before moments later the sound of the bedroom door sounded around the room. 

He watched as she left, imagining her either going down the hallway to Zig’s room to cool off or taking a walk, before he sat back down on the bed. The bed creaked as he settled on the end of it, shifting his legs as he set Kai on his lap, supporting her chin and chest as he rubbed her back. It took a few more minutes and the start of He-man’s opening theme- which he of course aced doing the voice of, much like his solid Beef impression- before she finally belched causing him to grin ear-to-ear, and for her to let out a long, drawn out sleepy sigh. 

“Atta girl,” He whispered, adjusting her sleepy-form gently into the crib beside Courtney’s bed, her little fist wrapping around his finger as he smoothed down her baby-grow. He shifted to sit on the edge of the bed, stroking the back of her hand as he rested his chin against the wooden slat watching the rise and fall of her chest. “I know it probably looks like we don’t know what we’re doing. And just to be clear, we don’t.” He started, looking back at the closed door before back at his little girl. “And we might not always do or say the right thing, the first time, or even the twentieth. But we love you, so much. And we’ll always try to do our best for you.”  

He stayed like that for a while, moving to lay down on the bed as he held onto her fist through the slats, feeling his own eyes starting to finally give in when the creaking of the door promptly woke him back up. 

Robert turned, his finger still in Kai’s death-like-grip, in the direction of the door where an unseen figure crept through, the sound of her feet on the floorboard- and the fuck she muttered when she stubbed her toe on the bed post- giving her away as she settled onto the space besides him. 

He didn’t say anything, just turned his attention back to Kaira, her little laps smacking together in sleep making him smile before he felt a weight- her head- on his chest as his other hand instinctively settled against her back. No one spoke for a little while, just the downpour outside, and the picking up of the wind filling the otherwise quiet space. His hand traced down her back, feeling as she shifted closer into his hold. 

It didn’t magically make everything better, couldn’t patch up the words that had been said at breaking point, but it was close enough.

His hand drifted down his hoodie on her frame, which she must’ve borrowed off of the drying rack when he’d put it in the laundry the other day, it was still dry, which meant she hadn’t decided to take a late night stroll to clear her head, which only left- 

He broke the silence, watching as she became visible again, but still purposefully not meeting his eyes as he said, “Did…talking to Zig help?”

Courtney laughed, a little sad, but mostly filled with regret as she said, “they…rightfully ripped me a new one, laid into me that…I was pushing a good thing away. They weren’t wrong. I have been…pushing you away. And I don’t know why I'm trying to prove myself, or who I'm trying to prove myself to, but I'm sorry that by doing so, I pushed you away, when all you wanted to do was help. But yeah, it helped. Even if it was hard to hear.” 

He reluctantly untangled his thumb from Kaira’s grip, the sleepy baby none-the-wiser, as he turned on his side to face her mom, watching Courtney adjust her head on the pillow as they both took a moment to take the other in. He was laid there, white-shirt and boxer shorts, and she was wearing a black-tank top with his blue workout hoodie thrown over the top, with grey joggers she’d likely nicked from Z. They were a mess, five-seconds away from falling asleep, and much in need of a shower. 

“It’s…a dog.” Kaida said, looking at Zig unsurely at the snout peeking from under their jacket. The dog snuffled, burrowing itself further into Z’s warmth as its tired eyes fluttered shut. Its fur was matted with patches missing, fortunately it didn’t look too malnourished but Kai couldn’t imagine it would have lasted much longer if Zig hadn’t found it.  

“It’s a pup,” Zig corrected with a frown, “I saw him wandering around outside, pawing at scraps. We’re not too far from the main-road so someone must have dumped him.” Their voice had dropped to a sympathetic coo, as if the idea of being left on the streets to fend for themselves was all too familiar with Z. 

“Shroud will kill you, and it, if he sees that thing.” Kai hissed warily, the others were already out and about, obeying Shroud’s commands, but the two of them had stayed back, just to catch a minute alone when Zig had heard scuffling outside. And being the more daring of the two- though Kai would've died before she ever admitted it- Z had slipped their hands out of hers and gone to inspect. 

They’d followed the sound of the commotion around the side of the building, the distant sound of cars on the highway in the air, as they caught sight of the timid pup, gnawing at some rubbish spilling from a tipped over bin. It let out a warning growl, scurrying with its hackles raised to protect its food. 

“Easy, Easy does it.” Z hummed patiently to it, slowly parking their butt on the ground to not spook the pup. They rooted in their pocket to find the bag of Beef Jerky sticks they’d been snacking on throughout the day- they were made up of processed meat, likely not considered healthy for dog’s or pup’s- but great for luring, as they broke off a small piece in their hand and held it out in sniffing distance. 

The pup hesitated, skittish and unsure before slowly, one paw at a time, approaching, sniffing at their hand timidly. Once he was in-reach, Zig slowly closed their hand around the snack, before he could snatch it in his mouth, and used their other hand to rest against the side of his head as he leaned into it. “That’s it, good boy.” 

The pup after a while of gaining Z’s trust clambered into their lap, before allowing them to scoop them up into their arms and head into the building. 

“What Shroud doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” Zig answered back, holding the pup out in offering- their own eyes looking at Kai in a puppy-like way as the latter sighed begrudgingly, before taking him in her arms. 

Kaida reluctantly held the pup close, tentatively resting her chin on the top of his head as she murmured, “no, but what he doesn’t know always seems to come back and bite us in the arse.” 

Zig couldn’t argue with that, the man despised secrets, but had no qualms about keeping his own. They sank down onto the bottom bunk, Kai slowly settling beside them as they said, “we won’t keep him- unless you become so deeply attached that you’re inseparable." Kai snorted at that which made Z smile to themself before sobering up. “We’ll just keep him here, safe, whilst we figure out how to get him to a shelter, or find someone that will take him in.” 

Kai took that all in, they could easily slip-off route when Shroud sends them out, find the nearest animal shelter or rescue willing to take him in. She looked down at the pup that had curled up in her lap, content and safe. 

Zig smiled to themself knowingly, “unlesssss you’re already attached?”

“Shut up,” Kai huffed, with no heat, just rare affection as they looked up to Z. “Okay..” she breathed out, still not entirely onboard, but at least warming up to the idea of giving it a chance. Z tried not to look too excited. “We keep him here, a few days max whilst we try out the different rescues in the area. Hopefully someone will take him in, but if we can’t..”

“We will.” Z added, because they both knew, even if time ran out and they were left with no other option, they couldn’t put him back on the streets. They’d just have to play the most intense hide-and-never-go-seek with Shroud. 

They both looked up at the sound of footsteps, jostling the pup between them like a hot potato. It wasn’t until Courtney spoke that they visibly relaxed. She walked through the bunk hour, over to them as her eyes fell on the curled up being on Kai’s lap. 

“Holy shit, is that a dog?” 

That evening, once everyone else had retreated to their beds for the night, the pup laid at the bottom of the top bunk bed besides Z’s legs. His snout was pressing through the bed’s railings as he let out soft snores. 

“He kinda snores like you.” Zig lamented into the quiet of the room, grinning as Kai flicked the side of their arm, calling them a ‘dick’ before she curled further into their arms. “Wonder if he drools like you too.” 

“Fuck off.” Kai grumbled half-heartedly, sliding a leg over Z’s under the quilt. The taller of the two just grinned up at the ceiling, hand lazily stroking up and down the side of Kai’s hip. 

They stayed like that for a while, listening to the pup’s snores, the occasional rustle of sheets and the creaking of metal as others got out of their bed back from wherever Shroud had stationed them. It was one of the most peaceful nights they’d had in a while, as they laid there in each other's arms. So peaceful in fact, that Kaida was willing to break it if it meant they could plan more about the future, set the gears into motion and get out once and for all. 

“I keep thinking…” Kai paused, hating the fear of being vulnerable working its way up as she pushed through it, “about what we talked about the other night, what it means and…”

Zig didn’t say anything, just laid their hand over Kaida’s trembling one in encouragement, but also to take her time. 

“And I want it. All of it. I want…to reach out to Mandy and help her help us.” She paused, turning to the side, forcing herself to face Zig as she said, “but I need to know…is there an us? Because if I leave and you stay, and she wants to take down the Red Ring-” 

“Where you go, I go.” Zig murmured, serious and sure, into the side of Kaida’s head as they pressed a kiss to her temple- a small gesture that since their moment in Shroud’s office had become second nature to them. “Even if that means letting Mandy use us to get her program up and running.” 

Relief flooded Kai’s system as she shifted further into their embrace, her heart thrumming in a way that dangerously felt a lot like fondness. She turned to face the ceiling laying contently in Z’s hold. “Have I ever told you you’re the best?” She hummed appreciatively, tilting her head up to look at Zig who was already looking down at her. 

The quilt shifted as Zig propped themselves on their elbow, tilting their head to the side as if contemplating before shaking their head with a drawn out sigh, “you’ve called me many things,” they started, pulling a face as their nose scrunched. Kaida wanted to trace the freckles on their nose. “But I don’t think the best has ever been one of them. Maybe not the worst.” 

Kai grinned wryly, and Z wanted to pause the world, to frame Kai, relaxed, and looking at them like they hung the moon and the stars, in that moment forever. 

But, as the old saying goes, all good things must come to an end. 

Days went by, mornings and nights spent scouring rescues in their local vicinity, only to be told that they were at their maximum capacity of animals they could offer shelter too. It went on like that for a while, some of the centres were in a dire state leaving Z and Kai wary of leaving the pup there. Others were on the brink of going under with the lack of funding. 

Those days soon turned into a week. And with each time they were turned away, it was making the possibility of them having to keep the pup all the more likely. 

“Get back here you little shit,” Kaida hush-whispered, heart-in-her throat as she creeped down the hallway. One of the other teens gave her a funny look but she paid them no mind as she trailed after where the pup had run. He’d been left in her care whilst Z had headed out to nick some more dog-food. The stuff they’d stored under the bunk was running low. But lately he’d grown more confident and playful rather than tucked up at her side, which was how he’d ended up bolting it out of the bunkroom, starting a game of chase as she panickedly started after him. 

Kai skidded to a halt outside of Shroud’s office, the door open more than usual as she listened out for her father’s footsteps within, or the yelps of the pup but no sound could be heard. She wasn’t sure if that was reassuring or not. With a deep breath in she tentatively pushed the door open further, peeking around to see her fathers desk-chair empty- a small blessing- but the pup, cocking his leg and pissing on some fallen papers was not. 

Part of her was proud, it was a pretty clear message, the other part was shit scared because heavy-footed steps were coming down the hallway. 

“We need to go.” She whispered, a little more firmly as the pup’s ears pulled back, the universal dog sign for I know I did bad, please don’t hate me. He whimpered, laying down on his belly as she scooped him up. However just as she was about to head to the door it pushed open revealing Shroud stood in the entrance. With no time to lose Kaida rushed behind the door, watching as her father took off the prototype mask with a whirr and click of buttons before settling it on his desk with a thump. 

Kai internally pleaded with the pup, willing him to stay quiet as she watched Eli assess the state of his office. She held her breath, watching and waiting as he headed over to the clusters of paper with a frown. He knelt down to go and pick them up as she took the opportunity to slip out of the room, going unnoticed, and headed back to the bunkroom where she was going to renegotiate the terms of dog-sitting with Z. 

-

“He really likes beef.” Courtney said from where she was sitting on the pavement, the pup sniffing at the dog-friendly-chew-stick she was dangling from her fingers as he yipped up at her, climbing her legs as Kai rolled her eyes at the teasing. 

“Knock it off,” she said, plucking the stick out of Courtney’s hand before offering it to the pup who took it eagerly, strutting over to Zig as if to say- look what I got. 

Z looked from where they’d been peering through the animal rescue’s front-window, looking down at him as they grinned before sharing a look with Courtney over Kai’s head. Though she’d deny it vehemently the pup had grown to have a soft-spot in her heart, and though she wanted nothing more than for him to find a family, she knew it would be odd without him. 

The lights flickered on from within the building as Zig stepped back, the pup scurrying to hide behind Z’s leg as the front-door jingled before opening. An elderly woman, swamped in a knitted cardigan and glasses sitting on her nose, stepped as she looked over at the group. Zig was the closest to the door, the pup loyally at their side as he chewed on their shoe laces. Kaida was scowling at Courtney who was grinning from the floor, both of them having wound the other up and tussled- nipped, kicked and flicked. 

“Well,” The elder woman said, opening the door wider as the pup trotted in, little head held high as Zig shook their head and followed him in, letting him lead the way. “Come on in.” 

Kaida and Courtney followed, looking around the place. There were kennels and cages flitted all around the building, some holding dogs and cats that were sleeping and others containing parrots and cockatoos that were flapping their wings against the metal bars. 

“Thank you for taking the time to do this. I know you’re closed on Wednesdays.” Zig said sincerely, scooping up the pup, the reality of it possibly being the last time they held him becoming more real by the second. 

“Nonsense dear,” the woman waved them off, stepping closer to take a look at the little guy who tracked the older woman warily. It wasn’t until she offered out her hand, as he hesitantly sniffed it before pushing his head up against his hand, that Z knew they’d made the right call. 

After over half-an-hour of goodbyes- where the three of them had spent it sitting on the floor, as the pup had run between them, jumping and barking- they had left, with heavy hearts, him in the capable hands of the elder woman. 

Z led them all out, hands slipping into Kai’s as they turned down a back-alley, hoping it was a short-cut to get back home quicker. But if they’d stuck around just a minute longer they’d have seen a young boy, the weight of the world on his shoulders- finally taking Track Star’s advice about needing companionship- as he walked to the rescue centre, watching as an elderly lady was flipping the open sign to the closed sign. 

He’d left it too late and now he’d have to come back another day. 

He stopped, defeated, shoulders slumping as he went to head back the way he’d come when the door opened, the bell above chiming as the woman called out, “You looking to rescue?” 

He paused, inching his foot off of the road he was about to step onto and placed it back down on the curb. He turned around, double-checking to make sure she was talking to him, even pointing at himself for good measure- which she nodded at- before walking over to her, because it felt impolite talking feet away. “I was hoping to look around, but you’re about to close and-” 

“Come in,” she insisted, opening the door and he found himself gravitating towards it- whether it was because of the gentle air about her, or the fact it had been a long time since he’d had someone treat him with such kindness- he wasn’t sure, but he soon found himself stood in the rescue centre surrounded by more animals than he thought possible. It was a little heartbreaking the more he thought about it. “You’re eighteen?”

“Yes ma’am.” He said, pulling his driver-license out of his wallet as she looked it over, squinting, before handing it back to him. 

“Right, what do you have in mind?” She clapped her hands together, rushing- as much as her old age would allow her- behind the counter as she booted up the computer and looked at the available animals in their care. “A bearded dragon? A corn snake? Ooh a parakeet?” 

“Actually,” he said with a nervous laugh, “I was looking for something less eats mealworms and rodents and more…man’s best friend?” 

“A dog?” The woman said, raising one finely plucked grey eyebrow before going back to typing, “why didn’t you say so?” She shuffled out of the chair, heading on over to a crate where a pup, no older than a year-old was nestled in a bunch of blankets. “He was only dropped off half-an-hour ago.” 

“Hey bud,” The younger boy said, slowly kneeling down onto the ground, before sitting cross-legged on the floor, letting the pup take the lead. The pup slowly climbed out of the blanket mound and took small steps towards the opening of the crate. He plonked himself down by the opening, rolling onto his back as the boy grinned and slowly, put his hand through the crate and scratched at the pup’s belly. “You like that, huh?” 

The pup’s eyes flickered back contently, before rolling over and lapping at the side of the boy's hand making him laugh.

It took a few days- from the initial meeting, to following the shelter’s procedures on bringing an animal home- before the boy could finally call the pup his forever friend. It was restless, eager nights spent in his apartment imagining the space soon to be filled with the excitable little guy. 

Until eventually, after a week of waiting, Robert opened the door of his apartment- arms filled with a dog bed, treats, blankets and everything Walmart had to offer from the dog section- as Beef rushed past his feet, zooming around as Robert chuckled, shutting the apartment door with his foot. “Welcome on home, bud.” 

-

The day they said goodbye to the pup, was bittersweet as Kai laid on her bottom bunk after training, waiting to feel the lug jump up and curl up beside her- but the feeling never came. 

“Missing him?” Zig said, lifting Kaida’s legs to drape them across their lap. 

Kai frowned, offering a small shrug as she said, “A little. It’s going to be weird without him.” Zig nodded, looking around the room- coast clear- before shifting to lay beside Kai, settling their head on Kaida’s mounting of pillows. Probably the one and only perk of being fathered by Shroud was no one fought her when she’d taken three pillows. Small wins and all. She closed her eyes, hand instinctively drifting into Zig’s as their fingers slotted together. 

“When we get out of here,” Zig said into the crook of Kai’s neck, causing her eyes to flutter open, as they gave her hand a squeeze, “and get our own place…maybe we could get one?” 

“A dog?” Kai whispered, throat suddenly tight, because the shared-feeling of discussing their future felt surreal. 

“Unless you’re more of a cat person?” Zig grinned, to which Kaida shook her head, forcing a tear back into her now damp eyes before it had a chance to escape down her face. “Good, because I was thinking maybe a St. Bernard. A big, fluffy dog that leaves around impossible to hoover up fur, who loves to camp out by the fireplace, sprawled out on the carpet that we thrifted, whilst we sat on the couch, cosied up watching true-crime documentaries.” 

