this is the first time i ever sign something iâve done. a fresh start my cat pals.

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@intergalactic-hitchhiker
this is the first time i ever sign something iâve done. a fresh start my cat pals.

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I should try my best to cut sugars, and limit alcohol. Because they are so high-energy with no benefits, and addictive. I think that It'll improve my mood a lot, and maybe get me back to feeling good about my body.
I should probably also cut crisps and dip... by much. But it's like the love of my life, food wise.
The first goal should probably be to succeed 6 week at first, and then hopefully sticking to it. If I manage to up the amount of cardio I do at the gym, especially after my workouts, I'll hopefully see a big difference.
Honestly I'd just want my face to look like myself again. I've only gained like 6 kg of weight from my normal-ish weight (I always fluctuate) but damn it does a big difference in the face.
Dear Universe,
I love the constellations that you've grown in the sky. I've tried to grown my own in their image down on earth. They look like macaroni art in light of the greatness of yours, and I somehow doubt that you take notice of the workings of us children. But I try to keep my head up.
I've created quite many constellations, some bigger and overlapping with others. Others are in pairs or three's like your Orions Belt. The distance between these separate stars that me and my friends are often feel as vast as the ones you have in between your stars. It makes me feel alone and as if sitting in darkness. Especially as everyone else's constellations look so tightly knitted together, but I guess every star seen in your constellations are too far apart for me to even begin to imagine. Perhaps there's nothing wrong even with a lot of space.
I still feel alone. Perhaps because I haven't mastered planetary systems revolving around a single point of interest or star. I have the one you modelled for me in my family but haven't yet been able to recreate it. It makes me sad as I don't feel at home in this system revolving around family, but I can't find people to revolve around anything else with me.
Even though I can't get the pieces to go together, I hope that you enjoy this poem from me to you that is my life.

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I am so annoyed with myself. I have started getting stressed out and impulsively wanting to kill myself again. I don't know what to do. I don't know why I feel so alone. I should at the very least feel fine, if not happy. Instead I am laying in bed hoping I could choke to death.

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how do you know if you're in love???
I honestly asked my friend this same question just hours ago as I was clueless myself but thinking about it now I think itâs when for the first time after what seemed like a dreadful year (or life), you look forward to waking every morning knowing he (letâs use he as itâs me talking) will be there for you. I think itâs just plain seeing him and being happy thatâs heâs around. Itâs being happy just by hearing his voice. No matter how bad your day is, one message from him would make your entire day. Itâs when he makes you want to write long letters and huge poems. Itâs not all about âlustâ- itâs more of the intimate relationship you have together. Itâs when the simplest of things count. Itâs when you start to mature and start to plan something with him for the future. Itâs when he makes you want to start fixing your life. Itâs when heâs always in your head 3 pm or 3 am. Itâs when you canât stop talking or thinking about him. Itâs when you just really always miss him even if heâs right beside you. Itâs the âI used to like green eyes but now blue eyes are my favoriteâ. Itâs when all love and cheesy stuff just apply for him. Itâs when you begin to see nothing but him and you value him like you value yourself. Itâs not the âheart pounding, hands sweatingâ feeling but more of the âI feel homeâ feeling. Itâs more of like talking to yourself- being yourself with someone without worries. Itâs when you begin to really trust him with everything and that includes your happiness. Itâs when heâs your happiness. Itâs when subconsciously you change for the better. Itâs when you once again start opening up after a long time. Itâs when you are denying it at most cause you are afraid of how strong you feel and last I think while youâre reading this- thereâs someone in your head right now and youâre just contemplating whether youâre in love with him or not but hey the fact that he or she is the person (out of billions of people) in your mind while you read this must say a lot.
What do you do when you lose this kind of love?
I broke up with the person I was thinking of while writing this because thatâs what you do when you lose this kind of love- you let go and you move on.
You donât cling onto the person because âtwo and a half years has been a long time and itâs a waste to end it hereâ. You end it because youâve had enough thinking twice whether the person is still worth staying with or not. You let go because you find yourself looking back, comparing and missing the old times than cherishing the present. You let go because you have to stop defending that person and start facing the truth that things have changed. You let go because you let go of anything that upsets you whether it be work, hobby or a person.
And you let go because you have to stop being selfish. There is someone out there wanting to love the person youâre holding onto and they deserve to feel this genuine love from someone and not a pity love from you.
When you lose this kind of love, you move on. You do it because itâs the best choice for you. You move on because youâve been hurt enough and itâs time to be happy. You move on because you donât deserve to doubt the love that someone gives you. You move on and whenever you crumble, remind yourself on why you left in the first place.
And you move forward because you wonât find the right person for you while youâre holding onto the wrong one.
I think at a certain point youâve just got to nod and agree with whatever parents say and then go along and do whatever you think is right anywayâŚthey have such a restricted view on things based on their own negative or positive experiences they donât realise it might be different for you

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âHell is empty and all the devils are here.â
â William Shakespeare, The Tempest