˙ ˖ ✧ 𝑴𝑰𝑳𝑲 * ╱ 𝐻𝒪𝒩𝐸𝒴

clearly, he had stepped on confidential grounds, and alex’s shoulders unconsciously tensed up at his mistake. judging by juno’s reaction to his question, he wasn’t too keen on opening up about his childhood. alex wasn’t planning on prodding, either — it wasn’t his business. he shouldn’t have asked in the first place, he chided himself, he should’ve just went with nude. “oh, then… uh,” he paused, the corners of his mouth quirking up in an awkward smile at juno’s joke. he wasn’t entirely sure if it was acceptable to laugh at the other’s situation, so he settled for a boxy grimace. 

“something general, then? we can head over to the local playground… or the arcades.” where did kids even go to these days? some of his younger cousins grew up with their grubby little hands glued to their tablets; alex’s childhood consisted of making small stop-motion films with his grandfather. “let’s, uhm, choose another theme.” his tongue stuck out as he reread the list juno had shown him a while ago. frankly, nude was the only thing that piqued his interest. “like… night, or nature. or…. street.”

          THE  LAST  THING  JUNO  WANTED  was  to  make  alex  uncomfortable  .  he  knew  that  at  some  point  he  would  have  to  talk  about  his  childhood  if  he  wished  to  have  a  good  relationship  with  someone  ,  because  those  kind  of  things  aren’t  meant  to  be  kept  a  secret  .  not  when  the  press  could  always  find  reasons  to  dig  up  old  news  .  but  it  was  one  thing  to  open  up  in  front  of  a  good  friend  or  in  front  of  a  lover  ,  and  another  to  do  it  in  front  of  a  whole  class  in  university  .  ❝  i’m  sorry  for  making  this  hard  .  i  don’t  mind  talking  to  you  about  it  ,  but  i  would  rather  not  share  what  happened  during  my  childhood  with  all  the  class  .  ❞  he  explained  ,  realizing  that  no  ,  he  really  wouldn’t  mind  telling  his  whole  dramatic  story  to  alex  ,  despite  his  overall  fear  of  rejection  .

          ❝  we  could  try  to  talk  with  people  our  age  or  older  and  then  compare  their  childhoods  with  the  way  children  are  now  ??  ❞  juno  asked  ,  feeling  back  already  .  their  project  barely  started  and  he  was  already  a  pain  in  the  ass  for  alex  .  biting  down  on  his  lower  lip  ,  juno  ran  a  tattooed  hand  through  his  hair  ,  eyes  stopping  over  the  list  .  he  didn’t  want  to  do  a  theme  that  someone  else  already  picked  ,  mostly  because  there  was  always  a  possibility  for  the  two  projects  to  look  alike  ,  but  he  didn’t  plan  to  insist  on  picking  the  nude  theme  if  alex  clearly  didn’t  want  it  .  ❝  night  sounds  good  .  ❞

at least they were conversing now. alex gave himself an internal pat on the shoulder for being able to jump over the hurdle of talking to his childhood crush. alex took the list, peering over his options. “erm, the former, maybe?” he said, looking a little flustered over the second suggestion. nude was a much easier theme to carry out, but alex wasn’t sure if he was comfortable with it. then again, wasn’t art supposed to be uncomfortable? shouldn’t he be pushing boundaries and springing out of his comfort zone? no — not today, not with his dumb crush. “if you’re alright with it,” he quickly added, not wanting to seem too demanding. 

despite his hesitation, alex was already cooking up a few ideas in his head for both themes. “we could make it a little intimate,” he suggested, passing the paper back to juno, “construct something personal from our own experiences.” it was going to be an interesting shoot, alex could already tell. “we have over a month to work on it. how do you want to plan things out?” if they were going with childhood, they had to reconnect with their past. although it sounded a little cliche, juno and alex were strangers (to a certain extent). was it right to invade his privacy like that? 