“That sounds…” like everything I've ever wanted. She wanted to say, like a dream that feels too good to be true. Was another. But she didn’t get to finish that thought as Courtney came rushing in- taking a moment to catch her breath- before blurting out. 

“Shroud’s sending us out on a job!” 

The job- as Courtney caught them up on it on their way over to the tech-company building- was simple, get in, get as many gadgets as they could carry, and get out. It was no different from the usual tasks they were given, and once Zig had disarmed the security feed there’d be no real threat, nothing tying them back to it- there and gone, just like that. 

But nothing’s ever that easy. 

Courtney was there one minute, gone the next as she rippled out of sight, invisible to all. Kaida and Zig watched from the opposite side of the street, hiding in the shadows, trying to watch as she climbed- undetected- through the first-floor window, that some worker had left ajar. She wrapped her hand around the fire-exit railing, using it, and the ladders, to her advantage as she reached the first-floor ledge before climbing through the window into an office-like-area. There were swivel-chairs dotted all around the place, partitions and computers all set up for a 9 to 5. 

If it wasn’t for her unbridled faith in Shroud she’d have questioned if maybe he’d sent them to the wrong location, but they were only on the first floor of many. Leaving no time to cast doubt when there was a job to be done, and gadgets to be stolen. 

She quickly got to work on switching off the alarm system that she’d triggered as soon as she’d stepped inside. It took a few minutes more than she’d have liked- tampering with the system of a tech company proved more difficult than that of lesser-job’s they’d taken on- to work around the box that wasn’t at all happy with her forcibly entering the building. She typed the code erratically, as the beeping grew louder, more insistent before it relented with a soft-click, an automated voice sounding over it. With that ticked off of their to-do-list she headed towards the window, popping her head out as she shot Kai and Z two thumbs up. 

“Ready?” Zig said, soon as Courtney gave the signal for them to move in. They walked across the road, sticking to the outer building out of view of the front-cameras before entering through the exit-door. 

Kaida nodded, following behind as they made their way up the staircase, reaching the office room Courney was in as Zig sat down at one of the computers, fingers flying over the keyboard as they hacked into the main-frame, shutting down the camera’s giving them fifteen minutes at best to do what they needed to do. Because once those fifteen minutes were up the authorities would be swarming the building, and they would kiss any plans they’d had for their freedom a sweet goodbye. 

Zig logged out of the computer, erasing any evidence they’d been there before racing up the steps- pausing every few minutes to let Courtney catch-up- as they finally reached the storage room. 

A giddy, adrenaline induced rush, rushed through the three of them as they stepped inside of the storage room and took in all of the gadgets and artefacts stored away in glass containers. Thousands, if not millions of tech at their disposal that would be going towards making Shroud’s mask. 

“We get as much as we can,” Kaida authorised. And they could all hear the words she didn’t say out loud, but not at the cost of our freedom. They both nodded, shifting around the glass-displays as they helped themselves, stuffing devices and contraptions into their inner and outer pockets before alternating directions and grabbing more. 

It went on like that for a bit, time pressing down on their neck, and they were about to make their escape, to flee back down the stairwell when Kai noticed another room off to the side. It was tucked away behind a few boxes, bigger than a janitor's office but tiny compared to the room they were standing in. 

Shroud had always been convinced that the Astral Pulse was tucked away with the new owner of the Mecha-Man suit, but the invention- the blue prints- had to be somewhere, and what better place for Robbie to have hid them in then the tech-company that donates their tech to the SDN. If she got her hands on it, she could leverage Shroud...

“You both go on without me, I’ll catch you downstairs.” She said, already making her way to the closed-off room, as Z whirled around from where they’d been about to leave the room, Courtney a few steps ahead. 

“We don’t leave anyone behind,” Zig said, bewildered, looking back to make sure Courtney was still there, before back at Kai who was inches away from the other door. “Kai, I'm serious, we need to get going.” 

The overhead lights flickered, dimming in and out before crackling and smashing as they stood, swallowed by darkness. 

Zig swallowed, reaching blindly for Courtney’s hand so they knew where one person was, “Kai? Kai, this isn’t funny!” 

A door creaked, its hinges rusted with misuse as a voice, familiar, usually so sure of herself, trembled.  

“Z, that wasn’t me. I didn’t open i- ngh.”

They say that when a person dies, in that limbo between our world and whatever lies beyond, they spend their last moments- seven minutes to be exact- reliving the entirety of their existence up until the point of their demise. It starts off as snapshots, first the earlier memories come, fading but still there, as the mind- in a last ditch effort to comfort the heart as it beats for the final time- plays them like an old video-tape. Then the more recent ones rush in, first kisses and triumphs, first heartbreaks and anguish.

Kaida’s seven minutes weren’t as grand, but no less meaningful. It started with her earlier memories, being propped on Eli’s work-bench, watching in fascination as he’d tinkered and toyed with his scraps of metal. Her mom, standing in the doorway shaking her head fondly as Mandy raced across the yard to reach them, grinning, ear to ear. But that memory came as soon as it went, fizzling out of existence like Kai soon would. The happier memories drifted away, giving away for countless nights of overhearing arguing, being tucked away in Mandy’s bed and protected by her older sister. Then the divorce, and the split of their family..

But in all of the pain and anger, there were happier times, created with a family of her own choosing. Not by blood, but by love. 

There were stolen moments with Zig, holding hands and sitting under the stars when being inside felt too heavy. Countless moments of bickering with Courtney, until Z would tell them to pack it in. It hadn’t been perfect, far from it, but it had been theirs. 

For one moment, as the knife embedded itself into her side, she watched Toxic- momentarily wide-eyed, a slight tremor in his hands pull it out- and as she brought her hand to the wound, feeling the blood coat her fingers, drip, drip, dripping onto the floor- she knew now, what one of her father’s monsters, his creations, looked like in the flesh. 

She staggered back, her legs no longer able to hold her up as she crashed down, knee’s buckling as she forced herself to look him in the eye. Because if there was one thing Kai would be, even when dying, it was refusing to back the fuck down in the face of cowards like Toxic.

And even now, despite her blood being on his hands, she didn’t sympathise with him, but she sympathised for the kid in him- who’d been misled by Shroud’s promises, believing that ambushing and taking out his ‘competition’ was what would win her father over. 

The moment that the coppery smell of blood drifted in the air, Zig’s heart dropped to their stomach, Kai’s stuttered grunt of pain playing on loop in their head as they rushed towards her, kneeling at her side. Carefully cupping the head she’d bashed on a glass-casing on her way down, they shifted her head into their lap- blood-sticking in her scalp as Z tried to keep it together. Toxic- who’d done what he’d set out to achieve, was already on the move, on foot as he raced down the stairwell, being chased by Courtney who- unlike Zig- was forcing her feelings into catching him, making him pay. But Zig couldn’t think about them, not when Kai’s eyes were becoming less focused, her blood seeping into their clothing as they shoved their jacket off and pressed it firmly against the wound. 

“Stay with me, yeah?” Zig said, through bleary eyes, blood gushing out from under the jacket- as it just kept coming, and coming. They wiped the tears that were tracking down Kai’s face as they forced themselves to smile, whilst cradling her dying form in their arms. Z had known pain, but none of it held a candle to the pain of watching her best-friend, the love of her life..slowly drifting away and not being able to do anything about it. 

“Z…?” Kaida croaked out, blinking through the fogginess as she forced her eyes to look up at Zig. 

“Yeah?” Zig whispered hollowly, if they closed their eyes, if they shut out the moment then they could pretend that none of this was happening, but Kai’s voice, pained, and wanting snapped them out of it. 

“C…can you t…tell me the…” she gasped out, breath laboured as she lifted her blood-soaked hand to Zig’s cheek, wiping away the tears that had started to fall, “t…the plans f…for when we g..get out of here.” 

They weren’t sure if Kai wasn’t aware of what was happening, or if she was aware and needed something to cling onto, to take with her, but Zig obliged, carefully stroking her hair back as they started, “w…we’re going to go off the grid, start fresh..” They watched as Kaida’s eyes fluttered close but her pulse- as fading as it was- still faintly thrummed beneath their fingers. 

“K…keep going…” 

“W ... .we're going to move…into a duplex-house, Court’s going to live with us.” Zig watched as the faintest smile worked its way onto Kaida’s face, so they kept talking. “We’re going to get a dog, a big, fluffy thing that loves to cuddle and takes up the whole place.” Kai hummed weakly at the thought, hand slowly dropping from Zig’s face. Z couldn’t stop the tears, they’d tried to hold them back but it was futile as tears dripped down their cheeks. 

“W…w…why a…are you c..crying?” Kai asked, hand reaching out blindly for Z’s. 

“I…I don’t know how to do this…” Zig confessed, “I don’t know how to do this without you. I don’t want to do this without you.” Their words were a plea and an admission all blended into one. 

Kai smiled sadly before wincing, desperately trying to keep hold of Zig’s hand, holding on not because she was afraid of slipping away, but scared for what her absence would mean for Z. 

“I…n…need y…you to…” she peered out of one eye, wanting to see Zig for the last time. “P..promise me…y…you’ll…k…keep..g…going.” Zig could hear what she couldn’t say, live our future for the both of us. 

“I will.” Zig said, because even if in that moment it felt impossible to promise, if a life without Kai in it felt unimaginable, denying a person’s last wishes on their death bed felt even more crueler. “I will. You have my word, okay?” 

Kai nodded in their lap, and Z for almost a moment could pretend that they were laid in bed, that they were watching her doze off, tucked safely in each–others arms but as Kaida took her last breath, body going still as a sound- inhuman and agonizing- tore out of Zig, what little hope they’d had left died along with Kai. 

- 

“You fuckers sure she’s yours?” Chase said quietly from where he was sitting in the living-room of Courtney’s house, on the arm-chair with the baby swaddled and nestled in his arms. He glanced up again- taking in Visi seated on the couch, Robert stood beside it with one hand on her shoulder, wearing his ‘world’s okayest dad’ shirt- before looking back down at the infant snoozing contently in his arms. 

“No, we actually switched her out and took this one when the nurses weren’t looking.” Robert deadpanned, walking over to the pair- minding Beef who was lounging in front of the fireplace- before gently lifting the babe from Chase’s arms as she let out a fussy whimper, which died away as he held her to his chest. 

“Smartass.” Chase grumbled, arms feeling oddly empty which Beef took advantage of as he jumped onto the older man’s lap. 

Visi and Robert shared a tired but contended look as the front door opened. Zig stepped into the house as they noted the people gathered in the living-room before looking at Courtney then the baby in Robert’s arms, “shit, you guys are back already?” They took off their shoes, and guitar case, resting it up against the grand-father clock before stepping into the living-room. 

“Yeah,” Courtney said, tilting her head back as Zig leant over the couch and hugged her from behind, “we got discharged earlier this afternoon.” 

“You should've said something, I could have got you a welcome home banner or something.” They frowned, giving Courtney one last squeeze before walking around to sit on the couch. 

Courtney waved them off, eyes never straying far from her baby before looking at Zig, “you want to hold her?” 

Zig looked unsure, since ... .they lost Kaida, they’d viewed their hands differently, as a marker of death, stained with blood that could never be scrubbed away, and holding something new, and fresh, that for now, remained untouched by the horrors of the world. It felt like they were setting her up to fail.  “I don’t know…” 

“If you don’t want to, you don’t have to.” Courtney assured, she’d never been much of a kid person herself until Kai came along, and even then her daughter was the only one she could get down with, so she wasn’t going to begrudge Zig for not wanting to hold her. “But if you do want to, then I want you to.” 

They couldn’t find the words but slowly nodded as Robert breezily transferred the babe into their arms, helping them support her head as Z blinked down at the infant. They just watched her for a while, the trust from Courtney allowing her to hold something so precious despite everything, and the easiness they felt once they’d allowed themself to just be in the moment, was nice. 

“What did you guys end up naming her?” Zig murmured, arms swaying gently, side-to-side as their eyes never left the blissed out sprog. 

Robert and Courtney shared a look before he gestured for her to go on, “Kaira.” Courtney spoke, the babe’s fist twitching, as Z startled. They looked up, eyes meeting Courtney’s not realising a tear had snuck out until it fell on their lap. 

“That’s…beautiful.” They said, earnestly as Kaira shifted in their arms, burrowing herself closer as she let out sleepy grunts. Robert gently draped her blanket over her, fondness and that new-dad glow about him as he resisted the urge to scoop her back up. 

“Tell ‘em what the last part of her name’s named after.” Chase said scratching behind Beef’s ears, as Robert looked to Courtney, to see if she wanted to say but she just fixed him with a warm look that said- your turn to share with the class. 

Robert laughed nervously, hearing Courtney’s shit attempt at calling him a ‘nerd’ under her breath, as he shrugged, sitting on the arm of the couch, “one of my favourite movies growing up was The Secret of The Sword. Big She-Ra fan.” 

“Some kids had soccer stars up on their walls, or their favourite singers- but not this fucker, he had a nine-foot-”

“It wasn’t nine-foot-” Robert rushed to defend. 

“Nine-foot poster of Princess Adora, pinned up against his back wall.” 

Robert flushed as Courtney patted his hand sympathetically. 

He swallowed, willing the redness on his cheeks to go down as he clarified, “Way before my dad passed, even before he became super involved in the Brave Brigade, we’d spend Sunday mornings watching cartoons. It was a bit of normalcy, and I guess his way of apologising for how much he was hardly home anymore. Anyways,” he cleared his throat, “One of our go to’s was He-Man and The Master of The Universe. He always used to say She-Ra reminded him of my mom. I…never met her so I never really knew what he meant by that, but finally having something that made my mom real was good enough for me.” 

Everyone went quiet after that, as the late afternoon turned into evening, Courtney leaned over and offered a squeeze of his hand as he smiled down at her. 

Sure, things weren’t perfect. Grief was still fresh. And there was the herculean task of having to co-parent with a co-worker. 

“Snow's stopping,” Kai pointed out, as the last of the snowfall faded, just one or two snowflakes left in its wake- as if the issue lied with the snow that was falling and not the 15’’ that had already settled. She continued the click-clack of her shoes, looking at her mom as if to say- two can play at this game. It had been a mare to get her to put on a thick woolen jumper under her coat, and Courtney would’ve been willing to call a loss, a loss but she had one last trick up her sleeve. 

She stood on the last step, leaning against the bannister as she took in Kai’s pouty demeanour. Unlike the child with no care for wearing weather appropriate clothing Courtney had on a woollen hat sat atop her head, knitted scarf- courtesy of Z’s latest ADHD induced hobby that they’d picked up- wrapped around her neck and a barn-jacket that may, or may not, have once belonged to Robert sitting snugly on her. 

Kaida watched her suspiciously, waiting to hear her negotiating tactics, both of them in a stand-off as Courntey dropped the big-gun’s, “if you don’t go put on your winter boots i’ll have to tell da-” 

“putting them on!” Kai all but flew up, sending the snow she’d been sitting on flying everywhere as she raced into the house, almost knocking Zig- who was just exiting- off course as they gave Courtney a- what did I miss- look. 

“Not much, just the usual trying to explain that wearing Jelly shoes in the middle of fucking November isn’t happening.” 

“you said, fuck.” Kai chirped up from behind the door, voice muffled- her super sonic kid hearing in full use as the two friends listened to her stumbling around trying to shove on her boots. 

“So did you,” Zig said, coming to her roommate's defence as Kai walked out of the house, winter boots on but on the wrong feet, “and I have Santa on speed-dial.” 

Courtney knelt down as Kai perched on the second-to-bottom step, lifting her feet in the air as the boots were corrected and finally, when they should’ve left thirty-minutes ago, they were heading away from the duplex and beginning the snow-filled walk to the markets. 

When they finally arrived- after stopping once for Kai to pocket an iced up acorn, and twice for her and Zig to do snow-angels together on a bank of snow- the smell of pinecones from the truck load of trees for sale drifting in the air was the first thing to greet them.

Then came the warm, toasty smell of roasted nuts drawing them in as they paid the entrance fee- the money going towards funding a Youth Group to provide teenagers with a community centre to spend time at, so that impoverished youth weren’t coerced into organized crime gang’s- a cause close to both of their hearts. It filled them both with festive warmth, and served as a reminder that despite all the loss they’d indured- of loved ones, and losing themselves along the way- despite it all, they’d survived. Even if it didn’t always feel like it. 

Once they’d made it under the ‘Welcome to Snowville’ arch, wrapped in twinkle lights and poinsettia, they both walked hand-in-hand with Kai in the middle of them, looking at the crowd milling around in search of a certain Dispatcher. 

Courtney wasn’t sure what to expect, as she glanced around at the people walking stall to stall, decked out in winter clothing and holding mulled wine in gloved hands, on her lookout for Robert. In all honesty she wouldn’t have been surprised if he’d rocked up in his sky-blue SDN t-shirt, the thing basically welded to his body. But, what she can say for certain was that the last thing she expected to see him wearing was a light-brown knitted high-neck, hair dusted with fallen snow and the tip of his nose red from where the cold had got to it. 

He was standing by the hot-chocolate stand, gloved hand holding Beef’s leash as the Chihuahua sniffed at the snow, wearing a matching sweater with his owner when Robert looked up from his phone, pocketing it, to see two + 1 of his favourite people heading in his direction. The sight of Kaira holding Courtney’s hand, chattering a mile a minute as she pointed at every stall and decoration they went by, sent his heart into a tizzy, the usual rhythm out of tempo with ‘Hark! The Herald Angel’s Sing’ playing from the tinny speakers. 

