Ryan: Am I right, Shane?
Shane: Iâm almost certain youâre not, but to be fair I wasnât listening

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@incorrect-buzzfeed-unsolved
Ryan: Am I right, Shane?
Shane: Iâm almost certain youâre not, but to be fair I wasnât listening

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Shane: If something happens and I don't make it, just know I'll be looking up and watching over you.
Ryan: Up?
Shane: Oh, yeah, I'll be in hell for sure.
Shane: I have good news and I have bad news⌠Which first?
Ryan: Good news
Shane: I promise I never do it again
Ryan: This coffee tastes like dirt
Shane: Maybe because you put soil in the coffee maker instead of coffee.
Ryan: Oh. In that case itâs pretty good *Sips*
Shane: I just realized that "Lord Farquaad" from Shrek is supposed to sound like "Lord f**k wad."
Shane: Man, that movie has layers. Like an onion- OH MY GOD.

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Ryan: Shane's been in the hospital so much they gave him a preferred customer card.
Shane: Yeah, one more head injury and I win a trip to Hawaii.
-Sleeping in a haunted location-
Ryan: Hey...
Shane: Hey?
Ryan: I canât sleep
Shane: I can. Goodnight.
Shane: Strange light in my kitchen so either getting murdered or abducted. Will keep you updated.
Ryan: What if itâs Mothman?
Shane: Then itâs marriage.
Shane: Ryan, I'm out to lunch. If the Sims I trapped in the bedroom finally fall in love text me IMMEDIATELY! Yes, I know they look like us.
Ryan: I could strangle you
Shane: You arenât tall enough
Ryan: Youâve sunk low enough for me to reach.

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Shane: Hey, do you have a bag I can borrow?
Ryan: The only bags I have are the ones under my eyes, and theyâre specifically designed to carry the burden of my existence.
Shane: Literally all you had to do was say no.
Ryan: You canât set all of your problems on fire.
Shane: Youâd be surprised about how many things are flammable.
Shane: Iâve never been in a snowball fight.
Ryan: Really?
Shane: I donât even know the rules. Is there like a points system, or is it to the death?
Shane: I like it when guys roll up their sleeves so you can see their forearms.
Ryan, looking down and realizing he only has two arms: Fuck
Shane: I'm like 6'4
Ryan: I believe you mean 5'16
Shane: Ryan, what the fuck

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Shane: Due to personal reasons I will be insulting the gods in a staggering display of hubris.
Shane: Just leave me to do my dark bidding on the internet!
Ryan: What are you bidding on?
Shane: Iâm bidding on a table