No Mourners.

“If it was up to the two of them I’d never leave that house.” Connor said with a little sigh as he continued to help her out with the tent. Her words made him wonder how soon she’d want to leave their small town. Judging by what she said, it might be sooner rather than later. The smile on his face widened as he playfully nudged her since the last thing he wanted to ever come off was annoying. She seemed to really enjoy listening to him and was one of the only people to say it out loud, which warmed his heart. “I wouldn’t have to distract you when you’re sad, because you wouldn’t be sad, duh.” He teased as he gave her a wink. Once the two of them were done setting up their tent, he was trying his best not to laugh at the looks at it since it seemed like they missed a couple of pieces but he didn’t care. They were having so much fun, and that’s all that mattered. “I’ll take you everywhere then. Start close, then we can go see the whole world.” He said with a smile as he held out his pinky for her to take once again. “We might have to get better at putting this tent together, but we can go everywhere.” After grabbing their sleeping bags, Connor climbed into the tent and tried to get himself comfortable before patting the spot next to him. “I hope this thing doesn’t fall on us, but we didn’t do that bad for not remembering how to put it up.” He teased as he tucked a hand behind his head. “We could take this tent with us wherever we go. Maybe we’ll get a little better at putting it up.” 

Erik took the joint from her hand mostly to hide how hard he was smiling. How on earth was anyone suppose to understand her? He didn’t know, but he would happily spend the rest of his life trying to figure her out. Taking a hit, the smile took over his features as he felt a rush of relief and relaxation, not just from the smoke he exhaled. He started stroking her hair as she looked up at him. “Just… never stop being a pain in my ass, alright?” he furrowed his eyebrows, terrified of losing someone he’d grown so close with. “I know you didn’t ask and you probably don’t want to hear it, but I love you too.” He whispered at the end there, leaning down to kiss her forehead, praying he wouldn’t get slapped in the process. 

“He’s not worth you bruising your hand,” she sniffled quietly to herself, wiping away the tears. Though her puffy face and red eyes clearly gave her away. “He’ll be back,” she shook her head softly, “especially when he realizes this is missing.” Out of her pocket, she lifted a shiny brand-new Rolex. “He said it was his dad’s,” she shrugged her shoulders. Honestly, the price didn’t make up for how shitty he always made her feel but at least he would get a small taste of his own medicine. 

Connor wasn’t too surprised when she said that she had thought about leaving town. He’d be more surprised if she’d ant to stay here, but what caught him off guard was her asking if he’d go with her if she left. Who knew where the two of them would go, but it seemed like an adventure that he’d be ready for. “You wouldn’t need to do much convincing.” He admitted with a sad chuckle as he fiddled with the pieces of the tent once again. If he stayed here for the rest of his life, he knew what would be expected of him. It was the same cycle, get married, settle down, have kids, send them to the same school he went to and have the cycle continue to repeat itself. That wasn’t the life he wanted to live, even if that’s what his parents wanted for him. He knew his dad wanted him to follow in his footsteps and join the military, but he had bigger dreams than that. “I’d like to think that I’d have a lot going for me wherever we went.” He said with a little smile and a shrug of his shoulders. “You’d have to put up with me talking your ear off you know. You sure you want that?” He teased as he continued to put some of the pieces together. “Where’s one place you’d like to go?” 

Because I saw this on my dash, and I think it’s pretty and v revealing.

love as light

[love as a luminous force - warm, radiant, and golden] when mary oliver wrote “light of the world hold me” and when hozier sang “Oh, your love is sunlight” and when charles bukowski wrote “I look at her and light goes all through me” and when david viscott said “to love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides” and when e.e. cummings said “lovers alone wear sunlight”

“Uh, duh.” Connor said with a grin as he playfully nudged her. Even all these years later she didn’t mind him talking her ear off, and he was still grateful for her listening to everything he had to say. There was apart of him that went back and forth on the line of best friends, would they always stay that way or maybe, one day they’d be something more? The last thing he wanted to do was lose her, so he kept everything bottled up in fear that she didn’t feel the same way. “Do you think we’ll still be best friends when we’re a hundred?” He teased as he finally pulled back up to the dock. “Honestly I don’t think I’d want anyone else pushing my wheelchair around but you. You can push it around over here, or I’ll push you around.” Connor said with a laugh as he climbed out and started to dig through everything he shoved in the backseat. Hopefully by now, she had forgotten about her parents and the little situation that was at her place and was feeling a bit better. As he grabbed the tent, he couldn’t help but laugh when he saw all of the pieces that they had to try and put together. “We can figure it out. C’mon.” As he started trying to put a couple pieces together, he caught her eyes for a moment and gave her a small smile. “…Have you ever thought about leaving here?” He asked with a small shrug, hoping she wouldn’t look too much into the question. “Y’know see what else is out there?”  