Yeah, he thought. It doesn’t get better than this. 

Beef ruffed at a frosted leaf on the ground, his snout digging into the snow as Kai looked up at the familiar sound, dropping her mom’s hand as she raced across the market over to where Beef and Robert was stood- only narrowly avoiding colliding into the marketgoers- as she launched herself at the snowy-ground, immediately being jumped on by an eager Beef. 

Robert peered down at the snowy-pair, a few people stopping to watch the duo, Kaira’s laughter filling the air as he leant back to rest against a candy-cane prop, giving Z and Courtney a half-wave in greeting. 

The roommates began the walk, winding around couples and families, over to where Robert was now scooping Kai up into his arms, the kid again chattering a mile a minute, as Zig took in the small frown on her face. 

“Thinking about him leaving?” Z said conversationally, reading the expression for what it was, a- I don’t know how to keep pretending that things are fine when everything's about to change- look. Zig had learnt from the moment they’d met whilst some people, like themselves, wore their heart on their sleeves, Courtney wore it on her face. Which made noticing when she was pissed, happy but not wanting it to be a whole thing, or- like now- lost in a sea of feelings- a heck of a lot easier. 

“Why are you in my head?” She grumbled with no heat, hands slipping into the coat pockets of the barn-jacket just to keep them from fidgeting. 

“I don’t have to be in your head to see what’s written all over your face, talk to me.” Z said, bumping shoulders with Courtney as they walked past the fountain that had frozen over, just over half-way to Robert. Too close for her liking. “That and if I was in your head I'd probably have to bleach my eyes out the way you’ve been giving him an up-down.” 

Courtney didn’t deny it. There was something about a person wearing a knitted jumper, that was easy on the eyes. And the fact that said wearer was Robert wasn’t the worst thing..

But, taking in what Bookbrain had been saying in their bi-weekly sessions, about allowing herself to open to people- the small and big stuff- she inhaled, that sharp sting in her lungs that always plagued her during winter making itself known, as she began. 

“Everytime I think about it-” she emphasised, unable to actually voice the words ‘him leaving’, “I just feel panic. And not in a I'm codependent on him kind of way, but in a everything is about to change, the life I've built is again, about to be uprooted, and I don’t know how to stop that from happening- kind of way. And fuck I hate how selfish i sound.” She articulated, with her hands, waving them around. 

Zig lifted their hand up to wave back to Robert on both of their behalf, Courtney too in the middle of unveiling her feelings to take much notice, before turning back to their friend. 

“And I'm happy for him, I really am. This is huge and it’s going to be great, but i just..” 

“Feel like you’re getting left behind again?” Zig finished, the guilt they thought they’d long since buried stirred, as the image of themselves nearly a decade ago, consumed by grief and cutting ties with the Red Ring once and for all, almost caused them to stumble at how real it all felt. 

“Sorry,” Courtney breathed out, “that wasn’t fair.” They were both almost through the loitering crowd gathering around for photos with the decorated spruce tree, Beef now barking up at Robert, who was hoisting Kai onto his shoulders. 

“We’ll talk more later,” Zig offered, smiling at the pair as Kaira propped her chin onto the top of his head. “Just don’t beat yourself up for feeling your feelings. You’re only just beginning to process the shit Shroud put everyone through, it takes time to unlearn and recognise…and sometimes that means being selfish. But talk to him too. He’s probably feeling more than you realise.” 

Courtney allowed those words- as hard as they were to swallow- to wash over her, as she thought over the possibility that maybe Robert wasn’t feeling as optimistic about this new venture as she’d made up for him in her own head. Maybe he was jittery- in that stoic, repressed way of his. And maybe talking- not now, but sometime soon- would give them both an outlet to clear the air. 

“Momma!” Kai called from on top of Robert’s shoulders, the tinsel wrapped in her hair glinting under the afternoon sun. Beef had successfully wrapped his leash around Robert’s legs, still eagerly barking up at the father-daughter duo as Courtney and Zig weaved themselves around the last couple, and stood in front of them. 

“Look at you,” Courtney smiled, all for her little girl, “you’re definitely taller than Mandy now.” Kai’s little chest puffed out at that, as if being taller than her favourite superhero inflated her five-year-old ego. 

Robert grinned, shifting Kai on his shoulders so he had a better grip- as Beef unwound himself from being wrapped around his legs, chasing at leaves that had fallen from the overhead branches. He gave Zig a half-nod in greeting, before taking in Courtney, in his old-coat that somehow had found its way into her wardrobe, “hey, you look…” 

“Like I'm prepping to reach the summit of Mount Everest?” She jested, adjusting the tartan ear-warmer on her head just to have something to do other than to awkwardly fiddle with her hands. His gaze did a slow glance down, taking her in her thick, thermal leggings, fluffed winter boots and layers of sweaters bundled underneath the jacket. 

“I was going to say, you look nice.” He breathed out, the mist dancing in the midwinter air, “but…fit for climbing a mountain works too.” 

“Oh,” Courtney said, because what else was there to say when your co-worker turned father of one’s child, offers up a compliment. “Thank’s I mean…you don’t look too bad yourself, Lieutenant Dan.” 

Zig looked between the two of them, the tension visible everyone but them apparently, as they said, “the guy from Forrest Gump?” 

Robert and Courntey both turned to look at them with a look that said- long story, and inside joke. 

“Right well," Zig said, taking that as an opportunity to dip out, "I'm going to go check-out the automated baubles at the mechanics stall. You three french-hens have fun.” They winked at Courtney before slipping back into the crowd. 

Robert frowned as they left, turning to Courtney as they began the descent further into the market, to where the decorations were all laid out. “Are they okay?”

Courtney nodded, taking Beef’s leash off of his hands as they walked through a thicket of snow, towards the light display- a nativity scene, Santa's sleigh with his reindeers, and even the snowglobe from Elf- created by local artists to promote their work. “It’s almost been ten years since…” 

Since everything changed felt like the appropriate answer, but with the loss of one she’d gained another, whereas Z hadn’t had that. They’d lost and had to spend the last nine years trying to work through the grief, to rebuild and learn to live with the loss. And sure, they’d found love in their chosen family- Kaira, Courtney, Mandy and by extension Robert. But it never got easier, not when that fateful night Courntey lost a sister, and Zig, well they lost their other half. 

“-since that night, and it always sits heavy on them this time of year with the whole…family, spending time with loved one’s thing.” 

Robert slowly nodded, breathing out as he set Kaira down so she could hold onto his hand and admire the light display from down-below, “they’re always welcome to reach out to SDN’s therapist if they need it, Mandy’s extended the offer to them a few times, but-” he shrugged as if to say, they haven’t took her up on it. 

Courtney slowly nodded, pausing in their conversation to entertain Kai who was pointing excitedly at the snowman display, the automaton spinning on its stand as classical Christmas tunes spilt from its built-in speaker. “I’ll pass on the message, but-” she shrugged in the same manner, you know how they are. 

He nodded, retaking Kaira’s hand as they walked to a penn with Reindeer encased in, lazing at the hay as little eyes stood near the fence, faces in awe. Kaira stood at her dad’s leg, tiny hands clutching onto his trousered-leg as she peeked at the antlered deers. 

“Don’t think she’s a fan,” he said to Courtney who couldn’t help but agree as they guided her away, Beef running in front, tugging at the leash determined to stay ahead, as they reached a hot-chocolate stand. It was different from the ones upfront, tucked away in the far-corner and unlike the branded ones being sold up front, they could get homemade ones and support a local, independent business. 

“Can’t say I blame her, have you seen the size of the things on their heads?” She shuddered, handing the leash back to Robert as she hoisted Kaira onto her hip to show her the menu-board on the back. Robert stood back, a few people in the line already, as Beef sat by his feet, tail wagging the snow away. Courtney waved him over, as he apologised to a passing gentleman who Beef tried to trip up in his hurry to get to his favourite person, as the three of them stood shoulder to shoulder and decided what drinks to order. 

“My treat,” Courtney insisted when he gave her a- you sure?, I don’t mind, look “you can get the candy apples on the way out.” 

He nodded, tugging Beef’s leash closer as the chihuahua eyed a gingerbread clutched in a young-boys hand with want, before reaching the front of the wooden hut, festive banners tied across the front- from one wooden beam to another. It was a small space, three people manning the helm as steam spluttered from the steamer, an older bloke with a thick, greying beard and hair pulled into a man-bun stepped forward taking in the family as he adjusted his apron, “how’s it? What can I get for y’all?”

“Could we get one melted snowman,” Robert gestured to the white-chocolate concoction cellotaped to the board, a snowman shaped shortbread cushioned by whipped cream and marshmallows. 

“That with all the fixings?” The bloke asked, scribbling their order down on a notepad, the pencil having been tucked behind his ear. 

Robert looked over to Kaira, they’d been learning to give her independence in social situations, letting her take the lead and use her voice but always there to step in if need be. He waited, waiting to see if she’d speak up or curl into her mom’s shoulder. 

“Please,” Kai murmured, half-shy as she buried herself into Courtney’s sweater. 

The older man smiled, something like reminiscence on his face as he said, “not a problem,” he looked back up at them, “anything else?” 

“A plain peppermint one for myself, and-” 

“For your girl?” He asked after jotting down Robert’s order, looking between the pair expectantly. 

“Oh no, i’m not-” Courtney started but Robert breezed past it, looking so sure and proud of himself as his chest-puffed out slightly.  

“She’ll have the Peppermint Schnapps,” he relayed, not bothering to correct the man, before turning to Courtney- a barely, but still there, grin on his face that proved he had heard the man’s assumption and was wilfully choosing to ignore it, “with the candy-cane?”

“Yeah, that would- thanks.” She said pathetically, eyes narrowed with no real heat- besides the heat that had spread across her face, that had nothing to do with the cold- which only caused Robert to grin prouder to himself. 

“Asshole,” she muttered a few minutes later after they’d paid and walked away from the stall, her mouth pressed to the disposable cup lid, minus the candy-cane that had been claimed by Kaira who had asked nicely for it, as she murmured around it, “you did that on purpose.” 

He shrugged, smiling innocently into his own lid as they headed back to the main-centre of the event, where- if possible- more people had squeezed into the space, the crowd a sea of market goers elbowing their way through and letting out un-festive language. “It’s not everyday I get to one up Invisigal in the left star-struck department.” 

She narrowed her eyes again, rearing up to retort with something witty when Zig headed on over, laden with a tote-bag and a maroon beanie sat atop their head, advertising an arboriculture group that they must have got from the volunteering sign-up stand near the entrance. “Hey,” They said, taking in Courtney’s flushed face, Robert’s own smug one and Kaira who was completely oblivious, too busy swirling the candy-cane in her hot chocolate watching the soggy snowman spin in a whirlpool of her own creation. 

It didn’t take a genius to notice that something had happened, and that her roommate was looking for an out. 

“Get everything you were looking for?” Z asked, smiling to themself as Kaira gulped down her hot-chocolate and handed Robert her empty cup, which he went and disposed of in the bin, before racing to Zig and hugging their leg. 

“Yeah,” Courtney said, which was a lie, they hadn’t even started to check-out the craft stalls and all of the handmade creations for sale, but she could feel her cheeks still burning, which felt like an odd pairing as the familiar cold ache settled within her chest. Home was safe, home was away from Robert and his stupid, dimpled smirk. “You ready to head back?”

“Are you?” Zig shot back knowingly as Robert re-joined them. 

He looked between the three of them, unsure what he’d just stepped into before turning to Courtney, “leaving already?” 

“Yeah, sorry.” She apologised, “my lungs-” only a half lie- “are playing up with the whole, winter conspiring against me thing. But this was…nice. We should do it again sometime.” 

“Yeah,” he said, mouth curling into a half-sad-smile, “We’d like that, wouldn’t we Beef?” 

Beef whimpered, snout pressed into the snow and ears-flat against his head, not wanting anyone to leave. Kaira seemed to share the same sentiment as she stepped away from Z’s leg, face crumbling, “not go yet.” 

“I’m sorry baby,” Courtney said sympathetically, resting a hand on top of Kaira’s head as she smoothed out the flyaway hairs that the wind- which was starting to pick-up had made them squiffy. “We can meet up with daddy and Beef some other time.” 

Kai frowned, face falling into an even sadder expression if that was possible. Robert frowned, weighing the idea in his head before he said, “I can stay here with her, let her stay at mine for the night if…if that’s okay with you?” Beef and Kai both looked up at him hopefully, as he rushed to add, “but if that’s not something you want-”

“No..” Courtney assured, forcing herself to meet his eyes, “no I mean if that’s…if you’re okay with that, then i’m okay with it.” 

“I’m okay with it if you’re okay with it.” 

Zig rolled their eyes lovingly at the two of them as Kai beamed, eyes-twinkling as she threw her arms around both of her parents legs, drawing Courtney and Robert closer, glancing up at the other before quickly looking down as their hands rested on her back. 

He took a breath, looking back at Courtney, just for a moment as the world around them seemed to slow. His eyes tracing the flush of her cheeks, tracking the singular snowflake that fell before landing on the top of her nose causing it to scrunch in a way that caused his heart to pick-up. There was so much he wanted to say, so much they needed to discuss before he set off for Florida. Instead, all he could manage at that moment was, "I'll stop by later on to pick-up her stuff.” 

Courtney slowly nodded, like she was coming out of a trance, blinking away the snow that had started to fall and settle on her eyelashes. She knelt down to Kaira, giving her the biggest hug as the little girl squirmed in her hold. It was just a night, one night away, they’d done it before but it never made it easier. She pulled away, Kaira already off in her own little world ready to continue her venture with her dad, “have fun, be good.” 

Kai nodded half-heartedly, already squirming out of reach to be picked up by Robert. He smiled down at them both as he lifted her back into his arms, “say bye to mom.” 

“Bye-bye!” Kaira rushed out, throwing her arms around Courtney in a quick hug before pointing at a stall selling second-hand toys. 

“Bye-bye,” Courtney echoed, watching Robert, Kai and Beef head in the direction of the stall, him grinning and kissing the top of her head whilst she pointed excitedly at the pre-loved toys. Zig stepped forward, breaking her out of the moment as they threw their arm around her shoulder and turned her in the direction of the exit. 

“You okay?” Z asked as they walked under the arch, shoulder to shoulder. 

“No,” Courtney breathed out, throwing her disposable cup into a passing bin. “You okay?”

Zig shook their head, “Nope. Want to be not okay together?” 

“I thought you’d never ask.” 

That evening, as they settled down for the night, Kaira’s absence as her bedtime approached was notable, the lack of tiny footsteps running amuck making the house feel oddly empty. But without the need for doing their usual bedtime routine it gave Courtney the chance to curl up on the couch, Christmas music playing faintly from the kitchen radio as her and Z passed a bottle of Gingerbread mulled- that they’d won on a raffle at the market- between themselves. 

Zig leant over to refill Courtney’s slowly draining glass, the latter lost in thought whilst Z drank straight from the bottle before placing it back on the coffee table as they set the tote-bag from the market onto their lap. They fiddled with the strap, hesitating to speak up before clearing their throat as they said, “I uh…there was a woman at the market.” 

Courtney looked over at that.

“She made these…really intricate carvings on baubles, wooden but with enough space in the back to slip in fairylights,” they clarified, taking out a rounded bauble from the tote-bag as their finger looped around the ribbon, the bauble dangling from their finger, “so I asked…if she could well…I’ll just show you.” 

They reached into the back of the handcrafted knickknack, flicking on a switch that caused light to beam out of the wooden etchings, before turning it around for Courtney to see. The engraving- was of a younger girl, a girl whose light had been snuffed out, that sat on their mantle piece and on Zig’s person at all times. 

The younger girl was beaming at the person behind the camera, the one person she’d ever let their guard down for, as she held her middle finger up to the camera lense, pushing the stolen camera away with her other hand. It wasn’t the most flattering photo, and the girl had died having never seen it, but it was all they had left…and for that, it was the most beautiful thing Zig owned. 

As silence settled in the room, the final notes of Christmas (Baby Please Come Home) faded away in the background, Darlene Love’s voice lulling them into a peaceful moment to sit with their pain, Courtney eventually broke the silence by offering, “Z, she’d have loved it.” 

Zig let out a wet-laugh, ragged and pained as they shook their head, “She’d have hated it.” Their shoulders shook, laughter mixing in with grief as they leaned into Courtney’s arms. Forever the one to be a shoulder to cry on, never the one to reach out, it felt odd allowing themselves to admit they were hurting, but it felt like a weight off of their chest, that they’d slowly been drowning under, had the chance to begin to lift. 

“Yeah,” Courtney murmured, returning the favour after years of leaning onto Zig, leaning her cheek onto their head, “She would’ve. But she’d have loved that you loved it.” 

An hour later, after they’d talked, held and fell apart, Courtney had suggested putting up the tree- to give the bauble a home and to actually get a move on with decorating the place. 

“You sure Kai won’t mind?” Zig asked as they pulled themselves up, trashing the empty bottle and putting the wine-stained glass in the sink. “I don’t want to do it without her if it means she’s missing out.” 

Courtney waved her off, hauling the box down from the first-floor landing as she set it down on the couch, “Robert’s bought her her own mini-tree knowing she’d be a pain to try and attempt to get this all up with her ‘help’. She can do that when she gets back, this-” she gestured to the stack of boxes on the couch, “all us.” 

