JustForMe

When I was 16 years old my mom moved us from California to Arkansas. I lived there until I was 23 years old. I secretly dated this guy in high school for almost two years. He meant so much to me until he dumped me after I lost everything for him. I started seeing other people and I never talked to him again. I did see him once after I heard he got married, I think I was 22. I was getting out of a bad relationship and I saw him and I freaked out and ran the opposite direction. When I was 23 I decided I would move to Washington because all my siblings lived there at the time. Now I'm 29 and last year I decided to visit my old roommate, who helped get out of a bad relationship and introduced me to my boyfriend of 6 years, back I went to Arkansas and met up with some of my old high school friends. We talked about high school and what happened after we split as friends and of course we talked about the boyfriends we were with at that time. Ever since that talk and reminiscing of the past I cannot stop thinking about that ex and I keep wondering why now. I dream of him and I think of him constantly and I cannot get him out of my head.

I don't know what I'm doing, I've lost all my focus on my work. I look forward to work because I might see you, and when you arent there I lose my happiness. I cannot do this anymore. I need to stop! I need to focus on my hard work, i need to get out of my head. I cannot do this anymore! I've been acting so fucking crazy, telling myself you're interested. Stop! Fucking stop! Read between the fucking lines! You are happy with what you have, stop trying to fuck up the good in your life. It's almost six years with one person, and for once he is good. So stop!