bad omens

Alena sat on a bench across from Harry, a  wooden table separating the two of them at the local park. It felt like the small gap between them wasn’t big enough and yet, at the same time, insurmountable.  

To anyone watching they would look like strangers, and that shot a pang of loneliness right through Alena’s broken heart. 

It had never occurred to her this would be how she and Harry turned out. 

She’d imagined him to be the first person she told she was pregnant - not that he’d be the dad. She’d thought he was her person. Someone she’d have confided anything in. Instead here they were, near strangers living completely separate lives. 

“So,” Alena pushed the envelope towards Harry. They’d been offered a copy each but Alena had declined, stating she didn’t need a piece of paper to tell her what she already knew. “Are you not going to open it?” 

“Hmm?” Harry looked up at her, hands not moving from his sides. “Oh, you don’t want to do it?” 

“Not really,” she shrugged. “You might accuse me of switching the paper inside.” 

She knew she sounded bitter and tried to keep her emotions under check, but it was so hard. 

He’d smiled at her when they’d met at her doctor's office and tried to make small talk as they walked to the park together. Alena had hated it. Hated it because she knew what could have been. 

“I wouldn’t do that,” Harry said, but his words held no weight. 

They were silent again for a minute and Alena was getting restless. She was about to push Harry again, when he cleared his throat. 

“Ok. I’ll open it, but before we do that I have a few things I want to say,” he spoke softly but with determination. 

Immediately Alena felt herself get on the defensive. She didn’t say anything, just waited for Harry to continue, but she already knew she wasn’t going to like whatever it was he was going to say. 

“Whatever the results in that envelope may be, I -,” he hesitated, as though he knew what he was about to say was going to be unwelcome. “I was hoping we could go back in time a little and have a do-over.” 

Alena stared at him astonished at the request. “You can’t be serious,” she laughed, the sound a little hysterical. 

“Just-just hear me out,” he held the envelope between his fingers twirling it round and round as he spoke. “The last few months have been rubbish without you. I just want things to go back to the way they were before this whole mess.” 

“Mess?” Alena repeated. She felt her anger start to build again, her body flooding with frustration again. 

“That’s not what I meant,” Harry tried to backtrack. “I just mean before the truth is out this is our chance for a clean slate.” 

And that was when Alena realised he still didn’t believe her. 

She stared at him, completely at a loss for words. Rubbing her eyes, she felt her shoulders slump as she let out an exhausted sigh. Alena was just so tired. “Harry, please open the envelope so we can get this over with. I’d like to think we’re mature enough to be able to navigate this without getting any more lawyers involved,” she spoke matter of factly, refusing to look Harry in the eyes as she alluded to one of their first interactions after Harry had found out Alena was pregnant.  

Harry clenched his jaw to keep himself from saying anything more stupid. 

He didn’t want to open the letter. His gut was telling him that once he opened it there would be no going back - that everything would change in a way that Harry wasn’t prepared for. 

But Alena wasn’t looking at him and didn’t want to hear him out so he had no choice. 

He swallowed back his words and slipped the piece of paper out and unfolded it, his eyes skimming over the words written there as his ears began to ring and his heart pounded loudly in his chest. 

Possibility of paternity: 99.9998 % 

He silently handed the piece of paper to Alena who put it down without looking at it. “I don’t need to see that to know the results,” she told him, still not looking at him. 

When Harry still hadn’t spoken after another minute, she started to stand up, wobbling a little to get her bearings as blood rushed to her head and she felt a little dizzy. 

That seemed to shock Harry out of his daze and he rushed over towards Alena, reaching out but hesitating before he touched her. He didn’t think he had the privilege of touching her anymore. 

Alena stepped away from him. “I’ll leave you to wrap your head around…everything,” she told him gently. She felt vindicated that the truth was finally out there, but he was still the boy she’d spent the majority of her life growing up with and that part of her felt sympathetic to the lost way he was looking at her right now. 

“Lena…I-” 

Alena cut him off before he could say anything else. “I don’t expect anything from you,” she reminded him. “But I’m not the villain in this. Neither is this poor baby,” she wrapped a protective arm around her stomach and Harry felt a tug somewhere in his heart at the action. “Neither is your family. They want to be a part of this baby’s life, and I’m not going to keep them from her.”

“Her?” Harry whispered, but he’d already known that. His mum had already told him. His brain was scrambled and every memory was running into each other. 

“Yeah, a baby girl,” Alena smiled softly. She was glowing. “I’m not keeping her from you either,” she added. “But I’m not going to force you into anything either. When you’ve decided what you want to do, you can reach out.” 

And then she walked away and all Harry could do was watch. 

-

Harry didn’t remember much about how he got home to his mum’s house. He didn’t remember much about anything after he’d watched Alena walk away and he’d picked up the little piece of paper that had just changed his life. 

His mum had found him sitting in his car in her driveway when she’d come back from work, engine still running. She’d knocked on the driver's side, a smile on her face until she saw the devastation on Harry’s. 

“What happened?” she’d asked him, her heart rate picking up speed at different possibilities.  

“I messed up, mum,” he’d told her, voice breaking. “I really messed up.” Then he handed her the piece of paper. Anne had glanced down at it, pursed her lips and beckoned him inside. 

Now he was sitting at the kitchen table, in the seat Alena had been sitting in only a couple of weeks ago, nursing a cold cup of tea as he tried to come to terms with everything that had happened in the last six months. Everything that he’d brought onto himself. 

“What do I do?” he looked up at his mum, feeling so much like the boy he’d been the day he’d first found out Alena was moving away - lost and completely at a loss for what to do. 

“That’s something only you can answer,” Anne told him, feeling for her son, but still not willing to let him entirely off the hook. He’d been selfish and hurt someone who hadn’t deserved it. 

“She wouldn’t even look at me,” he murmured. “I tried to keep her away from you and Gem! I accused her of lying, of trying to trap me,” he grew more and more aghast as he recalled all the things he’d said and done. “What do I do? How do I fix this?” 

“You don’t,” Gemma said, as she walked into the kitchen. She’d heard everything from the lounge room and finally decided to join them. “You can try, but you don’t deserve another minute of Lena’s time.” She didn’t even look at him as she walked past to grab an apple from the fridge. 

“You could be a bit more helpful,” Harry glared at her. 