Zig laughed, wiping the remaining tears on the back of their sleeve as they began pulling out stockings, tinsel and the odd mantle piece decoration that they’d collected over the years. “Thank’s for-”

Courtney shook her head, “it’s okay to miss her. Sometimes I look at hi-” she paused, not voicing that part out loud, “I look at the people I love. You, Kai, The..Z-Team. And a loss like…like Kaida, everyday I can’t wrap my head around the courage it took you to leave.” 

Z frowned, “Court-” 

“No I…should’ve said this a long time ago, even when I was butthurt about you leaving, that was the bravest thing someone has ever done- and I work with people who regularly save people for a living.” 

Zig laughed sadly, as the pair of them began unboxing the tree and fluffing it up. 

“I hated you, for years…” Courtney confessed, stepping back from the tree whilst Z wrapped the lights around it. “I...was blinded by the anger and hurt, and when you finally reached out before Kai was born, it…it took a while to let go of those feelings.” 

Z nodded, letting her get it all out as they started adding tinsel, wrapping it around the branches whilst Courtney added the old-fashioned baubles they’d collected over the years. “I didn’t...if I could go back now-” if they could go back now, knowing what they know now, they’d have stopped themselves from going on that errand for Shroud. 

Courtney paused in her ministrations, pausing on a bauble with a photo captured inside of her and Robert sat in Santa’s grotto, stood at either side of the mall Santa forcing the smile for the camera with a five-month-old Kaira in his arms red-faced and screaming at the jolly old man. It had been a last-minute decision, Christmas had been fast approaching- their first ones as parents, and decided that Kai might want photos to look back on someday, which was how they’d found themselves crammed in the tiny-ass grotto, surrounded by festive cheer and a squalling baby. 

“But getting you back- aside from you know, the kid- it was the best thing to ever happen to me.” She slid the bauble onto the tree before stepping back, both of them side-by-side as they admired their team work. 

Zig smiled, allowing for Courtney’s words to wash over them as they bumped their shoulders with hers, “it’s not bad.” 

Courtney nodded in agreement, she felt lighter, as they looked up at Zig before back at the tree, “still kind of looks like a five-year-old helped but....it’s ours.” 

Zig laughed at that, at the baubles some clumped together, others far apart, it was a tangle of decorations, but they’d done it, which was all that really mattered. “Feels like it’s missing something. You got one of those Angel toppers?” 

Courtney sifted in the box beside the fireplace, looking at the few angel toppers they’d collected since coming back into each-other’s lives, some were traditional, others gaudy, but none of them worked. She looked up to Zig, gesturing to Kaida’ bauble that was sitting on the coffee-table, “Put our angel up there.” 

Z hesitated, slowly, carefully lifting up the bauble as they felt the weight of it- the significance of what it meant- in their hands for a moment before reaching up and sliding it on the top of the tree before stepping back. 

Outside of their front-window, a young girl stood under the fallen snow, watching the pair as they stood there, the three of them once again together, as she stood there for a minute, taking it all in. She couldn’t feel much anymore, there was no ache, or happiness, just a dulled out sensation of what had once been those feelings. But what she could feel was a sense of change, one she had been waiting for for a long time as she stepped away from the window, heading back down the pavement she’d come from and stood under the lamplight. 

That newfound feeling of belonging was what carried her through the hardest of days, when she was poked and prodded at like a lab experiment, trained from noon to midnight just to make sure she was on top form for when she was eventually asked to go out in the field- or for days like today, where an incessant cramp was wreaking havoc, tearing through her stomach as she curled in on herself. “I think I'm dying.” 

“You’re not dying,” Zig assured as they walked into the room, a stolen box of tampons, and a box of pads in their arms as they sat beside Courtney who scowled from where she was wallowing in her pain. She’d woken up half-way through the night, a dull ache spreading across her abdomen before it had localised to the middle of her stomach. 

Feeling like a small child, as she’d climbed out from the bottom bunk, quilt clung to her waist she’d walked- not without difficulty- over to Kaida and Zig’s bunk, careful not to wake the others. Zig- a shit sleeper as is- opened their eyes at the feel of a presence watching them, which was how they’d found themselves at three in the morning, ushering Courtney to the crappy restroom, to do the tissue-paper stuffing trick- essentially a right of passage for anyone who’d been caught off guard by the inconveniences of a period- just until they could sneak out come morning and nick some tampons and pads. 

“I don’t know,” Kai said, plonking herself down on the end of Courtney’s bed, “sometimes being a woman feels like a death sentence.” 

Zig, from the floor beside the bed, poked at Kai’s leg, a small smile on their face, “you’re not helping.” 

Kaida rolled her eyes, barely suppressing a smile before looking back at Courtney- she wasn’t good with words, she left the talking to Z, but for what she couldn’t show in gentle assurances, she made up for in actions. Like then, as she sat with the hot water bottle in hand, the one that Zig had nicked alongside the tampons and pads, and began using her thermal ability to heat up the water. 

The water- courtesy of the unreliable plumbing fixtures throughout the building- was slowly boiling under the heat emitting from her hands as Zig watched over Courtney, the latter curling further into her cocoon of misery. Once the water had stopped bubbling, allowing a moment for it to cool down, she gently guided it against Courtney’s abdomen, tucking it safely under her arms as the heat worked its magic. 

“Better?” Zig asked after a moment, the pain nowhere near gone but the heat ebbing at the worst of it. 

“Maybe…i’m not dying.” Courtney offered in response, keeping the water-bottle close as she slowly sat up in a sitting position. 

The bottle was a small comfort, not just because it was giving her a small relief from the cramps that had been plaguing her most of the night, but because with Kaida and Z hanging around her like mother-hen’s, she wondered if this- companionship- was what she’d always longed for. 

“That is wonderful to hear. Now, take these-” Z said, pulling themself up before holding out the boxes to Courtney who slowly slung her legs off of the side of the bed, bottle still pressed firmly at her side as she took the boxes- propped on top of eachother- in the other hand. “-go get cleaned up and we’ll be right here, waiting, for when you get back.” 

“Unless you want us gone,” Kai added, “then that can also be arranged. But don’t…feel like you can’t have us here with you, if that’s what you want.” 

Courtney offered them a half-nod, a small ‘thanks’ slipping out as she headed out of the doors of the bunkroom, retreating to the hallway before walking to the restroom. 

Once she’d left Kai got up from off of the end of the bed, helping Z take off the old, stained sheet as they switched it out for a slightly cleaner one in the storage cupboard. 

Zig turned to look at Kai, their expression drawing into something that looked a little like awe as they discarded the old sheet into a heap on the floor to take down to the laundry-mat at some point, “you did good with her.” 

Kaida looked up at that, unsure, as she took the sheet and started fitting it onto the corners of the firm mattress. After a moment she gave up with the sheet that wasn’t cooperating, Z stepping into to finish it off as she sunk down on the ground, chin wobbling, “You sound like Mand’s” 

“Is..that a bad thing?” Zig asked sincerely as they sank down besides Kai, “has she…tried to reach out to you again?”

With a sniffle, and a quick wipe of her eyes on her sleeve, Kai shook her head as it fell onto Zig’s shoulder- a fleeting gesture, but not unwelcome all the same, “She’s tried. I don’t think she’s capable of giving up.” 

“Sound’s like someone else I know,” Z said, wagging their eyebrows as Kai gave a pity snort before shoving them away as she stood up. 

However, before Kai could throw out a quip fast enough Courtney walked back in, still looking worse for wear but more refreshed as Zig, gestured to the newly put together bedding, “I’ve found sleeping the day away through the worst of the cramps works, plus we’ll be near by if you need anything.” 

Kaida nodded, watching as Courtney climbed back into the bed- hot-water bottle tucked in back at her side as her eyes fluttered shut- as she tried to offer the same comforting sentiment, “If Shroud, or anyone asks, you’re out of commission for the next day or two. This place might be…a lot of things, but no one wants someone fighting for them who can barely sit up straight.” 

She looked to Zig for some sort of approval as if to say- ‘was that the right thing to say?’- and Z, in return, offered her two reassuring thumbs up. 

Courtney, despite the kinda shit advice, was warmed by their mother hen-ness, as she cracked an eye open looking at the two of them as she said, “thanks for..” everything is what she had wanted to say but, “this.” was what came out instead. 

“Anytime,” Z said, earnestly, playfully tucking the quilt up to under Courtney’s chin before stepping back with a wink, “rest, i’ll come check in on you later.” 

With that, Courtney watched on as Zig and Kaida’s forms retreated out of the bunkhouse- stood just a little more closer than usual, almost but not quite shoulder to shoulder- and despite the fact that her reproductive organs were wreaking havoc, for the first time, in a long time, she felt like she was starting to belong. 

Five days was how long it took for her body to right itself again, the bleeding having gone from a relentless gush to a slow, manageable flow. It had taken till late on into the second day that she felt she could leave her bed, then by the fourth she was slowly starting to get her bearings back, feeling semi more human as she’d pushed herself through the initial uncomfortableness to train. 

And by the fifth day, she felt more confident- albeit, with a long way to go- that she could work around this new normal, to remember to care for herself but also see if she could adapt, overcome and try and get her body to work with her not against. It was something she was grateful that she could do as she’d overheard that they could be debilitating, throughout, before and after, from other recruits' experiences and it wasn’t something she planned to take for granted. 

Which was why, on the fifth day, after a more vigorous few hours of training- switching between hashing it out with a dummy- that was falling to bits- and focusing on her biceps, giving her abdomen a welcomed reprieve after the hellish last few days it had just endured- she found herself leaving the training centre a little lighter, head feeling more screwed on than it had in ages as she passed Shroud’s office. 

The door, that was usually firmly shut, curtains drawn, was left slightly ajar. Courtney- as if her tired muscles and forever aching lungs decided right outside of Eli’s office where and when they needed a break- she huddled around the corner, sitting down to catch her breath as two distinct voices drifted out from the crack. 

The first was Eli’s, his footsteps sounded impatient, harried and exasperated- so nothing new, as he walked the length of his office, burning a hole into the flooring. Despite his ticked off demeanour, he, as always, in that manipulative lilt of his spoke clear, calmly and in a way that he could switch around to make the person he was talking at- not to- seem like the unreasonable one. The second voice was a little harder to determine, probably because that short time in which she was listening in was the most time Courtney had ever heard Kaida speak since they’d first met. Her tone, unlike Shroud’s didn’t bother to hide behind a facade of composure- she was wild, passionate, furious- as her voice rose, and rose and Courntey was half wondering how Shroud hadn’t struck her for dead, after all he’d killed for far less, when- 

“You’re being unreasonable, daughter.” Those words, spoken from anyone who wasn’t Shroud would’ve been paternal sounding, even loving, but from Shroud’s own twisted, corrupted mouth it sounded like a cold reminder, a harsh truth that he held over her head in a way that condescending said- you can’t escape this, we’re walking the same path for a reason, don’t fail me now. Otherwise, it could very well be the last thing you do. 

Kai clenched her jaw, refusing to crumble in front of him- she wouldn’t give him that, wouldn’t let him see her cry after all the years of tuning herself to be the empty vessel that stood before him. She took a breath, steeling for the standard, forceful grab of her chin as- predictably- he did just that, a bruising hold that forced her to look at him. 

“I gave you girls everything, I have done nothing but promise you both-” He spat, harsh and unrelenting as he forced her chin this way and that, moving her like a puppet at his will. 

“And I am the one who stood by you!” Kai spat out, with as much velocity as she could muster with her eyes stinging and saliva filling up in her mouth, “I stayed! Despite your empty promises, I stayed!” 

Eli dropped her chin as if burnt- whether actually burnt by the heat that had threatened to envelop her or taken aback by her words, she couldn’t tell but she stepped away, waiting for feeling to go back into her jaw as she rubbed at it. 

To his credit, it took Shroud just a few minutes to regain his composure, hands drawn tight by his side as he reached a hand to the empty compartment drilled into his head- his finger tracing where the Astral Pulse would someday sit, once he’d drained the life out of Robbie’s boy. He could feel the distant power, the low thrum of what would soon simmer within him as he turned his focus back to Kaida. 

He grinned, malicious and monstrous- any memory she’d had of a father figure that hadn’t been a murderous, conniving, jealous psychopath had long since died since he’d become this, “you stayed,” he mocked, crouching down- below her, but only to make her feel small- as she refused to meet his eyes. “At least Mandy had it in her to turn her back on me, on this, to defy me- yes- but at least she’s making something of herself. She’s betraying and working for everything we’ve vowed to destroy, yes, but you…you stay here, hang around and do nothing that has brought me closer to getting the Astral Pulse. You are failing- no you have failed me. And I predict.” He taunted, as though her shaking in his presence was nothing more than a game to him, “that you will keep continuing to do so.” 

Kaida forced to look up at that, meeting his cold, calculating eyes as he continued, on a roll as the harsh words kept coming, launching them at her hoping for impact, “why do you think I send you all out to recruit the best of the best, because you fail to be the best of the best. They are your replacements and every-time someone newer and better steps through that door, you become an afterthought, a reminder of everything that I had hoped for you to become and now, all I feel whilst looking at you is how much easier all of this would be without yo-” 

“And we’re live in downtown LA!” A reporter said into the microphone, walking backwards with the camera tracking him over to the podium that had been set up in a flourish. He signalled to the camera-man to step backwards to get all of the building, podium and the Brave Brigade in the shot. 

Shroud grunted in displeasure, looking over his shoulder at the TV that had turned itself on- the screen distorted with several cracks running down the glass, “speak of the traitor.” He watched as Mandy- just a head higher than Kaida- walked up the steps of the podium, adorning a blue and yellow suit, the seventeen year old stepped forward to the stand instead of hiding amongst her teammates. He clenched his jaw, turning on his heel before stalking out of the room. 

Courtney froze as she heard the door creak open, the sound of heavy-set feet nearby sending her heart into her throat as she closed her eyes and willed him to go down the other corner. She waited, and waited…

His footsteps retreated in the opposite direction as she took a relieved breath and stood up from the corner she’d been hiding behind. Shroud’s words, his threats, far more reliable than his promises and the realisation that Kai was…Shroud’s daughter rang in her ears as she walked back to the bunkhouse, trying to wrap her head around the revelation. 

Kaida watched as he left, gave it a minute, then two as the conference was still being set up before finally allowing herself to crumble now that she was alone, tears streaming down her cheeks as she sunk down to the floor, opposite to the TV. 

“Hello? Is this on-? Oh.” Mandy said, covering the surprise of the microphone's resounding feedback with a soft laugh that had the crowd giving them her rapt attention- magnetisted to her. “Thank you all for coming out today.” 

The crowd were drawn to the newest member of the Brave Brigade- even younger then Track Star had been when he’d joined- her hair, blonde and perfectly poised sat on her shoulders, spilling down her back- she looked composed, prepared but Kai could see right through to her older sister. The way her hand grasped the microphone just a little too hard, gripping onto it helping her mask her nerves in front of the still forming crowd- news crews and the general public alike. Kai wiped the last remnants of tears on her sleeve, settling back against the leg of Shroud’s desk to watch the broadcast. 

“Blonde Blazer! Blonde Blazer!” A flurry of reporters shouted over each-other, desperately prying for her attention. Mandy visibly tensed before pushing through it, smiling- always smiling, as she pointed to a young reporter in the crowd who elbowed his way to the front. 

“Blonde Blazer, we’ve heard word that the SDN is expanding from a HQ to a dispatch centre, is there any truth to that rumour?” 

“Oh uh..” Mandy wasn't aware she’d be fielding questions about building expansions but nonetheless she answered prim and proper, “I haven’t been informed of changes that have been planned but I do know that the SDN only does what’s in the best interest of the team and of course the people of LA. So rest assured if any changes were to happen, it would be to the benefit of all. Next questi-?”

“Just one more Blonde Blazer,” the incessant reporter started again, much to the chagrin of the others eager around him. “How would such a change be feasible with SDN’s recent, and some would argue unfair dismissal of staff that have been with the company since the days of the original Mecha-Man, for the sake of budget-cut’s-” 

“Blonde Blazer! Over here!” A voice- familiar- as Mandy looked behind to see that Track Star was no longer in the Brave Brigade line-up behind her, that, as she looked across the crowd,  he’d sped over to the far back to distract from the question the blood-hungry reporter was sniffing for- the one she didn’t have an answer to- as she mouthed ‘thank you’ to him. 

Track-star, before anyone could compute that he’d strayed from the line-up, sped back before offering Mandy a wink. She gave him a grateful smile before peering back at the crowd, emboldened by the help from Track Star she pointed to a reporter in the far-back, the woman flagged by numerous camera’s, “yes you, in the back.” 

“Blonde Blazer,” The reporter said, casual and far less demanding than the previous reporter as she turned to face away from the cameras and to Mandy herself, scrutinising. “There’s been talk of the SDN planning to offer a recruitment initiative for villains. The people of LA are understandably concerned by the possibility, are you able to confirm whether there's any truth to that claim?” 

Kai went to stand up, feeling as though she was torturing herself with every further minute she watched the back and forth between Mandy and the reporters, but she sat back down, easing herself back to the ground as Mandy continued. 

She laughed, lightly, knowing it would sway the public in their favour as she said into the microphone, “Rumour travels fast.” The crowd burst into well-meaning laughter, enraptured by her charisma. She proceeded once the laughter had petered out, “I understand the concern that citizens have, and rest assured this is not SDN recruiting villains. Our goal remains as it has always, keep the people of LA safe, by keeping crime off our streets and gangs like the Red Ring at bay. That being said, here at SDN we do believe in redemption.” 

