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Infatuation is not love. Manipulation is not love. Self destruction is not love.
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Adapting to daily life is not often factored into the diagnostic process for autism. It should be.
“If you think you have autism, don’t self-diagnose, just go see a professional!”
Woman goes to see a professional, describes lifelong issues with difficulties in task-switching…a major, hallmark feature of autism.
“Gee whiz, we just don’t know.”
Hello, autistic woman here, with a story for everybody:
Once upon a time, I saw a doctor, and got diagnosed with an ASD.
The end.
That’s the condensed version; the longer version is that I went through a couple of doctors before this conclusion was reached, because, like a lot of metal health difficulties, it can sometimes be iffy to pinpoint, depending on the kind of care you’re seeking.
The first doc I ever went to dismissed me as schizophrenic; the second doc I went to thought the first doc was a moron, and was determined to show the evidence to prove the former was a moron. That kind of set the trend from there.
Seeking treatment for something like this takes time, and a whole hell of a lot of trial and error. But that’s kind of the way most of humanity is - one big, walking ball of trials and errors, and sad times, and happy times, and all kinds of times in-between.
It’s okay to wonder to yourself, “Am I autistic?” and draw some conclusions. But, unless you’re a professional (and, arguably, even if you are a professional) making an actual diagnosis on yourself is not going to help you in the long run.
You are not the kind of authority you think you are.
There’s a really good reason doctors exist, in all shapes and forms, and they aren’t just there to provide an Official Stamp™ declaring you afflicted with an illness or disorder. Doctors and therapists are there for the next step: The one where you get actual help, and take actions to solve problems you may have.
So, Piper tells us she had a bad therapist? Big deal. Consider the possibility that a therapist may tell you to take a path you might not like. Also consider finding another therapist, though don’t do that for the goal of, “Seek until I find someone who agrees with me.” Seek someone you’re comfortable with, while still keeping in mind that this shit is not going to be easy, and still might not be agreeable.
After all eight participants completed the procedure, Scott Rauch went to work with his mathematicians and statisticians to create composite images that compared the arousal created by a flashback with the brain in neutral. After a few weeks he sent me the results, which you see above. I taped the scans up on the refrigerator in my kitchen, and for the next few months I stared at them every evening. It occurred to me that this was how early astronomers must have felt when they peered through a telescope at a new constellation. There were some puzzling dots and colors on the scan, but the biggest area of brain activation—a large red spot in the right lower center of the brain, which is the limbic area, or emotional brain—came as no surprise. It was already well known that intense emotions activate the limbic system, in particular an area within it called the amygdala. We depend on the amygdala to warn us of impending danger and to activate the body’s stress response. Our study clearly showed that when traumatized people are presented with images, sounds, or thoughts related to their particular experience, the amygdala reacts with alarm—even as in Marsha’s case, thirteen years after the event. Activation of this fear center triggers the cascade of stress hormones and nerve impulses that drive up blood pressure, heart rate, and oxygen intake—preparing the body for fight or flight.1 The monitors attached to Marsha’s arms recorded this physiological state of frantic arousal, even though she never totally lost track of the fact that she was resting quietly in the scanner.
SPEECHLESS HORROR
Our most surprising finding was a white spot in the left frontal lobe of the cortex, in a region called Broca’s area. In this case the change in color meant that there was a significant decrease in that part of the brain. Broca’s area is one of the speech centers of the brain, which is often affected in stroke patients when the blood supply to that region is cut off. Without a functioning Broca’s area, you cannot put your thoughts and feelings into words. Our scans showed that Broca’s area went offline whenever a flashback was triggered. In other words, we had visual proof that the effects of trauma are not necessarily different from—and can overlap with—the effects of physical lesions like strokes. All trauma is preverbal. Shakespeare captures this state of speechless terror in Macbeth, after the murdered king’s body is discovered: “Oh horror! horror! horror! Tongue nor heart cannot conceive nor name thee! Confusion now hath made his masterpiece!” Under extreme conditions people may scream obscenities, call for their mothers, howl in terror, or simply shut down. Victims of assaults and accidents sit mute and frozen in emergency rooms; traumatized children “lose their tongues” and refuse to speak. Photographs of combat soldiers show hollow-eyed men staring mutely into a void.
Even years later traumatized people often have enormous difficulty telling other people what has happened to them. Their bodies reexperience terror, rage, and helplessness, as well as the impulse to fight or flee, but these feelings are almost impossible to articulate. Trauma by nature drives us to the edge of comprehension, cutting us off from language based on common experience or an imaginable past.
This doesn’t mean that people can’t talk about a tragedy that has befallen them. Sooner or later most survivors, like the veterans in chapter 1, come up with what many of them call their “cover story” that offers some explanation for their symptoms and behavior for public consumption. These stories, however, rarely capture the inner truth of the experience. It is enormously difficult to organize one’s traumatic experiences into a coherent account—a narrative with a beginning, a middle, and an end. Even a seasoned reporter like the famed CBS correspondent Ed Murrow struggled to convey the atrocities he saw when the Nazi concentration camp Buchenwald was liberated in 1945: “I pray you believe what I have said. I reported what I saw and heard, but only part of it. For most of it I have no words.
When words fail, haunting images capture the experience and return as nightmares and flashbacks. In contrast to the deactivation of Broca’s area, another region, Brodmann’s area 19, lit up in our participants. This is a region in the visual cortex that registers images when they first enter the brain. We were surprised to see brain activation in this area so long after the original experience of the trauma. Under ordinary conditions raw images registered in area 19 are rapidly diffused to other brain areas that interpret the meaning of what has been seen. Once again, we were witnessing a brain region rekindled as if the trauma were actually occurring.
—From: Bessel van der Kolk MD. “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma.”
I find the best way to love someone is not to change them, but instead, help them reveal the greatest version of themselves.
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Self love is one thing that can be faked until it becomes real.
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Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
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Depression is the inability to construct a future.
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Understanding the fight fight and freeze response in mind-body medicine
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Trauma Can Shock You To Your Core
Studies suggest that the average person experiences between 50,000-70,000 thoughts per day, and one could be thinking of roughly 40 thoughts at any given moment. When someone presents with anxiety, depression, excitement, anger, etc, it is believed that roughly 80% follow the theme of our emotions. That being said, that would imply that if we are anxious or depressed, our thoughts are consumed around that theme.
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Ode to the Brain
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5 Things to Know about Mental Wellness in Early Childhood - Child Trends
Sounds to Soothe Anxiety
Cat Purring
Thunderstorm (Close)
Thunderstorm (Far Away)
Ocean
Weightless
Wind Chimes
Tibetan Bowls
Nature (Images of River)
Space Ambient
Ambient Electronic
Human Heartbeat
“Native American” Style Flute/Drum (Images of Fire)
Rainforest
Celestial White Noise
Music to Help Combat Night Terror
Winter Wind (Images of Trees and Snow + Cheesy Shakespeare Quote)
Autumn Wind
Howling Wind
Rain on Tin Roof
Rain on Tent
Traffic (Distant)
Traffic in the Rain (Close)
Fan
Distant Train
Relaxing Trance/Electro
Chillstep (Relaxing Dubstep) (Vocals Used)
Relaxing “Chinese” Inspired Meditation
Soft Piano
Sad Violin and Piano
Instrumental
Stormy Ocean