“I could be a lot more helpful if I wanted,” she agreed with him. “But I don’t want to. Why would I make it easy for you? Do you think Lena had it easy?” 

“I’m your brother,” Harry said weakly, knowing it was a stupid point to make. 

“And Lena is carrying my niece.” 

“I -,” Harry started to respond but was cut off. 

“What, so you want to be a dad now?” Gemma glared at him. “Cause if I recall, you were adamant that you never wanted to be a part of this baby’s life only a couple of months ago.”

“Ok!” Anne stepped in between her children, there were too many emotions flying around and if she didn’t take control of the situation, she worried it would derail into something uncontrollable. “Stop it, the two of you. That’s no way to speak to each other. Gemma, your brother is clearly struggling, stop baiting him even more. Harry, Gemma is somewhat right - you can’t just decide when you want to be a father and when you don’t. That baby deserves better than always wondering when or if her dad is going to show up. Alena deserves better, as well. If you are serious about mending whatever you broke between you and Alena, then you need to find a way to prove it - to all of us.” 

Anne looked between her two kids, daring them to argue with her.

They both looked away, evading her eyes. 

It was silent for a minute before Gemma muttered something under her breath. 

“What was that, Gem? If you have something to say, say it loud enough so we can hear.” 

“If you want to make amends,” she looked directly at Harry as she spoke, a little hesitation in her words. “You should know, so things don't get awkward, and you don’t get your hopes up, Lena has a date this weekend.” 

-

Alena gave herself a final once over in the mirror before walking over and answering the door. “Hi,” she smiled up at James. He was taller than she’d thought he would be, with gentle eyes and a kind smile. “You must be James.” 

He nodded, smile crinkling the corners of his eyes. “And you must be Alena. It’s lovely to meet you.” 

They stood there for another couple of seconds and Alena wondered if she was supposed to invite him in. She didn’t feel comfortable inviting someone she didn't know yet into her space, but, before she could say anything, James held out his arm towards a car sitting idle on the road. 

“Shall we?” he gestured for Alena to take the lead. 

Alena smiled, locked up her front door and walked over to the small Volkswagon. There was a child’s seat secured into the back, with a scattering of baby clothes beside it. 

“Sorry,” James grimaced. “I didn’t have time to clean out the back and honestly, having spare clothes is always helpful. I never know when I’m going to need a change of clothes with Mia.”

“You’re fine. Please don’t apologise, I think it’s sweet. Besides, I’m sure if you give me a couple more months my car will look very much the same,” she joked, patting her round belly. “Probably much worse, honestly.”

James grinned, glancing over at her as he drove them to the restaurant he’d made a reservation at. “How far along are you?” he asked. “Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl?”

“About eight months,” she smiled down at her stomach as she felt a small kick. “And she’s a girl.”

James whistled. “Getting close there. Are you ready with everything yet?” 

Alena let out a snort. “I don’t think I’ll ever be ready,” she admitted. It had only been about five minutes since they’d been on the road, but they weren’t driving very far and James was already looking around trying to find a place to park. 

“Yeah,” he agreed, turning his indicator on as a car vacated right in front of the restaurant. “That feeling doesn’t ever really go away,” he admitted. “Every time you think you’ve nailed something, you hit a new stage of growth and you’re back to learning everything all over again. It does get easier though.” 

They exited the car together and James gave his name at the door to the hostess who led them over to their table in front of a window at the front of the restaurant. 

“How old is Mia? That’s your daughter's name right?” she asked. She didn’t feel any sparks yet, but James was kind and it felt good to get out of her flat for the night.

“Yeah,” a fond smile crossed his face as he spoke of his daughter. “She’s almost two and a half now. We’re knee deep in the terrible two’s, but honestly, she’s a shining point in my life - despite all the tantrums.” 

“Do you have any pictures?” Alena asked.

James chuckled. “My whole phone is basically a shrine to her. I have pictures of her literally doing anything. Look,” he pulled out his phone and leaned across the table so Alena could see his camera roll as he scrolled. 

“You weren’t kidding,” she laughed. “Though she is adorable, so I don't think you can be faulted for having so many photos.”

They continued to chat, smiling and laughing the entire time. Conversation flowed between them so easily that Alena genuinely found herself relaxing and shutting the rest of the world out. 

They ordered their food and James continued to share baby stories, photos and videos as they munched through their appetisers. 

As they spoke, the conversation naturally made its way to how James became a single parent. Alena had been wondering, but she hadn’t wanted to pry and Gemma hadn’t given her any information. 

“When my wife died,” James was saying, “Mia and I were completely lost. Myself probably moreso. Mia had just turned one a couple months ago and she cried non-stop for days asking for her mum and I just didn’t know what to do. I felt like I was drowning, everything was so overwhelming, but every time Mia smiled at me I felt like I was coming up for air.” 

Alena frowned, her heart breaking as she imagined what it must have been like. She reached out across the table and held James’ hand. She could see how hard this was for him to relive, and wanted to offer a little bit of comfort. 

“You don’t have to talk about it,” she said gently.

“No, it’s ok. You must have been curious, and Gemma did say she hadn’t told you anything. I also feel like I need to explain myself for what I’m about to say,” he smiled at her apologetically. “Mia’s mum, Julie, was the love of my life. We grew up together, finished high school as sweethearts and got married when we were twenty. When we lost her, my whole world collapsed and this is the first time I’ve gone out with someone, gone out on a date, since we lost her. And I just want to say thank you. It’s been so nice to get out of the house, have adult company, even if we just talked about kids the whole time,” he laughed. “But…” he hesitated, trying not to hurt any feelings. 

Alena smiled at him. “But there’s no spark?” she offered. 

James let out a relieved breath. “Yeah,” he agreed. “I would still love to hang out. And when your little girl is born, we can go on parent dates, but I just don’t see this going anywhere romantic.” 

“I totally agree,” Alena said. “I’m honestly relieved. I don’t think I can be in a relationship right now anyway. My life is kind of in the pits at the moment.”  

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked her. “I’ve just unloaded on you, it’s only fair I offer the same.”

“I wouldn’t even know where to start,” she admitted. “Well, no I do. But I don’t know how much I can tell you. There’s lawyers involved.” 

“You don’t have to give me specifics. You don’t have to say anything at all if you don’t want to.” 

