Serendipity ∞

We’ll bounce back, better, sweeter the second time. We’ve seen it, and we’ve felt it. We can do better the second time around.  Though there’ll be a lot of problems still heading our way, I know we’ll be alright.  I just can’t wait to hold you in my arms again, I miss you.  - Ñ 

Missed 2 days of ranting, but you were never out of my mind babe.

Just let me call you babe one more time, God I miss you so bad.. 😞 I’m not going back there til October next year.. I can’t go back yet.

Day 1 (July 19, 2016)

Alam ko hindi mo to maiisipang buksan kaya dito ako maglalabas ng nararamdaman ko para sayo.

Walang araw na hindi kita naisip, walang araw na hindi ko inisip kung “asan kaya siya”, “sino kayang kasama niya”, “safe kaya siya”, “iniisip niya parin kaya ako”, “naka move on na kaya siya”..

Ito yung gabing sumuko ka na talaga, gusto kitang pigilan pero ayoko din, napaka sakit, yung huling I love you mo, napaka sakit, wala na, yun na yung huli. Sobrang tanga ko, putang ina, sana maging masaya ka, salamat sa lahat, salamat sa pag intindi mo sa’kin, salamat sa pag mamahal mo, sobrang walang makakapantay sa’yo, hindi ko pag sisihang minahal kita, napaka sarap mong mag mahal, napaka swerte ng magiging girlfriend mo in the future, maswerte siya at tanga ako, haha! Ayi, you’re the best. I love  you, and I will always love you. Goodbye. 

Over 6 billion people in the world, and love chose us.  We’ve been away from each other for quite some time now.  but damn, I am still so madly, crazily in love with you.

I just can’t wait to hold you in my arms again babe, I can’t wait to kiss your lips again. I miss you, it’s hard, but I know we’ll be together again soon. I love you babe and I want all of you.  Always remember, that distance doesn’t matter. 

I love you. Nothing will ever, ever change that

14 THINGS PEOPLE DON’T TELL YOU ABOUT BEING IN A LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP Boy meets girl. They go crazy over each other, knowing one of them is leaving town in less than a month (or a week, or a day!). The story never gets old.

The dreadful day approaches. They’re at the airport, time is running low. There are tears, sloppy kisses and endless promises that they will get through it no matter what! One leaves. One stays. But know this: “dating” in no way prepares you for a long-distance relationship. It is a different kind of ball game altogether.

Before moving to France to be with my partner, I spent over a year living in a limbo of visa paperwork, lonesome nights lying awake, and carefully crossing out days left until we met again.

Now, I need to put it in bold: long-distance relationships seriously suck!

Below are 14 things no one will tell you about being in a long-distance relationship, except for someone who has already done it.

1. Congrats! You’ve got a free ticket to an emotional roller-coaster ride!

Some days will be fine. You’ll just do all the usual stuff — go to work, catch up with friends for drinks, walk your dog and work out every day to look fit when you finally meet again.

But there will be terrible days too. Days when you don’t want to get out of bed or do anything meaningful — except for embracing your pain and loneliness. Days when you seriously question your decision: “Is it worth it? Why am I doing this?”

You’ll go from moments of tremendous joy together to hopelessly depressing thoughts on the night before your departure: “Will I survive another separation? I’m not sure how many more times my heart can be torn apart until it finally breaks!”

2. There will be a lot of tough choices to make

So where are we heading? How do we see our future together? Should I leave everything and move to you? Is it worth it? Who will come and visit? When?

Get used to the endless swirl of complicated questions you both need to answer honestly.

3. Your laptop is your real significant other

At least for now.

You will fall asleep with your beloved’s face on the screen. The first thing you’ll grab in the morning is your laptop to check if they’ve already sent you a sweet “Morning, sunshine!” email. You’ll put your laptop next to your plate so you can have dinner together.

You’ll also get to know all the latest video, chat and photo exchange apps, all designed for couples who are apart.

4. Time will be your main enemy

When you are together, you’ll savor each and every moment. You’ll plan to do all those amazing super-romantic couple things, or simply enjoy the warmth of actual hugs as long as possible. Yet, you will never get enough time.

But once apart again, you’ll simply wish the clock ran faster: “Is it Friday already? So, there’s just 24 days left until I visit. Can I please wake up on day X?”

5. You will get more creative trying to fill up your time

Always wanted to learn French? How about play tennis, enroll in a Japanese cooking class, or master ink drawing? This is a high time to find new hobbies and try new things. Keep your mind engaged and let it focus on learning new skills. Besides, isn’t it an awesome way to impress your partner when you finally catch up again?

6. There will be all sort of memory triggers that will cause you to randomly cry

I thought I was emotionally strong. I was proved wrong. Numerous times.

7. It won’t get easier in time

Even if you think you can get used to being apart and are now stoically waiting for when things get easier, they won’t. No matter how long you are in a long-distance relationship, you always miss your significant other like crazy.

Revisit points #1 and #6 and accept that.

8. You learn to live in a twisted reality

They’re never there, but they’re all yours. You spend too much time inside your head replaying all those sweet moments spent together, having all those daydreams and conversations.

That’s odd. I know.

9. Your friends won’t be as supportive as you expect

“OMG! So you’re like one year into a long-distance relationship? How do you cope with, you know … desire?”

“Does your boyfriend even exist?”

“Why don’t you find someone else to date?”

Right.

Why can’t a cat become a dog?

10. Long distance feels heavy

Your partner won’t be around every time you desperately need them, not on one of those “bad days” when you are one step away from a yet another mental breakdown. Not on those days when you fail and need more support that any sweet words on Skype can convey. Eventually, you learn to cope with a lot of things on your own, and you grow stronger and more mature in the process.