An unsure murmur stirred across the crowd, citizens looking restless at the idea. She was losing them. 

“Second chances aren’t just for the benefit of the rehabilitated villains, but for yourselves, your families, friends and loved ones. With every former villain willing to put in the effort, that would be one less on the street and one more fighting at our side.” 

A hush fell over the reporters, some moving to pack up their equipment and move out along with the citizens who were also dispersing. 

“Kid,” Track Star said, looking older beyond his years despite only being in his early twenties, “tell them the gushy shit.” 

Mandy hesitated, putting her personal life on the line felt…like a lot, like a grasp for sympathy or worse, her trying to force them into accepting the rehabilitation scheme. She hesitated, contemplating before saying into the microphone. 

“I have a personal interest in the program.” She started, the words still feeling unsure- like she was airing her dirty laundry for all to see- but if it got people to see the possibilities that could come of it, then so be it. “My stance on redemption is personal because someone I love is tied up in a life I never wanted for her.” 

Kaida stiffened, she wished- like the few people from the crowd that had left, some now turning back to hear what Mandy had to say- she’d had the foresight to up and go too, to switch the TV off and be blissfully ignorant to what else her older sister had to say but instead she was rooted to the spot. 

Mandy carried on, but she was no longer addressing the crowd. She was looking out at the sea of camera’s- looking at one in particular- hoping against hope that Kaida was on the other side, listening in and willing to take the risk, “My little sister made some…choices. And I believe that herself, and many others like her, if given the opportunity can redeem themselves not just for the better of society- but for themselves too.” 

The crowd grew silent at that, but no one made to leave. 

“Blonde Blazer!” The hungry reporter from the front perked up again, itching for an ounce of gossip and entirely unmotivated to focus on the subject of the rehabilitation program, “How does the team feel about such a rash..project-” he said, to belittle the program as if it was merely just a passing flight of fancy, “surely this would bring discontent amongst yourselves, no?” 

Mandy frowned before clearing her throat, no longer bothering to force a smile as she stated into the microphone, “Like any team, or family, we don’t see eye-to-eye on all things. But when it comes down to it. My team trusts me, and I am asking that you all trust me too. Thank you, that's all the time we have for questions.” 

Even as she began to exit the podium down the stairs with the rest of the team, a chorus of ‘Blonde Blazer!’ followed her back and it wasn’t until she was secured in the safety of the SDN building that she finally let the intensity of what she was proposing to do crash down on her. 

Kaida stared at the news segment, long after it switched from the broadcasting at the SDN building to the weather report. She couldn’t move, couldn’t dissect the odd..tanglement of feelings sitting heavy in her chest. It wasn’t until a voice down the hallway called her a name that she was pulled out of her reverie, as Zig popped their head around the door- scanning the room before seeing Kai sitting by the desk, looking like a shadow of her usual self. 

Without waiting around to see if Kaida noticed them they walked on in, stepping around the desk planted haphazardly in the middle of the office before scooching up next to Kai as they said tentatively, cautious yet gentle, “K?” 

The second Zig sat down Kai launched herself at them, curling into them as their woollen sweater wrapped around her shaking frame. Z wrapped their arms around her before planting a forehead kiss on-top of her head, “what happened?”

From her dad, to learning about Mandy’s plans, she couldn’t. It was all just too much. She shook her head, the words refusing to come. 

“We don’t have to do anything but sit here.” They said, voice low and soothing as Kai stayed wrapped up in their arms. “Well…we could probably take this elsewhere in case he comes back but, we can go back to this..” 

‘This’ Kaida thought, as Zig helped her stand-up, their arms fixed around her in an embrace never-once breaking. This was nice. 

That evening, once everyone in the bunkhouse had seemingly fallen to sleep- some beds left empty, their holders out on the streets doing Shroud’s dirty work- Kai had climbed up onto the top bunk, curling back into the safety of Z’s arms as they’d talked long into the early hours of the morning, about everything and nothing. Then they’d talk about when they got out from under the Red Ring’s claws- because they would get out, about the life they’d live…the possibilities that awaited them, maybe eventually even signing up for Mandy’s program. 

“Get the girl. Bring her back to Shroud. Should be easy enough.” 

The howling of the wind rocked against the storage container, as the framework of the dock shook violently below. The water lurched ferociously slamming against the weathered, wooden pillars as a pair of teenagers- sent by their leader- walked the length of the pier before finally reaching the docks. Dripping, soaked- utterly drenched through, but set on their task. Retrieve Invisbitch. And bring her back…preferably alive. 

That morning Shroud had informed them that they were to head onto a rescue mission to retrieve her- though they’d been reluctant to follow his orders- despite knowing the punishment that awaited them if they denied a direct order because this particular rescue mission just as easily had the possibility of being a recovery mission and neither of them had wanted to face Shroud’s wrath if that was what it came to. 

As they continued to walk through the pelting rain, voices further down- from dockworkers starting their shifts- rumbled like thunder overhead as their own joined the noisy fray, growing closer, bickering under their breaths as they slipped past the bleary eyed workers. The day was only just beginning, grey skies rolling in as a drizzle of rain turned into a downpour, hammering relentlessly against the metal of the containers as they entered the first row. 

“So, there’s at least two to three hundred containers, give or take, how do you want to go about i-?” 

A metallic sounding kick followed, the sound of chains crashing to the ground as a voice confirmed, “she’s not in this one.” 

“Or we can just get right into it.” The taller of the two added in a hushed whisper, walking a few feet away to start on their own row, finding a rhythm of- decode, unlock, open, check- repeat. “Not in this one either.” 

“Great.” The other person called out- not as concerned with lowering her voice- as she looked around at the rows upon rows of storage containers, all lined up, padlocked and waiting to be pried open by the two of them. “Shroud didn’t give any inclination as to which one she could be in?” 

“He said-” the second person paused, taking a breath as they fumbled with a secured container, tongue wedged between their teeth as they concentrated on undoing the lock. After a moment of guesswork the chain fell to the ground, a relieved -aha- escaping them as they looked back at their partner in crime looking like the cat that got the cream, “that he’d left her in one of the ones stocked with Brave Brigades merch. "Which..” they gestured to the hundreds of containers with Mecha-Man’s face slapped on the side, “is going to take some time.” 

“Time that we haven’t got.” The smaller of the two huffed out, rain droplets racing down her arms as she shivered- the elder offering out their leather jacket- but she shook her head, goosebumps appearing on her arm for an entirely different reason now, “lets just…let’s just get her so we can get out of here.” 

The taller one took in the smaller one, standing a few feet away now as they headed into the belly of the containers, the wooden planks below their feet creaked with every step they took. They’d noticed her closing off, always two steps forward and three steps back with her whenever a modicum of something other than dancing around the thing between them was laid out on the line. They shook their head- that something- was made more complicated by the fact that Kaida, through and through, was Shroud’s daughter in every sense of the word- fiercely loyal, certified recluse and equally as stubborn when it came to caring about something other than the Red Ring, a mission or taking down Mecha-Man. 

The new Mecha-Man, not the recently deceased one that the Brave Brigade still had as the face of their advertisement. 

“As you wish,” the taller one said, voice dejected as they headed down the row- decode, unlock, open, check- repeat. They fell into silence, death herself watching over their shoulders as time and time again they stepped back defeatedly from each empty container. 

It went on like that for a while, their usual precision giving away to desperation as the air grew colder, the likelihood of Shroud’s initiation having ended in fatality becoming the likelier outcome with every empty container they came across. 

“Z! Over here!” The smaller of the two hollered out- loud enough to alert the workmen, who were unloading cargo from the stationed ships, but luck seemed to be on their side as they went unnoticed. Zig looked up at that, stopping trying to wrangle the lock they were mid way through as they headed on over to where Kaida was waiting, chains and padlock by her feet. 

With one look at the other, Kaida took the initiative, slowly pulling open the doors to the container as they glimpsed at the body curled in on itself, tucked away in the corner. 

“Is she…alive?” A voice sounded from above where Courtney was curled up in the corner, shivering on the wet-slicken floor of the storage container. A boot tapped against her hip as whoever spoke prodded to see if she was in fact alive.

Courtney winced, curling further in on herself, her body aching and skin-sodden-ed, cold to the touch as the voice, distorted and echoing around the tinny container, moved closer in. 

“Barely..” Another voice, a tad rougher, less timid chimed in as they crouched down besides the shivering girl. “Could be the new recruit? Or a rough sleeper? It’s not like he specified who we were sent to get.” 

The taller of the two frowned, brow knotted in worry as they took off their jacket, draping it over the shivering frame as the smaller- but no less fierce one- stepped back giving them space, “yeah he’s not exactly forthcoming when it comes to this sort of thing.” 

They shared a look before the younger of the pair ripped off her glove, discarding it on the grime-ridden floor before kneeling back down beside the young girl. Heat licked at her skin, body temperature rising as she placed the palm of her hand on the girl’s forehead. They watched and waited as the heat transferred- her full potential simmering under the surface, threatening to scorch rather than give warmth, but she focused on the trembling girl as she held back the fire that burned within. 

Courtney finally came to, a cough, spluttered and pained echoing around the warehouse space, as her eyes finally opened with great difficulty. She took in the sight of the two people hovering over her. The taller person didn’t look much older than herself, their eyes brown and kind, only slightly marred with under-bags and the odd scar. Their hair sat just below their shoulders, chopped erratically, all sharp edges and different lengths but it worked for them.

The smaller of the pair, green-eyed, short blonde shoulder-length hair, sporting a side-buzz-cut, re-slid her glove back on, strapping the Velcro back into place with her teeth. 

Courtney, with great struggle, sat up so that her back was propped up against the back-end of the container, cool-steel pressed against her back as she managed to get out, “you work for Shroud?” 

“We don’t work for anyone,” The blonde-haired one said, all hostility and defences up. Courtney was stuck on the ‘we’ part, how it was said with both ferocity and fondness when the second part of that- we- sat down besides her, repositioning the leather jacket around her shoulders with an attentiveness she wasn’t used to. 

“What she’s meaning to say is, we work under Shroud.” They flicked off a fleck of dirt on the jacket’s shoulder, words softening, like they were trying to lure out a frightened animal who was ready to buck it. “Do his bidding, occasionally come to the rescue of the recruits who’ve made it through the initiation.” They gestured at Courtney herself, because, whether it felt like it or not, in that moment she had survived. “And take them back with us.” 

There were so many things Courtney wanted to say- do you also feel this hatred for him? Warring with the need to appease him because of his promises and mindgames?- but instead, through the distant ache of her lungs, taking in a breath that felt like ice-particles lodging themselves in her parched throat, she managed to get out, “has anyone ever..” 

The person seated beside her looked towards their partner-in-crime, something silent passing between them before nodding solemnly, “Shroud wants the best of the best. The initiation isn’t just a test of our loyalty to him, but to prove that we can persevere- even in the hardest conditions. Nothing good ever comes without a price.” 

Courtney’s stomach twisted at the words, the impassiveness of them- the lack of feeling, made her feel the furthest she’d ever been from humanity. Suddenly she felt like she was surrounded not by her saviours but by two hardened, immovable soldiers- and she couldn’t help but think this was her first glimpse of what awaited her. 

She’d survived but at what cost?

“Do you remember what he asked of you?” The one wearing black-leather fingerless gloves asked, leaning back against the metal wall of the container like she’d done this before, as if she’d learned the script off by heart long ago. 

Night had fallen as they left the hospital- with the help of forged documents claiming Eli to be her guardian which he’d had to have prepared way in advance to the fire- gown replaced with the clothes she’d been wearing that fateful night weeks ago. They reached the parking lot outside of the ER- a car awaiting them as Eli helped her into the seat before retreating to the front with the driver, partitioned off by a black-screen. 

The car ride was relatively smooth, the occasional potholes and speed-bumps as to be expected of the LA roads, the only nuisance to her still healing lungs. She listened to the distant chatter from the world outside of the car, too tired to question where he was taking her after weeks confined to the hospital bed in the recovery room, the outside world was a welcome change of scenery. 

Then the ride turned bumpier, the ground below feeling hollower as they went off the roads. The car pulled to a stop soon after they reached the location- her mind trying to make through the shadows outside of the window- the driver and Eli talking in hushed whispers before shaking hands. The driver crumpled, his shadow an outline of a man moments ago standing gave away to a figure slumped, laid in the fetal position- still and unmoving. 

Her eyes widened, panic and fear clawing their way up her throat- she knew he was capable of murder- first her father and then his constant talks of wanting to end Mecha-Man again, till no one was left to take on the role- but this was different, as far as she was aware he had no reason to have took this man’s life. He’d done him a favour and in return Eli’s way of thanks had been death. 

He opened the door, gentlemanly, and so unbefitting of a man who's just taken another’s life like it was nothing as she stepped out on trembling, shaken legs. 

“There’s some people coming to clean-up.” He added, like her concern, lied with the fact that there was a dead body for all to see and not the fact that he’d just killed an innocent man. “They’ll disable the cameras around the docks, remove the license plate and send the car and his body into the water. He’ll wash up on the coast in about a week- bloated, pecked at, likely indiscernible, and by the following week he’ll be forgotten, just another victim to the ocean.” 

“Why…why are you telling me all of this?” Bile sat heavily in the back of her throat, purposefully looking away from the body inches away from her. Which wasn't any better than having to focus on Shroud’s uncaring, undisturbed face. 

She could use it against him, she could turn to ...well she wasn’t sure, she had no surviving family, and the authorities hadn’t cared when she’d tried to get out from under the same roof as her dad, so why would now be any different? But there was an unspoken rule that despite all of the heinous crimes they committed, how close they got to achieving their plan for power and world domination- the bad guys always lost. 

And Courtney didn’t consider herself a hero by any means. But the thought that someday, despite not being a believer of fate, it was written in the stars that Shroud would fall- it was a small comfort. 

Until the realisation washed over that he was only unveiling his plans to her because he held no belief that she’d make it out alive through whatever he’d had planned. 

“Follow.” He commanded, knowing she would as he stepped over the body- like it didn’t even hold the importance of being more than something in his way- walking in front, as he reached what had to be hundreds of storage containers. Some were global, food stock, the latest catches offshore set to be delivered to local restaurants and then his face- well not his- not the one who’d saved her from the fire because he was very much still alive (for now), but his mentor…the one who’d lived and breathed the suit, before his untimely death at the hands of Shroud- was plastered across numerous containers. 

“Hello old friend,” Eli patted the side of the metal container, eyes looking a thousand miles away lost in some form of memory. Probably the one where he shot Mecha-Man, left him to bleed on the floor whilst Track Star, knelt in a pool of blood, tried to save his friend. The memory he’d been lost in came as soon as it went as he unlocked the container, stepping aside so she could step into the musty, pitch-dark space. 

Courtney’s lungs ached, steps slow- almost impossible- as she practically dragged herself over the threshold. Eli just stood there- giving no inclination that he had any intention of lending a hand- which was probably for the best seeing as said hand had just taken the life of the driver- shadows and moonlight casting across his face. Courtney looked away, stepping over merchandise scattered across the floor- t-shirts, mugs and board-games- before turning back towards him only to see the doors of the container slam shut with finality. 

The hurried sound of a chain, locking and clicking filled the short expanse of quiet before she launched herself at the entrance of the container, fists pounding against the metal, screaming till her voice grew hoarse as she heard him sit down on the ground, the leather of his cloak crinkling as he rested his back up against the door. 

“This is to prove yourself,” he said finally, once her screams had quieted down, her tears gave way to a pounding headache that ached fiercely behind her skull- like he was scolding a small child. His words were filled with pity, like it was absurd that she was acting this way. 

She’d wanted to shout, yell louder…losing her ability to breathe freely hadn’t been enough for him? Every breath now strained, a deep searing agony- a tangle of loss, grief and physical pain wasn’t enough of a punishment for him? 

She stayed quiet, slumping against the far wall- a bobble head of Mecha-Man watching her mockingly. She imagined Eli tilting his head to the side, patient, like he was approachable as he continued, “I’m offering you a family, a home, a place to belong. All I'm asking from you in return is your loyalty, to the Red Ring, to myself.” He took a breath, like all of this was paining him. “I’m not asking for much Courtney.” 

No, just my freedom, she thought bitterly. 

Either way, whether she denied his offer or not, he was the one that held the keys to letting her out. So her options were to refuse him and be left to die in the container, or accept and likely die in the container overnight, regardless. Her odds were shit, definitely not in her favour. But if her recent brushes with death had taught her anything it was that dying is easy, living is harder. 

“And…” The night's chill had started to work its way through the cracks of the container, a frantic flap of tarp sounding from nearby as the wind picked up. “And if I fail?” 

“Failing would be the lesser evil.” He admitted, sympathy giving away to something crueller, bordering on devilish- as if there was enjoyment in the pain he inflected. “You would die on this floor, forgotten. But if you live, you and I, we will achieve great things. Every anguish, every moment that will come where death feels imminent, you will rise above, make something of yourself. And together we will bring upon the death of Mecha-Man.” 

She remembered weeks prior, the arms of the very man she was expected to kill, whose fall would be at her hands…how he’d saved her life and how she was being asked, expected, to take his. 

“Then I won’t fail.” 