Alena took a moment to gather her thoughts as their mains arrived. They thanked their waiter before digging into the food. After a few bites, Alena took a breath and started her story, keeping everything very vague but still letting off a lot of steam as she finally shared her story with someone who was not intimately involved in all the corners of her life. 

Neither of them noticed the man with curly hair sitting in the corner watching them laugh and share secrets as he pushed his food around his plate. 

Harry hadn’t known this was where Alena was going on her date, but when he’d seen them walk in, he hadn’t been able to look away. Hadn’t been able to get up and leave. He’d stayed sat in his seat, watching the torture unfold in front of him. 

-

Harry stood in front of Alena’s front door with a bouquet of flowers in his hands, suddenly unsure of himself. He didn’t know what he was doing here, but he hadn’t been able to get the image of Alena holding someone else’s hand out of his brain; the picture felt like it was burned into his retina. And even after Gemma had told him they’d decided they’d be better off as friends, he hadn’t been able to shake off the ugly taste of jealousy coating the back of his throat. 

So, after days of trying to convince himself to stay away, to give Alena some space, to come up with a bigger and better grand gesture, he’d thrown all caution to the wind and decided some flowers and a giant pot of honesty was going to be his best bet. 

But now he stood on her doorstep, and the bouquet felt ridiculous. Alena wasn’t the superficial type, and a simple bunch of flowers weren’t going to soften her heart to him. But Harry didn’t have much more to lose, so he took a breath and tapped on the door twice, heartbeat picking up speed and ringing in his ears as he waited for an answer. 

“Coming!” he heard Alena’s voice followed by some quiet cursing. Despite himself, Harry felt his lips turn up in a soft smile. 

When the door opened, Alena had a smile on her face. One that quickly dropped when she saw Harry standing before her. “Oh. It's you. What do you want?” she asked, blocking any entry into her flat. 

He cleared his throat. “Uh- these are for you,” Harry shoved the flowers towards her, movement jerky and awkward. 

Alena looked down at the flowers, then back up at Harry. “I’m allergic to peonies,” she told him, watching the colour drain from Harry's face as he quickly pulled them back away from her. 

“Shit! Do you need to go to the hospital? Do you have an epi-pen? Why am I just finding out you’re allergic to something!” he panicked. 

“I’m kidding,” Alena stopped him, just as he was about to call an ambulance. “I’m not actually allergic,” she admitted, feeling a little guilty.  

“Why the fuck would you say you were, Lena?!” Harry glared at her, rubbing at his chest, right over his furiously beating heart. 

Alena shrugged. “We all do stupid things,” she admitted. “You should know that better than most by now. Only some of us admit to it and apologise. I’m sorry I said I was allergic, that was a shitty thing to say. See, easy.” 

“That’s why I’m here,” Harry quickly said, jumping on the opportunity to segue into his speech. “I want to apologise.” 

“For what?” Alena crossed her arms over her chest. 

“For everything,” Harry said. “For so much. Please, can - can I come in? I don’t want to do it out here. I owe you a million apologies and just as many explanations,” his eyes were wide with earnest. 

“Fine,” she agreed, stepping aside and letting him enter. “But only because I have some things I want to say as well.” 

“Of course,” Harry nodded, eagerly. He had latched onto a small thread and he wasn’t going to let go. 

He followed Alena into her kitchen, feeling his chest clench at how much the place had changed. There were empty boxes of what looked to be a baby crib by the corridor, an unopened box with what looked to be a highchair in the kitchen, and a small bundle of baby clothes on the couch. He’d missed out on so much.

She led them into the lounge room, taking a seat in the armchair while Harry took the couch, making sure they were sitting separately and not next to each other. 

They sat staring at one another for half a minute before Harry broke the silence. “Ok, so, I need to start from the beginning. I’m sorry. I - I never wanted to be a dad, or, I didn’t think I wanted to be one, and you knew that. So when you told me you were pregnant even though we’d used protection every time, I didn’t believe you. So many people I know in the industry talk about how they’ve had groupies try to baby trap them into marriage or extort them for money, and I panicked. I didn’t see you as Alena, the girl I’d grown up with and knew better than she knows herself. I just saw you as - as, I don’t even know what I saw you as,” he admitted. “I let people get in my head. So I'm sorry about that, first and foremost.”

Alena didn't say anything, simply stared at her lap as she fiddled with her fingers, while Harry continued. 

“Secondly, I’m sorry for trying to keep you away from my mum and sister. You didn’t deserve that, and neither did they. I’m sorry for getting lawyers involved and I’ve already had them burn all the documents you’d signed. You’re family, Lena, and no matter what happens you will always be family. And family means we don’t threaten each other with lawyers and contracts.” 

“Thirdly, I don’t want to be like my father,” he said quietly. This was a secret he’d held his whole life. Something he’d never admitted out loud. “I - he’s the reason I never wanted to be a parent. I didn’t want to be him. And I worried that I would be, even if I tried not to be. So I decided I never wanted to be a dad. I can’t fail at something I never tried to be in the first place, you know. I love kids, you know I love kids, but I have always worried, always had this itch under my skin that what if I’m like him? What if there’s some sort of genetic predisposition and no matter how hard I tried, my kid would end up like me and Gem. And even if there wasn’t, my career isn’t exactly built for a family. I'm always travelling and away and I’d miss so much. So, I told myself I didn’t want kids. I didn’t want a family. I was happy with the way things were. But then mum showed me those ultrasound pictures and I watched from afar as your bump got bigger and all I could think about was all the things I was missing and all the times I was wasting. So, I know it’s too late, but I’d like to try. I want to try to be there, I want to try and be a dad, if you’ll have me.” 

Harry swallowed back the lump in his throat, silently begging Alena to look at him. 

She was quiet for so long Harry was losing hope once again. And when she finally spoke, it didn’t make Harry feel any better. 

“You didn’t believe me.” Alena started, looking up at Harry at last. When she saw his eyes, her heart continued to break all over again under his gaze. “You really didn’t believe me when I first told you.” 

“It’s not about who I believed-”

“Yes, it is!” Alena cut him off. “You believed everyone - you believed everyone - except me. You’d known Jeff for all of five minutes compared to our friendship, and you still trusted him over me. Gemma said you’re still contracted with him! After everything!” 

