assorted stuff

One time I came home from uni very upset and my younger siblings asked what's wrong. I said that mutated flies in our lab escaped because someone broke their jar. I didn't even realise how scary it sounded to them until I saw their faces lmao. I was upset because we were short on said flies (they don't reproduce very well) and my siblings thought that some crazy radioactive fly monsters escaped and we are all fucked now. Love being a mad scientist in their eyes lowkey

I'm thinking of Symphony of the Sixth Blast Furnace by Evgeny Sedukhin again...

oh my goodness, one of dian fossey’s first close up observations with gorillas happened when she was trying to climb a tree to see them better, but so badly that by the time she’d gotten up the entire group had come out of hiding to look at her: “Nearly all members of the group had totally exposed themselves, forgetting about hiding coyly behind foliage screens because it was obvious to them that the observer had been distracted by tree-climbing problems, an activity they could understand.”

hello, fellow apes

[Image transcript: porch. The group had been day-nesting and sunbathing when I contacted them, but upon my approach they nervously retreated to obscure themselves behind thick foliage. Frustrated but determined to see them better, I decided to climb a tree, not one of my better talents. The tree was particularly slithery and, try as I might, no amount of puffing, pulling, gripping, or clawing succeeded in getting me more than a few feet aboveground. Disgustedly, I was about to give up when Sanwekwe came to my aid by giving one mighty boost to my protruding rump; tears were running from his eyes as he was convulsed in silent laughter. I felt as inept as a baby taking its first step. Finally able to grab on to a conveniently placed branch, I hauled myself up into a respectful semislouch position in the tree about twenty feet from the ground. By this time I naturally assumed that the combined noises of panting, cursing, and branch-breaking made during the initial climbing attempts must have frightened the group on to the next mountain. I was amazed to look around and find that the entire group had returned and were sitting like front row spectators at a sideshow. All that was needed to make the image complete were a few gorilla-sized bags of popcorn and some cotton candy! This was the first live audience I had ever had in my life and certainly the least expected.]

imagine some freakish not-a-human alien THING has shown up out of nowhere and is trying to get into your office building to study you. but it has no idea how to get past a revolving door. it tries for three hours. by the time it finally understands the concept of a revolving door and squeeze into the building everyone in the office is crowded into the lobby to watch and call helpful suggestions. it’s conclusively determined that the alien is definitely not a threat, except maybe to itself.

#this this this#my doctor actually shames these people when she has to talk to them#literally she asks them how they can deny care if they took an oath to do no harm#and asks them things like “is this really what you thought you'd be doing when you dreamed of being a doctor? when you went to med school?”#“did you really become a doctor just so you can save an executive a few bucks while making someone suffer?”#it's apparently quite effective at getting them to approve something they've denied#as is the fact that she asks for their name & liscense number to include in patient charts if they deny something#apparently they really don't like the threat of losing their license or even just potentially being reported for their decisions#so yes i am in favor of a) bullying & shaming doctors who work for insurance companies#and b) yanking their medical licenses

posts funnier with timestamps on

Disney is doing crazy things in the japanese mobile game sphere rn

I need a noncomprehensive history book that covers Known World History in time periods, like “in this century, all this shit was happening concurrently” and not just all spread out so I have to piece it together like some unpaid uneducated scholar

I had this book! My grandpa gave it to me and it was really freakin useful!!

honestly discord removing the four digit id code at the end of usernames still remains as one of the most baffling things any site has done with their usernames. not having to have every user find a unique name for themselves seems like such a logical thing to allow with how big many sites are, and discord had the system in place since the beginning. but apparently that's too confusing and making the entire userbase select a new name is in fact the best solution. insane behavior

actually I think you should be normal about ordinary citizens of authoritarian countries and yes that applies even to that country you're thinking of right now

I need a suit of armour that is enchanted to be sensitive the same way a turtle or tortoise's shell is sensitive. For sex reasons.

@plutosoda ?