Shroud stood up, as though- despite all of her reluctance he’d expected nothing more than it to end up with her offering her blinding loyalty to him. Headlights shone in the distance- the clean-up crew arriving on the scene- as he rasped his knuckle, once, twice against the container before stepping away as he began walking back down the pier, the wind carrying back his chilling words, “Make it be that you don’t.” 

“He wanted-” she frowned, correcting herself, “expected me to survive the night, laid out his plans and…asked me to be loyal to him, to…to prove myself.” 

Once Courtney had finished regaling them with the happenings that happened a few hours prior, in the dead of the night with nothing but the moon as her witness- the pair shared a look between them, a silent affirmative. 

“That’s her alright.” Kaida said, not looking particularly relieved to have found the girl as she knew what happened now- what being a member of the Red Ring entailed. 

“Shroud didn’t give us a name.” Z said, slowly standing up as they took Courtney's hand and helped her stand- giving her a moment to let the blood start flowing back into them after hours spent in the same position. “If you want to give it that is.” 

“Invisibitch,” Courtney uttered, feeling silly, as the name she’d hid behind for so long, said out loud, now felt immature. She leant into the older person’s touch as they began guiding her out of the container and down the pier back into where the city of LA was starting to wake up. The distant sound of a horn- car and ferry alike- sounded, the rain slowing to a halt as the rising sun began to peak over the towering buildings in the distance. “But..Courtney works too.” 

“That’s pretty badass," the eldest of the three of them offered, like an elder-kid trying to be hip and fit in with the younger ones, “I’m Ziggy, but Zig’s or Z works.”

Both pairs of eyes turned to face Kaida, anticipatory- Z even throwing her two-thumbs up over Courtney’s unknowing self for further encouragement as she took a breath.

“Kaida,” Kaida provided, with albeit more reluctance, the perpetual wariness that clung to her never leaving her stance as they reached a narrow path, heading away from the outskirts of the city. She stomped on the overgrown weeds that were threatening to swallow the path whole, clearing the way as she gestured for them both to take the lead, “But you can call me Kai.” 

The days that followed as Courtney became accustomed to the ways of the Red Ring, tested her more than anything had before. At first it was the newness of it all- thrown into the midst of a bunch of kids, young and teenagers alike- all there for similar reasons, wanting a family, a roof, somewhere to call home- and being the new kid amongst them. It came with a lot of malicious teasing, trying to get her to snap, or break and even with Z and Kaida taking her under their wings, she still felt backed into a corner.

It wasn’t until a few moons later, her energy dilapidated from an intensive day of testing and training, as she’d been preparing to head to bed and sleep off the budding exhaustion that she finally snapped. She’d just left Zig and Kai by the exit of the storage unit, Zig pulling her into a hug and Kai punching her shoulder halfheartedly, both of them about to head out onto the streets of LA at Shroud’s request to scour for potential recruits, when she retreated to the bunkhouse- only to see him there. 

The boy- Titus- as she’d come to learn, though he preferred Toxic, due to his radioactive appearance, stood beside his own bunk. He was older than her, that much she knew from when Kaida had given her the rundown on who to avoid- everyone- and who to trust- no one. Which meant he should’ve been out with the rest of them- finding lone, vulnerable people to report back to Shroud on. Instead, as she stepped further into the room, emboldened by Zig’s words from a few nights ago about how fear attracts but self-assurance, as fake as it might actually be, prevails in the face of danger, he pushed off of the metal pole he was leaning on and walked straight towards her. 

His eyes were glowing, oozing luminescent green droplets as he grinned wickedly, wearing just a white-tank top and shorts as his skin cracked, hazardous chemicals seeping through and staining the floor of which he walked, burning a hole into the concrete with his feet. “No more Z and K to go running to.” He tutted, pouting mockingly, “what a shame.” 

“It’s a good thing-” she said, heart hammering widely in her chest, a fearful adrenaline humming under the surface as she tapped into it, not running away from the fear but letting it aid her, “that I know how to hold my own then.” 

“Oh yeah?” He taunted, looking her up, down, then back up again, grin forming into a sneer. “What’s your power then…running around being Shroud’s little bitch?” He laughed, actually laughed at himself, amused by his own insults but Courtney knew better. 

She could see right through his little act, the want, the need for Shroud’s approval, his accusations, a confession, a mirror reflecting his own desire. 

“Something like that.” She said, opting for taking him by surprise as she blipped out of view, like a shroud of invisibility being pulled over her as his momentary shock provided her with an excuse for being rusty, her power sat unused for quite some time leaving it patchy. She moved swiftly, despite her arm, leg, and half of her face glitching in and out, and no sooner than she was behind him, he recovered from the shock- anger washing over his face as he tried to pinpoint where she was. 

“Show yourself, bitch!” He 

“That’s Invisibitch to you.” She said, reappearing, shoving him to the ground, his own power turning his mutant form back to his mortal one as she pressed her boot down onto his chest watching as he writhed beneath her hold. 

A low, drawn out applause sounded from the entrance of the bunkhouse. Both Toxic and Courtney looked up to see the figure who was now standing at the door- Shroud- gloved hands clapping together as he took in the scene of his two recruits scuffling on the floor. It greatly amused him. 

Then that faint glint of amusement disappeared, his cold, aggrieved eyes spat out, “Toxic.” 

“Shroud I-” he tried to get up, to stand at attention, not accounting for the boot pressing dangerously down on his ribs. 

“Stand down.” He ordered Courtney, watching as she took in a ragged breath, winded from just shoving Toxic before stepping back. He then glanced back at Toxic as the boy rushed to stand, pushing his chest out as Shroud walked over, assessing with calculating eyes, before looking away dismissively, Toxic visibly deflating at the dismissal. 

“Toxic.” He said with finality. 

“Sir?” his head perked up on instinct, unable to hide the hope in his eyes. 

“Show yourself out. Myself and Courtney have plenty to discuss.” 

Jaw clenched, shoulders tighter than they’d ever been Toxic glowered, mouth set in a snarl as he took a warning step closer to Courtney, but- under Shroud’s watchful gaze- he stepped back, holding his head high as he walked past Shroud and out the door. 

“I see you've met Toxic.” Eli said as a way of breaking the silence that followed after Toxic left, “Good kid, a little emotional. Very determined to prove himself.” He chuckled, and for a moment, just one moment, Courtney found herself feeling bad for the boy. His chuckle died away, as he frowned at her- as if to say I’m laughing, why are you not laughing? I demand you to laugh with me!- “If one time at butting-heads with someone on your side is where you draw the line, I fear we might have to renegotiate the terms of you being here.” 

“N...No.” She rushed to say, before correcting herself, “I mean that won't be necessary. I’m-” lie, lie, lie. “Just not used to the adrenaline rush.” 

He nodded in approval, a cloaked hand pressing down on her shoulders, his hold-tight, almost possessive as he said almost adoringly, “Good, because I have faith that you’ll make a mighty soldier.”

And it was in that moment, her first time of someone saying they believed in her that Courtney truly understood the power of Shroud’s words, the ache for his approval and the lengths a person would go to to get it. 

“So, therapy?” Chase said, eyes drawn into an unsure expression, in a way that said back in my day despite his old-aged-ness being a consequence of over using his powers rather than well, aging. He stood by the kitchen-counter, adorned in a yellow-sweatshirt and holding Beef in his arms, barely glancing up at Robert who was gathering his stuff for work. 

“Therapy.” Robert confirmed, half distracted himself as he gathered his work-phone, a few contracts from SDN’s sister company that he had to go over, finalise and sign and shoved them into his backpack. “For Courtney,” he added, because as much as he probably needed an hour- or five- to offload onto a therapist, that could wait another day. This plan couldn’t. 

“Going to take a lot more than therapy to get those sons of bitches to open up.” Chase remarked, scratching Beef’s belly earning him an excessive wag of the tail from the podgy chihuahua, “some people are just lost causes.” 

Robert’s jaw tightened at that- Chase’s mistrust on Courtney wasn’t unwarranted. It was something he’d carried with him for years, only marginally having gotten better when Kai came into the picture, but still old habits- and grudges- died hard. He zipped up his backpack, standing up from where he’d been on his haunches before sliding it over his shoulders and faced Chase. 

Chase frowned at the intensity on the young man’s face- shoulders squared, backpack on- a look that wasn’t entirely dissimilar to when he’d been a boy, angry at the world he was forced to save to carry on his fathers legacy, “but there's some sad fuckers out there who refuse to give up on them. And someone- not me- might say that’s pretty fucking heroic. Or stupid.”

“Stupidly heroic,” Robert breathed out, part-amusement, part-feeling helpless, as he scratched under Beef’s muzzle, "feels like I'm doing a lot of things like that lately.” 

“This ‘bout the new job?” He asked, holding Beef a little closer as Robert sat down on the couch to put on his shoes, “because it feels like it’s ‘bout the new job.” 

“The job, Courtney, Kai, the Z-Team…it’s all…” 

“A fucking shit-show?”

“Yeah. That’s…one way of putting it.” He frowned, finishing up with his work-trainers as he watched Chase begrudgingly put Beef down as he walked up to Robert- the latter standing up in confusion- as he was pulled into an embrace by the smaller man, his posture terrible and the whole thing more awkward than practical, but nice. 

Once the surprise ebbed away, Robert doing an even awkward-er back-pat as they pulled apart, Chase turned around and punched him- with less force than Courtney would’ve packed into it- square in the bicep, “It might be a fucking shit-show, hell it might be the biggest mistake you’ll make in your life-” 

“Okay…” Robert said, folding his arms across his chest wondering if Chase was about to spout wisdom or just tell him how utterly fucked he was. 

“But it will be a mistake you made, on your own terms. Not some old-ass footsteps of your old man’s- may his dumbass rest in peace- that you feel you gotta follow, not something someone else is wanting you to do- this is all you, for better or worse.” 

“For better or worse.” Robert echoed, Chase’s words sitting heavy in his heart and running rampant in his mind. The worst part was, he wasn’t wrong, for so long he’d spent his teen years, well into adult-hood living up to his dad’s expectations from beyond the grave, trying to avenge him, his whole life built around sacrifice and dying a hero. He wasn’t sure when was the last time he did something for himself, just because. 

“It’s not all bad,” Chase chimed in, just as the silence had started to become uncomfortable, too drawn out, “lucky fucker sunning your white ass up down in Florida.” Somehow Beef had gravitated back into his arms, being given belly-rubs galore as the older man continued, looking around the apartment's usual set up, “least you're all packed up and ready for the move.” He gestured with his now-free hand, much to Beef’s disappointment- around the room. 

Robert shook his head at the overused quip- his lack of furniture always up for a ribbing- before grabbing his car-keys off the side as he opened the front-door, voice deadpan, “Ha-Ha. Definitely haven’t heard that one before. See I was going to offer you a ride to work but for that..” He paused at the door like he was contemplating the idea.  

“Fucker.” Chase grumbled, pushing past an amused Robert as he headed down the steps- Beef in arms- whilst he locked up his apartment, taking the bare complex all in, what had been his first-real home- besides his dad’s old place- since he was nineteen. He switched off the main lights before locking up and following behind his two-best friends. 

When they’d reached work, after going between his usual dispatch duties and sifting through emails and paperwork, he’d regalled Courtney in the break-room with some words of motivation that had surprised even himself, subtly dropping the suggestion and hoping- if she was ready- that she’d take it. 

That was how he’d found himself in Brainbook’s office, stood out of the way in the corner, half an hour before her next appointment, a free slot that he was hoping Courtney would take. He’d been standing beside the door, waiting, timing when he’d slip out and ‘bump’ into Courtney after a riveting therapy session. Surprisingly Brainbook had been on-board with it, despite his presence going into her allotted lunch-time she’d seemed oddly passive about. 

A little too passive. 

He looked over his shoulder to see her sitting at her desk, typing away and eating a pre-wrapped sandwich, but she’d glance at him every so often, leaving him to feel like he’d been unknowingly baited. 

“You can sit.” She offered, “Time won’t pass any faster standing.” 

He contemplated the offer, suspicion clear on his face before he relented and sat down onto the couch, knees apart. She resumed the click-clacking of her keyboard as his own eyes took in his surroundings, more curious than observing, noting a few of the posters on the wall were similar to the ones in the dispatch-centre. Same slogans and motivations, mostly plastering Phenomaman’s face. 

“I got to decorate the room when I was given the job, really make it my own.” Brainbook said in a way of enticing conversation, but it didn’t feel demanded of him, it felt natural. Like they weren’t just talking to fill the silence, but because he actually wanted to. “I think we undermine the importance of making our own spaces- whether that be in social circles, with friends or family- or even with ourselves, it’s good to have that space to explore, branch-out and learn- or un-learn- things about ourselves. Sound familiar?” 

There it was. Bait dropped. Robert? Reeled in hook, line and sinker. 

For a moment he wondered if she was in his mind, sifting through all of his doubts and insecurities from the past week, then contemplated the possibility of her secretly being a witch- possibly the same one who’d made Golem sentient with her magic- and was using witchcraft to somehow read all of his feelings- but he scrapped those thoughts, admiring Brainbook’s for what she was- a woman with unmatched smarts, and a scarily good ability to read people by their body language alone. 

“I guess,” he offered in a non-answer answer. He adjusted his position on the couch, resting a leg over the other as he scratched absentmindedly at his jaw, “I mean...I guess subconsciously I've divided my live’s into parts…my work, home-life, my daughter. Those are my spaces.”

“You said lives,” she picked, out of everything he’d just said, “plural. Do you feel like you’re living two separate lives?” 

Gnawing panic worked at Robert from the inside, his eyes widening slightly before he schooled his expression. He could lie, throw in a half-truth or play it off as a blunder, but sat on the couch, surrounded by someone who was wanting to listen, he found himself opening up. “I separate my past-self- after I lost my dad, roped up in being Mecha-Man from the..well, me now. Someone’s dad, a guy who kinda got things going for him.” He joked, self-deprecatingly, “It’s easier this way. Less messy, less..”

“Painful?” She finished for him, “wanting to grow, to move on- if you will- is a normal ambition to want to strive to achieve. But what a lot of people don’t realise is that when we shove the past to the side, toss it away, out of sight, out of mind, we’re doing more harm than good. All that happens is that those unaddressed memories are left to fester, which often leads to resentment, or a sense of feeling like we’re hung up on the past when we’re trying desperately to move forward, to escape- finding ourselves in a neverending loop which prevents us from breaking the circle. Does that reflect any of what you’ve been feeling?” 

“Yeah.” He breathed out, all of the wind knocked out of his sails, his brain feeling like it had been reset, given clarity. He swallowed thickly, “yeah it does.” 

“Well, that concludes us for today.” She said, setting her notepad down on the arm of her chair. “Take time to think about what we’ve just discussed, and if you feel you’d benefit from extra sessions, my door is always open.” 

He blinked, their not a therapy session having made him feel both lighter yet ripped open. “I’d…yeah I'd like that.” 

With a half-smile she stood, walking over with him to the door, opening it up as she stepped to the side to let him pass. She watched as his eyes widened a fraction at the sight of Courtney leant against the bulletin board, before his eyes gave way to something softer. 

“So, therapy?” Zig said, taking off their guitar as they set it besides the couch before sitting on the arm-rest- an unofficial truce between them. The fire below the mantle piece flickered, shadows cast across the living-room wall. 

“Therapy.” Courtney confirmed, feet tucked up under her backside, an array of different leaflets sprawled out on the coffee table, a discarded tub of takeout near the coaster. She’d been looking at- okay, obsessing over- the different therapists available from private companies to SDN’s very own. If she went private the expense would be eye-watering, if she went the SDN route…it felt too close, too tied into everything and everyone she loved. Separating work and…trauma seemed like the right thing to do. 

“Good for you.” Z said earnestly, Courtney budging up as they flopped down beside her- glancing over at the leaflets before trying to read her- which was futile, she’d mastered her poker-face, kinda. “And this is because of your baby daddy-?”

“Not what he’s called.”

“-leaving in three weeks?” 

“How do you know about that?” Courtney frowned, when they’d moved in together they’d set clear rules- Z using their ability to mind-read being one of the things off-limits. 

“Your girl talks,” Z said in way of an answer, “kid with big feelings, which is wild considering you and the father of said kid are emotionally suppressed recluse's. Definitely doesn’t get her social-ness from either of you.” 

Courtney frowned deeper, “she said something to you?” 

“More informed me that she was going to steal Beef, but I read between the lines. She’s a lot like you in that way.” 

“I don’t want to steal Beef-“

“No, dumbass,” Z shook their head, sitting up slightly as they swivelled to face Courtney who was looking pointedly- avoidantly- at the carpet. “I mean she might be an out there social-butterfly and you…well, the opposite-“

Courtney went to argue but Zig continued.

“-and I know it’s because Shroud did a number on you. But you both wear your hearts on your sleeve, whether you want it there or not is a different story. But that’s how she’s like you. You love quietly, but you love all the same. He took a lot of things from you but he was never able to take that.”

She sat with that for a while- everyone always said that Kaira was Robert’s double- everyone but Robert who insisted she was Court’s mini-me- but to hear they were alike in their feelings terrified Courtney. One of her insecurities- that she’d add to the pin board to discuss with a therapist when she eventually decided which route she wanted to go down- was how emotionally stunted she was. 

She’d had to grow up too young, spending her vital ages of development being mature far beyond her years. First with her bio-dad, as soon as she’d been old enough to speak and run he’d taught her the ways of petty crimes, leading her to Shroud. Then with her pseudo-dad, Eli, she’d spent all her time trying to appease him, to be the best of the best- a good little soldier. And for what? 