11. Finding the time to visit is complicated

You won’t be able to come and visit each and every weekend or month as you originally intended to. You still have different and conflicting commitments holding you back. (Or else you’d be sitting next to each other already, right?) And unless booked months in advance flights cost a pretty penny and get insanely expensive during holidays and vacation seasons. Exactly, those times when you are most likely to be able to visit.

12. When you finally meet again, you just pick up just where you’ve finished

When you are together again, it seems like those ugly weeks apart never existed. Like you finally pressed “Play” and started living your perfect life again. At least until it’s time to go back home.

13. Eventually, you develop this odd feeling of sureness

You will begin to consider that if you are not soul mates, why would both of you bother so much? Your relationship are definitely not about sex. Rather, you are like friendswithout benefits most of the time. You can talk over anything — hopes, fears, dreams, insecurities. Jealousy is just an empty word as you grow absolutely confident in your partner and yourself.

14. You know if you both see this through to the end, your relationship will survive anything

So yeah, I know it’s hard for you to accept the fact that I have my nightlife again. Tbh, I hate it too. But I have to live this, and this is for us too.

I completely understand that you. I really do. I know it’s really,really,really hard knowing your past; and mine, too.

It’s funny, you know. Why our stars were aligned, why we were destined to find each other, and be with each other after all those past shit we’ve had.

Funny, right? Someone who got cheated on ended up with someone who used to be a player.

But from that moment when that player fell in love with that woman, the books have turned. We both know how everyone around my world became curious of you because you managed to change me, when everybody was trying to; they failed, and you came. When you came, everything turned upside down, you know how much I’ve changed when me and you became US.

Cause you know? This woman turned to be this so called “Game-changer” and the guy’s doing every single thing he can, to erase the past hurt that his woman went through. This guy’s given everything, every single thing inside out his whole self to that woman, to fix her, to erase all doubts and fears that the woman had.

I just want you to know, that that guy, that guy will never stop giving his everything, every inch of his body, mind and spirit... his whole damn life. and he won’t stop until he’s managed to fix and patch up his girl.

I know it’s hard, and I’m willing to take it slow, I’m willing to work at this every single day, until you can finally learn to trust someone completely again. To trust me, again.

I will show you, and I will prove you that I will take care  of that trust you’re giving me, I will never stop loving you and showing you that I am the man who will patch every single tear in your heart.

I will be the man to fix you.

I will be the man who will love you and take care of you more than anything and anyone else in this world.

I will be the man to show you, and the whole damn world how much I am in love with you - and I will never get tired of it.

Ana Patricia Jimenez Siniguian,

I will be the man who will marry you.

Yeah 2am woooohooo I’m still up! I can’t find the right words to say my love. My mind and heart is occupied by the thought of you. This is one of those nights when I am consumed by the thought of you, of us; and the thought  of how much it would be easier if you were by my side. Nobody knows and nobody will ever understand how much I am caught up under your spell. Not even you, I have fallen for you completely, madly and deeply. I’ve never been this in love my whole life. You taught me how to love without exceptions, to put someone before me.  Damn baaaaaby! You know, every night. I keep seeing your eyes, the very first moment we looked at each other. That moment, to the moment you made me the happiest man on earth when you told me you loved me, to the moment we fought, broke into tears and tears that turned to laughter; from that moment to now, it keeps me up at night. The though of being in love with you is the best feeling yet, it’s unexplainable. The way you smile, you flick your hair, you do those silly stuff. Everything about you baby, I am i love with every inch of you and I’d be the luckiest man on earth to spend the rest of my living days beside you, an angel, my heaven on earth. 

(ayan, you called sa skype! wooohooooo at last nagising ka! ang sarap kaya sa feeling pag tinatawagan mo ko!.... kaso pinagalitan mo ko. Haha wait lang babe ha! tapusin ko lang to para may basahin ka mamaya habang natutulog ako tapos nasa taping ka. )

Ana Patricia Jimenez Siniguian, 

I love you, for giving your heart to me and trusting me with your pride. 

I love you, for wanting me and needing me in your life.

I love you, for showing me the emotions I never knew I had

I love you, for making me a better man

I love you, for your thoughts of me where I’m always on your mind

I love you, for making me see the part of me I thought I’d never find

I love you, and I guess you got me outta my mind. 

I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you! I can’t wait to have those perfect days, and no; my perfect days aren’t about the weather, what I’m doing and shit.  My kind of perfect day is whenever I’m with you; That’s a perfect day.

Baby I don’t know what I’d do without you, I don’t know where I’d be. 

You’re not just another person, YOU’RE EVERYTHING TO ME

You must be my shooting star baby, I mean everyting I wished for, is everything you are.

You are PERFECT baby, perfect for me, perfect in my eyes and you mean the whole world to me. 

I’ve done a lot of bad things in my past life before you changed me.

and if I did anything right in my life, the best thing I’ve done?

..was giving my heart to you, submitting myself, my everything to you. 

and if I was given the chance to live my life again, I would find you sooner, as soon as possible. I would court you, take care of you, give you the love that you deserve. I would find you, and yes I would choose you, in any time given, any day, any moment, any versions of reality, any life and in any way possible I would keep choosing you above anyone and anything in this world. Because you are all I could ever need, and all I could ever wish for. 

To put it simply, I will never get tired of loving you. 

I would court you everyday

I would spend everyday as if I’m still trying to win you

In my eyes, you are the perfect woman. 

You are all I ever wanted.

and I want you to know that. 

I love you, so much.  ~Ñ, 31 AUG 2015