Wanda: Whaddya call a fish with no eye?
Dorthy Ann, not looking up: Myxine Circifrons
Wanda:
Wanda: fsh
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Wanda: Whaddya call a fish with no eye?
Dorthy Ann, not looking up: Myxine Circifrons
Wanda:
Wanda: fsh

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Carlos : Hey Ralphie can I get a sip of your water?
Ralphie : It's not water.
Carlos : Vodka, I like your style!
Ralphie : It's vinegar.
Carlos : Wh-Wha-
Ralphie : It's vinegar, COWARD.
Ralphie: I’m sick and tired of being called 'mortal' like, you don’t know that. Neither do I. I have never died even ONCE. Nothing has been proven yet. Stop making assumptions. It’s rude.
Miss Frizzle: Some of you may die, but that’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make in the name of science.
Tim, going over Carlos’s resume: Okay, so right here, it states that you’re creative.
Carlos: Yes
Tim: Okay... may I know what you create?
Carlos: Problems.

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Carlos: I'm incredibly fast at math.
Keesha: Alright, what's 30x17?
Carlos: 47
Keesha: That's not even close.
Carlos: But it was fast.
Wanda: Uh oh.
Ralphie: What?
Wanda: Somebody's in love.
Ralphie: Yeah, right. I just think Carlos is cool. It's not like I lay awake at night thinking about him
Ralphie , later that night: Uh oh.
Carlos: Those pants look great, and I bet they’d look even better on Dorothy Ann’s floor.
Dorothy Ann: Are you hitting on Tim...for me?
Carlos: Am I cool or what?
Keesha: What.
Carlos: I said, am I cool or-
Kesha: Yeah, I heard you.
Carlos: Thanks, cutiepie.
Ralphie: Ugh.
Carlos: Sorry, I'll think of a better one than cutiepie. You're my angel.... dust. Sorry, that's a drug.

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Carlos: I typed up your symptoms into the thing up here, and it says you may have network connectivity problems.
Phoebe: Everyone know what they're doing?
Ralphie: In general or the plan?
Phoebe: The plan, Ralphie
Ralphie: *Sigh of relief.*
Carlos: We both look very handsome tonight.
Ralphie: You know, if you'd just said that I looked handsome, I would have said, "So do you."
Carlos: I couldn't take that chance.
Carlos: I'm a firm believer in "if you're going to fail, you might as well fail spectacularly."
DA: Carlos, can I speak to you for a minute? In private.
Carlos: Ooh, someone's in trouble. It's me. I don't know why I did that.

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Ralphie: I wasn't hurt that badly. The doctor said all my bleeding was internal. That's where the blood's supposed to be.
Tim: I think you're still suffering the effects of your party last night.
Ralphie: All I drank was Redbull!
Tim: How many?
Ralphie:
Ralphie: Eighteen.