“I’ll be sure to tell them that you want to come over for dinner soon.” Connor teased as he ran inside so she wouldn’t have to be sitting by herself for too long. His mothered noticed him and asked what he was up to, and after a little white lie he ran to his garage to get everything the two of them would need to go camping by the dock. They had done it a handful of times before, but with school and life in general it seemed to get pushed to the side. He was running around his room grabbing blankets, sleeping bags, he even grabbed his backpack from school with his poem in it and once he was done came out with too much stuff to carry. “Do you even remember how to put this thing together?” He asked with a laugh, trying to keep his voice down so neither of his parents would try and see who he was talking to. His mother would make a comment if she even saw Teddy sitting on the hood of his car, so hopefully they wouldn’t notice anything. “We could park the car near the dock, too. Sit on the hood like that, it’s a really nice night.” Connor said with a shrug of his shoulders as he shoved everything in his arms in the back seat. 

The back-handed compliment made him smile, “You’re literally a nightmare, you know that?” They both knew he didn’t mean it though. “It’s not that…” he huffed softly trying to articulate himself. “I just… what’s so wrong about being exclusive? Knowing you’re mine and… I’m yours.” As soon as the words came out, he regretted. “Ah, fuck it, just forget it. I’m just high. That’s probably why you look so hot right now,” he tried to joke, trying to soften the blow of his honest words.  

Grace avoided his eyes as she answered his question, “B-both,” she admitted in a meek voice. “We keep up appearances — galas, charity events, dinners at my parents house…” she hated telling Carter about it because the entire time she was thinking about him. “I try to avoid one-on-one time as much as I can but…” she didn’t even want to finish that sentence as she forced her green eyes to look up for a moment then straight back down. She did everything to insure the man from finding out it was all a ruse. “I don’t even know what would happen… my older brother Will is the fuck up; they’d never intrust him with a business deal this big. I’m guessing a bunch of yelling from my father, threatening to cut me off…” Grace shrugged her shoulders. She was the perfect golden child on paper at least, she didn’t want to know what would happen if her father ever found out about her relationship with Carter, but at the same time she didn’t want to keep lying to the man in front of her about her reality. Grace flinched in fear as he lifted his hand only to have him stroke her hair ever so softly, the knot in her throat only twisted that much more. Pursing her lips, she didn’t know how he could be so understanding… she shook her head as fast as she could. “I don’t love him,” there was no question about that, “but you have every right to be mad at me. You should be me at me, I’ve been lying to you for months…” she muttered quietly. “My father didn’t even blink an eye and it’s just getting worse the longer time goes on. It’s like he expects me to… m-marry this guy and I just… I don’t know what to do anymore, Carter. I just don’t want to lie to you anymore. You’re so open with me… you brought me to your summer paradise and I… I can’t even be honest with you and I’m sorry.” 

“Can you slide into the car like that?” he raised his eyebrows in amusement, “Because I’m pretty sure I would fall flat on my face. I don’t think you’re ready to see that.” It’s not like he expected her to see him, but anyone in his P.E. class would easily know that he was the most uncoordinated person in the entire senior class. The smile on Joel’s face was from ear to ear, knowing that he would remember this car ride for the rest of his life. The school in the distance made reality started to sink  in, and a lot faster than he would have liked too. The second they pulled up into the school parking lot — he could feel the sweat building up in his forehead without his permission. The pointing  from strangers though, that’s what really got him. Nobody even dared look at him a couple of days ago and now everyone was pointing. Joel looked at Arabella, hoping that he didn’t look like a deer in the headlights, even though that’s exactly how he felt. “If you want — I can also walk home, it’s not a big deal.” He didn’t want to pressure her into hanging out with him. It was pretty clear that nobody understood why the popular girl was hanging out with him and he surely didn’t blame them. However, since yesterday, he was starting to realize that he had never felt more at ease with another person. It was like he had known her his entire life. “I-I can walk you to your class… if you want.” he smiled softly. The snickering around him made a shiver run down his spine, feeling more stupid by the second as his smile faltered off his face. 

“Maybe I am.” Erik exhaled sharply, unsure of what else he expected from Teddy. Instead, he took an extra long hit of his joint, mostly to avoid him from answering her question. “If I’m an embarrassment to you, just say it. You sure have no problem with your candor.” 

Underneath the table, Lucrecia could feel her hands shake from the nerves. It was the first time she had ever admitted her secret to someone out loud, but her face remained as stoic as the boy in front of her. As much as she wanted to lie, she figured Emil would quickly call her out on her bullshit so the ugly truth came out instead. Between the silence and those blue eyes, Lu was the first to break forcing herself to look down. “Desperate times call for desperate measures,” she mumbled quietly. The blonde had remembered how she hated the idea at first, but her alternatives weren’t that great either; She had even considered being sent to Azkaban to be kept safe, but after being near a dementor during fourth year she realized she couldn’t do it. Her options were limited. It was his next words that cause her hazel doe eyes to look back up at him before he stood up to the kitchen. A sigh of relief fell pass Lu’s lips knowing that the words spoken from her mouth could have her killed. Playing with her fingers, she spoke quietly, “I meant what I said earlier; we don’t have to talk about this… You can pretend you never heard any of it.” She wouldn’t blame him, that was probably the safest option anyway.

@indiemuseblr​ | erik + ?? | from this

“ it’s starting to dawn on me that… the reason you might not want to come out about this is because you don’t really love me—”