words & quoems.

जिंदगी से कम शिकायत होने लगी है 

हर दिन तुम्हारी बातों को सुनके

थोड़ी सुकून की आदत सी होने लगी है "

You felt like a midsummer evening

Bursting skies & yellow hues.

As if you'd gotten drunk on sunlight

And left me intoxicated too.

It started small, quiet & warm

I'd never heard a laugh like yours,

All I knew that it had me hooked

And it'd left me wanting more.

And half of my (rehearsed) jokes

And one-liners I'd kept on saying,

Were just means to evoke

That melody I'd kept on craving.

For it was a rather contagious thing

That rippled through the air,

Like a song you'd play on repeat

To which nothing else compared.

And no matter where you are,

Or where you decide to go,

That wondrous laugh of yours

I scroll past your pictures,

Replay all the tapes,

A montage runs in my head

Whenever I hear your name.

I wonder if you miss this life,

Or if you remember the joys.

I'm afraid I'm starting to forget

The sound of your voice.

Maybe in another universe,

You were someone I did not lose.

I assure myself that grief

You tell me how you're addicted to coffee,

And I think about how I'm addicted to you.

I live from one poem to another,

But mostly I live for the days I can see you.

Your energy keeps my world spinning,

Its enormity rivals the sun.

You're the centre of my galaxy

Around you, I always turn.

You tell me about how life is an adventure,

And I believe that mine is because you're in it.

You tell me how love is a losing game,

And I believe that you could positively win it.

But if I was a part of this game,

I'm afraid the ending wouldn't be sweet.

Taking chances is harder,

When all I've known is defeat.

And I relate to those Lemony Snicket quotes,

More and more as I get older,

'For Beatrice, summer without you is as cold as winter.

Winter without you, is even colder.'

So lately I've stopped praying,

And asking the universe for signs.

I don’t want to be someone,

Who spends eternity reading between lines.

For I've had enough of yearning,

Enough of going with the flow.

If there's a possibility of us,

You can let me know.

And here's how I'll end this for you -

You're in my life, and I'm glad

You make me love the world.

you meet them for the first time,

knowing it's probably the last.

might as well make the most of this time,

since life comes at you fast.

you find the strangest of signals

in the no-network zones.

cross-tent communication with folks,

just rambling about the unknown.

there's the warmth of shared laughter,

that carries you through freezing nights,

and you look up at the flickering stars,

to finally see things in a different light.

and at 11,000 ft above sea level

you finally reach the peak,

just to realise the joy was in the journey,

and the friends you made that week.

you'll visit caves & splendid cafes,

and remember the city in mere parts,

but years later, you'll still tell everyone,

i've been running into you at places,

and i see you for what you really are

you're just one of those people

who's way better from afar.

but there was a time before this,

those days I wish I could freeze.

i still remember everything --

the walks, outings & monsoon breeze.

23 revolutions around the sun,

yet I wouldn't call myself smart.

to think I was falling in love,

when I was gradually falling apart.

i wrote all those things for you,

thought thrice before i sent them.

you never wrote any words in response,

but it's not like you would've meant them.

you left me waiting & ...waiting

i went from dreaming to losing sleep.

if no love's ever wasted,

i suppose mine was never yours to keep.

so I'll watch from the sidelines,

knowing there's nothing holding us together.

maybe I couldn't find love,

The terrace is still as it was

but it's no longer like home.

I used to watch sunsets from here

But now all I see is stone.

This what we're all about

Reinventing some concrete scene.

I stare at a blockade of buildings

I can only see the sun from the gaps in between.

I think about these new places for living,

And how their creation comes with this cost.

I want everything to go down to the ground

So I memorized your shy smile,

It's the thought of you that

Makes living a bit more worthwhile."

And the world will get in between,

But they don't know the fact,

That you're the world for me."

When it's easier to just sink

What kind of life is worth living?

If you're always living on the brink"

हर एक शब्द मुझे चुभता है

दूसरो का दिल दुखाते वक्त

खुद का दिल भी दुखता है "

I've been avoiding the truth.

I've already wasted my potential,

And now I'm wasting my youth"

Even though you're one of a kind.

I don't feel the need for others,

You're better than everyone else combined."

you're two steps taller than me,

with an award-winning smile. 

you're going to go places,

you're already ahead by miles.

you tell me to work harder,

for there's so much yet to see.

i know i have one life,

but i'm afraid this is all i'll ever be.

i wish i had half your intelligence,

or something worth living for.

I amount to nothing, really

nothing as close to what's yours.

you always do exceptional things.

i just do what's required.

even the bare minimum's difficult,

when you're dull & uninspired.

you'll go to new places, see new faces. 

in the meantime, I'll be here.

maybe I'll level up & tag along,

once I'm over my fears.

i may not be close to where you are

in the scheme of things, what's a small delay?

just because things aren't looking up now,

I'm sorry we never made it, 

But know that I was willing to come halfway.

Our distance kept on expanding, 

Even though I lived forty-two minutes away. 

Talking + texting overtime,

Sending each other recs & songs.

But it’s funny how you felt that

Forty-two minutes was way too long. 

I heard you met up with your friends, 

When I'd been talking to you since last May.

It's a shame you never came here instead, 

For I only lived forty-two minutes away.

Do you know how elated I was? 

When you bought yourself a car, 

You took long drives to the seams of the city,

But forty-two minutes seemed too far.

I said I hadn’t been feeling well for days, 

Yet you never dropped by once, 

That’s the moment it clicked for me

How forty-two minutes made all the difference. 

You once said you'd give me the world, 

And that might've been true, 

But all I had ever wanted was 

Allonormativity & standard definitions of love,

He'd never been able to escape them all.

All these years of running away from them,

He wished he'd just crash somewhere and fall.

But then, they crossed paths,  

And something within him shifted.

Her world was pretty much the same,

But his was left tilted.

The end came before the beginning,

For he knew he couldn't love people in their way,

So he decided to let her go,

Even though there was so much left to say...

But was their love a video game?

Overcoming obstacles, unlocking new lands?

She was levels above him on the scoreboard 

And he still doesn't know where he stands.

He had never been fonder of anyone

But he couldn't tell her this over text.

What was the point of his feelings?

If there was nothing coming next.

She refused to see him as he was,

And suddenly, all his feelings were divided.

If she had actually ever liked him,

Their depth wouldn't have been one-sided.

He’ll write her a stupid poem,

Until his words are no longer suppressed.

But that poem will never reach her,