When Did I Get The Habit Of Writing To Nobody

Its been a while since I remember my see and most of them are usually horrible and terrifying until last night ij dreamt of someone I don't know and never think about as much as the one I been trying to let go, I dreamt of a stranger who was holding me a kind of cuddling his hair was short and curly small lips kind and yet lonely eyes I never heard his voice but his finger that went thru my hair was soft and gentle thats how I felt about him an opposite of me thats what I would like to think but we are one of the same and i felt for this guy in my dream but when I woke up it made me feel depress since it would never happen who would love a monster like me after all...

I sometimes forget to do the simple things, I sometimes forget to breathe, I forget to blink my eyes, most of all i forget how to live...

I fall inlove, so I can fall apart

No matter what you do you still make my heart skip a beat

Hey!l... I just spilled my drink i think i might be tipsy/drunk but that's not important right now. I been thinking about you a lot lately i just couldn't get you out of my head you know... It's silly isn't it. We are so far away from each other and yet you're the only one been occupying my head, i am not going to lie but i dearly miss you... Do you remember when we first met because i do you were passing by the mess deck and you smiled and left then came back and started talking your smiled was the first thing i notice it was bright, but your eyes say a different story i thought we would never become friends you know... then i was wrong you started cranking haha... then we started to get to know a little bit of each other hang out a little bit... then i started you know... falling isn't it silly i told myself heck made me believe that i dont believe in love it doesnt exist after all my whole life all I've seen was heartbreak and divorce... i mean come on to see someone who are loyal, trusting, kind and beautiful got cheated on and tricked... how could someone like me, ordinary and plain find love that doesnt seem to exist in this world but the more i get older i see some people do find each other... but i also notice that some people just get together because they are afraid to be alone you know... and then i thought i found someone we are friends at first you know... but i forget how stupid i am sometimes so i told that person i like them... and then you know what they said... your going to laugh they told me that "you're annoying and i don't want to see your face ever again." Funny isnt it... sometimes it still haunt me but it doesnt make me stop moving forward... but its hard you know to keep trying over and over again because they dont feel the same as you... its always one sided and it seems like love doesnt exist at all or maybe... maybe the one i am suppose to be with is already gone... but no matter what the odds are for some reason i cant stop thinking about you... and when we went to canada and you cried to me and told me your secret something personal you never told anyone i cant seem to stop falling for you, your blue eyes turned to emerald green and i cant stop making you cry i wanted to hug and hold you and tell you its going to be ok even though its not, but i am glad i did tell you that no matter what i am going to be there for you even if its just as a friend i would never forget you! I couldn't even if i tried, you are the first person that really made me feel like i am alive and everything will be ok and i wanted you to feel the same... but you don't feel the same way... but you know... i am still hoping it might change but i dont think it will ever even if you read this even if i tell you how much "I LOVE YOU" yes "I LOVE YOU, I love everything about you, your good and bad and the faces you make when your disgust and when you cuss even though you dont know i heard you while your playing your game" i know that i don't really know anythjng about love but i want to hold your hand and kiss you, i want to see the stars with you, see your face while looking at them, i want to take you to place where you would say "GOD" this world is beautiful, and discover the secret of the universe most of all i just want to be with you no matter where you go l want us to live happily aside from a few normal disagreements, misunderstanding, pouts, silent treatments, and unexpected calamities... well what i am really trying to say is that i am glad i have met you and thank you for changing my view of the world and i want to do the same thing for you so if you say do say yes on what about to tell you i want to be that person who would cherish every single thing that about to happen to us so... will you marry me...