Inkless

Whoever said love was a bitch, really got it spot on. If I could lived my life without it – and honestly, I would have. But it’s when it sneaks up, before you have any idea. And you find it, potent and life changing without thought. That’s what really sends you for a loop ….

Now – normally I can avoid it. By dating / whatever you want to call it with M.E.A.N.I.N.G.L.E.S.S people. All people that, in their right are incredible and a miraculous and should find worthy of pure happiness and whatever perfection life can find for them .So while I honestly only want the best for the all, I sadly know that isn't me.

And while I know what if life held no restrictions, what would be best for me. Life isn’t that easy.  

I have someone – who is brilliant. Handsome, brilliant, funny, quick witted and basically everything I would want. They swept be off my feet in a week, that would have been right out of cheesiest dime store novel, if I read that type of thing. Anyone would honestly be lucky to have him. He is insanely prefect for anyone …. Except me., Did I mention first he lives all the way across the country, so I would have to leave everyone that means anything to me. And on top of that my family HATES HIM ….. and while it ‘s a long story. One that I know he has nothing to do with, at this point there is nothing I can do to change that . And while I LOV him ….. I’m not sure if I LOVE him.

He is a awesome guy, but still when I describe my prefect guy, the guy I would give up everything for ---- he is not it. But when I’m being hinest the guys that I think would be me, the ones I really want – never want me. What’s that about??

And then there is option two. Which really isn’t  a option (seeing as they don't want me) . But they server as more of a cautionary tale. While I really want them and have and have an insanely HUGE crush on them … they aren’t into me…. So, OK I get that, but are they serving  more as an example – that I should wait for something I truly want … or settle for what wants me.

        HOLLY SHIT ---- FOR FUCK SAKE. Just learned a very valuable lesson, research something before you agree to do it. As we all know I am Austin bound this summer, which I am still a little shaky about, so add to that the fact that I agreed to drive down in order to have my car there, I now come to learn that Austin is 22 FUCKING HOURS away. How the hell did I miss that? Now the smart ass in you wants to ask, "has Austin gotten farther away since you last checked" and "do you make a habit of agreeing to things you have no knowledge of." And the answer to both is a resounding...FUCK YOU! I don't know what I was thinking..... other than, my hesitation in going is leading to my hesitation in making rash and uneducated decisions. What to do now, the only thing that can be done --- fuel up and hit the road I guess --- but still I ask, what the fuck was I thinking. So FYI if you going looking for me during the next few days, I'll be......

"Can you say why America is the greatest country in the world?"

"It's not the greatest country in the world professor, that's my answer..... you, just in case you accidentally wander into a voting booth one day, there are some things you should know. We are 7th in literacy, 22nd in science, 49th in life expectancy, 178th in infant mortality, 3rd in median household income, 4th in labor force, and 4th in exports. Now none of this is the fault of a 20-something college student. But when you ask what makes us the greatest country in the world, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, ....Yosemite!"

oh Aaron Sorkin, thank you. I was mad at you for taking West Wing away from me, but with this all is forgiven.

my friend, Josh.

I headed West, I was a man on the move New York had lied to me, I needed the truth Oh, I need somebody, needed someone I could trust I don't gamble, but if I did I would bet on us

  Stubborn Love– The Lumineers

  Any Fun – Coconut Records

  My Own Skinning Ship – Good Old War

  Gimme Twice - The Concept