Wallflower in disguise

It is very important to put yourself first before anything else. You are far way more important than some guy who can’t fully appreciate you and what you do. Trying to fix the problem is okay but draining yourself in the process is not. I learned all these in the hard way and believe me, I still get episodes from the things I did in the past. Worst part is that I can’t tell a single soul about it because I’m afraid that they would just invalidate what I feel..but it’s real. Sometimes it’ll just hit me just like that. Most days I’m okay but there are times where I feel like I’m sinking and it sucks. All I could do is just wait for it to end..sometimes it takes only a day to stop but usually it takes me more than a week to get back on my feet. I just hope and pray this will end. I can’t wait for that to happen. I just want some peace, please.

Nililingon ko nanaman mga bagay na matagal na dapat kalimutan haha shit

Bukas? Walang kasiguraduhan ang bukas. Ang meron lang tayo ay ngayon. Kaya hangga’t may ngayon, gawin mo ano magpapasaya sayo at pahalagahan mo mga tao sa paligid mo dahil hindi natin alam kung lahat ba tayo mabibiyayaan ng pagkakataong abutan ang bukas.

Hindi ako makatulog nang maayos lately. Hindi ko rin alam bakit sa totoo lang. Kung makatulog man ako para akong pumikit lang. Pag gising naman ako at may oras mag muni muni para kong ginagago sarili ko. Paulit ulit kumakaway sakin mga bagay na gusto ko nang kalimutan at dapat nang kalimutan. Gusto pa yata makipag chikahan ng past experiences ko aba teh lubayan mo na ako parang awa mo na. I’m too tired. Minsan naiisip ko nalang tumakbo bigla. Palayo o kaya umakyat ng bundok. Sumigaw sa taas hanggang sa wala na akong maisigaw. I talk to people but I don’t let others know how I feel. Kahit kay Robin kasi sa totoo lang hindi ko kailangan ng lambing, kailangan ko ng kausap. Nakakapagod din pala. Sana pinatulan ko na yung maya’t mayang pangungulit ng guidance sa akin noon para kahit papano may napagsasabihan ako. Feeling strong teh? 

Ayoko sana maging positibo kasi nung nakaraang naging positibo ako, natalo ako. With a hopeful heart, I took the UPCAT exam years ago. I gave it my best shot and made sure that whatever happens, I’ll accept my fate with a happy heart. Yes, I was not able to enter my dream university (actually I could but I was a coward...and stupid if I may add) but at least  I was able to study in another prestigious school. In less than a month, I will be taking the NMAT exam. It’s hard to pretend I am not nervous because for fuck’s sake, this test will determine whether I’ll enter med school or not. Well tbh whatever happens, I’ll find a way to enter med school. Because why not? I took BS Bio for this. I went to a science high school for this. I entered a known university for this. Everything I did is a preparation for med school. Right now, I am doubting myself and I am troubled for what might happen. Just please pray for my soul HA and my NMAT score too...I am desperate HAHAHA

wala nang mas sasakit pa sa mga salitang hindi kayo pwedeng dalawa.

I feel invisible and I badly need my friends. Hi, help