          NOW  ,  THIS  WAS  WERE  THINGS  started  to  get  tricky  for  juno  .  despite  being  the  one  suggesting  the  childhood  theme  ,  he  didn’t  realize  that  his  decision  would  come  to  hunt  him  so  soon  .  while  he  had  no  problem  talking  about  childhood  in  general  ,  the  former  actor  didn’t  want  to  get  intimate  about  how  his  experience  as  a  child  sucked  .  but  how  exactly  was  he  supposed  to  decline  the  whole  idea  alex  had  without  a  proper  explanation  ??  the  last  thing  juno  wanted  was  that  the  other  to  think  he  was  an  asshole  .

          taking  a  deep  breath  ,  the  young  man  looked  at  alex  ,  before  biting  down  on  his  lower  lip  ,  cheeks  already  turning  red  .  it  was  easy  to  see  that  he  was  embarrassed  about  the  whole  thing  . ❝  uhm  ...  if  we  go  for  something  personal  ,  i’m  not  exactly  sure  my  childhood  is  the  best  to  use  as  an  example  ...  ❞  he  replied  ,  looking  down  at  his  hands  ,  because  really  ,  he  should  have  kept  his  mouth  shut  and  think  of  an  another  theme  . ❝  unless  we  want  to  do  one  of  those  projects  with  ‘yes’  and  ‘no’  examples  .  because  if  we  do  ,  definitely  can  use  mine  for  the  ‘no’  one  .  ❞  juno  added  ,  trying  to  joke  around  .

alex winced. juno caught on to his mistake, and now he wants to crawl into a hole and disappear. luck wasn’t on his side. “yeah, yeah… of course.” at the very least, juno knew who he was — most likely, juno would also have an inkling of just how notoriously weird he was. it wasn’t a crime to be a little more eccentric than others, alex had fully embraced that side of him ever since he was a child. when trying to look your best for someone, though, the whispers and hushed rumours that circled around campus certainly didn’t help. a small part of him did not want to be painted as the weird kid who’s way too immersed in the occult right now. it wasn’t an impressionable reputation.

“no!” he was quick to say, because whatever juno was assuming, it was incorrect. so, SO incorrect. “i don’t — i am happy, you seem like a nice guy.” what was he even saying? he awkwardly sits down beside juno, hoping that it was enough of a gesture for the other to understand that he wasn’t planning on switching partners any time soon. a few seconds of silence passed, but alex’s anxious thoughts were deafening. what was he supposed to do now? apologise? for what, exactly? what’s a good icebreaker? they should just get on with the planning — “we have to decide on a specific theme for the portfolio,” he started, “do you have anything in mind that you wanted to do?”

          ALEX  CAUGHT  JUNO ’ S  EYES  EVER  since  they  met  ,  or  better  said  ,  ever  since  he  joined  the  film  club  and  saw  the  other  and  given  his  own  personal  baggage  that  juno  had  to  carry  with  him  even  now  that  he  was  no  longer  in  korea  ,  he  didn’t  bother  to  listen  to  any  of  the  rumours  or  gossips  there  were  about  alex  .  he  had  two  own  eyes  and  a  brain  to  decide  for  himself  whether  someone  was  weird  or  not  ,  which  was  not  the  case  .  being  passionate  about  something  didn’t  make  a  person  weird  .  and  yet  ,  despite  being  in  the  same  club  ,  they  never  actually  talked  before  today  ,  mostly  because  juno  felt  rather  shy  to  approach  alex  .  shy  and  scared  that  the  other  knew  who  he  was  and  what  he  did  back  in  seoul  and  he ’ d  be  judged  for  that  .

