Abby: I’ve been meaning to ask you something.
Jess: Go on.
Jess: Only if I concentrate very hard.
Abby: Can you read my mi-
Abby: What the fuck?
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@incorrectprimeval
Abby: I’ve been meaning to ask you something.
Jess: Go on.
Jess: Only if I concentrate very hard.
Abby: Can you read my mi-
Abby: What the fuck?

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Jess: Who's ready for Therapy Thursday?! We got some catching up to do!
Matt: Jess, it's Friday.
Jess: ...
Jess: Who's ready for Fun-Therapy Friday?!
Becker: Love is a weakness. It’s an evolutionary mistake.
Abby: You’re literally making a Valentine’s Day card for Jess right now.
Becker: [Pointing a glue gun at her] You’re on thin fucking ice.
Connor: [Holding a rock]
Matt: Nice rock
Connor: Thanks, Becker gave it to me!
Becker: I threw it at you!

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Becker: Connor, don't ever antagonize a man who can answer the question 'you and what army?'.
Connor: I love you.
Abby: How many people have you told that same thing to?
Connor: Everyone.
Abby: Everyone?
Connor: Yes. I tell everyone that I love you.
Danny: I think it ill behooves us—
Connor: Behooves? What, are we in the cavalry now?
Stephen: You risked your life for a . . . a ketchup on rye?!
Connor: With butter and lettuce!
Christine: Who are they?
Lester: Temple and Maitland.
Christine: Which is which?
Lester: Doesn't matter, they're interchangeable.

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Becker: Who put water in my gun?
Connor: How do you know it's water?
Matt: [regarding a requisition of an incubator being denied] We're not asking for a jukebox or a pizza oven.
Lester: Oh, those I can let you have.
Connor: No kidding! Hey, those would be great on movie nights. You got any pizza requisition forms?
Lester: Just use the standard S stroke 1798 and write in "Pizza" where it says "Machine Gun".
Matt: You're out of uniform!
Emily: [Looking at her outfit] Where?
Matt: How about my office in five minutes?
Matt: Jess, do you know what a hero is? Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, somebody who's tired enough and cold enough and hungry enough not to give a damn. I don't give a damn.
Abby: Are you married?
Emily: Sort of.
Abby: Sort of married? That's like being sort of a virgin.

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Hall: Childish. Not childlike, with its connotations of innocence and joyous abandon, but childish. You delight in petty bickering, summer-camp capers, and in general, behave in a manner ill befitting officers in the Canadian Army, and members of the scientific profession. It is, to some degree, understandable. You are, after all, constantly bombarded with creatures from a distant past. You would not be the first people to crack under the stress of such circumstances.
Ken: I resent that, Sir. I, for one, have not cracked because of the dinosaurs.
Evan: That's true, Colonel.
Ken: Thank you, Evan.
Evan: Leeds showed up here cracked, with a gun in one hand, and a pair of shorts that said, 'Hold Me' in the other.
Matt: [looking for maps of the arc] Why aren't they under "M"?
Jess: Because they're under "B" for "boom."