Welcome To My Nightmare

It fucks with you to miss someone. You’d give anything to see them on the days when you wanna give up. Every now & then, you’ll be on the phone. You hear their voice & laugh together. They make all your troubles disappear. Then, you hang up and remember they’re 1,000 miles away.

Trying to find the middle between having hope and giving up. That point where I can grow, not worrying about our fate. That point where I’m ready for different outcomes, losing you or figuring this out. I’m done with the games. I’m done having patience. I’ve been ready despite the journey it took to accept what I feel. I know I’ve still got learning to do. Two years of battling mental health will bring you back a step. I won’t allow myself to accept temporary happiness anymore because it’s not what I deserve. I’m ready if you are. This is the last test and I can feel the results coming. I won’t lie and say I’m not afraid. It took me so long to accept this love. I was promised a journey full of twist and turns where the destination would be worth it all. I took on this challenge, fully knowing it would be hard, requiring patience and understanding. I’m just afraid it was all for nothing. I’m afraid I accepted what my heart says just to watch it crumble. I guess a little part of me still doesn’t think I deserve my happy ending. These past two years have made it hard to believe in the magic around or within me. I’m hoping there is still some left. I’m hoping I’m being fooled by time. I hope I wasn’t wrong.

It’s not until they start realizing that they are losing you that they wanna start fighting for you.