“Lena…I’m working on it, it’s not that easy to cut someone out…” 

“You cut me out pretty damn easily!” she yelled back. “You broke my damn heart, Harry. I was in love with you,” Alena admitted, glancing at Harry for a second before looking away from him again. It hurt too much to see him sitting in front of her again and not being able to touch him. “I was so in love with you, I waited for weeks for you to call me back and apologise and I would have forgiven you instantly. But you didn’t. You showed up at my door and continued to hurt me even more. You tried to take the only family I have away from me, you tried to punish me for something I had no control over.” 

“I know,” he said, reaching out for her. Alena hadn’t even realised he’d moved. “And I’m more sorry than you’ll ever know.”

She flinched away from him. “Please, please don’t touch me.” 

“Lena.”

“No. Harry, no. You don’t get to say anything right now. You don’t get to apologise. And you don’t get to look at me like that.” She clenched her hands into fists by her side to stop from hugging him into her chest. He looked broken. But Alena knew if she let him in now, if she let him affect her again, she’d only end up hurting herself more. “Please, stop looking at me like that.” She begged. “Stop looking at me like I’m the one breaking your heart, when you’ve already shattered mine over and over.” 

Harry clenched his jaw, getting ready to fall to his knees and beg for forgiveness he didn’t even think he deserved. 

“I think you should go,” Alena said, finally standing up and moving behind the armchair, putting a physical barrier between herself and Harry. “I need some time to unjumble my thoughts. And I think you need to decide what you want as well, because you can’t just want to ‘give it a go’ at being a father, Harry. This is a permanent position, and you need to think about all the sacrifices you’ll need to make for her and whether you think they're worth it. Once you decide that, then we can figure out a custody arrangement.” 

She didn’t say anything about the tattered remnants of their relationship, and Harry didn’t disrespect her by trying to push his forgiveness. 

He accepted her words and with a final goodbye, turned and walked out the door. 

--

Sorry it's taken months! I have had a hectic life lately. Back at work full-time and juggling a toddler. Also I was unwell for about 2 months lol

anyway, here's a long awaited part 5! let me know what you think. Hopefully the next part won't take as long to post, but no promises. Especially since I'm also writing another fic atm that I've resparked some inspo for!

“Are you sure I won’t be intruding?” Alena asked anxiously as she played with her fingers from the entryway of the kitchen where Anne and Gemma were shuffling around getting dinner ready. She’d offered to help half a dozen times but they’d waved her off every time so she had nothing to do but stand around, anxiously staring at the clock and waiting for the front door to open. 

“Sweetheart,” Anne sighed, shaking her head exasperated. “This house is as much yours as it is ours. Have we done something to make you feel otherwise?” 

Alena felt only a little sheepish at that but she didn’t get a chance to respond as the door finally opened and Harry walked in and Alena’s heart rate felt like it tripled. 

She froze in place, stiffening to stop herself from spinning and facing the man who haunted her dreams and was the bringer of all her nightmares. 

“Hiya, Mum, Gemma,” Harry called without looking up as he kicked his shoes off. “I brought a salad,” he said, voice getting closer. He trailed off when he saw Alena standing in front of him with her back to him, shoulders stiff. 

There was an awkward pause in the room as everyone waited to see what he would do. “Alena,” he nodded at her when she finally turned to look at him, eyes staring unblinking over his shoulder. 

“Harry,” she whispered back, turning back and moving further into the kitchen, trying to get as far away from him as possible. She was already wishing she had stayed at home. But Gemma had threatened to show up at her door if she didn’t show up on her own. 

Alena eyed the bottle of wine she’d brought with her and wished so badly she could have a drink right now. 

She sighed, wringing her hands together, and turning pleading eyes to Anne. “What can I do?” 

“Why don’t you set the table, dear?” she said, finally taking pity on Alena and giving her something to do. 

‘Thank you’, Alena mouthed, turning to the cabinet beneath the kitchen island where they stored their dinnerware.

She crouched down, opening the door and staring at the different types of china Anne had hoarded over the years. Alena took this as an opportunity to try and sort out her scattered thoughts, closing her eyes and taking a couple of deep breaths. 

When she opened her eyes, her heart had finally slowed down to its usual rhythm. She took one final deep breath, psyched herself up and grabbed a pile of matching dishes before moving to stand back up. It took her a second to regather and rebalance herself with her ever changing centre of gravity as her stomach continued to grow, but she managed it. She was getting good at rolling with the punches and the tilting world the universe threw her way. 

“Should you be carrying all that in your state?” Harry asked sharply, hovering over Lena as she turned around and found him standing behind her. 

“I’m fine.” Alena moved to step around him, the plates clinking in her arms as she moved. 

“Just give it here,” he insisted, sounding put out. 

“I didn’t ask for your help,” Alena replied, voice sharper than she’d intended. She instantly felt guilty, her eyes flitting to look at Anne who watched her in concern. The last thing Lena wanted to do was cause a scene at their family dinner, so she took a breath and forced herself to swallow the anger and hurt building in her throat. “But thank you,” she forced the words out. 

“Setting the table was always my job. Just give them to me and go do something else.” 

“I’m pregnant, Harry. Not disabled. I’m fi-ine. Oh,” Alena froze. 

“What? What happened?” Gemma rushed over, noticing the spooked look on Alena’s face. Harry had instantly grabbed the dishes out of her hands, moved across the room and placed them on the table before rushing back over to hover. 

“Nothing,” Lena whispered, voice a little choked up. “I just, I think I just felt her move for the first time,” she glanced up, eyes wet and a small smile quivering on her lips as she looked from Anne to Gemma and back again. 

Harry moved back, feeling like he was intruding on a moment he shouldn’t have been a part of and leaving his family to have their privacy, trying to make sense of the feelings building in his chest. 

-

Harry Styles paced in his living room as his thoughts kept drifting to Sunday night.

Dinner had been awkward at first and then everything had simmered down into a background discomfort as everyone ate and chatted while Alena and Harry pretended the other wasn’t there. 

But now it had been days and all he could think about was the look on everyone’s face when Alena had admitted she’d felt the baby move for the first time. The tears in her eyes and the looks of identical love on his mum’s and Gemma’s were burned into the backs of his eyelids. 

A baby girl. She was having a baby girl. 

And all Harry could think about was what if it was his? 

It had hit him at that moment, just how much he’d already missed. 

