Better To Be A Walrus

Come, you simply must meet my associates! This woman right here is a delightful pervert of sorts, and this fellow here, he’s some kind of a fucking idiot.

LOL whos tye saultry little binch on the bottom lsft????

this post is less than 1% away from being completely incomprehensible

anyone have that picture with the 100 pool toy baltos. Its like a modern terracotta army

jerking off is gay because you’re the same gender as yourself

at the grocery store i bought 2 limes and a lemon and the checker said to me "two limes and a lemon... Anything could happen"

texting everyone in my friends list “see what happens when you disobey me?” when the eclipse starts

well then can we at least sexualize the problem

one must imagine sisyphus in margaritaville

usually when you have a stomach bug your body is like yes sir we'll get this punk out of here, 48 hours tops. then you get a cold and your body is like I dunno ... between a few hours and eleven months ... maybe a week minimum .... you gotta understand we're short staffed

I've got to find myself more macrophage

Now Hiring: macrophages

immunesystem.com/careers/macrophage

idk who needs to hear this but it’s healthier for you to just accept that you’re gonna be kinda fat than it is to live the rest of your life miserably trying to monitor yourself to maintain a skinny weight your body doesn’t want to hold onto

Have you ever considered that Sisyphus might've just been in for the love of the game? My bus driver hits the same curb every morning