Indielush

I talk with people all the time who feel like they’ve missed out on their “one great plan” for their life. They wanted to write a bestseller or start an orphanage or blow up in Hollywood or hit the big stage or get a billion subscribers. There’s a painful pressure for “greatness” and “significance” and going “viral.” And it seems like everyone else is there.

These are all good things. It’s good to have audacious goals. But good things also include changing diapers, making your bed, babysitting for your neighbor, showing up on time, replying promptly, coffee dates, blogging for five people, and picking up your phone to call a human being and say hello.

Missing our “big vision” is a hard thing. It hurts. But I have to wonder if our definition of success was messed up from the start. I wonder if “failure” is sometimes too strong of a word we throw around, when we were chasing impossible phantoms. Success does not come in a measuring cup. Often it’s simply a way of being, an aroma you bring to the room, a fullness.

I’m a people-pleaser. An approval addict. A codependent. A push-over.

I get into this feedback loop about what everyone is thinking about me all the time. I can’t seem to help it. I like to keep it breezy. I feel connected to everyone. I look up at everybody with these floppy fish eyes. I get high off the slightest glance of validation. I hang on to words. I trust very quickly. If I find out someone said an ill word about me, I die inside. I die a whole lot. My heart just withers.

Pain is not a lesson. It doesn’t always serve a purpose. Not everything happens for a reason. Not for a good one, anyway. Sometimes the reason behind pain is because someone decided to cheat you, abuse you, run you down, push you around. Pain is pain. It’s the byproduct of a broken, fallen, unfair world. Too often, no good will ever come of it. There will be no silver lining, no bow-tie, no song at the end.

When someone tells me that “God is testing me” or “God is using this pain for my growth” or “This is God’s will”—no. I don’t believe in a God who does that sort of thing. I believe in a God who is just as mad as you are when it hurts. I believe in a God who weeps.

Listen to music in that language. Listening to music in the language you are trying to learn surrounds you in the language and helps you develop a sense of how it sounds.

Watch TV and movies in that language. Listening to people have actual conversations in the language can help give you an idea of how it works. I recommend watching variety shows and children shows because the language is normally very basic. Plus, variety shows normally have certain words and phrases on the screen.

Use flash cards and take quizzes frequently. This helps you stay sharp with things you really need to know and remember. I personally don’t like flash cards, but when it comes to learning vocabulary, it can be a big help.

Practice writing and spelling. You can do this by writing daily in a journal. This can also help with forming your own sentences. Simply write about things like what you ate or what you did, or your thoughts in general. The more you write, the more comfortable you will be forming your own sentences.

Try speaking in the language whenever you get a chance. Do it with a friend who’s also learning or someone who already speaks the language. If you can’t do either one of those, you can practice by talking to yourself or an assistant on your phone. There are also apps such as hellotalk or kakao where you can talk to people. ALWAYS BE CAREFUL WHEN TALKING TO STRANGERS!!!

Learn words and phrases that you find yourself using often. Don’t try to learn advanced phrases and terms that you don’t use on an everyday basis. You may think it’s helping you, but it’s actually setting you back.

Learn more about the culture that surrounds the language. When you learn more about the culture, you will understand why certain things are said in certain situations. Understanding the culture = Understanding the language

Master the alphabet + pronunciation. Before you learn any sort of vocabulary or sentence forms, fully understanding the alphabet and each letter’s pronunciation is a MUST! In every language, there are those letters’ sounds that change depending on certain factors.

Master sentence structure. Sentence structure is a big problem that many people face when first learning a language. Chances are the sentence structure of the language you’re learning is the complete opposite from your own. (Unless you speak English and are learning Chinese; vice versa)

Become familiar with the keyboard. You will probably find yourself typing in the language often, so you might as well learn the keyboard. I recommend downloading a keyboard on your phone from the play store or app store.

Practice daily. When you do this, you’re bound to remember the information better. If you don’t and you stop studying for too long, there’s a high chance that you’ll forget some of the basics. I would know. It’s happened to me before.