Reflections On Allowing Yourself To Be Seen
Allowing yourself to be seen raw and authentically, without all of the filters, facades and fakery feels unsafe. I’m not talking about posting selfies…I’m talking about being authentic, honest and vulnerable.
You’ll never find your flow, your people or your joy if you’re always trying to be something that you’re not.
For me, allowing myself to be seen has been a struggle. I’ve had to unlearn messages and unwritten rules about how women, especially Black women are *allowed* to show up. I’m creative. I’m loud. I’m a size 14. I’m opinionated. I’m a relentless advocate for equity and fairness. I’m a non conformist. I’m introverted. I stand up for myself and others. I’m willing to speak hard truths.
I am the direct the opposite of how I was taught to show up to be attractive, accepted, employable, and loved.
But sometimes people need to see YOU. You can’t simultaneously hide and be great at the same time, in my experience. You have to pick one.
You have to let people see you: your art, your face, your spirit, your values. Hiding feels safer. You skirt rejection…but you also forfeit acceptance and support.
My coming out as an artist was schizophrenic (that’s another set of issues about worthiness, talent, comparisons, imposter syndrome and myths about artists that we can unpack later). The support for my art and work followed suit. I said a while ago: **you cannot keep what you will not claim**. And so, I had to claim owning that “title” and showing up authentically. As I did that consistently, things shifted.
Allowing myself to be seen taught me some valuable lessons:
No one can anyone love you unconditionally if you never allow them to see and know you.
People can’t celebrate and support you, your work , or your art you’re always hiding, doing your work in the dark, or playing small and downplaying what you bring to the table.
You never reach your potential if you keep falling back.
You can’t lead effectively from behind a curtain or a wall.
By now, most people connected to me knows about my brother and partner in creativity, Jef Janis, of Double Vision Photographic. The photo for this post is a photo he took of me during our very first photo shoot. He’s been begging me to share it. I’ve been begging him not to. I had on clothes, but the image feels so raw and naked. I saw flaws, and a Staci that I hadn’t allowed people to see, or perhaps a Staci that allow myself to be (seen) often. He challenges me to come out more…physically and in terms of sharing my art. On a side note, and another post for another day - not everyone can “see” you or has the gifts and abilities to help you present yourself to the world. Presentation matters and I’m blessed to be gifted to know one of the most brilliant photographers on the planet. Jef gets to know you before he shoots you. If you’re not willing to be vulnerable, you won’t see yourself in the most beautiful light.
It still feels uncomfortable. But I’m learning to live with it.
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