Forbidden Luncheon Meat

Elrond, running through the halls and shouting Legolas' name: LEGOLAS

Legolas: what?

Elrond: there's a fucking ghost in our front lawn

Legolas: not you too

Elrond: IM NOT FUCKING DELIRIOUS

*both of them goes outside and sees bard*

Bilbo, looking at Kili: Not "a major L"

Bilbo, turning to Fili: Not a "lmao that sucks"

*Kili and Thorin Texting*

Thorin: “What does Fili want for his birthday?”

Kili: “Will spot”

Thorin: “?”

Kili: “Woo Sports”

“W I U”

“W”

Thorin: “Take your time.”

Bilbo: What the heck-

Gandalf: Wait for it....

Thorin, chasing them, drenched in water: COME BACK HERE, YOU LITTLE SHITS!!

Balin: The wise words of our King.

Thorin: .... no

*after a while

Kili: Can someone tell me why Thorin's still in the floor face down?

Legolas: I’m sorry! He said he felt unsafe!

Aragorn : Now I feel unsafe!

Legolas: I’m sorry.

Thorin: *migrates back towards bilbo*

Bilbo: *scooches yet again*

Thorin: *migrates again*

Gandalf:

Gandalf: This is a map of Middle-Earth

Bilbo: *squinting*

Bilbo: It's... smaller than I thought it would be

Thorin: It's actually average size

Thorin: I've been told most mountains are bigger than they look at first glance

Thorin: It would be bigger if it weren't so cold

Bilbo: Mhmm