He’d never wanted to be a father, had never even imagined himself as one until he’d found out Alena was pregnant. And then he’d gone out Olivia and her kids for some ice cream after filming and all he could think was this was something he could be doing with his own kid in the future. 

His mind had been jumbled ever since with what if, what if, what if this baby was half him? 

And he was starting to think that maybe it - she- was his. 

Jeff had been avoiding all his probing questions, encouraging him to distance himself from his family until ‘they could sort things out’ and to ‘take out a restraining order’ against Alena. That he shouldn’t focus on anything but his career as it took off. But all Harry could think about was the little ultrasound pictures he couldn’t bring himself to throw away, sitting on the dresser in his bedroom.

He ran a hand through his hair as he replayed the dreams that had been haunting him for the last week. 

Images of curly hair, green eyes and dimples running around with toothless smiles as laughter filled his mothers house. 

A family. 

Something he’d never really imagined having beyond his mum and sister and friends. But then there was Alena. 

Harry didn’t know what to think. He didn’t know what to do. 

He pulled out his phone for the tenth time and opened Alena’s contact, looking at the unsent text burning through his screen. 

Can we talk?

Three words. He hated how cliche they were, but every time he’d erased them to type something else, nothing had felt right. 

He sighed, clicked his phone shut and threw it onto the coffee table. 

“What do I do?” he groaned into his hands, rubbing his eyes. “Everything is a mess.” 

Great, now he was talking to himself. 

He was at war with himself. He knew he was wrong. Knew he’d been an absolute twat but he’d been so shocked - so was Alena, his conscious whispered back. 

But he’d just not expected it - and neither had she, it continued. 

But Jeff had told him it wasn’t his and he’d never lied to Harry before - and Alena had?. 

But…but…but…

But there was no excuse for his behaviour. 

Harry deflated, collapsing on the couch and grabbing his phone and once more opening his texts. He hit send before he could talk himself out of it again and then spiralled into a million different thoughts as he waited for Alena’s reply. 

-

Alena had just walked out of another doctor's appointment with Gemma when her phone buzzed. 

She pulled it out, and did a double take at the name on the screen. 

“What is it?” Gemma asked when Alena froze, jaw slackened in the middle of the sidewalk. 

Alena turned her phone towards Gemma showing her the message on the screen. She made a face and scoffed. “What the hell does he want?” she rolled her eyes. “Bit late to be reaching out now.” 

Alena allowed a small smile to grace her lips, even as her insides twisted together at the words on her phone. 

Can we talk? 

“You don’t think he’s sent someone to spy on you, do you?” Gemma asked as they started walking again, the text remaining unanswered. 

Alena shrugged, “I can’t say the thought didn’t cross my mind,” she replied, forcing herself to remain unaffected. “It’s pretty suspicious timing.” 

“Yeah, but also kinda convenient?” Gemma posed it as a question. “‘Cause now you don’t have to contact him first.” 

“Yeah,” Alena agreed, a little part of the anxiety that had wrapped itself around her heart unraveling at the thought. “Yeah,” she said again, pulling her phone out of her pocket. “What should I say?” 

Gemma shrugged. “I don’t think I’m the best person to ask,” she admitted. “I’ve got a lot of pent up frustration towards Harry - not that you don’t,” she was quick to add. “But you’re a lot more patient with him than I am.” 

“I don’t know how true that is,” Alena said. “I had to do some pretty strong practiced breathing Sunday night.” 

Gemma snorted, “like I said, you’re a lot more patient than I am. I would have knocked his teeth out,” she made some mock fists with her arms. Alena laughed before the two of them sobered up and Gemma said, “I don’t know, Lena. Maybe just tell him the truth.”

“Ugh, can’t you just sneak into his house and steal his saliva for me?” Alena asked and this time Gemma was the one laughing. 

“Ew.” 

“Yeah, fair.” 

“Says the girl who swapped spit with him. Too soon?” she grinned when Alena grimaced. 

“When you say it like that it’s always too soon.” She took a breath. “Ok, fine. Wish me luck.”

They stopped under the shade of a tree, Alena’s heart pounding nervously as she typed out a response, hit send before she could overthink it and shoved her phone into Gemma’s hands. 

Yeah, let me know when you’re free. My doctor said we can do a prenatal paternity test before the baby is born.  

-

We can do a prenatal paternity test before the baby is born.  

Harry read the text over and over again, his heart pounding loudly and ears ringing. 

He didn’t know how to respond. 

Part of him was relieved that he’d finally have answers, but he was terrified of what those answers would mean for him. 

He typed and retyped and typed a text again before giving up and dialling Alena’s number. It would be easier to do this over the phone and it had been hours since Alena had replied to his  message.

“Harry?” she picked up, just as he was about to end the call. Her voice was soft and breathy and Harry felt a pang shoot through him as he remembered nights they’d spent together, whispering in the dark, under his bed sheets trying not to wake anyone while his mum and sister slept down the hall. 

“Lena,” he swallowed the tightness away in his chest. “I - uh - I was hoping we can organise when to catch up.” 

He made a fist and raised it to his forehead, hating how awkward things were between them now, and realising for the first time just how much he really missed her. It hit him like a truck, the yearning for things to be easy again between them. 

He really fucking missed his best friend. 

“Yeah, good idea,” she spoke, voice crackling down the speaker as he heard a car door open and close. “When are you free?” 

Harry ignored her, checking his wrist for the time and frowning. It was late. “Are you driving?” he asked instead. 

“Huh? Oh, yeah,” she answered, and he thought he could hear the car’s blinker in the background. “I’m heading home from the hospital.” 

“What? Why? Is everything ok? What’s wrong?” Harry rushed out the questions, sitting up straighter and getting ready to rush over to her apartment. 

“Yeah, fine. So, when are you free?” she asked, and Harry noticed she didn’t bother to share any details with him. He hated it. The realisation hit him then, regardless of everything else he still wanted her in his life. 

Alena continued, unaware of his sudden epiphany. “My doctor said all we need is a saliva sample and she gave me the kit. I already sent in my blood work so all we need is your DNA and then you’ll finally have answers.”  

“Alena, can we just,” he sighed a loud breath. “Can we just please talk for a minute?” 

“There’s nothing to talk about, Harry.” 