If Kai- impressionable as she was at five- was being raised by someone whose maturity was stunted, what hope did she have? 

“Hey,” Z called out, pulling her out from spiralling. Courtney blinked, quashing the panic building in her chest as she noticed Zig was now standing in the kitchen, “whiskey to ease your weary soul?”

Courtney laughed, sad, confused and feeling so many things as she nodded, watching as Zig pulled the bottle- the bottle from that night in the alley- off the shelf and poured two glasses, “sure, thanks.”

Glasses in hand Z sat back down next to Courtney, setting them both on the coffee table- condensation slightly seeping into the leaflet of the private therapy, inked words slightly marring.

“To finally taking your ass to therapy.”

Courtney took her glass, air-cheersing with Zig’s before downing the glass and licking the rim clean. 

“So, therapy?” Robert said in the break-room, lifting the flap of the vending machine to receive his Twinkie.

“Therapy.” Courtney confirmed for the second time that day, looking up from where she was sitting at the table, watching as he sat down in the chair opposite her. She watched as he unwrapped the Twinkie, taking a bite before placing it down. 

“That’s…that seems like a good start.” He offered around a swallow, “I don’t know everything-“ she could hear the silence just the stuff you mumbled about mid-panic attack- that he didn’t voice, “but it feels like you’re making a big step.” 

“Big is one word for it.” 

“For what it’s worth.” He started, contemplating professionalism over reassurance. He wanted to say he was proud. It was a huge step, admitting you need help. But knowing Invisigal that would either end in his shoulder being punched for being gushy, or her retreating further into herself- neither sounding like the ideal outcome. So instead he went, trying for a cheap-laugh, “I’m pretty sure SDN hires people on the merit of how much they need therapy, so maybe you passed with flying colors.”

It did earn him a small huff, which was close enough to a laugh that he took it.  

“Yeah, we’re all pretty fucked up,” She conceded, peering down at the table, deep in thought till she saw Robert pulling his chair out from under the table. He watched her for a moment, dark-eyebrows furrowed as if trying to see inside her head before offering out his bitten-Twinkie, a peace offering of sorts. 

“Fucked up but not irreparable.” He watched as she took the offering, unsurely at first before looking back up at him as he headed to the door, hesitating before tapping his finger on the frame, “I checked the therapist's availability on the information board, she has a walk-in available in half an hour. Might be worth just showing your face and getting a feel. Baby steps are still a step.” 

With that burst of wisdom he was gone. 

And Courtney wasn’t so sure anymore that her heart- traitorously- hadn’t left with him. 

Half an hour later- after a quick, just to calm the nerves, smoke out in the parking lot. Courtney had found her way to the therapists office, off to the side of the main-building, tucked out of the way like it was the last thing thought about in construction. Piss-poor planning on their behalf if she was being honest. 

She stood outside just for a moment, back leant against the notice board because now that she was there…it was real. Not just the off-loading on a total stranger but being face-to-face with accepting that she wasn’t okay, furthest thing from it actually. And that felt like a weakness, and Eli…long ago, had ingrained into her that weakness got people killed, made people slack, distracted..a liability. 

Then the door opened, startling her out of her reverie, as a familiar red-headed, blue-shirt man stepped out- the man who’s Twinkie she’d just consumed, not a euphemism, in the break-room, looking refreshed, eyes-brighter and heart lighter. Robert gifted her a half-smile, that could also pass for a shit-eating grin, the way his eyes crinkled in amusement as if to say, fancy seeing you here, before stepping out of the way so the therapist- Brainbook?- could step out, poised with a notepad. 

“That was a productive first session, Robert.” She said in a way of excusing him back to his cubicle, before turning to Invisigal, “Courtney-” she stiffened at the sound of her name out of anyone's mouth other than Zig’s, Robert’s- sometimes the Z-Team’s- it felt intimate, setting expectations she wasn’t ready to set yet, “If you’d like to follow me in?” 

Courtney took one look at Robert’s retreating form, at the fact she hadn’t known he’d been keen on taking therapy, not that she had any right to know, but she secretly hoped that their talk under the stars had maybe been the shove he needed. The thing was, despite wanting others to have the resources to work on their shit, to be the best version of themselves- she wasn’t as kind as to grant herself that kind of liberty. It was easy to want the best for someone else but admitting you yourself deserved it, was a whole other thing. 

“Courtney?” Brainbook said again, a little softer but no less professional as she took the lead, walking in before sitting down in her chair. “If you’d like to take a seat, we can begin.” 

After only a moment of hesitation, heart in her throat she crossed the threshold of the safety of the SDN office and into this entirely new territory, with no wall left bare- Phenomaman slogans plastered top to bottom, the usual breathing techniques scattered around and a board hooked onto the wall with random note etchings. 

“Do you always assess new environments?” Brainbook pondered conversationally, and Invisigal was surprised by how easy-going it felt, a little invasive yeah, but she didn’t feel interrogated like she was expecting to feel. She let her defences lower, just a bit. 

“Everyone does,” she said, moving over from where she was standing by the door to sink into the couch. “Whether they do it as meticulously,” she shrugged, easing into the environment with less hostility.

“That may be true, but they usually observe, make a comment on the decor, spark up a conversation- you’re scrutinising like the room’s going to implode.” 

“Observant,” Courtney commended, a little unsettled as she shifted on the couch, trying to get comfy and make it her own because she couldn’t force herself to relax but she could mimic other people she’d seen relaxing. “Why’s a former superhero working some low-paid therapist job? Now that’s something that should be studi-” she frowned, watching as Brainbook wrote something that looked like- deflecting- on her notepad. 

“This is entirely voluntary,” she answered, setting the pen down as she slid one leg over the other and focused on Courtney’s stiff demeanour. “Just like you being here is voluntary, you are free to leave at any time, and yet you’re still here.” 

Okay, say it like it is.  

“I…” she frowned, trying to think of the first thing she wanted- most of them obtainable, but one stood out there above the rest, “I’m here because I want to be a better mom.” 

That gave Brainbook pause, scribbling some notes down before allowing her the space to elaborate. 

“I know everyone probably says that-” she thought about it, did everyone say that because she couldn’t have imagined her dad wanting to be a better dad. “But I do. And I know I can't be the best version of myself for her, until I'm the best version of myself for me.” 

“You look-” Robert started, coffee-cup to his lips before thinking better of it as he shook his head. 

“Shit?” Courtney finished for him, stepping into the break-room as she bummed a dollar from him- not having had the foresight to bring her purse after her trip down memory lane which had left her hyperventilating, sweaty and stepping out of the room so Kai hadn’t seen. 

“Well I was going to say you look how I feel, but yeah.” He said, concern etching his face as he set his coffee-cup down and slid his hand into his trouser pocket, looking definitively not shit. If anything- and if they didn’t have the whole complicatedly bound to each-other in every way but the fun kind going on- she’d even go as far to say he looked…nice. Which was…suspicious. No one, dispatchers especially, stored away in their cubicles all shift- rarely interacting with anyone who wasn’t communicating via the headset- gave two thoughts to how they looked. 

It was now that she wasn’t focusing on him that she noticed the him in front of her was wearing cologne…and not the knock-off stuff she’d bought him for Christmas- he was wearing cologne cologne. What was even more strange was he looked nervous. Not outwardly showing it, if anyone else was to see him they’d have thought he looked cool, calm and collected but not Courtney. His shaving job was half-heartedly done, faint red splotches where he’d nicked his jaw, the stubble kind of hot. His usual scuffed work-trainers- which she’d been itching to tell him were unlaced, so he’d bend down to fix them despite them being perfectly tied- had been replaced with brown loafers. 

What in the actual fuck? 

“Why do you look like you got held hostage by a tailor who hates his job?” 

Tit for tat. An insult in exchange for another. 

He shook his head, not rising to it- ever the mature one, mostly, as he took a seat at the break-room table, finger circling the rim of his cup- which Courtney could own the fact that she’d be having a date-night with her vibratator later on, the fun without the risk- as he took a breath and said, “I’m having a meeting with Mandy, and a few other higher-ups, to discuss…a possible revaluation of my contract with SDN. Because..” he frowned, like he’d already made up his mind about how he felt about it but looked almost hesitant to know her own feelings. “Because I've been offered a higher position at a different Branch, SDN’s sister company. It’s more hours, more pay, they’re looking at expanding what we’ve- what you’ve all done with the Phoenix Program and introduce more like it.” 

“Okay..?” she said, waiting for the other shoe to drop, because this sounded too good to be true, she wanted this for him, she was happy for him that after years of busting their balls, keeping them in line and mostly out of trouble, he was finally getting the recognition he deserved. 

He bit the bullet. “It’s in Florida.”

“Oh.” 

“Yeah.” 

“That’s…”

“Pretty fucking far? Yeah.” He huffed out, adjusting his tie- since when the fuck did he wear a tie?- “Obviously I'm not going to go for it-”

“Why wouldn’t you go for it?” She looked affronted, offended on his behalf at the idea. 

“Because it’s over two-thousands miles away from Kai?” And you, he added in his head. Like it was the most obvious thing. 

“This is everything you’ve been working towards.” She pointed out, purposefully glossing over what he’d just said- because okay, fair that was a valid reason that she didn’t have a retort to- “You stopped being Mecha-Man so that you could focus on your career. Said career has the chance to grow into something more and you’re what- backing out because of distance? You do know we have numerous friends who can fly right? And even if they’re indisposed I'm not too cheap to buy a ticket.” 

He shook his head like she wasn’t getting it. But before he could counter-back the break-room door opened, Blonde-Blazer stepping in as she looked between them both- notepad in hand, tamping down a smile at the sight as they both scraped their chairs marginally away from the other’s- only just realising how close they’d drawn together in the heat of the conversation. 

She cleared her throat, smothering her amusement, “Robert, we’re ready when you are.” 

“How’d it go then, lad?” Punch-Up asked through the line, a distinctive groan sounding in the background as he sucker-punched someone's cock. Robert slid on his head-set, head still swimming with all of the information he’d just had spewed at him. The meeting had gone…as well as a meeting can go, he’d introduced himself, Mandy sang his praises, they tried not to seem too keen but ultimately gave him the offer there and then-

And yet, and yet- 

“It went as well as expected.” He answered as honestly as he could, before pausing because he hadn’t told anyone but Courtney. “How do you know about the job offer?” 

“Job offer?” Punch-Up tried to play it off, “I wasn’t on about any job offer lad, just asking about your..” he paused, at a loss for a lie as Robert sighed. 

“Invisigal?” He tried not to sound miffed, conjuring up professionalism because the calls- as always- were being monitored. 

“It wasn’t me.” Visi said, sounding affronted for an entirely different reason this time. “Squirt-Boy was perving on us.” 

“I…I was not..!” Waterboy tried to defend, “I..I was locked in the..janitors room by F..Flambae- a..and overheard..” 

Flambae chuckled on the line, “eh, bitch boy watched and I let him out in exchange for what you two were talking about.” He frowned, fire simmering within as his mood changed in a flicker, “turns out you’re fucking abandoning us.” 

“S..Sorry Robert.” 

“It’s okay, bud. You all would’ve found out eventually anyways.” Robert reassured, despite uneasiness settling under his skin. For better or worse, the Z-Team had become family and saying goodbye could do more damage than good. 

“Okay,” Robert breathed out, “new rule- no more locking people in places in exchange for things. Secondly, i’m not abandoning anyone- thirdly, if anyone is feeling abandonment issues SDN has a perfectly good therapist for staff-” 

“You’re changing the subject.” Malevola said in that soothing, but pointed way of hers. 

“I-” He frowned, thinking better to argue differently on a call with people who could read others in their sleep, “I am.” 

“Get on with it!” Prism said, impatient, the sentiment echoed by the rest- from everyone but Courtney. 

“Right.” He said, checking the locations, assessing and patching in calls as he drew out the minutes before relenting, “There is no easy way to say this so, I’m just going to get it out there. I accepted the job offer. I fought to stay on, to delay the transfer till you guys finish the programme. They..wouldn’t accept. So we have three weeks, whilst I work my notice, left together.”

“Well shit.” 

For once Robert couldn’t help but agree with his team. 

“How..” Prism asked, clearly with prompting from Malevola who was busy impaling her broadsword into the side of the apartment complex they were down, waiting on the crook- a block away, who thought Invisigal was still chasing him though she’d invisi’d out of there three blocks ago- that was heading down the alley they where booby-trapping. “..you feeling about the whole Robert going to Florida thing?” 

Courtney had to stop herself from smiling at how asking someone how they were feeling seemed to physically pain Prism- they’d had their differences, okay a lot of differences, when they’d first started out but over the years, and probably Kaira softening everyone up a bit, they’d mellowed out, both just there to do a job and go home at the end of the day. Still, the friendship that had grown between them over time was nice. 

“Oh that?” Courtney shrugged, watching where the sword was sticking out which would send the guy tripping over- leaving him only marginally injured by the magic emitting from it. “I mean I'm gutted for Kai. I don’t know how she’ll cope so far from Beef.” she half joked as Prism and Malevola shared a look, a- you’re not fooling anyone- look, “I’m...happy for him.” 

“Uh huh. Who you trying to convince? Us or yourself?” 

Before she could think of something witty to deflect with, the guy came barrelling around the corner- panting, sweating and looking at Invisigal confused- looking behind him, where she wasn’t- before eating shit as he went down face-first, Malevola already grabbing him up and restraining him. 

“That boy toy of yours,” Invisigal looked to Prism, ready to deny, deny, deny, “isn’t as hopeless as you give him credit for, you really think this mission needed all three of us on it? Shit, Malevola could’ve handled this fucker with her hands tied behind her back. He did it because he knew you needed someone to talk to.” 

“He did it because he knew you needed someone to talk to.” One of Eli’s other kids-Daniel-, a bunk above her own, defended, justifying, too deeply ingrained in the scraps that Shroud had to offer to know any better. She’d- for reasons that remained a mystery to her- poured her heart out to her bunk mate, hoping for…she wasn’t sure. But all she’d got in return was a spiel that eerily could’ve come from Shroud’s own mouth, word for word. “It’s why he took me from my parents, he takes care of me and they don’t have to worry about another mouth to feed.” 

Courtney didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at the absurdity that this boy just believed his parents were unharmed that Shroud would take their kid, leaving open-ends easy enough to pin back to him, and let them live. It was a delusion she envied.

 She might’ve been a monster in the making but even she didn’t have the heart to ruin this world he’d constructed in his subconscious to keep himself going. 

“Goodnight.” She said in way of an answer, turning to face the wall. The bricks lined with grime and cracks were mostly covered by blueprints- some she’d been designing in her spare time- cybernetic implants that Eli had kept promising and promising he’d look at it, get someone to make them eventually- but eventually didn’t seem to have a deadline, and when it did it was only ever to blackmail her with. 

Those weeks turned into years, and those years blurred her into something unrecognisable. Soft edges turned hard by years of disappointment, loss and pain. It was easier to slip into the Invisibitch role, or maybe they’d become one and the same. It wasn’t until one night, she was sitting against the wall of the old warehouse- turned exploitation ring, her lungs rattling and aching, that he finally gave her what she’d been wanting- the implants. He’d surprised her with them the next morning, when she’d been scared she wouldn’t make it through the night, handed them over like he knew, any thoughts she’d had of fleeing were quashed at the sight of the implants. 

But she should’ve known they weren’t without a cost. Weren’t from the goodness of his heart. Or given out of a newfound care for her well being. 

She was his machine, this was just an upgrade. 

“Good.” Eli said- decked in his Shroud uniform- as she took the implants in her hand, getting a feel for the metal, “they’ll serve you well when you place that bomb on the back of Mecha-Man’s suit.” 

“Visi. Courtney, I need you to breathe. Inhale for two-” 

Courtney did just that, again, then again, allowing for Robert’s voice to envelop her, pull her from the edge of the past threatening to drag her back under. Her mind- cloudy but clearing, throat tight but getting easier to breathe through as she looked up to see Malevola and Prism close by but giving her space. 

She didn’t need to check to know they were on a private line- part of her, the part that wasn’t still stuck in the past, clawing for a way out of an old-life she’d long since escaped from- was grateful her breakdown wasn’t broadcasted to the rest of the team. 

“Robert.” She managed to get out, head resting back against the rain-slick brick wall. 

“Yeah?” He said, recognising what she was feeling- the final piece holding everything together has tumbled and now all was left to do was pick everything up and rebuild. But she didn’t have to do it alone.

It was mid-week, an early morning start as Courtney groaned into her pillow. The quilt that she usually cocooned up in had bunched up due to a fitful sleep, laid pitiful on the floor, leaving her shivering. She slowly lifted up from the pillow, cracking an eye open to see the- 5:27AM- displayed on the alarm clock. Sleep was calling her, but she was weeks- after almost six years- out from graduating from the Phoenix Program, so as much as she wanted to flip the finger to the idea of leaving the sleep threatening to pull her under- a part of her, some deeply buried time from when she was a kid and revelled in praise, was almost excited to move on from the Z-Team, a sense of accomplishment sitting nicely in her chest at the thought. And it’s not like the Z-Team would be parting ways, they were in far too deep for that, some- not Visi of course- would even call them family. A fucked up, at times questionable bunch of rehabilitated villains. But no less family. 

