stuff barbie definitely said

Barbie: Hello, 911? Yes, hi. I accidentally stepped on my wife’s toes and I need to be arrested.

Sasha: Look, I might not have been a saint, but it’s not like I killed anybody. I wasn’t an arsonist. I never found a wallet outside of Denny’s and thought about returning it, but saw the owner lived out of town, so just took the cash and dropped the wallet back on the ground.

Barbie: Ugh, the meeting was so boring.

Aaron, to Gloria: I just saw Barbie crying for five or six minutes and then her phone alarm went off and she just?? stopped crying?? and went right on back to work???

Barbie, to the family: The real secret to immortality? Not dying. You want to be immortal? Okay, that’s easy. Just don’t die. That’s it. Refuse to die. There you go.

Gloria: Stop staring at my boobs. I can’t concentrate.

Gloria: I have a bad feeling about this…

Gloria: Why are you on fire?! 

Sasha: How much money do you have?

Sasha: Is Barbie your real name?

Sasha: I'm not asking this to be rude, but do you have mental illness?

Sasha: I’m volunteering at the animal hospital.

[deciding how to take back Barbieland]

Gloria, on the phone with Barbie: Did you preheat the oven like I asked you to?

Sasha, on the phone with emergency services: Hi, I accidentally locked my step-mom in our car and people are judging us. 

Barbie: We're never getting out of here.