“There’s everything to talk about!” Harry insisted. “I miss you,” he admitted, wishing he could see her face. “Please.” 

He could hear her breathing loudly down the line and when she didn’t reply, he wished he could swallow those words back, save them for another time. He knew it wasn’t fair of him to drop that on her the way he did. “Sorry,” he finally broke the silence. “I shouldn’t have -” 

Alena cut him off. “I’ll leave the test kit in your mailbox,” she told him, voice cold. “It has an instruction sheet in it. When you’re done, give it Gemma and she’ll give it to me. Please don’t contact me until we have the results back. Bye, Harry.” 

And she didn't give him a chance to respond before she hung up. 

“Fuck!” he cursed, slumping back in his seat, feeling defeated but knowing it was what he deserved. 

-

I miss you.  

Alena was furious. How dare Harry. How dare he! 

What right did he have to say those words to her after everything he’d done and said over the last few months. 

She hated him. 

She sighed. She didn’t hate him. 

But she wished she did. She really wished she did. It would have made things so much easier if she could just hate him. 

That way she wouldn’t be so affected when he seemed to crawl out of the woodworks every couple of months just to break her heart with words and an overwhelming presence. 

She huffed, collapsing back into her bed and staring off at the ceiling. It had been almost two weeks since she’d dropped off the DNA kit in Harry’s mailbox the same night he’d called her as she drove back from the hospital. 

She’d rushed herself to A&E with stomach cramps, panicked after she’d gotten home from the doctor’s appointment earlier in the day with Gemma. She’d seen the midwife who had been very kind to her, checked the baby and sent her back home again with the all clear. But Alena had still been frazzled and needed someone familiar as she’d answered the phone, forgetting for a microsecond that she and Harry weren’t friends anymore, weren’t anything anymore. So she’d answered the phone, feeling a little bit of relief at hearing his voice before she remembered the tatters their relationship was in at the moment. 

And then he’d said those stupid three words that had made her heart seize in her chest and then race like she’d just run a marathon. And while she didn’t hate him, she hated the way her heart still reacted to him, and she was worried it would never stop. 

Gemma had told her she needed to put herself out there again, get herself a quote-on-quote hot date. Alena had brushed her off and laughed. She was about to be a mum, who would want to date her? 

But now Alena was considering it. Maybe she just needed to get him out of her system, and the only way to do that might be to get herself back out there. 

She picked up her phone and dialled Gemma’s number. 

“Hey, Lena,” Gemma chirped down the phone. 

“Gemma. I’m ready.” 

“Ready?” Gemma asked, a confused question in her voice. 

“I’m ready to be set up with someone,” Alena swallowed back the little whisper in her mind telling her to stop talking. 

“No way,” Gemma all but squealed down the line. “What’s brought this on? Actually, I don’t care. I have this friend, James, he’s a single dad with a two year old daughter and I think you guys would get along like a house on fire - and not because you’re both parents,” she added. “I tried to set you up last year, but unbeknownst to the rest of us you were busy with He Who Must Not Be Named.” 

Alena laughed, “sorry to have ruined your plans.” 

“It’s ok, I got a niece out of it. Ok, so, I’ll send James your details and he’ll text you.”

“Thanks, Gem. Even if it goes nowhere, I think I need this.”

“It will go somewhere,” she said confidently. “But either way, let me know when you guys go out, I want all the juicy juice,” Gemma’s voice crinkled down the line, before she heard some shuffling on the other end. “Sorry, Lee, I gotta go. As much as I love talking to you, errands await.” 

“Go, go. And thank you. I’m getting another call anyway,” she said, pulling her phone back as the receiver beeped in her ear to indicate someone else was trying to reach her. “Bye, love you.” 

“Love you, too!”

“Hello?” Alena answered, not immediately recognising the number on her screen. “This is Alena.” 

“Hi, Alena. This is Dr Brenna’s room’s calling to let you know your test results are in. We have them at the front desk if you’d like to come and pick them up.” 

“Um, yeah, ok. Do I, um, can I just - I, uh, can I just come pick it up whenever?” she asked, mouth feeling a little dry, trying to ignore the ringing in her ears. 

“Yeah, as long as it’s during office hours,” the friendly voice joked. 

“Ok, thank you. Um, bye.”

“No problem. We’ll see you soon, bye.” 

And then she hung up, took a breath and let her brain race. 

She was expecting this call any day now, and had struggled with sleep for the last couple of weeks because of it - well, because of it and because of Harry’s three little words - I miss you - they still echoed in her head, suffocating her with their meaning.  

She was still stewing in her thoughts when her phone pinged, once then twice then a third time. 

She picked it up mindlessly, glancing at the three texts on her screen. 

Two from a number she didn’t recognise - Hi, this is James. Gemma sent me your number telling me I was to text you straight away lol. The first text read, followed by a second one asking her out. Are you free this weekend? 

She tried to compartmentalise, typing up a response before she allowed herself to think about the third text. Hi, James. This is Alena lol. Yes, I’m free this weekend. What did you have in mind?

She sent the texts off and then took a deep breath opening up the text from Harry. 

Did you get the call? 

She watched the screen for a couple of seconds, reading the five words over and over until three little bubbles popped up on her screen again. 

When did you want to pick it up?

Alena turned and screamed into her pillow, picked her phone up again and texted back: Tomorrow. 

The sooner they did this, the better.

-

Please leave me a comment/ask/anything regarding what you think! Also prepare yourselves. Major angst is coming your way as we start to wrap up!

The more feedback I get the more I write, I feed off positivity and hype hahaha

She was now over eighteen weeks pregnant and her doctor wanted her to have another scan done, which meant another appointment. The first time she’d gone in to see her specialist, she’d blushed furiously when she’d asked her about her baby’s father. 

The pitying look she’d received when she’d had to admit he wasn’t in the picture, had made Alena feel so small - though when she thinks back to it now, it could have been a projection of her own imagination, her doctor had been nothing but kind to her. 

Still, she hadn’t wanted anyone else to bear witness to her shame, so she hadn’t told anyone when she’d had her first scan done, nor when she’d had her second. But now she was due to get the paperwork for her third scan and she found herself wondering what it would be like not to do everything on her own. 