With one more definitive contemplation about rolling back over and succumbing to the still fresh nightmare that was likely awaiting her, Courtney didn’t get to make that decision as little steps sounded down the hallway. She listened out, propping herself up on the pillow as the door handle was pushed down, Kai stood in the doorway- hair rumpled, eyes still sleepy as she declared, “I’m awake.” 

“I can see that.” Courtney said, pulling herself- heartbreakingly- out of bed, she walked over to the door, hand resting on Kai’s shoulder as she guided her out of the room and down the stairs as their day officially began. Kai followed alongside her, steps sleepy and drawn-out as they both padded into the kitchen, Courtney’s roommate already having left if the note on the fridge was anything to go by. They’d had a falling out last-night, she’d tried to explain that band practice at 11pm wasn’t ideal under the same roof as a kid in bed for 9. And it wasn’t like her roommate wasn’t well-aware, or like Visi hadn’t been encouraging them to take every gig and opportunity they’d been handed- but this argument continued to be a stalemate between them. 

Staying out late. Don’t wait up. - Z. 

Courtney rolled her eyes, taking the note off the fridge and placing it in the trash can as she turned to see Kai trying to hoist herself up onto one of the chairs at the kitchen island, the stool wobbling as she swooped in and lifted her daughter onto the seat. “Sit still fidget-butt. What do you want for breakfast?” 

Kai grinned, dimples on show, legs swinging on the tall chair. “Oatmeal pleaseeee.” 

“Hmm.” Courtney made a show of thinking about it, “I don’t know…” 

“Pretty pleaseeee?” Kai bargained, sleepiness slowly abating as Courtney grabbed a blueberry oatmeal sachet, heating up the stovetop kettle and grabbing two bowls out. 

“I guess I can do that for you.” She said, like the effort was a great feat- which, to be fair, with the lack of sleep she was running on, that wasn’t entirely far from the truth. Her phone chimed on the counter- Robert Robertson- because formality was safe, popping up as a message notification. 

RR: Morning. Tell Kai morning. Unless she’s being a grump. Then don’t put yourself in that line of fire. 

For the second time that morning Courtney rolled her eyes, but instead of irritation being the cause it was due to a feeling not entirely dissimilar to fondness…but on Kai’s behalf, for the fact that even-though there dynamic was a shit-show, they still made it work for her sake- they were still able to work as a semi-functioning team to give her two parents that were present. More than the two of them ever got. 

She shot him back a text just as the water came to a boil as she added the oats into a pan and stirred in the hot water before turning to Kai. “Dad-” she’d never grow used to calling Robert that, that much she knew. “Said morning.” 

Kai looked up at that, like she could make Robert materialise in the kitchen- which thankfully she couldn’t, they’d kept an eye-out in her first years waiting for any sign or slither of a hint that she had powers, so far they were in the clear. “Go see Beef?” 

“Not quite yet.” Which translated to, not a chance, but she didn’t need to know that. The plan had been for Zig’s to watch Kaira whilst her and Robert were at work, but with the whole disagreement thing last-night and the fact that Z had seemingly left the house- probably to avoid another pointless back-and-forth- Royd, was their best option. Which was easy enough, he loved having Kaira around the place, letting her sit in the big-arm chair whilst he tinkered and talked her ear off. Though she’d have to have a word with him to keep glowy, tempting prototypes out of the reach of the child who could give a magpie a run for its money- after last week's incident. 

She’d meant it, sat under the stars with Robert when he’d voiced his insecurities she didn’t blame him- couldn’t really, she’d be a hypocrite the amount of times she’d left shit around the house- but mostly because even five years into the whole parenting thing, they were still learning, righting wrongs and trying to be better versions of themselves despite the cards they were dealt when they were younger. And that had to count for something. 

Once the oatmeal was ready she disputed it into the two bowls, popped a spoon in Kai’s before sliding it towards her as they sat in relative silence, apart from the boiler fixed to the wall humming. It was weird, Courtney thought as she sat there with her daughter, because no one prepares you for it- this little person in your life, who entirely relies on you to not only provide a roof, food on the table- but to teach them, love on them, protect them but don’t coddle them, to be there role-model but how do you do that? How do you do that when all you had was a shitty-excuse for a sperm donor, who tangled you into their life of crime then left you to fend for yourself? 

She spooned a serving of oatmeal onto her spoon, letting it sit there as her eyes drifted to the few photos on the mantle piece- most of them pre-Kai, of her and Zig living wild and reckless, a time she only partly missed, but there was one- of Kaira just a wrinkled, fussy old-lady looking baby in her arms, back at the hospital with Robert- looking harried, sleeves rolled up and that SDN shirt she was pretty certain was basically welded to his body, because he’d almost missed it- as he stood besides them, eyes-wide as he took in this tiny person that was their’s. Mandy- kai’s god-mother, had took the photo, they didn’t know about it till much later- too observed in the wonder that was Kai to have paid much notice- until she’d given it to them- Robert having insisted Courtney should have it- and it had been there ever since- through every birthday, christmas, tears, tantrums, first-steps and milestones. The first and last time they’d- just for a moment- been a proper family. 

Her heart felt oddly heavy looking at the photograph, she’d not always had the best memories with hospitals- if her dream last night was anything to go by, dredging up the past. But it was almost bitter-sweet, enough to make her a little choked, as she thought about how far she’d come from that night. 

The night when Eli came into the picture, gave her an offer she couldn’t refuse- in exchange for her blind loyalty. 

“Severe damage to the lungs. Irreparable tissue scarring-” 

When Courtney finally came to- scared, somewhat alone, but impossibly alive- her throat felt tight, her body-stiff and aching as she blinked, vision spotty as the nurse stood a few feet back, talking to an older-guy. 

The guy- she couldn’t put a name to the face- stood there, impassive but observing- paying no mind to the nurse, looking over her shoulder and directly at Courtney. Her arm-hair, which she was sure had been singed off in the fire, would’ve stood on end at the sight of the guy. 

He frowned, but it didn’t look natural- like it was taking more effort to signal to his brain on how to act like a person- like an entity wrapped in the skin of a human, trying to pass off as being one of them. His gaze was cold, calculated, nothing like the faux concern that dripped from his lips, “she will recover?” 

“In time.” The nurse answered solemnly, like she was consoling a father, “but we are talking an extensive amount of physical therapy-”

Eli could hear the words she wasn’t voicing, too focused on the potential of another of society's dregs joining the Red-Ring to let a little thing like costs set them back, “Money won’t be a problem.” 

She nodded, excusing herself- unknowingly not leaving father and daughter to reunite after tragedy, but allowing for a prey to go in for the kill. Courtney sat up, as much as her throbbing body allowed, back cushioned against the pillow- not all that different from when Mecha-Man had held her in his arms, when she’d been dipping in and out of consciousness- before finally, after years of bidding and doing her father’s dirty work, to the guy who probably had had him killed- she was face to face with Elliot Connors. 

Chapter Four

The smoke filled her lungs, burning her throat from the inside out as she tried to make heads and tails of which part of the street she was heading towards through the hazy, thick smog that seemed to cling to her. The generator at the side of the passing convenience store let out a sputtering breath as its vent churned out more of the fumes buying her a few more seconds to escape the harried man that had been chasing her for three blocks. 

Pushing herself forward, out of the safety net and temporary blind-spot that the smoke had to offer, she turned a corner hoping to meet a long, windy back-alley that would spit her out in the middle of the city- but no dice. She collided into a chain-link wall, leather jacket snagging on one of the wires as she took in the dead-end she’d run straight into. She clutched the shitty system unit she’d nicked from the trash at the back of a retro gaming store, the staff member- who must have been on break, or an exemplary employee that surely didn’t get paid enough to chase her three blocks- glaringly obvious under her jacket. 

Usually swiping food from a company that could afford the hit to inventory was her mo, but she’d heard whispers of a starter-up group of ex-offenders banding together- trialling out the name the Red Ring- which was nefarious sounding enough, who were offering quick money, no questions asked in exchange for all sorts of wiring, fuses and any scrap metal they could get their hands on. They didn’t ask questions so neither had she. 

She was expected to be meeting up with one of the goons of the group-the messenger or the guy who did the dirty work, she wasn’t sure- down by the pier fifteen minutes ago, but she’d had to detour when the worker had been determined to chase her on foot. 

“Just-” he paused to catch his breath, man-bun bobbing in the wind as he stood in the alley looking out of place in his corduroys and sky-blue work-shirt. “Hand it over, kid.” 

She gave one last look back to the fence, wondering if she could climb it carrying fifteen pounds worth of equipment- she couldn’t. Even debated pointing at a random direction and hoped the guy was dumb enough to fall for it so she could slip past him and run to the pier. But she didn’t have to because for better or worse, in her case, much much worse a familiar older-man walked into the alley, not even sparing a glance in her direction as he took the monitor- forcing it out of her hands before handing it to the gentleman with a placid, almost-friendly look- Kid’s, what can you do with them?- that she knew was all for show. 

“Sorry about that,” he patted the suddenly unsure worker’s shoulder, as if he could see the tension and skittishness radiating from the young girl and decided now was the time he didn’t get paid enough to care as he took the monitor, turned on his heel all to go back to dispose of it. 

With the one person who could stand as witness gone the older man rounded on her, scarred hand outstretching to grip her chin forcibly, “you stupid bitch.” He spat, looking at his daughter in disdain. Courtney didn’t flinch, didn’t break eye-contact, didn’t give him the chance to see her falter, because that is what he wanted. What he’d thrived on. 

“I said you-!” He sucked in air, lungs heaving with the aggression that wanted to tumble out of them. 

“I heard you.” She said, nicely, not giving him an excuse to lash out- not like he ever needed one. “And I'll do better next time.” 

“There won’t be a next time.” If Courtney had paused, took a moment to realise that his words had been laced with an underlying threat, maybe she’d known what was coming before it had happened. Instead she’d been too focused on the subsequent sting that came with failing someone. “You had one chance, Eli was waiting for you by the docks. You were supposed to deliver him the shit- which, a system unit was all you could get?” he taunted, letting go of her jaw, the force sending her stumbling back a few steps as she cupped her aching face. 

“I’m sorry, I tried-” she said, words heavy in her throat as she refused to let the tears fall, not here, not in front of him. 

“Yeah, I'm sorry you tried to.” He shook his head, waving his hand like she was nothing but a pesky bug he could swat away as he shot her a look of pure, unbridled hatred before walking out the way Courtney had run in. The first tear threatened to fall not long after he’d left and before she let it her body rippled, disappearing out of view as she walked a few steps away, turning deeper into the belly of the alley before crumbling against a wall.

Alone, scared…but free to feel. 

That evening she’d kept herself to herself in her room, the residue anger poisoning the air as she heard him thumping loudly outside in the kitchen, cupboard doors slamming louder than necessary as she tried to tune him out- putting in the tangled earphones she’d nicked on her last job and connecting them to the cracked Ipod she’d found on the side-walk. Going Under by Evanescence statically playing as she turned the volume to its max, sobbing into the sleeve of the zip-up jacket she’d thrown on shortly after getting back to the apartment as she tried to imagine what she wanted her life to be like in ten years, where she’d be, who’d she’d be. Courtney or Invisbitch. Living an ordinary life of stepping further into the life of crime. If she’d have a place to call home, make friends…maybe find a family. If he’d still be around. 

The thought of that sent a sickening swirl of anger coursing through her as though the urge to scream, to rid of all the built up feelings that had been clawing inside of her, begging to be let out.  

“I don’t know what you want- I don’t know what you wa-!” Thud, crack, splat. 

Courtney paused the song, listening out for the commotion she swore she’d just heard moments ago but all that followed was silence. She slowly pulled herself out of bed, tear-stained sleeves flopping at her side as she opened the bedroom door slowly, so slowly the anticipation gnawing at her as she tentatively called out, “dad?” The word tasted like acid on her tongue, reminiscent of when she had been a child who’d known no better, looking up at him, always trying to appease him. Being the son he’d always wanted, whilst being the daughter he’d never deserved. 

Silence followed as the door creaked across the floorboards, her body rippling once-again as she stepped foot into the entrance of the kitchen just off the side to her own room, unseen. Time seemed to stretch out as she took note of the speckle of blood beside her foot, before her eyes- though they fought to stay firmly on the floor- looked up to see a pool of blood in the centre of the kitchen. Splattered up the walls, the cupboards, dripping in rivulets. Courtney had never seen so much blood before. 

Then- as if her subconscious had been blocking out the figure for her own stability- she finally came to and saw her father, her sole-provider, the only person who’d stuck around- her abuser, laying face-first in his own blood, body-still and for the first time in sixteen years Courtney breathed a little easier. 

That was until the faint, but sharp acrid smell of fire filled the air, followed by the sound of the chain ratting on the front door- something heavy, like the chair that was missing from the dining table, being propped up against the door handle from the outside. She wasn’t sure if who’d bludgeoned her father knew she was there too, maybe they did and they were covering their tracks, because dodgy business had followed the dead man on the floor for as long as she’d been unfortunate to know him. As the smoke started to fill the room she brought her sleeve to her mouth, avoiding the fire that had been started at the other-side of the kitchen, the flames starting to lick at the body’s vulnerable flesh, the smell of charred skin drifting in the air as she thought back the urge to retch- a combination of the thickening smoke and the smell of burning skin suffocating the air. 

She’d process, grieve and spiral if she made it out alive, after. Right then she needed to focus on the growing flames, the kettle, microwave and toaster being engulfed with a sickening bang as her heart beat rapidly in her chest, knees threatening to buckle as she raced towards the window, trying to budge the stiff lock that led out to the fire-escape, but it wouldn’t. She barged her elbow into the glass hoping it would give, the glass- which she had once seen as a perk whilst living in a notable crime-ridden neighbourhood- was now what stood between her and death. 

Stepping away from the window- that the fire, as if fueled by her desperation had turned towards- she raced towards the door, kicking at it- throwing her whole body, arms, legs and back into trying to get it to budge, yanking at the door-handle as she kicked, screamed and pleaded because for once...now that she’d allowed herself the possibility to wish for something more, she wanted to live, she wanted to live dammit! 

Robert was initiating the Mecha-Man suit’s jets to prepare to land as he looked down at LA from the birds-eye-view it provided, his dad’s old house in the distance, the backyard where his shed still stood where he’d been storing away the suit unless he needed it to catch a perp- or like tonight, have a fly-by to clear his head, still stood tall, mostly unused and still up for sale. 

He’d been couch surfing on one of his old man’s friends of a friend's couch since his dad had passed, Chase checking in as and when, which had given him the time to pour his grief into something useful, taking up the mantle his grandad, and now dad, had left behind and ensuring that he was the hero LA needed. Or he’d die trying. 

He was just about to- stand by for landing- as his automotive controls so helpfully fed back to him, the robotic voice guiding him with the exact spot to land when in the distance, five or so blocks to the left, the suits mechanical eyes narrowed in on an apartment room a few stories up, deep orange flames enveloping the room as his infrared cameras focused on a figure slumped against the front-door. Heart in his throat and the buzzing energy that came at the thought of helping people, saving lives and following in his father’s footsteps Robert re-adjusted the GPS system to change route as he flew across the night sky of LA, landing more rougher than he’d have liked outside of the apartment building, concrete below crumbling under the weight of the suit. He debated for a split second getting out of his suit and rescuing whoever lied beyond the burning room as just Robert. 

But he shoved that idea deep down before setting off and racing up the flight of stairs, the bannister he- well the suit he’d instinctively told to hold onto it- groaned under the pressure as he raced up the stairs, reaching the seventh floor as his eyes landed on the chair barricading the person in. Intentionally. Premeditated. Storing that away to provide the fire-crew with- that he could faintly hear in the distance, a neighbour or passerby having phoned in- later once he’d gotten the person out so they could then come in and do their job. 

He grabbed the chair, throwing it down the hallway- still getting used to the strength the suit possessed- before trying the door handle which remained firmly in place. He frowned under the suit, brow furrowed giving way to wrinkles that didn’t belong on a sixteen-year-old boy. 

“I need you to-” he cleared his throat, intentionally making it deeper so he could be taken more seriously, “I need you to step away from the door. I’m here to help. If you could move back just a bit.” 

He waited, in the worst case scenario the person was unconscious, which would prove more difficult but not impossible. He waited. Waited. 

A rattled cough sounded, a deep, desperate inhale as he heard what sounded like a choked affirmative followed by a quiet, raw, “p..please.” 

Checking in the infrared to see that they had in fact moved back as he requested he took of the door handle, yanking it with all the strength of Mecha-Man as he pulled it off its hinges, a few bricks that had been above it falling in quick succession as he rushed in, scooping up the girl- who couldn’t have been that much older than himself- into his metallic arms as he yelled over the roaring of the fire, “Is there anyone else who was in there with you?” 

She glanced once over his shoulder, looking far-away and out of reach before shaking her head falling into a coughing fit. He raced back down the stairs, just as a bunch of firemen were outside setting up with a ladder and the truck as he carefully deposited her into the awaiting arms of a paramedic who helped her onto a stretcher, applying an oxygen mask as Robert looked away and down at the smoke residue marring the suit’s arms. 

“Mecha-Man.” A voice- a neighbour drawn in by the commotion breathed out in awe- this, amongst a few minor incidents was his first official sighting since taking up the mantle, but despite a small-half-mechanical wave in the guys direction he turned his focus back to the girl who was now sat up, bundled up in a thermal blanket as she took a ragged breath. He watched as she slipped the mask off whilst the paramedic was getting ready to load the stretcher into the back of the ambulance. 

“Thank’s for…saving my life back there.”