          so  maybe  that ’ s  why  juno  felt  rather  sad  when  he  caught  the  disappointed  look  on  alex ’ s  face  ,  cue  why  he  gave  the  other  the  possibility  of  switching  partners  in  case  he  wished  to  do  so  .  but  when  alex  declined  the  offer  ,  juno  blinked  in  surprise  again  ,  before  he  scratched  the  back  of  his  head  and  tried  to  find  something  to  say  .  humming  softly  ,  the  former  actor  opened  his  mouth  to  talk  ,  when  alex  beat  him  to  it  . ❝  i  was  actually  thinking  about  that  .  i  looked  over  the  list  with  possible  themes  the  professor  gave  us  and  two  of  them  caught  my  attention  .  we  can  either  do  the  ‘ childhood ’  theme  ,  either  the  ‘ nude ’  one  .  your  choice  .  ❞  juno  said  ,  pushing  the  list  towards  alex  .

when alex saw the sheet of appointed partners for their second portfolio project on the whiteboard, his heart sunk. levi had always been his go-to partner; they meshed well together and alex had gotten USED to his easygoing personality. this was shit — they weren’t in high school any more, where was the freedom? heaving out a dejected sigh, he scanned through the list, searching for his name.

his heart sunk even FURTHER upon reading the name ‘rhee, juno’ right beside his. juno rhee — the one person he found incredibly hard to approach, with his blinding smile and perfect hair. today, the fates were against him — was it because he forgot to read his daily horoscope? should he have waved his incense around a little longer before leaving his apartment? was it because mercury was in retrograde? looking up from the paper, he spotted the root of his emotional distress sitting at the back of the room. alright, alex, it’s fine, it’s okay, it’s not like they were going to be partners the entire year.

alex approached juno with his hands shoved in his pockets. his palms were sweaty, knees weak, arms were heavy. or however that song went. “hi, i’m alex,” he introduced himself with a small smile, quickly realising his mistake when juno probably KNEW who he was. they were in the same club, after all. or maybe he didn’t! alex was good at being invisible. “we’re partners for the project?”

         JUNO  NEVER  CARED  ABOUT  WHO  his  partner  was  during  projects  ,  as  long  as  he  didn’t  have  to  do  all  the  work  alone  ,  so  while  everyone  around  him  seemed  anything  but  pleased  with  who  they  got  ,  juno  remained  unbothered  ,  scrolling  through  the  list  to  see  his  partner  .  upon  seeing  alex ’ s  name  ,  the  young  male  looked  up  and  around  the  classroom  to  find  the  other  ,  already  knowing  who  he  was  from  the  film  club  .  they  never  talked  before  ,  but  alex  seemed  like  a  pretty  sweet  guy  .

           ready  to  get  up  when  he  spotted  the  said  male  ,  juno  caught  the  expression  on  his  face  and  while  he  tried  his  best  not  to  jump  to  conclusions  first  hand  ,  given  the  fact  that  alex  had  his  phone  in  one  hand  ,  it  was  pretty  clear  that  he  was  looking  at  the  sheet  with  the  partners  .  well  ,  that  sucked  .  juno  wasn’t  sure  if  he  ever  did  or  say  something  that  might  have  offended  alex  ,  but  by  the  look  of  complete  despair  on  the  other ’ s  face  ,  he  could  definitely  put  two  and  two  together  and  realise  alex  was  not  happy  with  them  being  partners  .  

         sitting  back  down  on  the  chair  ,  juno  sighed  softly  and  looked  at  the  list  one  more  time  ,  thinking  that  maybe  the  professor  would  be  down  to  let  them  switch  partners  or  something  .  he  tried  to  ignore  the  little  pang  of  hurt  however  that  it  came  with  the  realisation  that  alex  wasn’t  happy  with  him  being  his  partner  .  so  when  he  saw  him  stopping  in  front  of  his  desk  ,  juno  blinked  in  surprise  . ❝  i  know  .  we’re  in  the  same  club  .  ❞  he  replied  ,  placing  down  his  phone  . ❝  oh  ,  yes  ,  i  saw  .  uhm  ,  if you  want  ,  i  could  ask  the  professor  to  switch  partners  .  you  …  didn’t  look  quite  happy  with  the  list  .  or  well  ,  i  might  be  wrong  ,  i  don’t  know  …  ❞