She glanced around the waiting room again, eyes lingering on a mum who was rocking a pram back and forth while her baby slept. Alena tried to imagine herself in her shoes, wondered if she would look as frazzled as the woman in front of her did - and knew she’d probably look worse when an equally tired looking man approached her with a glass of water and soft spoken words Alena couldn’t make out. 

She looked away from the couple, feeling like she was intruding on a private moment. 

-

She was barely in with the doctor for more than fifteen minutes before she was leaving again, a slip of a referral tucked into her little handbag and another two appointments booked in two weeks' time for a scan and results review. 

She’d asked if she could bring someone with her to those appointments and her doctor had smiled at her and agreed without missing a beat.

And now Alena was debating whether it was the right thing to do. She wanted to share the moment with Anne and Gemma but she couldn’t help but think about the way Harry would react when he found out. She’d promised herself she wouldn’t let him dictate anything more in her life and yet her brain and heart continued to flood her with thoughts and feelings about what he would say. 

She shook herself out of it, angry that he was still able to make her feel so small and concerned for his feelings when he clearly had no regard for hers - a pant shot through her at the pictures she’d seen this morning of Harry and Olivia with her two kids. 

She had to start thinking about herself. 

So, she pulled out her phone and pressed on Gemma’s contact, her heart beating faster as the phone rang and rang. 

Just as Alena thought she wasn’t going to get an answer, Gemma picked up. “Hello?” 

“Um, hey, Gem. How are you?” 

“Lena, hey! I was just thinking about you. How are you? How’s my little niece or nephew?” she asked cheerfully. 

Alena felt herself smiling at the questions, her heart filling with joy at the silent reminder that between her, Gemma and Anne, her baby would never be lacking in love. 

“We’re both doing well,” she responded. “I’m actually leaving the doctors office now,” she admitted. “Everything seems to be going well.” 

“You had an appointment today? Why didn’t you tell me? Or mum?” Gemma asked, and Alena could hear the frown in her voice. 

“That’s actually kinda what I’m calling about,” she said, glad for the segue. “I’m due to have an ultrasound in two weeks. I was wondering if you or Anne wanted to come along? You definitely don’t have to, but I would like it if one of you could be there,” she tacked on, slightly nervous that she’d be turned down, as unlikely as it may have been. 

“We’d love to!” Gemma replied excitedly. “Mum is going to be so chuffed. She’s been wanting to ask to come along to these appointments but we didn’t want to overstep. Did you want to call her? No, you know what, come over for dinner tonight and we can tell her together. She’ll be so excited. Are you going to find out the gender?” She rambled, and Alena felt her cheeks stretch into a happy smile. 

“I think so. I want to start thinking of names and getting a nursery set up. I can’t believe I’m almost halfway through,” she mused. 

“And I’ll get to know if I’m gonna be an aunt or uncle,” Gemma joked, making Alena’s smile turn into a full blown laugh - partly because she hadn’t been expecting the silliness, but mostly because of pure relief. She didn’t think she’d ever stop feeling that sense of relief. Not while she was always expecting them to one day tell her to stop calling, that Harry had been right and they wanted nothing to do with her anymore. She knew it was unfair to Anne and Gemma who had never shown anything but excitement for the new addition to the family. But Harry’s words and threats always seemed to be lingering at the back of Alena’s mind. 

She rubbed her little bump, feeling an overwhelming sense of sadness that her baby would never know their dad. Not in the way she’d always hoped they would, anyway. 

-

“Have you had enough to drink, dear?” Anne fussed, trying to hand Alena a bottle of water. 

“Mum,” Gemma grabbed the bottle before Alena could say anything. “She only needs to drink a bottle this time, remember?” 

Alena looked at Gemma curiously, a small smile tugging at her lips. “Why do you know that?”

“We googled,” she explained, making Lena let out a small nervous chuckle. 

“It’s my first grandbaby,” Anne said excitedly. “We want to make sure we know how to help.” There was a jitteriness to her today, an excitement that sparkled in her eyes, that made her appear so much younger. 

Lena’s heart swelled in her chest until she felt like it might burst.

The amount of love Gemma and Anne had been showing her these last few months almost made up for the lack of Harry in her life. Almost. 

But Lena didn’t want to think about that, focusing on the fact that she was going to see her baby today, well, an image of her baby. But her baby nonetheless. 

And, if she was lucky, she’d find out if she was having a boy or a girl and she was so excited. 

Two hours later, they were walking back out of the hospital, smiles firmly in place and hearts full of love.

“A little girl. I can’t believe it.”

Anne and Gemma were huddled over the little photo the ultrasound technician had printed out for them, their eyes shining and cheeks still wet with tears. 

“I’m going to have a niece,” Gemma breathed. “I can’t wait to braid her curly little head of hair.” 

“We don’t know if her hair will be curly yet, Gem,” Lena laughed, cheeks pained from the permanent smile that had been on her face all morning.  

Gemma looked pointedly at Alena’s hair, wisps of curls handing down to frame her face while the rest of her hair had been thrown into a ponytail. “Between you and Harry, I think it’s a safe bet.” 

Anne looked up, glancing cautiously at Alena. It had been the first time in a while either of them had brought up Harry and his part in Lena’s pregnancy. 

But Alena just laughed, too content and happy to let anything ruin today. “Fair enough,” she agreed. She was going to have a healthy, happy, curly haired, beautiful baby girl. 

-

“Mum?” Harry called, kicking his shoes off and shuffling into the kitchen. 

He hadn’t seen his mum and Gemma for a couple of weeks after having yet another argument with them about Lena. 

He sighed at the lack of response. 

Either his mother hadn't heard him or she was still upset enough with him not to reply. But Harry loved his mum and wasn’t willing to let this argument go on any longer. 

He sat on a stool in the kitchen, deciding the best option was to wait for her to come downstairs where he could corner her. He’d stopped by their favourite bakery on the way over and bought her a lemon slice that he carefully placed on the counter in front of him. 

His gaze caught on what looked almost like a series of camera negatives underneath a pile of papers. 

He rolled his eyes and let out a disgruntled sigh at the information printed on the sheets and pushed them aside, frustrated that no matter what he said his family still seemed to think he was going to be a dad. 

He pushed down the part of him that agreed with them, hoping the truth would come out and prove that Lena was just trying to take advantage of his fame and family. He didn’t know what he would do if he was going to be a father, other than beg for forgiveness. He wasn’t heartless no matter how many times Gemma told him he was. 

