Im Sorry For Your Life

Oh, the Cleatus Monster Jam Truck didn't visit you at work today?

Oh, your watch only tells time?

Oh, you dont live in a high concept pod house called the Blob VB3?

Oh, you chose today to release your super-secret surprise new album as well?

Oh, you don't know what to get your favorite lady hamburger-lover for Christmas?

Oh, your town doesn't have a floating cinema, just a drive-in?

Oh, your house sigil wasn't made into a spiffing jersey by Vulture?

Oh, your Scrabble is just Deluxe, not Typography Limited Edition?

Oh, your space-based satellite GPS system isn't working today thanks to the biggest solar flare in six years?

Oh, no one's ever stopped traffic for you because you're adorable?

Oh, you can't ride a bike with no hands (while aiming a gun)?

Oh, your opponents Virgin Lust card took out your favorite Turkish Diplomat card?

Oh, you live in the future and your chicken pot pie comes in pill form?

Oh, you don't have your own personal desktop aquarium full of jellyfish?

Oh, the President has never sent you a handwritten thank you note?