But Jeff had told him the truth of everything, he told himself. About how he’d heard Lena on the phone with someone planning to pass this kid off as his own. 

Then why did she sign those papers, his conscience whispered back at him. Sign them and amend them to want nothing from you. 

He frowned, his chest tightening as his eyes drifted back to the ultrasound images. What if the baby was his? 

He sighed loudly and gave in, reaching out for the pictures. He swallowed loudly at the distinctive shape of a small growing baby, and no matter how hard he tried to ignore it, a part of him couldn't help but feel guilty at how he’d been treating Alena. But Harry wouldn’t give in.

This baby couldn’t be his. They’d been so careful. They’d always used protection - except once and Alena had taken the morning after pill immediately after.  

No, this baby wasn’t his, he told himself, stomping out the image in his head of Alena with a baby in her hands with curly brown hair and green eyes. 

“Harry?” 

Harry dropped the pictures in his hand onto the table and jumped up from his seat, startled at his mum’s voice. 

Anne looked around him, noticing what he’d just been holding and rushed forwards, picking the pictures up and shielding them from him. 

Harry rolled his eyes. “Jesus, mum, they’re just pictures.”

“Don’t swear,” she reprimanded him. 

Harry ignored her. “Me touching them isn’t going to harm her child.” Anne glared at him and Harry deflated. “Please, can we not argue about this anymore? I just want things to go back to how they were before Alena-”

“If not going to say a single bad thing, Harry Styles, I suggest you keep them to yourself if you want to remain a part of this family. I did not raise you to be like your father.” Anne cut him off, using a comparison she knew would hurt.

Harry bit his tongue before he said anything else, hating the parallel made to his dad. This was why he didn’t want any kids. He didn’t know how to be a dad. He didn’t want to be a dad. 

“Ok, ok.” There was a pause where neither of them said anything before Harry spoke again. “I - I brought you a lemon slice,” he told her, gesturing to the little box on the table. “A truce offering.”

“I’m not the one you should be bringing treats for,” Anne replied, though not as coldly as before, as she uncrossed her arms. 

“Mum, can we please not?” Harry asked, softly. “Can we just disagree and let it go? I won’t bring it up with you and Gemma again. I miss dropping in for lunch .” 

“Fine,” Anne moved past him, opening the little yellow box and picking up the pastry inside. “But you should know, Gemma will be here soon and she’s not as forgiving as I am.” 

“Where is she?” Harry frowned, knowing his sister would be a much tougher nut to crack. But he could do it. And maybe, slowly, before they got hurt by the truth, he could convince them this baby had no part in their lives.

“She was at the doctor with Lena,” his mum said casually, turning to put the kettle on. “I think they’re both coming here after.” 

“Why? Is everything ok?” The words slipped out without his permission. 

“Yes. There’s lots of doctor visits when you’re pregnant.” 

Harry blushed. Actually blushed at how silly his question had been. 

“Right. Uh, well I better get going then,” he shuffled his feet. “Can - uh, will there be a Sunday dinner this week?” 

“Yes,” Anne said. “There always is,” she glanced at him from where she’d begun pulling out a mug. “You don’t want to stay for tea?” she asked him.

Harry shook his head. “I don’t think I should be around when Gemma gets here.” With Alena, was left unsaid. 

“Well, if you’re coming to Sunday dinner, she’ll be there too. Just so you know.” And Harry understood the subtext to mean Alena would be there too. 

He sighed. He would never escape her. But he found he couldn’t begrudge her this as he remembered the first time he’d asked her to come to dinner when they were, for all intents and purposes still very much children, despite having just turned eighteen and finished high school. 

Alena had lost her parents the year before, moved away to live with some distant family until she’d turned eighteen and came right back to her childhood home as soon as she could. Harry had kept in touch with her as much as he could while they’d both finished school but it had been difficult. But as soon as he’d found out she was coming back he’d waited for her at the airport, spun her around and brought her straight to Gemma and Anne. 

She’d been so nervous and so excited when they’d asked her over. Harry remembered the little spark of joy returning to her eyes at the invitation. 

She’d spent the whole day baking to bring a dish with her, while Harry had lounged on her sofa laughing at her. 

He felt the corners of his lips twitch at the memory. 

“Harry?” Anne called, “where did you go?” 

“Nowhere,” he answered, immediately. “I’ll be there Sunday,” he said, determined. There was no reason he and Alena couldn’t be mature about this and share his family - they’d already been sharing long before this anyway. It would be fine, he assured himself. 

He involuntarily glanced at the little pictures on the table again, hoping Anee didn’t notice. But his mother noticed everything. She smiled at him, her eyes softening. “Take them,” she urged him. 

“Why would I?” Harry scoffed and stiffly turned his back, clenching his fists as his fingers twitched. 

“Just take them, Harry,” she sighed, rounding the table and gently lifting his wrist and tapping his fist with the images. 

“I’ll just throw them out,” he threatened.

“I have digital copies,” she shrugged. 

“Whatever,” he mumbled, accepting the photos, knowing he’d just throw them out as soon as he was home. He walked to the door just as he heard a car pull up. He knew it was Gemma and felt his heart pick up pace. 

He hadn’t seen Alena since he’d showed up at her door. 

He paused, waiting to hear car doors open but there were no sounds from outside. 

They would know he was here, they’d see his car sitting in the driveway next to theirs. He wondered what would happen if he stayed inside. Would they wait him out? Probably. Gemma was even more stubborn than he was. 

With a deep breath, Harry twisted the door and stepped outside. 

He glanced at Gemma’s car and instantly regretted it.

His sister was glaring at him with such vitriol Harry wondered if she’d ever forgive him. 

Alena sat beside her, her gaze averted. He stared at her for a minute, and found himself wishing she’d look up at him so he could read her eyes. They’d always been the most expressive part of her, always so easy to read, but she kept her eyes down and shifted to hide her face from him entirely. 

He sighed and kept walking to his car. 

As he pulled out of the driveway, they opened their doors and stepped out and Harry caught a flash of Alena’s stomach. His stomach dropped at the sight, the way Lena’s hand caressed it as she stepped out causing the pictures in his pocket to feel like they were burning a hole through his trousers as he sped away.

-

Sorry it took so long! I had weddings and baby births to attend to over last few months and have just started back at work full time!